Sum moar intelekshewal joaks

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For the smartarses amongst us:

The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you do not talk, prattle, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal or converse about Thesaurus Club.
Calculus . . . actually, it is rocket science.
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Don't drink and derive.
There is a fine line between numerator & denominator!
  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    What do you say to a grammar nazi? There, their they're.

    It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

    When I was a kid my teacher looked my way and said, "name two pronouns." I said, "Who, me?"
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  • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
    Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

    There is a fine line between numerator & denominator!

    Not necessarily...


    2 /3


    Sorry, I drew the short straw today.
    Signature

    Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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    • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
      Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill View Post

      Sorry, I drew the short straw today.
      Someone had to.
      Signature
      Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
      So that blind people can hate them as well.
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      • Profile picture of the author Dennis Gaskill
        Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

        Someone had to.
        Yeah, and unfortunately, that's about as close as I'll ever get to pulling off an intellectual joke.
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        Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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  • Profile picture of the author HeySal
    I've got one or two favorites but they've already been posted in here a few times, so I think that would probably defeat the purpose of being "intellectual".
    Signature

    Sal
    When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
    Beyond the Path

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  • Profile picture of the author ForumGuru
    Banned
    entropy isn't what it used to be...
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    • Profile picture of the author Cali16
      Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings...

      Pavlov gasps, "Oh shit, I forgot to feed the dogs."
      Signature
      If you don't face your fears, the only thing you'll ever see is what's in your comfort zone. ~Anne McClain, astronaut
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      • Profile picture of the author HeySal
        Originally Posted by Cali16 View Post

        Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings...

        Pavlov gasps, "Oh shit, I forgot to feed the dogs."
        LMAO - oh, that's good!
        Signature

        Sal
        When the Roads and Paths end, learn to guide yourself through the wilderness
        Beyond the Path

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        • Profile picture of the author Midnight Oil
          Dang. I read the title and clicked, expecting kittehs wif capshuns.
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          • Profile picture of the author whateverpedia
            Originally Posted by Midnight Oil View Post

            Dang. I read the title and clicked, expecting kittehs wif capshuns.
            You've been here long enough to know that the OT forum is where folks gather to be disappointed.
            Signature
            Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?
            So that blind people can hate them as well.
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      • Profile picture of the author seasoned
        Originally Posted by Cali16 View Post

        Pavlov is sitting at a bar, when all of the sudden the phone rings...

        Pavlov gasps, "Oh shit, I forgot to feed the dogs."
        Well, it IS called "PAVLOV'S REACTION"!

        Steve
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        • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
          What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing?

          Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.


          A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.

          "You mean a martini?" the bartender asks.

          The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!"


          When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg.


          Terra
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          • Profile picture of the author MissTerraK
            A biologist, a chemist and a statistician are out hunting. The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5 ft to the left, the chemist shoots and misses 5 ft to the right. The statistician yells, "We got him, Boys!"


            What's a grammar Nazi's favorite knock knock joke?

            Knock, knock.

            Who's there?

            No! To whom.


            I would make another chemist joke, but all the good ones Argon.


            Two atoms are walking down the street. The first one stops and says “I think I just lost an electron!”

            The second one replies “Are you sure?”

            “I’m positive!”


            A mathematician finishes a large meal and says: √(-1/64)


            Terra
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            • Profile picture of the author Cali16
              A classics professor goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: "Euripides?" The professor replies: "Yes. Eumenides?"


              Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality.
              Signature
              If you don't face your fears, the only thing you'll ever see is what's in your comfort zone. ~Anne McClain, astronaut
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  • Profile picture of the author Rick Rodd
    A coffee shop served dessert today... I asked, Wi Fi?

    So a virus entered a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind in here." The virus replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."

    My friend Power has been super stressed all week. His boss makes him work overtime.

    If you're not part of the solution, you're a precipitate.

    Ever heard of the sugar in water. They're dilutional! But I guess they're just trying to blend in.

    There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

    Entropy isn't what it used to be.
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    • Profile picture of the author Cali16
      Originally Posted by Rick Rodd View Post

      There are 10 kinds of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

      Entropy isn't what it used to be.
      I'm out of "thanks" for now, Rick, but I especially like the last two!
      Signature
      If you don't face your fears, the only thing you'll ever see is what's in your comfort zone. ~Anne McClain, astronaut
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      • Profile picture of the author Rick Rodd
        Originally Posted by Cali16 View Post

        I'm out of "thanks" for now, Rick, but I especially like the last two!
        Thanks! The first one I actually used. I'm trying to do stand up comedy and OT forum is a treasure trove of material.
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        • Profile picture of the author Alexa Smith
          Banned
          Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

          To get to the same side.

          ==============================

          There are two different types of people in the world: people who can extrapolate to work out missing information.

          .
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Evans
    A Buddhist walks into Subway and says "Make me one with everything.."
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    • Profile picture of the author msdobe
      Wow, you guys are good! I can't even think, much less think of a good comeback.
      Jenny
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      If you can read this.... thank a teacher.
      If you can read this in English... thank a vet!
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  • Profile picture of the author seasoned
    Originally Posted by whateverpedia View Post

    The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you do not talk, prattle, whisper, chatter, mumble, rant, articulate, babble, describe, divulge, drone, confer, deliberate, squeal or converse about Thesaurus Club.
    HOW do they expect it to become a "club"? Heck, the first member would be the last!

    Steve
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