Hows This For A Script?

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Ok - so newbie here - Just wanted some feedback on my script. I created it.

What can I do better on?
Where can I create the urgency?

Thanks!



Hello! This is Brandon from floridatripguides.com!

Did I catch you at an ok time?

_(NAME)_, I'm sure you're busy and I want to respect your time so I'll give you the short version and answer any questions.

We let our visitors know WHERE to: Eat, Stay, Shop, and Play!

Floridatripguides.com is the new 'personalized' Florida destination website - that connects OUR visitors to YOUR business!

We are gearing up to attract thousands of visitors each month who are looking to enjoy themselves at a business like yours...

And - we'd like to see YOUR BUSINESS added on our website absolutely free!

Your business has the opportunity to stand out - not only in front of new potential customers to your area - but to stand out from your competition as well...

With our free listing, you can add your basic business info: address, business description, features, one category and more. PLUS you'll receive our personal, positive 'TIP' - about what we liked about your business!

Looking to stand out even more? Then we also offer our Enhanced Listing, and Featured Listing with even more benefits!.

Our most popular listings - is our 'Enhanced Listing'. It's only $19.99/Mo or $199 for the whole year! ($40 in savings!). For only $29.99/Mo or $299 ($60 in savings!) for the whole year your business would benefit from a Featured Listing! With both of these listings you will be able to add your logo, contact info, multiple categories, videos, pictures, website links and more! Plus we will write a blog about your business as well! With a Featured Listing your business will be listed on the top of the search results!

Where else can you find advertisement like this for pennies a day?

Florida Trip Guides has over 28 different locations and over 87 different categories to choose from! Your business could be listed under every category that fits best.

It's easy to add your business - just go to www.floridatripguides.com and click Join Us. You'll see everything on our secure site is done through PayPal.


Once you select which listing fits your needs best - then you can start adding your information!


We also offer affordable advertising space - which obviously gets your business noticed on other pages of our site as well! Just check out our 'Advertise' Page. Compared to other sites - you'll see why we think they're very affordable, and, very valuable!

Do you have any questions? How does that sound? Lets get you signed up!

I know I've given you a lot of information, so if I can have your email address, I can send you the simple details.

I really appreciate your time... and I hope you can appreciate what floridatripguides.com can do for your business.

Once again my name is Brandon - owner of Florida Trip Guides.com!




So thoughts? Thank you for taking the time to help me in advance
#offline marketing #advice #cold calling #hows #sales #script

  • Holy Cow - I would hate to see the long version.

    You need to seriously shorten that book, er, I mean script .
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    • So this is too long for a cold call script?

      lol

      I have a lot of info that I want to discuss though.
      • [2] replies
  • Maybe you should first find out if they even have the need to connect to your visitors? You assume he needs more customers or if that is even a concern of theirs. You could establish that first by engaging them a bit to dig for that instead of just assuming.

    If say you are calling restaurants you might want to arrive at asking the question, "What is your slowest day/time?".

    Dig a bit more if they're willing to talk...

    "what have you been doing to try and fix that slow time?" "Are you seeing any progress with that?" etc...

    From the answers this would.at least establish some level of need and desire to address a problem and give you an opportunity to bring up a possible solution -- Aka "qualifying" prospects, don't just sell to all by assuming they even need your help to begin with.
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    • I think the whole angle here should be an "assumptive" style pitch.


      "We are calling about your listing on floridatripguide.com..."


      Instead of offering a free listing, you are calling to confirm the information you have on their current listing... and then upselling them to a premium one.


      It automatically takes them into interest and you are halfway through the AIDA formula..., because if the listing is already an asset , or something that is already theirs, then they naturally have interest in it. You can "assume" they will be interested in something that belongs to them.


      Working on some thoughts for this, because it's interesting...would be cool to see you sell some listings.


      Your best call list is the listings you already have on your site IMO, but Im going to check out the site some more and reserve any more thoughts til then...
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  • It's a basic formula for getting someone into closing mode.


    Attention
    Interest
    Desire
    Action


    First you get their attention
    Then their Interest
    Then you make them want it.
    Then you get them to take action on it.


    -JD
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
  • I agree...since you already went to the trouble about listing them, enter with that

    "about your listing"....."how did you like your listing?"..."is your listing correct?"

    "Hi, I just wanted to touch base with you to make sure your listing is correct? Did we get it right?


