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Critique my new flyer, please.

by myinspiredmind
28 replies
Hello,

I am a new business owner - a long time lurker, first time poster. I've been testing different advertising methods and I'm convinced that either my copy or my visuals are sub par. I've been working on a new flyer and I was hoping that someone here would critique it for me.

We are a math tutoring center in the San Diego area serving children in K-12.

Thanks much!

Dave Robins
Founder
The Inspired Mind Learning Center

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Attachment 22299
#ads #advertisement #critique #flyer
  • Profile picture of the author RealCasher
    The bottom call to action in red / blue will be much more better I think.

    Otherwise, It looks good.

    Will you buy the shutterstock picture? if not why don't you find a royalty free image to use, i'm sure you'll find one of a graduate.
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    • Profile picture of the author myinspiredmind
      Originally Posted by RealCasher View Post

      The bottom call to action in red / blue will be much more better I think.

      Otherwise, It looks good.

      Will you buy the shutterstock picture? if not why don't you find a royalty free image to use, i'm sure you'll find one of a graduate.
      Thanks RealCasher,

      Yes, I'll probably buy the photo unless you have a resource for good royalty free images. I've got an account with shutterstock and I really like their content. I also added a "Johnson Box" after doing some reading on this site.
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Let's walk through what a mom and dad are thinking
        about before they see your message, who have thought
        about extra maths help for their child...

        Could it be...

        1 "What are the options available

        2 How do I know which will be right
        for me?"

        You'll know what are common questions
        are asked of you of your team.

        If you were to talk about those, would it not be seen
        as most valuable to the right reader?

        If you think of a unbiased community service
        in which you are helping people make right choices
        then you are on the right track.

        Best,
        Doctor E. Vile
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        • Profile picture of the author savidge4
          Image + message is saying you are providing services for Students between high school and college. you are implying "Now" is the time... but then in the lower points I see it is for k thru 12.

          "now is the time to invest in your childs future" that's more of a call to action than anything.

          I would loose the star points altogether as Bob stated the checkpoints are far stronger, and more on point with your target and your message.

          If your call to action is "Call Now" you want the phone number in text size to stand out from the rest of the text... right now it is just blending in.


          Call Now for Your FREE Education Consultation
          (858) 231 - 8477


          vs


          Call Now for Your FREE Education Consultation
          address address address something drive San Diego, Ca. (858) 231 - 8477
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        • Profile picture of the author mojo1
          Originally Posted by ewenmack View Post

          Let's walk through what a mom and dad are thinking
          about before they see your message, who have thought
          about extra maths help for their child...

          Could it be...

          1 "What are the options available

          2 How do I know which will be right
          for me?"

          You'll know what are common questions
          are asked of you of your team.

          If you were to talk about those, would it not be seen
          as most valuable to the right reader?

          If you think of a unbiased community service
          in which you are helping people make right choices
          then you are on the right track.

          Best,
          Doctor E. Vile
          Let me tell you how right you are Ewen. As a mother of a child struggling in math, I'm concerned about her advancing to the next grade, the expenditure of tutoring being in my budget and if they're tutoring style is a good fit for my child.


          Answering any one of these concerns would move the needle for me in reaching out to a tutoring company.


          My college boyfriend, now husband tutored me once for my college math class. Took me from failing to a "B". I say this because, his teaching style really made a difference for me and I was able to see first hand how powerful tutoring could be rather than languishing about in embarrassment by not seeking help.

          Due to my husband's traveling schedule my daughter doesn't have the same tutoring help & benefits I did

          Hopefully I've given some food for thought.

          All the best.
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          • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
            Originally Posted by mojo1 View Post

            Let me tell you how right you are Ewen. As a mother of a child struggling in math, I'm concerned about her advancing to the next grade, the expenditure of tutoring being in my budget and if they're tutoring style is a good fit for my child.


            Answering any one of these concerns would move the needle for me in reaching out to a tutoring company.
            We all go through that basic process of...
            decision something needs to change, what are the options,
            how to choose the options then going with the winner.

            As a marketer, we can get into sync with this decision
            making process or make it difficult for ourselves by
            talking why we are the best and other ego based marketing.

            Best,
            Doctor E. Vile
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  • Profile picture of the author bob ross
    Good on you for coming on here and asking for critique.

    Some quick thoughts:

    1. Needs a proper headline, it should promote the biggest benefit you can find, not an image caption. Spend a lot of time on this as it's where people will either throw it out or give it a further read.

    2. Cut out the fancy words like "innovative multi-sensory curriculum". No one is processing what that means in their head, it's just confusing and scaring them.

    3. Strengthen your bullet features and make sure to cite proof to go with any claims.

    4. The three 'checkmarks' are actually much stronger than your bullets featured above. $35 for 90 minutes of tutoring sounds like a fantastic feature... along with the one-on-one tutoring. You've got a good thing to work with here.

    5. I'd change the offer to a request for an information packet sent to them free and use that to generate hot leads you can work further.

