Man Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All Her Excuses Not To Have Sex

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The key to improving intimacy is creating a spreadsheet to document all the times you felt rejected and then emailing said spreadsheet to your partner, right? Wrong.
For some reason, though, one unnamed man presumably thought it would be a good idea to do just that. So, he set up a three-columned spreadsheet of all the times he initiated sex with his wife over the course of six weeks. In column A he recorded the date (June 3 to July 16); in column B he included the response (yes or no) and in column C he wrote down the excuse his wife used against having sex on a particular night.
Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He's never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it's a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won't miss me for the 10 days I'm gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my 'excuses,' using verbatim quotes of why I didn't feel like having sex at that very moment. According to his 'document', we've only had sex 3 times in the last 7 weeks, out of 27 'attempts' on his part.
Interesting article. Pic of spreadsheet included.


Man Sends Wife Spreadsheet Of All Her Excuses Not To Have Sex

Joe Mobley
  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    WOW! The reasons say as much about the guy!

    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
    <obligatory insult> I didn't even know Claude knew Excel. </obligatory insult>

    By the way, that woman sounds like she has horrible hygiene.
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    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

      <obligatory insult> I didn't even know Claude knew Excel. </obligatory insult>

      By the way, that woman sounds like she has horrible hygiene.
      Or MAYBE she had GOOD hygiene and was thus overly particular. In one case he says that she said she didn't have time to undress, have sex, take a shower, and get read for the dinner, and they were 20 minutes early. BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!!!!! NON SEQUITOR! DOES NOT COMPUTE! A good shower could take 20 minutes. So they WOULD be late! SHE WAS RIGHT! So how bad was HIS judgement? Did he figure that HE just wanted some fun and the HECK with HER or her appearance, etc...?

      I guess that explains all the times that he said they should have had sex because, though she wanted to do something else, she couldn't stay awake!

      I'm surprised she said yes like every 2.5 weeks!

      Steve
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      • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
        Originally Posted by seasoned View Post

        Or MAYBE she had GOOD hygiene and was thus overly particular.
        When somebody says they're "sweaty and gross," I tend to take them at face value. Besides, if she were overly particular, she wouldn't go to the gym and not shower until the next day.
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        • Profile picture of the author seasoned
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          When somebody says they're "sweaty and gross," I tend to take them at face value. Besides, if she were overly particular, she wouldn't go to the gym and not shower until the next day.
          HEY, just trying to be unbiased! As I said, it says as much about the GUY. Besides, what did she go to the gym for? I was at the gym once, and saw a woman "exercising" on a leg press. NOTHING was unusual about it, but it stood outin my mind because I was going there CONSISTANTLY at this time and doing WELL. A walk around the gym for 10 minutes would have given her the same exercise as maybe a YEAR on that leg press. A little girl 1/3rd of her age could have done it like all day.

          Steve
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            It's strange that the guys thinks his wife is obligated to have sex with him.
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            • Profile picture of the author msdobe
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              It's strange that the guys thinks his wife is obligated to have sex with him.
              Truer words were never spoken!

              If my husband were to ever send me a spreadsheet like that, it would be the last thing he ever sent me, and he definitely wouldn't have to worry about having sex again!

              Jenny
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            • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
              Did it ever occur to anybody that this whole thing could very well be a setup for the two of them to get just this sort of publicity?

              You'd be surprised what sick, twisted individuals will do tp get others to talk about them.

              Just sayin. There might not be a spec of truth to any of this.
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Shouldn't it be called an nospreadsheet?
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  • Profile picture of the author Kurt
    Isn't "sweaty and gross" Claude's nickname from his high school days?
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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

      Isn't "sweaty and gross" Claude's nickname from his high school days?
      I thought that was his name for his testicles.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

        I thought that was his name for his testicles.
        My testicles are now small, shriveled, and useless. So I named them Kurt and Dan.

        Oh, and one testicle is smaller than the other one, and has a goatee.



        -------

        And this is not a joke. My wife just says, in the sweetest voice imaginable "No thank you please".


        Oh, and the guy that had the spreadsheet? Maybe his wife is spending way too much time at the "Gym".
        He's thinking "My wife must be going to the gym every night. How else could she come home every night exhausted, sore, and smelling like sex? Yup, she must be working out at the gym"
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        • Profile picture of the author Kurt
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          My testicles are now small, shriveled, and useless. So I named them Kurt and Dan.

