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British inventor builds giant 'fart machine' to fire at France

by bravo75
18 replies
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Colin Furze's huge valveless jet engine will be housed in a specially constructed pair of buttocks and aimed in the general direction of France.

British inventor builds giant 'fart machine' to fire at France - Telegraph


Colin Furze, a plumber and inventor from Stamford, Lincolnshire, has begun building the biggest fart machine ever, which he plans to place on top of the cliffs of Dover and aim across the Channel towards France. His hope is that the French, 21 miles away, will hear the blast.

  • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
    Good old fashioned and totally loopy British inventor.

    The French may not see the funny side. I certainly do though.

    I loved it at the end, "All I need now is to build a massive bum to put it behind!"

    Edit. I just looked him up on YouTube and you can see the bum construction, apparently the massive fart took place last night at 6pm. I have a friend in France and she said there was thunder there last night, I'm starting to wonder now....


    I reckon he's probably uploading the actual thing as we speak.
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  • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
    It is the Prophecy coming true!!!

    A foul wind over the Cockerels come
    Direct to them from Lion's bum,
    And with that mighty bottom roar
    The world will once more be at war.     ~ The Prophecies of Nostrawhatever Vol XXIX Ch X
    This won't end well.
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    Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
    So that blind people can hate them as well.
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    France will never smell the difference.
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    Raising a child is akin to knowing you're getting fired in 18 years and having to train your replacement without actively sabotaging them.

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  • Profile picture of the author TLTheLiberator
    They still haven't forgiven the French for helping us during the revolution.
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    "It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. -- Mark Twain

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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    "Breaking" news: France plans a modern version of the Maginot Line equipped with giant fans.
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    • Profile picture of the author Riptor
      Well it's not quite Agincourt but well done sir.
      I fart in your general direction.
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  • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
    at least it is aimed to the right place, the home of inuclear and international terrorism

    remember rainbow warrior
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  • Profile picture of the author WalkingCarpet
    Banned
    Brits are good for that. farting.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    So Brits need a machine to do this for them, huh? I always figured that people that bitch that much didn't need and alternative exit for hot air. Perhaps we should export Mexican food over to them so they can use their time more ingeniously - like building a transporter that they could just transport the smell from.
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    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      So Brits need a machine to do this for them, huh? I always figured that people that bitch that much didn't need and alternative exit for hot air.
      Do you see the irony in your post?

      Bitching about Brits bitching.

      Still, nothing like generalising four separate countries into one. We're not all the same you know, or do you?

      Just so you know as well, as it's now 2014 and we've heard of Mexico, we do actually have Mexican food here and real actual Mexican people too.
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Blades
    Tell you what, if WWIII ever broke out, the Brits will be counting on the French and vise versa
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      Originally Posted by Alex Blades View Post

      Tell you what, if WWIII ever broke out, the Brits will be counting on the French and vise versa
      World wars tend to be like that, one group on one side and another group on the other. They've been on our side for the last two anyway.

      Not quite sure what WW3 has to do with this though?
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      • Profile picture of the author Alex Blades
        Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post


        Not quite sure what WW3 has to do with this though?
        They may not like each other now, but when the real shit hit's the fan, they will be best of friends.
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        • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
          Originally Posted by Alex Blades View Post

          They may be at each others throat now, but when the real shit hit's the fan, they will unite like brothers.
          We're not at each others throats that I know of Alex.

          I was in France last week. I know French people here. I know there is the talk of the hate hate relationship but it's much more comical than serious, hence the fart machine. France is an amazing place with lovely people, superb food and wine and much more. In London we have a huge French community who get along brilliantly with people.

          The farting thing is just a joke that was picked up in France where it was reported and people there thought it was funny too. It wasn't meant to be serious or disrespectful.

          Just because Cameron and Hollande don't always see eye to eye doesn't mean the countries as a whole don't like each other or are at each others throats.
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  • Profile picture of the author Alex Blades
    I worded that wrong, meant to say they may not like each other. They make fun of the French here in the U.S also, and some go as far as to say "they have no backbone" but all three countries are joined at the hip, whether they like it or not.
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    • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
      Originally Posted by Alex Blades View Post

      I worded that wrong, meant to say they may not like each other. They make fun of the French here in the U.S also, and some go as far as to say "they have no backbone" but all three countries are joined at the hip, whether they like it or not.
      Oh yes, we endlessly take the piss out them but it's just banter. We say the backbone thing here too. I think it stems from a rather quick surrender to the Nazi's but in all fairness, Le Resistance had a great deal of backbone during the war.

      We're all close though, lots of history and plenty to learn from one and other.

      I wasn't being rude either, just wondered what you'd read other there to think we're at each others throats. I see what you mean now.
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      • Profile picture of the author Alex Blades
        Originally Posted by Richard Van View Post

        Oh yes, we endlessly take the piss out them but it's just banter. We say the backbone thing here too. I think it stems from a rather quick surrender to the Nazi's but in all fairness, Le Resistance had a great deal of backbone during the war.

        We're all close though, lots of history and plenty to learn from one and other.

        I wasn't being rude either, just wondered what you'd read other there to think we're at each others throats. I see what you mean now.
        Everytime I think about the possibility of WW3 breaking out, I take comfort in knowing that that the Brits and French will be fighting by our side. For some reason, those three countries were destined to be allies.

        The United States exist today because of the English and French, and the English and French exist today because of the Untied States, if that makes sense
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