You won't understand, unless you are a husband

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WIFE..
1."If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor. After marriage, you can't even change a TV channel..."
2.Normally a man speaks 25000 words a day and a women speaks 30000.
But the problem starts when the husband comes home from work after finishing his 25000 words and the wife is just getting started with her 30000!
3.Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions of a website.
You don't understand it but you still accept it.
4.Chess is the only game in the world, which reflects the status of the husband;
the poor king can take only one step at a time ....
While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes.
5.All Men are Brave,
Horror movies don't scare them....
But 5 Missed Calls from Wife ...surely does.
6.What's Checkmate?
You tell your wife "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" & wife asks "WAS SHE HOT..??"
You can't say 'No' and you can't say 'Yes' - Now that's Checkmate!
  • Profile picture of the author Richard Van
    Though not married personally I rather liked that.

    I get the feeling Riffle will be here soon to thank you, agree with you and add a few of his own too.
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    Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...

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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
      You do realise that telling jokes like this is the reason a lot of guys are single as well, right?
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      Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon.
      It'll just knock over all the pieces, poop on the board, and strut about like it's won anyway.
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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
      You do realize that the truth behind these jokes are why some females are single, right?

      Hey, do you know why brides wear white?
      So they match the other kitchen appliances.

      Do you know why women have small feet?
      So they can get closer to the kitchen sink.
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      If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        What do you give a man who has everything?
        A woman to show him how to make it work.

        If a man says something in the woods
        Is he still wrong?

        What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women?
        Exchange him.

        What has 8 arms and an IQ of 60?
        Four men watching a football game.

        Sal and I can joke about it - because we don't have to put up with it
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        Every child needs a pet because every family needs an optimist

        Saving one dog will not save the world....but will forever change the world for one dog.
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        • Profile picture of the author candoit2
          Originally Posted by Kay King View Post


          What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women?
          Exchange him.
          Exchange Options available: A man who thinks women are God's gift to him

          Aaron
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    • Profile picture of the author seasoned
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
      Who said it was a joke? HEY, they aren't even really insulting to you.

      Steve
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    • Profile picture of the author hardraysnight
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
      and some of us males....
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  • Profile picture of the author bizgrower
    Happy wife, happy life.
    (Two arms and an IQ of 160.)
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    "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."

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    • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
      You do realize that jokes like this aren't always jokes, right?

      Probably.

      But do you realize that jokes like this that aren't jokes are why a lot of married men wished they were single again.


      Originally Posted by bizgrower View Post

      Happy wife, happy life.
      (Two arms and an IQ of 160.)
      Wife was standing behind you, eh?
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      • Profile picture of the author Kay King
        ...and why a lot of women GOT single again!
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        Every child needs a pet because every family needs an optimist

        Saving one dog will not save the world....but will forever change the world for one dog.
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        • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
          I think the funniest part so far, is seeing who is "Thanking" which post.

          At first it's men and women thanking separate points of view. Then they start thanking, based on the different styles of humor.

          In fact, it's one of the most interesting things to watch in any thread.

          For example, I enjoy just about every post Riffle makes.

          But I can tell a pattern of which posts I make, that he likes, and which ones he doesn't. He likes a certain style of humor, and not another. Over a period of time, you can build a clearer (but incomplete) picture of the way someone thinks, just by seeing what they like in a post.

          I'm odd, I know.
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          • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
            Just to be clear about that thank you just above, I thanked you for admitting this...

            Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

            I'm odd, I know.
            And I quoted it for posterity.

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            Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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            • Profile picture of the author Frank Donovan
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              Over a period of time, you can build a clearer (but incomplete) picture of the way someone thinks, just by seeing what they like in a post.

              And also just to be clear, I only thanked you to mess with your system.

              ..

              ;;
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  • Profile picture of the author karlstech
    I believe that many non-married people cannot truly imagine or understand the definition and meaning of marriage.

    Do you want to know how marriage is like? Imagine a prison...


    That's it.

    This is taken from a hilarious moment a few years back where my uncle described his state of mind regarding his marriage, in front of his wife. Makes me chuckle every time
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  • Profile picture of the author powerofschool
    Good one Dude.
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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    Sorry - I'm still in the RCA dog head crank wondering why a guy would choose to marry someone with the listed characteristics in the first place. Death wish or can't get past an overbearing mommy?
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    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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    • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
      Originally Posted by HeySal View Post

      Sorry - I'm still in the RCA dog head crank wondering why a guy would choose to marry someone with the listed characteristics in the first place. Death wish or can't get past an overbearing mommy?
      Because those characteristics didn't show their head until after "I do."
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      If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

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  • Profile picture of the author stevemagana
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    • Profile picture of the author stevemagana
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      • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
        Guys, their is a situation that if we were all in it would mean this thread would never have been started. But, the reality is, we cant all be married to Terra K.
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        Where ever you go, there you are.

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        • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
          Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

          Guys, their is a situation that if we were all in it would mean this thread would never have been started. But, the reality is, we cant all be married to Terra K.
          Are your lips swollen from sucking up so much?
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          If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

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          • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            Are your lips swollen from sucking up so much?
            Look, I cant help it if Hey Sal & Kay King are so against the idea. Terra comes over as a very nice, even tempered, classy lady, even with the Machete.
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            Where ever you go, there you are.

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            • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
              Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

              Look, I cant help it if Hey Sal & Kay King are so against the idea. Terra comes over as a very nice, even tempered, classy lady, even with the Machete.
              So, you're saying Kay and Sal aren't nice, tempered and classy?
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              If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            Are your lips swollen from sucking up so much?
            I imagine swollen lips aren't really a factor with you.



            Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

            Look, I cant help it if Hey Sal & Kay King are so against the idea. Terra comes over as a very nice, even tempered, classy lady, even with the Machete.
            Originally Posted by Dan Riffle View Post

            So, you're saying Kay and Sal aren't nice, tempered and classy?
            Ianfear63: My advice right now is to fake your own death. Don't engage. I know for a fact that Sal can smell fear.
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            • Profile picture of the author lanfear63
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              I imagine swollen lips aren't really a factor with you.







              Ianfear63: My advice right now is to fake your own death. Don't engage. I know for a fact that Sal can smell fear.
              He's just dangling tackle on the end of his line. He's a Master Baiter
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              Where ever you go, there you are.

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              • Profile picture of the author Dan Riffle
                Originally Posted by lanfear63 View Post

                dangling tackle
                That's what Claude calls it when he hangs out in airport bathrooms.
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                If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.

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  • Profile picture of the author Raydal
    The differences between husbands and wives make for some good humor
    but for others who don't appreciate this it could be crippling to an otherwise
    healthy marriage. I've heard some men complain about their wives as though
    their situations were unique when they were just describing wives in general.

    Wives have their jokes about husbands and husbands about wives.

    Vive la différence!

    -Ray Edwards

    P.S. No, my wife is not standing behind me. She perfectly out of sight.
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