          Oh, and one testicle is smaller than the other one, and has a goatee.
          At least we know nothing will ever come between Dan and Kurt.
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          • Profile picture of the author Tom B
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            Clearly he should have had bar charts, pie charts and time lines to prove his point.

            Amateur hour.
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            • Profile picture of the author Steven Wagenheim
              Originally Posted by Thomas Belknap View Post

              Clearly he should have had bar charts, pie charts and time lines to prove his point.

              Amateur hour.
              Thanks Thomas. I needed a good chuckle today. That's priceless. Amateur hour. LMAO.
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        • Profile picture of the author joseph7384
          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          <obligatory insult> I didn't even know Claude knew Excel. </obligatory insult>

          Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha, Sorry Claude but that was too funny!




          Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

          I thought that was his name for his testicles.

          Ha ha ha ha ha ha, you guys are killing me.


          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Oh, and one testicle is smaller than the other one, and has a goatee.
          This is better than watching Laural & Hardy!
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    • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
      My wife just says No, your Gross.
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    • Profile picture of the author Paul Myers
      Wow. These two clearly have a dysfunctional relationship. I'm more interested in the fact that he thought a spreadsheet was the right way to express his displeasure, and she thought it was cool to announce it to the world online.

      He clearly wanted to be rejected, or he wouldn't have kept track this way. You know the fact that he was recording this whole thing influenced his overtures in the direction of refusal.

      Dude needs help. Even if there were problems before, that doesn't mean you start something like this to prove the other partner is "The Villain." That's just creepy.


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  • Profile picture of the author WalkingCarpet
    Banned
    i read this Man spreads Wife
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  • Profile picture of the author barbling
    Definitely not the wisest way to communicate as a couple.

    Unless they were trying to get their own reality TV show.....
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  • I had such a good laugh thanks to some really funny replies here. My opinion as a woman is that if my husband ever felt like he wasn't "getting any" from me and didn't want to sit and talk to me about it (and then send a 'spread'sheet), well, it'd be time for some serious couples counseling. No jokes.

    Kaitlyn
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  • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
    Personally, I don't think that it was handled well by either of them. I do understand the guy's frustration, though. I don't know of anyone who get's married to NOT have sex. I've been in a couple reationships like that when I was younger. I got more sex when I was single.

    There has to be a line of mutual respect, love and caring in these situations. Yes, a woman has the right to say no if she's tired, not feeling well, just doesn't feel like it or any other valid reason other than "I just don't want to". This goes for both women AND men. There are women that face rejection as well. It's a lot more common than most people think.

    When you get married you agree to be bound to that person for life. That means that you agree to be the only person to ever take care of their needs and a married person has a responsibility to not constantly deny their spouse.

    They should try to find a happy medium. Maybe twice a week. This keeps the intimacy in their relationship, which is VERY important. It would be a compromise that could prevent the chance of adultery and/or divorce. It also ensures that no one's self esteem is hurt. If you truly love someone, why would you want to constantly deny them anyway? Someone decides to start only giving it up 1-2 times per month and then is shocked a couple years later when their spouse files for divorce?

    Let's do some quick math. Say a woman agrees to sex at least twice per week in order to take care of their spouse. Even though they may not feel like it, they do it because they love them and it's part of what they signed up for!

    If it's the wife, there's going to be one week per month where nothing's happening, in most cases. That leaves 6 days per month. Multiplied by 12 that's only 72 days per year. That leaves 293 days per year that they can be left alone. Hopefully, they'd choose to participate more, but worst case scenario you won't leave your spouse, ahem, "hanging" or feeling bruised emotionally.

    Intamicy is how most men feel loved. The fact that a woman is willing to give themselves to them makes them feel secure and is very important for their self esteem.

    I think the guy handled it wrong. He should have brought it to her and showed her so she could see it, because she may not actually realize how long it had been in between. If she still didn't see a problem, then he should have insisted on going to counseling. I can see why he feels that way, but it wasn't smart to take it public.

    I hope they can work it out.
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    • Profile picture of the author Kay King
      He sent the spreadsheet and then "cut off communication".

      I'd say that marriage is pretty much done. If the relationship is good - no one has to "ask for" sex repeatedly...or come up with excuses.
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      • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
        Originally Posted by Kay King View Post

        He sent the spreadsheet and then "cut off communication".