    6. I had to read through this a few times just to figure out this was for math tutoring. This should be pronounced much more and the benefit of having their child become better at math should be made more evident.

    here's a great FREE resource you'll find will help tremendously:

    Marketing Bullets | Gary's Arsenal
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  • Profile picture of the author tryinhere
    change > Affordable Rates starting at just $35/90 minutes.

    to > Affordable Rates ( or similar)

    Do not not need to get people judging the dollars before they contact you and hear about the value supplied.
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    • Profile picture of the author unglued
      I'd like to tip my hat to all who've contributed to this thread so far, but especially to bob ross for the link to Bencivenga's bullets. Pure gold, my friends. If you passed over the link with a cursory glance, go back and CLICK ON IT ! If you're a marketer and you have 2 or 3 brain cells to rub together, you'll be glad you did. I think my head just exploded much the same way it did when I stumbled across the Gary Halbert Letter. Wow and then some ! You da MAN, bob !! Thanks so much...!

      unglued
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      • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
        Originally Posted by unglued View Post

        I'd like to tip my hat to all who've contributed to this thread so far, but especially to bob ross for the link to Bencivenga's bullets. Pure gold, my friends. If you passed over the link with a cursory glance, go back and CLICK ON IT ! If you're a marketer and you have 2 or 3 brain cells to rub together, you'll be glad you did. I think my head just exploded much the same way it did when I stumbled across the Gary Halbert Letter. Wow and then some ! You da MAN, bob !! Thanks so much...!

        unglued
        I felt the same way when he first came out with it.

        In the conversations I've had with Gary via email,
        he really is a gentleman in the old world sense.

        I've got his Persuasion Equation formula which is trade marked
        and only available if you pay $5,000.

        However, what I and mojo1 have said fits in
        with it.

        Mojo1 is the buyer and listening to her comments
        is where the gold is.

        Here's what I would do, see if I can interview her
        and ask the right questions.

        Pure gold right under Dave's nose.

        Best
        Doctor E. Vile
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        • Profile picture of the author DABK
          Though it's true that college graduates earn a lot more than those who do not graduate college, for many parents that's not an immediate enough concern.

          Thanks mom and dad, that's not strong enough and precise.

          It seems to me you've not spent enough time to analyze your target audience.
          Not all parents will buy tutoring.
          The parents who buy tutoring fall into more than 1 group. You should have a different flyer for each group.

          (There are those who want the kid to get into Harvard.
          Those who want the kid to get into some 4-year college.
          Those who want the kid to not fail math.
          Those who want the kid to graduate high-school.
          Those who want the kid to be better than the Jones' kid.
          Those who are male.
          Those who are female.
          Those who are concerned math is going to get in the way of their kid's getting sports scholarship / career (have to have at least a C, it seems).
          Those who are grandparents.

          Combine the above with
          those who have finished college themselves
          those who don't have a college degree
          those who have tons of money
          those who don't have tons of money.

          Then you change your bullets and talk like a normal person (like others have said, innovative blah, blah blah is just blah blah blah and blah blah blah doesn't sell).
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  • Profile picture of the author DAlgirdas
    Just a couple of small tips:
    I think that your logo should stand out a bit more. Could be nice to have it bigger/ at the top of the page. This could help your brand recognition in future.
    Also the main picture looks a bit stretched to the sides. And of course it should not have the picturebase name on it.
    Good luck with it!
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  • Profile picture of the author Underground
    I doubt anyone who has seen Bencivenga's 100 seminar could point to a better teacher of copy than Gary Bencivenga. Great guy and great teacher.
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  • Profile picture of the author myinspiredmind
    Everyone here replied with excellent suggestions. Thank you very much! I will take your advice and more or less start over with your suggestions in mind. I really appreciate the help.

    Sincerely,

    Dave
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    • Profile picture of the author Freebiequeen1999
      Originally Posted by myinspiredmind View Post

      Everyone here replied with excellent suggestions. Thank you very much! I will take your advice and more or less start over with your suggestions in mind. I really appreciate the help.

      Sincerely,

      Dave

      Sounds good -- lots of good advice and pointers here


      some things try (yes try) to get small biz owners to realize is that a flyer is NOT a book or a magazine
      keep it simple with a great "call to action" and PROMINENT PHONE NUMBER
      MAKE SURE THEY CAN SEE THAT PHONE NUMBER
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    • Profile picture of the author DABK
      Would love to hear the results of what you're doing, that you made changes and that it worked out well for you.

      Originally Posted by myinspiredmind View Post

      Everyone here replied with excellent suggestions. Thank you very much! I will take your advice and more or less start over with your suggestions in mind. I really appreciate the help.

      Sincerely,

      Dave
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  • Profile picture of the author TheLondonPromoter
    Not a bad effort but far to busy. I'm a firm believer that less is more, otherwise people are just going to throw it in the trash. Add a splash of color, and high light the main points.
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  • Profile picture of the author Sokute
    I think you need to move "Professional Math Tutoring" closer to header or emphasize it a little more! I mean people like to be thanked but there is that short attention span of ours that needs to be told what any AD is exactly about.
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  • Profile picture of the author myinspiredmind
    Hello everyone and again thanks for your advice. I've made a lot of changes based upon your advice and I'd like to get a second opinion. I used a stock photo on the left with the watermark because I haven't purchased it yet. If you like it I will buy it, otherwise I'll use something else that you all suggest.

