You won't understand, unless you are a husband

by Raja Kamil

Posted: 10 years ago 33 replies

OFF TOPIC

WIFE..
1."If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor. After marriage, you can't even change a TV channel..."
2.Normally a man speaks 25000 words a day and a women speaks 30000.
But the problem starts when the husband comes home from work after finishing his 25000 words and the wife is just getting started with her 30000!
3.Listening to wife is like reading the terms & conditions of a website.
You don't understand it but you still accept it.
4.Chess is the only game in the world, which reflects the status of the husband;
the poor king can take only one step at a time ....
While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes.
5.All Men are Brave,
Horror movies don't scare them....
But 5 Missed Calls from Wife ...surely does.
6.What's Checkmate?
You tell your wife "I saw a lady, looked exactly like you" & wife asks "WAS SHE HOT..??"
You can't say 'No' and you can't say 'Yes' - Now that's Checkmate!

Richard Van 10 years ago

Though not married personally I rather liked that.

I get the feeling Riffle will be here soon to thank you, agree with you and add a few of his own too.
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Wibble, bark, my old man's a mushroom etc...
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HeySal 10 years ago

You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
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- whateverpedia 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by HeySal
  
  You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
  
  You do realise that telling jokes like this is the reason a lot of guys are single as well, right?
  
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- Dan Riffle 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by HeySal
  
  You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
  
  You do realize that the truth behind these jokes are why some females are single, right?
  
  Hey, do you know why brides wear white?
  So they match the other kitchen appliances.
  
  Do you know why women have small feet?
  So they can get closer to the kitchen sink.
  
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  Kay King 10 years ago
  
  What do you give a man who has everything?
  A woman to show him how to make it work.
  
  If a man says something in the woods
  Is he still wrong?
  
  What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women?
  Exchange him.
  
  What has 8 arms and an IQ of 60?
  Four men watching a football game.
  
  Sal and I can joke about it - because we don't have to put up with it
  
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  candoit2 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Kay King
  
  What do you do with a man who thinks he's God's gift to women?
  Exchange him.
  
  Exchange Options available: A man who thinks women are God's gift to him
  
  Aaron
  
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- seasoned 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by HeySal
  
  You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
  
  Who said it was a joke? HEY, they aren't even really insulting to you.
  
  Steve
  
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- hardraysnight 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by HeySal
  
  You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
  
  and some of us males....
  
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bizgrower 10 years ago

Happy wife, happy life.
(Two arms and an IQ of 160.)
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- Dennis Gaskill 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by HeySal
  
  You do realize that jokes like this are one of the reasons that some of us females prefer to be single, right?
  
  You do realize that jokes like this aren't always jokes, right?
  
  Probably.
  
  But do you realize that jokes like this that aren't jokes are why a lot of married men wished they were single again.
  
  Originally Posted by bizgrower
  
  Happy wife, happy life.
  (Two arms and an IQ of 160.)
  
  Wife was standing behind you, eh?
  
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  Kay King 10 years ago
  
  ...and why a lot of women GOT single again!
  
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  Claude Whitacre 10 years ago
  
  I think the funniest part so far, is seeing who is "Thanking" which post.
  
  At first it's men and women thanking separate points of view. Then they start thanking, based on the different styles of humor.
  
  In fact, it's one of the most interesting things to watch in any thread.
  
  For example, I enjoy just about every post Riffle makes.
  
  But I can tell a pattern of which posts I make, that he likes, and which ones he doesn't. He likes a certain style of humor, and not another. Over a period of time, you can build a clearer (but incomplete) picture of the way someone thinks, just by seeing what they like in a post.
  
  I'm odd, I know.
  
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  Dennis Gaskill 10 years ago
  
  Just to be clear about that thank you just above, I thanked you for admitting this...
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  I'm odd, I know.
  
  And I quoted it for posterity.
  
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  Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.
  
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  Frank Donovan 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  Over a period of time, you can build a clearer (but incomplete) picture of the way someone thinks, just by seeing what they like in a post.
  
  And also just to be clear, I only thanked you to mess with your system.
  
  ..
  
  ;;
  
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  Claude Whitacre 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Frank Donovan
  
  And also just to be clear, I only thanked you to mess with your system.
  
  ..
  
  ;;
  
  I ran out of thanks, but that was fulking brilliant.
  