        I'd say that marriage is pretty much done. If the relationship is good - no one has to "ask for" sex repeatedly...or come up with excuses.
        You're absolutely right, Kay. I hate to see a marriage end in divorce (unless it's abusive, etc), but sometimes there are things that just can't be fixed.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          If he really loved her, he wouldn't want to have sex with her, when she wasn't in the mood.

          If she really loved him, she would arrange her life, so they would be together more often.

          I don't get why people stay married when they aren't deeply in love with each other.

          What a horrible life, living with someone you don't love. What an incredible waste of time.


          Originally Posted by Kurt View Post

          At least we know nothing will ever.. come.. between Dan and Kurt.
          I see what you did there. Extremely clever.


          Originally Posted by Thomas Belknap View Post

          Clearly he should have had bar charts, pie charts and time lines to prove his point.

          Amateur hour.
          I would have used a Power Point Presentation... It would have been classier. And the lights would have already been lowered. How romantic.
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          • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            If he really loved her, he wouldn't want to have sex with her, when she wasn't in the mood.
            So the guy should just stop having urges or "wanting" to be intimate with his wife just because she's not in the mood? I disagree. There should be mutual respect, of course, but not long term witholding of intimacy just because they're not in the mood. Of course, it's okay to say no sometimes. We should always try to be considerate of their feelings, but when it becomes a habit that's just wrong.

            That goes both ways for men and women. Some people simply lose their drive over the years and are, therefore, "never" in the mood. Should their spouse stop wanting to have sex with them altogether or should they work to find some middle ground? I'd vote for the latter, otherwise the marriage is likely headed for divorce.

            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            If she really loved him, she would arrange her life, so they would be together more often.
            Agreed.
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            • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
              My thoughts on the subject, from a wife's view are very simple. I've taught this to hubby and he understands.

              Before you even open your mouth to say anything about the lack of sex in our relationship, ask yourself this one simple question. "What have you done that would make me want to be intimate with you?"

              "You know full well it's all in your hands. Treat me with respect, show care, concern, thoughtfulness and gentleness, be a little romantic, and then, just try to keep me away! In order to get a withdrawal from my bank, you need to have made some deposits. If the bank balance is zero, you need to stop your vacation and get back to work."

              He has not complained about that area in our lives in over 30 years. He knows what he needs to do and does it. We don't need any spreadsheets. We spread the sheets just fine.


              Terra
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              • Profile picture of the author discrat
                Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post


                He has not complained about that area in our lives in over 30 years. He knows what he needs to do and does it. We don't need any spreadsheets. We spread the sheets just fine.


                Terra
                Sex sounds like a pre- set contract. No spontaneity at all....someone needs this to get that etc..etc..

                Sex is supposed to be enjoyable with both partners eagerly wanting it for the sake of just enjoying it
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                • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                  Originally Posted by discrat View Post

                  Sex sounds like a pre- set contract. No spontaneity at all....someone needs this to get that etc..etc..

                  Sex is supposed to be enjoyable with both partners eagerly wanting it for the sake of just enjoying it
                  No spontaneity? Just goes to show that people who don't know what they are talking about, should just keep their mouth shut lest they prove they are a fool!

                  I couldn't imagine life having a set schedule of sex night every Thursday night at 7 pm promptly. Why be intimate by rote of habit?

                  See, the way it works is when a husband pleases his wife she in turn pleases him and they both get pleasure from pleasing each other, therefore getting to the point that neither no longer knows who is pleasing whom anymore.

                  Don't like it? Don't complain to me. It wasn't my idea. Let me show you whose idea it was.

                  Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

                  Now if you do a study on the word translated "cleave" in the original Hebrew text, you will find that word means to continuously court, chase after, pursue. In other words those very same things you did to woo her and catch her you need to do to keep her. It doesn't get any more clear than that.

                  Note: Genesis means the beginning. You should always pay attention to what happens in the beginning as it sets precedence.

                  Note #2: How naive of you to think that hubby and I have been happily married for 31 years with a pre-set sex contract. Yeah, try that out and let me know how that goes for ya.


                  Terra
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                  • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
                    Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post


                    Genesis 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

                    Now if you do a study on the word translated "cleave" in the original Hebrew text, you will find that word means to continuously court, chase after, pursue. In other words those very same things you did to woo her and catch her you need to do to keep her. It doesn't get any more clear than that.