    Dave
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Dave, have you based the new version on talking with
      a prospective mother who commented on this thread,
      mojo1?

      Best,
      Doctor E. Vile
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  • Profile picture of the author bob ross
    a lot better Dave! It's great that everyone has given you such good advice in this thread and you've listened to it.

    I just looked at your site and you've really got some great material that should be on here. I think you should totally ditch the stock images for one... you've got some excellent real-life images that will go over so much better than a "fake" pro image. I also really like the one-on-one aspect you have, I think that should be hit on hard.

    I'll put something together in a half hour or so and hopefully some others will maybe create their own versions of your flyer as well... this could turn into an epic thread.
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  • Profile picture of the author bob ross
    Here's my take on this:

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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Jake, is that creative your's or Dave's?

      Love where the direction it's going.

      The point about it's not the parent or child's
      fault.

      It's a strong relief when blame and guilt
      are a common source of anguish.

      A tweak I'd like to see is having it as a advertorioal style.

      It's just about there, but not quite.

      A news story would have a headline like...

      --------------------------------
      Maths Breakthrough Stops
      Children From Struggling
      --------------------------------

      They all have the same format
      in this order...

      1 Name the thing what's happened

      2 A action word

      3 The outcome

      Advertisers who use this editorial style advertising
      in newspapers have found it much more effective
      than what looks and reads like an ad.

      The publishers were forced the advertisers to put
      advertisement at the top right of their ads so the
      readers's didn't think it was a editorial or news piece.

      Best,
      Doctor E. Vile
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      • Profile picture of the author savidge4
        Night and day..looks awesome. the only slight hick-up I see is in the last 2 lines.

        "Best of all, its affordable. Ninety-minute sessions start at a small investment of only $35. Help secure your child's future as soon as today"

        I might tighten it up a bit. something like: "Best of all, its affordable. Ninety-minute sessions starting at $35. Invest in your child future by contacting us today.
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  • Profile picture of the author bob ross
    Yep Ewen I did it earlier today when I needed to take an hour or so off from 'real' work.

    I wasn't going to do an advertorial style ad but the more I kept putting it together the more it started looking like one. I thought I'd have bullets in there somewhere but just couldn't find it necessary.

    I think the "Mom, I feel dumb" subhead might be the most powerful; I tried to think about how the parent might hear how their child might be crying for help inside and like you mentioned... that it's not their fault.
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    • Profile picture of the author ewenmack
      Originally Posted by bob ross View Post

      Yep Ewen I did it earlier today when I needed to take an hour or so off from 'real' work.

      I wasn't going to do an advertorial style ad but the more I kept putting it together the more it started looking like one. I thought I'd have bullets in there somewhere but just couldn't find it necessary.

      I think the "Mom, I feel dumb" subhead might be the most powerful; I tried to think about how the parent might hear how their child might be crying for help inside and like you mentioned... that it's not their fault.
      I feel a bit uneasy about the sub-headline due to
      it kinda lay's on the guilt trip, when you've absolved the parent of the blame later.

      Yeah, when you think like the mom like you've done, it all starts to write itself.

      You capture the main essence of what needs to be said.

      Can always come back and make things clearer,
      emphasis parts more and others less
      or just cut out stuff that really aren't important.

      Great stuff...lov'n it!

      Best,
      Doctor E. Vile
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    • Profile picture of the author savidge4
      Originally Posted by bob ross View Post

      I think the "Mom, I feel dumb" subhead might be the most powerful; I tried to think about how the parent might hear how their child might be crying for help inside and like you mentioned... that it's not their fault.
      You might want to look at taking this a step further.. The thinking like a mom aspect that is. I personally love math. love it love it. The hardest part for me in assisting my 20 yr old through math over the years, was teaching him in the same manor he was taught in school.

      However, if it was up to my wife to assist him with math over the years, I don't know who would be struggling more, my son or my wife. In todays world the burden of education falls firmly on the home environment. If you as a parent do not have the skills to help your child.. then what?

      I personally SUCK in the subject of English ( how Ironic I work in an industry that is language driven! HA) My 20 yr old son for his 4 years of high school had English tudors. My 6 year old in kindergarden already has a tudor once a week to help ME, and my wife assist him.

      In my mind.. education is so damn important I could care less the cost. you fall behind in education, you will certainly fall behind in life. As a parent it is my JOB to ensure my children have all the tools to succeed. and to allow the perpetual struggle in the educational process, which later can only turn in the lack of interest in learning, is well... not an option.

      I have to understand my strengths and my weakness'. I have to look to my wife, and her strengths and weakness'. If we both are weak in a category of my childs development.. in a heart beat I will bring in someone that can help us educate him.

      Just the opinion of a parent
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      • Profile picture of the author unglued
        Facebook has recently been rife with posts from parents in a near-panic about common core curriculum and the way it has impacted the way their children are taught. If this is a legitimate concern of parents where you are, you might could tactfully leverage this to your benefit. I would tread very carefully here, as this could easily open a political can of worms and diminish or even destroy your credibility, but it is something else to consider. Good luck.

        unglued
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