    I agree it is just way too long, way too salesy

    You do realize just how many directories and stuff there is here in Florida?
    Florida is huge on tourism....so there are great sites out there with many deals,
    every area has it's own promotional site

    can you compete with them? what is different? Honesty you might do better in small areas...

    how can you compete with the gazillion guides to Orlando, Ft Lauderdale, Miami?

    http://www.sunny.org/

    Florida Vacation, Tourism, Travel & Entertainment | VisitFlorida.com

    Miami & The Beaches: The Official Vacation & Tourism Guide

    Orlando Hotels, Restaurants, Things to Do & Vacation Guide

    These are truly the "big guns" of tourism....these hotels and restaurants are on there....

    I have been all over this state and you might get some interest in "off the beaten path"...

    I used to travel with sales (to salons/spas)...and some of the smaller towns like Vero Beach,
    Ocala, Cape Coral, Brandon, Lake Mary etc don't seem to be so professionally saturated

    even so , they really do have more websites clamouring for ad dollars than small towns in other parts of the country or than in small towns in other countries

    You might be able to target some specific group - pet friendly places for instance
    or ..Florida for over 50 .....Florida for single parents whatever


    Some of the "success" stories you see about creating hotel/restaurant directories and such are in places like ? well...no offense but let's say "Akron Ohio"....or some town in Iowa...
    or a small city or town in Australia or England etc
    places that don't exactly pull in huge tourist crowds

    no offense but you are selling coal to Newcastle if you try to go up against the other ad opportunities available here.....unless you can show some huge subscriber base or success stories I don't see why restaurants and hotels in the major cities would pay money (they would be ok with free, why not? but pay? that will be hard JMO)
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    • I completely understand your thoughts...

      I created this website to make it more personal. Each listing has a positive tip about what we liked about their business.

      We are also different because our directory is easy to use... last time i checked visitflorida's directory was a little confusing.

    • You drop subtle suggestions throughout your pitch while explaining your service, like:


      "....basically, we are kind of like the yellow pages online, for Florida trip planning (or dining or whatever)..."

      "We cater to a market of hundreds of thousands of internet searchers per year..."


      Then you compare your full page premium listing's cost to the cost of a full page yellow page ad, because they have already made the association that you pretty much do the same thing. ( Perform the same service).


      And they realize that they cant even buy a 3 day square inch text ad in their local paper's classifieds for twenty bucks per month, and they see the potential value.


      Here you are giving them that basic listing for free, and all you are asking is twenty bucks per month for a full blown one!


      No brainer.


      You just have to build desire, and perceived value before talking price or closing.


      When you drop a close on a hot prospect you can hear it sizzle like steak on a grill! You have to set that close up, though. If the perceived value and desire are there, then you are going to hear that sizzle when you drop your low price and easy close.


      One of my early trainers explained "setting up a close" like this:


      "You have to first get them up against the ropes- THEN you knock em out"
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  • I did try to look at fort lauderdale restaurants but was not able to just find them....everything kind of mixed together...

    have you really been to all these places? Yes, you have some that are very well known...like the water taxi...but you also have some obscure places and things that I doubt will pay or get listed in a tourism book....a couple very small and dingy restaurants.....movie theaters....just some odd listings.


    You also are missing many of the "big" places that do advertise....IMHO you should see who is advertising already....have you done market research? There are so many free booklets,coupon booklets, tour guides, people are paid to stand on the beach and pass stuff out...coupons and discounts...so many different deals here..some "usual suspects" advertise in many or most of them...

    When they asked Willy Sutton why he robbed banks he said "that's where the money is"...

    you need to go where the money is, find places that already advertise...find the hot spots

    and then put them in a way for people to logically find. I can tell you ..if I was a tourist and I went to some of the little restaurants you suggest I think I would be disappointed

    If you get an owner or manager interested in your site and they go and start looking around they are probably going to think exactly what I thought... heads up
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    • I'd like to be proven otherwise, but any site that is built on the mindset of ''I'm going to create a directory site to make $200 a pop from businesses'' is not going to work in 2015.

      Not to a level where you can avoid having to work way more than you do in a normal job for around the same money. It will fizzle out like so many ideas swirling around in the IM space that we've all probably tried that had us counting big dollars in our heads but that just crashed and burned because the market place had changed and people expected more and we were well of the pace that we could only hope to work flat out to find the few scraps left-over from those with their house in order and who are working models like this at an advanced level.

      If you become a good full-time telemarketer you might be able to make a bit of change from those who forget about the billing on a ghost-town website.

      It's needs to be approached with a far broader mindset and commitment to quality than just being a potential way for you to make money.


      I've only seen a couple of guys here view it properly with a serious plan for growth and promotion and who were willing to invest. The rest, who couldn't consider from a wider perspective and properly assess the marketplace, just crash and burned.