                    Note: Genesis means the beginning. You should always pay attention to what happens in the beginning as it sets precedence.
                    Hi Terra,

                    You pulled the "God card", which I wasn't going to do, but since you did, the Bible also says the following:

                    1 Corinthians 7:3-4 (NIV)

                    3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

                    Please don't hurt me. :-)
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                    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                      Originally Posted by Joe Stewart View Post

                      Hi Terra,

                      You pulled the "God card", which I wasn't going to do, but since you did, the Bible also says the following:

                      1 Corinthians 7:3-4 (NIV)

                      3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

                      Please don't hurt me. :-)
                      Ha! Why would I hurt you? The truth is the truth!


                      Terra
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                      • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
                        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                        Ha! Why would I hurt you? The truth is the truth!


                        Terra

                        Whew! Thanks. LOL
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                        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                          Originally Posted by Joe Stewart View Post

                          Whew! Thanks. LOL

                          Did you see my post to Mike?


                          Terra
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                          • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
                            Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                            Did you see my post to Mike?


                            Terra
                            Yep. That's the way it should be. Many women are like that (not all). You should mutually nurture each other and go out of your way to be kind and thoughtful toward one another.

                            Wishful thinking. :-)
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              • Profile picture of the author Joe Mobley
                I find something disturbing about this.

                Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                My thoughts on the subject, from a wife's view are very simple. I've taught this to hubby and he understands.

                Before you even open your mouth to say anything about the lack of sex in our relationship, ask yourself this one simple question. "What have you done that would make me want to be intimate with you?"

                "You know full well it's all in your hands. Treat me with respect, show care, concern, thoughtfulness and gentleness, be a little romantic, and then, just try to keep me away! In order to get a withdrawal from my bank, you need to have made some deposits. If the bank balance is zero, you need to stop your vacation and get back to work."
                But... if it works for you, it works for you.

                Joe Mobley
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                • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
                  Originally Posted by Joe Mobley View Post

                  I find something disturbing about this.



                  But... if it works for you, it works for you.

                  Joe Mobley

                  It does kind of seem one sided, though I'm sure she didn't mean it that way. On our side of the coin, if we don't get to make some "deposits" fairly regularly, the thought of wining and dining isn't necessarily at the top of my list. It's got to be a 50/50 deal.

                  Actually, I'm pretty sure she already addressed this in her post to Mike Ambrosio.
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            • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
              Originally Posted by Joe Stewart View Post

              So the guy should just stop having urges or "wanting" to be intimate with his wife just because she's not in the mood? I disagree. There should be mutual respect, of course, but not long term witholding of intimacy just because they're not in the mood.
              Really? Would your wife agree with this?
              What if you no longer find the mate attractive? What if your mate simply doesn't want to have sex? Would you want to have sex with the kind of person who would keep a ledger of the times you had sex?

              Should the rule be "As long as one of us wants sex, the other one must go along with it"?
              Do you want someone...who doesn't want to have sex with you...to still have sex with you? Is that fun?


              When I was married to my first wife, her cousin visited, and told us that he was suing his wife for "withholding sex".

              I laughed and said "Have you ever been with you? Would you want to have sex with you?"
              He wasn't willing to clean himself up, lose weight, get a job, be nicer, consider her feelings, earn her respect, be romantic, or try in any way. What a loser. She left him, as she should have, and she found someone who deserved her affection.
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              • Profile picture of the author discrat
                Honestly, I cannot relate to most of you.

                I know it sounds like I am trying to sound studdish or something. But as God is my witness Iam not.

                My wife is 13 years younger than me and she is beautiful. I ( in all seriousness) have to back down from her because she is very demanding, sexually.

                In my 7 years of marriage I cannot relate to the Men here who have ' withholding' problems from their wives.

                Why I mention it ? Well, NOT all women are like this. Many women and wives have sex because they are just highly sexual. It does not matter if I was nice to her or caring or concerned for her....when she wants it is when she wants it and its for her own selfish reasons.

                And who am I to complain
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              • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                Really? Would your wife agree with this?
                What if you no longer find the mate attractive? What if your mate simply doesn't want to have sex? Would you want to have sex with the kind of person who would keep a ledger of the times you had sex?
                I'm not trying to bring my personal life into this, only my personal views. I'm not on trial here. Yes, my wife would agree with it. When we took the vows it was meant to be for life. I'd never keep a ledger, but if a pattern of refusal was happening regularly I'd be sure to let her know it. When that happens I usually ask her if there's somethng on her mind, if she needs to talk, if I've done something wrong, etc. If the answer is no, I ask her what the deal is?