  And I knew...knew.... Riffle would like it.
  
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karlstech 10 years ago

I believe that many non-married people cannot truly imagine or understand the definition and meaning of marriage.

Do you want to know how marriage is like? Imagine a prison...

That's it.

This is taken from a hilarious moment a few years back where my uncle described his state of mind regarding his marriage, in front of his wife. Makes me chuckle every time
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powerofschool 10 years ago

Good one Dude.
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HeySal

10 years ago

Sorry - I'm still in the RCA dog head crank wondering why a guy would choose to marry someone with the listed characteristics in the first place. Death wish or can't get past an overbearing mommy?

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Dan Riffle

10 years ago

Originally Posted by HeySal

Sorry - I'm still in the RCA dog head crank wondering why a guy would choose to marry someone with the listed characteristics in the first place. Death wish or can't get past an overbearing mommy?

Because those characteristics didn't show their head until after "I do."

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stevemagana

Banned 10 years ago

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stevemagana

Banned 10 years ago

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lanfear63

10 years ago

Guys, their is a situation that if we were all in it would mean this thread would never have been started. But, the reality is, we cant all be married to Terra K.

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Feel The Power Of The Mark Side

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Dan Riffle

10 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Guys, their is a situation that if we were all in it would mean this thread would never have been started. But, the reality is, we cant all be married to Terra K.

Are your lips swollen from sucking up so much?

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lanfear63 10 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Are your lips swollen from sucking up so much?

Look, I cant help it if Hey Sal & Kay King are so against the idea. Terra comes over as a very nice, even tempered, classy lady, even with the Machete.
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- Dan Riffle 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by lanfear63
  
  Look, I cant help it if Hey Sal & Kay King are so against the idea. Terra comes over as a very nice, even tempered, classy lady, even with the Machete.
  
  So, you're saying Kay and Sal aren't nice, tempered and classy?
  
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Claude Whitacre

10 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Are your lips swollen from sucking up so much?

I imagine swollen lips aren't really a factor with you.

Originally Posted by lanfear63

Look, I cant help it if Hey Sal & Kay King are so against the idea. Terra comes over as a very nice, even tempered, classy lady, even with the Machete.

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

So, you're saying Kay and Sal aren't nice, tempered and classy?

Ianfear63: My advice right now is to fake your own death. Don't engage. I know for a fact that Sal can smell fear.

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lanfear63

10 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

I imagine swollen lips aren't really a factor with you.

Ianfear63: My advice right now is to fake your own death. Don't engage. I know for a fact that Sal can smell fear.

He's just dangling tackle on the end of his line. He's a Master Baiter

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Dan Riffle 10 years ago

Originally Posted by lanfear63

dangling tackle

That's what Claude calls it when he hangs out in airport bathrooms.
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- Claude Whitacre 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  That's what Claude calls it when he hangs out in airport bathrooms.
  
  You know what you call hanging out in the Mens room at the airport? A fast $50.
  
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  Dan Riffle 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  At least, I can enter the Mens room, without court permission.
  
  I find a winky face after that round of banter a tad unsettling.
  
  Thanks
  
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  Claude Whitacre 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Dan Riffle
  
  I find a winky face after that round of banter a tad unsettling.
  
  Sorry. I changed my post, because I thought of something more insulting.
  
  And the reason you find the winky face so unsettling, is you are used to doing this in the dark.
  
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  lanfear63 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre
  
  You know what you call hanging out in the Mens room at the airport? A fast $50.
  
  I only paid him $20
  
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  Dan Riffle 10 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by lanfear63
  
  I only paid $20
  
  You got the English discount.
  
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Raydal 10 years ago

The differences between husbands and wives make for some good humor
but for others who don't appreciate this it could be crippling to an otherwise
healthy marriage. I've heard some men complain about their wives as though
their situations were unique when they were just describing wives in general.

Wives have their jokes about husbands and husbands about wives.

Vive la différence!

-Ray Edwards

P.S. No, my wife is not standing behind me. She perfectly out of sight.
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- Joe Mobley 10 years ago
  
  ---
  My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
  She asked, "What's on TV?"
  I said, "Dust."
  And then the fight started...
  
  http://www.warriorforum.com/off-topi...t-started.html
  
  Joe Mobley
  
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You won't understand, unless you are a husband

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