      Done right, you will have a trawler on your hands you can leverage to fill your nets with fish everyday ready to be upsold. Doing it the other way is like trying to use a worm on a stick to catch a single fish for the day. Cold calling to find the kind of people who tend to spend frivolously on things without much thought.

      I hope you prove me wrong. But the hard truth is your going to need more than just site they can post their details on and they can get a tip on.
      • [ 2 ] Thanks
  • I guess I have just found that in every industry, there are reasons why your offer shouldn't be able to compete, so when the question comes up of how to sell something, I tend to think strictly in terms of how it can be sold, solely focusing on that, and not giving thought to the reasons why it can't be sold. Whether it is $20 bucks per month or $97. I tend to just focus on "how to sell it".
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    • LOL....well yes it is possible to sell anything if you just keep plowing through it


      I think you have to look at the big picture too....how to put together product that will appeal to people , get them to the website, which in turn will bring you advertisers.


      A guy here has a website in san diego which is also "tourist" type fun place...

      he had some good ideas about apps and stuff...

      he also was focused on a city he apparently lives in and knows

      I do know this area...and I can tell you that any tourist staying at the W hotel who went to some of the "joints' listed there will be dismayed and angry
      Ultimately you have to offer some real value on both ends and sorry I don't see it here...
      the idea of just build a directory is not always viable

      Now...can it be salvaged? Yeah....I would focus the listings , either by area, or by interest. This is like a hodge podge at least the areas I know are.
      Go high end...or go low.....figure who your target market is

      Some of the stuff listed is very high end, like for glossy magazines,
      and some is ? maybe they take an ad in a bingo flyer at a retirement community
  • I don't care if anyone thinks this won't work. That's fine. More $$ that I can potentially make. I'm not expecting to get rich by running this directory. However - I do it because I want to help plan peoples vacations and help them the best way I know how to.

    I will do whatever I can to make this work. And it will. I called a few weeks ago for a day and talked to 7 people. No one said no!
    Did they purchase? No but that's because I didn't close the way I needed too.


    So can we please get back on topic? How's my latest script? Because while you guys debate if this is going to work or if my directory is too scattered - I need to start practicing this script because I am losing days and that means I am losing money.

    Thanks

    So how about the latest version of the script?
  • BMGGT13,

    Let the force be with you.

    You have the AIDA format.
    You have Ken's post #21
    You have a lot of tips from experienced people
    You are the business owner
    You have the passion
    Once your site is really ready, just relax and use all that and start talking to owners in person or on the phone
    You're not going to talk, ie. have normal conversations, that follow any of the scripts
    you've written
    Just get going, use all you have and have been given, and refine your script with things you actually say and points you actually need to cover, intelligent responses/explanations to prospects questions or comments

    Close
    There's apple pay, google pay, paypal, apps, "the Square" that works on any smart phone...,
    checks, software that lets you take checks... Just sign em up then and there

    If you are worried about charge backs and PCI compliance for credit card processing,
    develop a simple one page cc authorization form they fill out and fax or eFax back to you.
    Name on card, signature, billing address, cc number, expiration date, three or four digit code on the back,
    If you're really concerned, have them scan the front and back of the credit card and license and fax that back to you - or store in your smart device

    Pricing
    I'm kind of leaning towards Savidge4's contrarian point of going with the $19.95 or $39.95 annually.
    Sell 4 to 8 a day, or more, and you're doing ok enough-ish to start? For my hotel, if it's $100 or more per
    year, we don't renew if we don't think it's effective.

    Also, I got to thinking about pricing and wonder where it is written in stone you have to charge everybody the same thing when you are selling in person. Daily, I mentally have a minimum price for my hotel rooms, and the retail price that is published on all the internet sites we use - including our website.

    When we have walk ins or phone ins, we go for retail, but sometimes agree to somewhere between
    retail and my mental minimum.

    The final price is arrived at if they have AAA membership, military, or senior's discount...
    AND, what they say or what we read into them. Phone or walk in, I and my desk clerks,
    use our intuition for a price that will get that deal. Sometimes we ask what will work for them,
    and as long as it's close to our price range, we usually go for it. (I do screen out the undesireable
    customers - the rowdies, or the smoke whatever in the room types.)

    Anyway, suppose you're going the $197 a year route and they don't bite, what's wrong with
    negotiating to $149 (or whatever your mental minimum).

    Again Savidge4's proposal should eliminate the price objection, but I don't know what you're deciding (or I may have missed it).
  • So Bizgrower......you are telling us that you would pay for a listing in a directory over the phone for a site that you have no idea how many visitors it has, how long it has been up, how many other biz pay to be on it, no stats , no nothing?