                Constant refusal for no apparent reason either way is hard on the other person's self esteem and it's not right.

                Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                Should the rule be "As long as one of us wants sex, the other one must go along with it"? Do you want someone...who doesn't want to have sex with you...to still have sex with you? Is that fun?
                Are you saying that you take the marriage vows, but they only apply until someone loses their sex drive? That's ridiculous.

                I look at marriage as a covenant. You love your spouse with all your heart and you consistently show them that you do with your actions and your words. So yes, in a marriage, like it or not, you have to find a balance of give and take. Most people would prefer that their spouse wanted to do it as well. On the other hand, most spouses I've heard regarding the topic truly love their wife/husband and don't want a divorce, they just aren't into sex that much anymore.

                So you have 4 choices. You have sex with them even though you know they don't want to. You go get it somewhere else, (which is adultery). You just go without or take care of it yourself. You file for divorce, even though you may truly love the person and really don't want to leave them.

                I wouldn't consider commiting adultery and getting a divorce would be a last resort. So yes, I'd prefer to have her take care of business, even though she may not want to. I've done a LOT of things that I haven't wanted to do over the years!!!

                Others may think differently. I just don't think that anyone should be holding out on the other. Much of my persepective comes from the Bible as well, so odds are that we won't agree, so it's best to call it a day.
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                • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                  Originally Posted by Joe Stewart View Post

                  Are you saying that you take the marriage vows, but they only apply until someone loses their sex drive? That's ridiculous.
                  You're right, you aren't on trial here. We just see marriage through a different lens. I have no doubt that you're a loving husband.

                  but think of this;
                  How often do you think men have sex with their wives, even when they don't want to?


                  Originally Posted by discrat View Post

                  . I have found complete joy and enrichment but never this "over the moon complete ecstasy" of being around your loved one ALL the time.
                  Nobody has said that. Pay attention.
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                  • Profile picture of the author MikeAmbrosio
                    Originally Posted by Joe Stewart View Post

                    I don't know of anyone who get's married to NOT have sex.
                    I guess you never heard the saying "Men use love to get sex and women use sex to get love". Sounds trite and cold and calculating, but unfortunately in many cases it is also true.

                    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                    If he really loved her, he wouldn't want to have sex with her, when she wasn't in the mood.

                    If she really loved him, she would arrange her life, so they would be together more often.
                    Sometimes love and sex are not mutually exclusive. You can be deeply in love with your partner but simply just want to have sex.

                    But whether or not she wants to have sex, he would still "want" it. He needs to learn to be more understanding.

                    On the other side of that coin, I have known more women who use sex as their weapon too. Withhold if they are simply angry or upset. Also wrong.

                    Originally Posted by Joe Stewart View Post

                    So the guy should just stop having urges or "wanting" to be intimate with his wife just because she's not in the mood? I disagree. There should be mutual respect, of course, but not long term witholding of intimacy just because they're not in the mood. Of course, it's okay to say no sometimes. We should always try to be considerate of their feelings, but when it becomes a habit that's just wrong.
                    People change over time. Drives change, desires change and so on. I think sometimes a man should learn when to back off. But I also think sometimes women should learn to be a little more accommodating (provided they actually love their man and are simply experiencing a low sex drive).

                    Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                    Before you even open your mouth to say anything about the lack of sex in our relationship, ask yourself this one simple question? "What have you done that would make me want to be intimate with you?"

                    "You know full well it's all in your hands. Treat me with respect, show care, concern, thoughtfulness and gentleness, be a little romantic, and then, just try to keep me away! In order to get a withdrawal from my bank, you need to have made some deposits. If the bank balance is zero, you need to stop your vacation and get back to work."

                    He has not complained about that area in our lives in over 30 years. He knows what he needs to do and does it. We don't need any spreadsheets. We spread the sheets just fine.


                    Terra
                    Well, that may work in your marriage, but in mine this works both ways. From a man's point of view (well, MY point of view) you are set up to have him do whatever is necessary while you reap the benefits. As a man, I want to be "woo'd" too once in a while. My wife understands that

                    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                    What if you no longer find the mate attractive? What if your mate simply doesn't want to have sex? Would you want to have sex with the kind of person who would keep a ledger of the times you had sex?

