Critique my copy - More Leads from Your Website

by zoro
3 replies
I would be grateful if you guys could Critique my script copy for - "More Leads from Your Website"

I'm wanting to get local business owners into my sales funnel for future follow up with my services. I thought of doing a quick little 1 min video ad on Facebook. My script copy goes as follows:

Want More Leads from Your Website?
• Wish your website could get more Leads?
• Are website visitors going to your competition?
• I have a simple, proven, method that delivers up to 50% more clients/customer leads
to your business from your website.
• Click here and I'll send you the details for free.


Thanks
#copy #critique #leads #website
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  • Profile picture of the author 1Bryan
    Well, here's where I might object ... see if you can handle it:

    I don't need more junk leads, I need more leads that actually close into sales!

    Can you work handling that objection into it?

    Also - can you actually deliver on that?

    P.S. What if your prospect is only currently getting 1 lead per day. So you increase it 50%. Now they get 1.5 lead per day. Is that impressive?

    If you had a legit case study where you quantified everything -

    So like -

    XYZ website was getting only 2 leads per day and 1 sale per week ...

    Now it is getting 10 leads and 2 sales per day ...

    That actually is quantifiable, specific, and I can picture it.

    If I'm a pretty girl ... every guy wants to buy me a drink.

    That's what "want more leads?" is ... it's a generic pick up line for businesses.

    It's like the b2b version of offering to buy them a drink or something.

    Quantify it, make it specific, believable, contextual, etc, etc.

    I don't know your data, so I can't really write an example.

    But if your system is proven ...

    It should mean you have numbers. Use 'em. Case studies still crush.
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    • Profile picture of the author zoro
      Originally Posted by 1Bryan View Post

      Well, here's where I might object ... see if you can handle it:

      I don't need more junk leads, I need more leads that actually close into sales!

      Can you work handling that objection into it?

      Also - can you actually deliver on that?

      P.S. What if your prospect is only currently getting 1 lead per day. So you increase it 50%. Now they get 1.5 lead per day. Is that impressive?

      If you had a legit case study where you quantified everything -

      So like -

      XYZ website was getting only 2 leads per day and 1 sale per week ...

      Now it is getting 10 leads and 2 sales per day ...

      That actually is quantifiable, specific, and I can picture it.

      If I'm a pretty girl ... every guy wants to buy me a drink.

      That's what "want more leads?" is ... it's a generic pick up line for businesses.

      It's like the b2b version of offering to buy them a drink or something.

      Quantify it, make it specific, believable, contextual, etc, etc.

      I don't know your data, so I can't really write an example.

      But if your system is proven ...

      It should mean you have numbers. Use 'em. Case studies still crush.
      This is really helpful and I understand your objection. I have been in marketing a long time and I should know better. But, sometimes my brain goes blank...Lol.

      Yes, I do have a case study, my own website, and when I implemented one certain strategy my leads increased by over 50%. So I guess I can use that as proof.

      Thanks for your thoughts & suggestion, its appreciated.
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  • Profile picture of the author yukon
    Banned
    Want More Leads from Your Website?
    Wish your website could get more Leads?
    You're asking the same question.

    Don't say "wish".




    Are website visitors going to your competition?
    I don't know.

    Do you know?

    How do you know my existing traffic is going to competion?




    I have a simple, proven, method that delivers up to 50% more clients/customer leads to your business from your website.
    You can't prove before a sale that a client will get up to 50% more clients/customers. This is false advertising.




    Click here and I'll send you the details for free.
    Details of what?






    No offense but your style is boring. Do some alternative word research and jazz up your sales pitch so it's interesting and be more descriptive.
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