    I can tell you that the listings in my own area were a real mixed bag, very odd....not great for a traveler IMHO. Some very popular places, and popular areas were left out and it was just as if they were chosen at random.

    I was not able to just pull up restaurants in a given city either. It was all jumbled up.
    • [3] replies
    • Believe it not but business owners are conditioned to buy advertising like this all the time.

      How many business owners know how many homes their ad in the local paper gets delivered to, or how many hits their yellow pages ad really gets? What about their website?

      Most do not track their results at all, and have business coming in from all over the place.

      HOWEVER, I do agree that you need to offer something has tangible value first
      • [ 1 ] Thanks
    • I don't think you are understanding the motivation of some business owners to take on a directory listing. Its NOT always about traffic per se. there is more to the idea than that.

      When I sell listings.. I personally.. well I don't mention traffic. When I am usually involved in the sales end of a directory... there is no traffic... Like any decent salesperson, you need to pull away from the weakness' of your product and move towards the positives.

      I sell the citation value. ( if the site has the proper Schema tags ) I sell repetition of brand. I sell link quality, and how that will be meticulously maintained. I sell repetition of message. Access of message. I sell the benefits of my system and how they can go in and manage their listings.

      There are a great many things that you can sell that have absolutely nothing to do with "traffic". Aside from the big corporate guys.. when you are talking to little one and 2 off type stores these folks are familiar with these terms. they are familiar with the value of a link back. they WILL pay a price, if the right words are said.
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    • It may or may not be a one call close, or one visit close. Personally I check things out pretty thoroughly.
      I just don't like the part of his process where all customers have to log into his website. That option should be there, but he should also be able to do it for them.

      TripAdvisor and BedandBreakfast.com (BandB) took our first payment verbally by phone, and then set us up verbally by phone to be able to log into the extranet and create, edit and publish our listing. BandB is our
      intermediary (and a lot more) with Expedia and sister/daughter sites, etc. Now, they both take our payments automatically with the cc on file in that portion of our extranet.

      TripAdvisor's log in interface is the same page if you are just a consumer, or have a business listing.
      I can be both once I log in to that site.

      Which brings up another consideration, if he has not already done so, OP could add a consumer user/reviewer function.
  • So if I would call a business and offer them a listing for $200 for the year - that tells the business owner that the product must be valuable since its priced so high.

    But if I call and say - for only $25 for the year you can get a listing. To me it just sounds cheap. And not worth it since it is so low on price?

    Maybe I am wrong?
  • Banned
    [DELETED]
    • [ 1 ] Thanks
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    • I forgot the most important thing in the script... Promote my most expensive and best product first.

      I started with mentioning the free listing (to get them curious) then mentioned the enhanced listing and then the featured listing.


      It should be - featured - enhanced and then free.

      Right?


    • ??? what are you talking about? Maybe get better translation software or something?

      "extermination"??
      you think that script is good??
  • :Let's be honest here...your directory needs a ton of work

    the software ? You can not put in a city or zip code and then pull up just one catagory...it is all or nothing....for my city it brings up everything in a jumbled order......

    no rhyme or reason

    your "tips" are false....you have not been to all these places and you will mislead people


    everyone here who encourages you has some agenda to sell you or wants to mentor you

    I told you before - you show a hotel like the "w"....fabuous

    you tell people that the best pizza in town is at Isabellas - which is in a strip mall next to a dollar store
    dingy little old place ....about a $60/70 cab ride from W hotel
    creepy at night ,not much open, not a good area...



    you list another dingy diner - nursing home food, dirty and dumpy with rude old waitresses

    someone coming to fort lauderdale for a cruise on the Allure of the seas will go here??

    you have a golf course listed that is owned by a city/suburb....anyone playing golf there lives there
    again it is like a nursing home.....and so far west a tourist would spend a fortune to get there and be dismayed

    then you list a bar where the average age is 21 and "fake ids"....where you won't fit in unless you like really loud music and have piercings and tatoos

    you have some places listed that are closed....places open and close here all the time. It is really obvious that you have not been to these places. Maybe you know Orlando better but ? I don't get it - the "personal tip" stuff is very false and anyone who lives in these areas will see that at once
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  • Thank you Paul.

    I did write out a different response, but now I think you've cured me of a problem I've had for a long time of taking nonsense and opinions on me on the net seriously and reacting to it.

    It's only ever bought out the worst side of me, but your post has finally made me realize I was the one being a fool even responding or getting involved and pulled down by the absurdity of other people, and my anal insistence that should be people be logical, rational, realistic and fair.
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