                    Should the rule be "As long as one of us wants sex, the other one must go along with it"?
                    Do you want someone...who doesn't want to have sex with you...to still have sex with you? Is that fun?
                    I think if it hits this point it's time to seriously consider divorce. While sex and intimacy isn't everything in a relationship, I would venture to say that it is one of the more important aspects for many/most healthy couples...

                    At the end of the day, everything I am reading boils down to something even more important (and perhaps more lacking) than sex...

                    Communication.

                    This guy and his wife have deeper issues than sex - that's obvious. Communication being at the top of that list.

                    My wife and I are married 12 years (together 16) and we are each others best friend. We keep nothing from each other. I go running with a woman who was my very first girlfriend/sex partner (we reconnected on FB a few years back). My wife knows. She knew from the first contact. I told her. We all meet or drinks once in a while. We have a mutual trust and respect for each other and we talk about everything. When we "argue", the voices may raise a bit but there is never "meanness", name calling or anything like that. Because we learned how to talk things out.

                    And when we hit the occasional "dry spell" in the sex department, we talk. I know there are things she likes and things she don't like. She knows mine too. We make each other happy. Because we communicate - and because we want to.

                    THAT is what's missing from most of those bad relationships. IMHO
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                    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
                      Originally Posted by MikeAmbrosio View Post

                      As a man, I want to be "woo'd" too once in a while. My wife understands that
                      To me, my wife is wooing me when she says "Well, OK...but make it quick".

                      That's a joke guys.

                      Originally Posted by Joe Stewart View Post

                      Not just anyone. Only my wife. It's called love and sacrifice and I've absolutely done it when I really wasn't into it. There've only been two times in 14 years that I've ever refused her and she knows exactly why.
                      Joe; I edited my post, before you posted this.

                      I mentioned this thread to my wife, and said something about "guys getting mad when the wife says No"..
                      And I swear...she said "You never got mad, But I sure remember times that you pestered me until I gave in".

                      So...none of us are saints.
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                    • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
                      Originally Posted by MikeAmbrosio View Post

                      Well, that may work in your marriage, but in mine this works both ways. From a man's point of view (well, MY point of view) you are set up to have him do whatever is necessary while you reap the benefits. As a man, I want to be "woo'd" too once in a while. My wife understands that

                      Mike, of course you do as well as you should. That's what makes a marriage healthy. In my post above, you'll see what I mean. I posted before I read yours.

                      Once a man treats a woman right, she will be putty in his hands and do any and everything to reciprocate that love shown. When she's happy, she spends much of her free time thinking of ways she can reciprocate. When she does that "wooing" as you put it, then hubby in turn does more and so on and so on.

                      The wife also needs to continue to be the woman that her husband was pursuing; cause him to want to continue to pursue her. It is a two way street of course.

                      I only mentioned the man's role as that was what the OP's post was about.


                      Terra
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                      • Profile picture of the author MikeAmbrosio
                        Originally Posted by MissTerraK View Post

                        Mike, of course you do as well as you should. That's what makes a marriage healthy. In my post above, you'll see what I mean. I posted before I read yours.

                        Once a man treats a woman right, she will be putty in his hands and do any and everything to reciprocate that love shown. When she's happy, she spends much of her free time thinking of ways she can reciprocate. When she does that "wooing" as you put it, then hubby in turn does more and so on and so on.

                        The wife also needs to continue to be the woman that her husband was pursuing; cause him to want to continue to pursue her. It is a two way street of course.

                        I only mentioned the man's role as that was what the OP's post was about.


                        Terra
                        Well said.

                        Relationships always take work but they don't always have to be hard. It goes back to communication. Listening being the more important part.

                        I can't say my marriage is perfect. But I can say she is still the one person I want to be with and in all the relationships I have had in my life, she has been the ONLY one I ever saw myself growing old with.

                        Besides - she's the only one who ever put up with my dripping sarcasm

                        I am a very lucky man. And my wife is a very lucky woman.
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                  • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
                    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                    You mean you have vowed to have sex with someone even if you don't want to?
                    Not just anyone. Only my wife. It's called love and sacrifice and I've absolutely done it when I really wasn't into it. There've only been two times in 14 years that I've ever refused her and she knows exactly why.


                    Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

                    How often do you think men have sex with their wives, even when they don't want to?
                    I would think that they'd take care of business, at least most of the time. Also, there's oral sex to consider. Most women will do that even if they don't feel like having intercourse. I've met very few guys that would have a problem with doing whatever it takes for their wives either.

                    If you continue to ignore your spouse without good reason you're opening the door for temptation. My wife and I both still get hit on. There are a lot of lonely people out there. I'd best take care of my share of the bargain if I expect to keep her, and likewise.
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          • Profile picture of the author discrat
            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post


            I don't get why people stay married when they aren't deeply in love with each other.
            .

            You're kidding right ?? Good grief. God help you if you are not.

            It is called being so heavily invested that sometimes some may find it overwhelmingly not prudent to divorce or separate when not 'in love' anymore.

            Having kids, terminal illness, financial crisis, health insurance crisis, family emergencies over a long term period.....these are just a few out of hundreds of reasons why people stay married when they are not in Love.

            geesh !!
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by discrat View Post

              You're kidding right ?? Good grief. God help you if you are not.

              It is called being so heavily invested that sometimes some may find it overwhelmingly not prudent to divorce or separate when not 'in love' anymore.

              Having kids, terminal illness, financial crisis, health insurance crisis, family emergencies over a long term period.....these are just a few out of hundreds of reasons why people stay married when they are not in Love.

              geesh !!
              True, people do stay together longer than they should due to children, property, financial commitments and many other reasons. Perhaps split later when the above situations have eased.

              Also, a big one is fear of the unknown, stability and security and familiarity count for a lot too.

              I have a site on the history of marriage which for some reason tops the search engines in Bing and Yahoo for the keyword: history of marriage. History of Marriage | The History, Origins and Customs of Marriage

              The first article which I had written is most interesting. Makes you wonder how we ever got into the concept in the first place. It appears most unnatural for humans to make these kind of commitments. It is quite rare for the love that you feel at the beginning to last all efforts to keep it that way aside. You are lucky if it does.
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              • Profile picture of the author discrat
                Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post


                It is quite rare for the love that you feel at the beginning to last all efforts to keep it that way aside. You are lucky if it does.
                This is very true.I Love my wife dearly but there is no way to say that it is always" roll in the clover kick off your boots" kind of Love all the time.

                The fact is it is just not.

                I will tell you I have been in some amazing relationships with amazing people in my Life. Including my Wife

                But I think I am built differently than most. Honestly, I have never felt this all consuming Love that people talk about when they find their true soul mate. I have found complete joy and enrichment but never this "over the moon complete ecstasy" of being around your loved one ALL the time.

                I have find the most enrichment in my life from spirituality and from within.

                Maybe I am just selfish or self absorbed. But I just do not view any other human being as someone I just cannot be a minute away from under any circumstance.( The only exception may be my two children and that is not all the time )
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  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    Yeah, some people here seem to have great marriages. If only all were like that! I like the nice legitimate paraphrase of the Bible TOO! Too many post a part that sounds bad, like "wives submit to your husbands" and forget the other part like "husbands love your wives like you love yourselves".

    ESV Collosians 3

    18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
    Or "Children, respect and honor your parents" but not the rest

    20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
    Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author Joe Stewart
      Originally Posted by seasoned View Post

      Yeah, some people here seem to have great marriages.
      Not all. Each day presents its own challenges. It's a rollarcoaster ride, but you hang on for dear life simply because you made a lifelong commitment, "for better or for worse", and because the grass is not always greener on the other side.

      Originally Posted by seasoned View Post

      I like the nice legitimate paraphrase of the Bible TOO! Too many post a part that sounds bad, like "wives submit to your husbands" and forget the other part like "husbands love your wives like you love yourselves".

      ESV Collosians 3
      So true. Actually, it goes on to tell husbands that if they don't love their wives in that matter, the Lord won't hear our prayers.

      1 Peter 3:7: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

      We're commanded to do this no matter what she does. Does she yell all the time for seemingly no reason? It still applies. Is the house trashed all the time? It still applies. Does she refuse to be intimate? It still applies.

      My wife and I went to counseling last year to a psychologist/counselor that happened to attend our church. After several weeks of us bickering back and forth he finally said that what it boils down to is that we are both commanded to do as the Bible says. If the other person doesn't do what they're commanded to do it falls on them, just do what we're required to do.

      It's tough, but he's right.
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