9 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}
9 {{ upvoteCount | shortNum }}

Taking Action: My 1st Sales Letter

by PaulintheSticks
7 replies
Would love to get critiques on this e-mail/letter 1st draft especially from any bored copywriters I know its long but I think it keeps the readers' attention. Any feedback is appreciated.

If you want to use this letter for your IM endeavors, I would appreciate a "thanks".


Headline: 500 Couples use web to hire Wedding Photographers in Timbuktu every month!

Hello Mike,

Did you know that, according to Google's own figures, there are well over 1,600 searches on Google alone each month for wedding photographers in Timbuktu? Add to that another approximately 400 searches on Yahoo, Bing and lesser used search engines and that's over 2,000 searches per month total. Now we don't know exactly how many of those searches turn into customers, but lets be conservative and say that 25% end up enhancing a wedding photographer's bank account. That's 500 weddings per month!

How many of those weddings are you shooting?

I assume very few, if any, because your website is stuck down at the bottom of the 2nd page of the search results. It's pretty well known that the sites on the first page get 90% of the business.

Also, although you've got an extremely professional looking website, its got some serious functional deficiencies. First, your phone number is in tiny text stuck all the way at the bottom of your home page when it should be at the top in big bold numbers. Secondly, you have no contact info form on your home page for prospective customers to leave their contact info so that you can contact them about their photography needs.

Those are just a couple simple things you can do to improve the effectiveness of your site to actually start generating leads. That is the purpose of your site, right?

But, again, the bigger problem is that no one will ever find your site stuck down at the bottom of the second page. Did you know there is a systematic approach to getting you on the first page of the search results?

The good news is that I've checked out your competition online and from the looks of it, although it will take some time and effort, with some edits to your site (the few I mentioned to start with) and implementing some search engine optimization strategies, we should be able to get your site on the first page of the search results. And along with utilizing some other online lead generating strategies, I'm confident you'll start generating a significant amount of business from the web in short order.

Let me be upfront so as not to waste time, yours or mine. I only work with first-class professionals that manage their business well and are serious about investing in their businesses' financial health.

If you fit that description and would like to understand more about how you can start taking advantage of the huge opportunities online, please go to: www.offlinemarketingguru.com haha and download my book: Online Marketing For Small Businesses That Works! F-REE of charge. Hardcopies are also available from Amazon at: www.amazon.com/id=2568219819379281.html.

Mike, as you know, there will be many engagements during the holidays and couples will be planning their weddings come 1st of the year so NOW IS THE TIME to get your online marketing plan in action.

My job description is simple: To generate business from the web for you and I guarantee results. So please e-mail or Call me NOW at 219-555-5555 and we'll start working on your plan.

Wishing you and yours a Wonderful Holiday Season,
PaulintheSticks
#1st #action #letter #sales #taking
  • Profile picture of the author Ryan Shaw
    The main thing is referrals for most businesses. However the second thing for years was offline ads; as of this year; it's becoming online ads which means the billions of dollars business spend can go to us!

    I think that's a good email to send out. You need to do a few hundred to see any results.
    Signature
    Visit Our Blog for Free Downloads, Videos, Interviews, and Tricks!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2885817].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author PaulintheSticks
    Originally Posted by JsamsonNJ View Post

    I am not exactly sure is 25% to me that seems very high....I would say more like 5%
    To me local business is more about referrals than internet searches...
    My neighbor paints their house I like it ...I ask them rather than visit the internet
    I want to get my lawn cut withing 1 tenth if a mile I can ask 6 neighbors
    You think that only 5% of the people that search for a service on google will actually use the search results to find/hire someone? That doesn't make sense. Why would they waste their time searching?

    I think you are confused. Maybe you should reread the letter. I'm not saying 25% of people who hire someone for a service find someone on the internet (although that might be true). I'm saying 25% of the people who use the internet to search for someone ultimately use the search results to hire someone.

    Yes, local business is more about referrals, but a large percentage of people who don't have a referral, search the internet. In this case, 2000 people per month.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2886197].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Rus Sells
    Hi Paul,

    I think your letter is a little lengthy, keep in mind that you only have seconds to grab your readers attention, then you have to keep it.


    Show him you understand his industry..

    You know that planning for weddings starts each year around October and continues full steam up through March of the following year.

    During this time you want the most exposure to all the potential brides, and I am sure you even have relationships with many local Bridal shops.

    I am sure you realize that more and more brides are turning to the internet to review potential wedding photographers, so I thought you'd be interested in know the actual numbers for your area.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Now you can go into the stats. He does not need to know which search engines just paint the big picture with the total numbers you can research. ( He'll think Google anyways )

    The photographers portfolio is the first thing a potential bride is going to look at so make him understand that he wants as many brides eyes on that as possible.

    Just getting visitors won't ring the bell for him, but by pointing out that you understand how he makes his sales will. He's most assuredly got sample albums in local shops if he's been around for any length of time.

    Tell him he can be using his site to try and capture the gigs that are not getting referred to him by the local shops.

    See where I am going?

    Hope this helps.

    PS: Ok, I used to own a bridal shop so I have intimate knowledge of the whole industry. = )
    PPS: His niche is perfect for Facebook. = )
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2886255].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author PaulintheSticks
      Originally Posted by Rus Sells View Post

      Hi Paul,

      I think your letter is a little lengthy, keep in mind that you only have seconds to grab your readers attention, then you have to keep it.


      Show him you understand his industry..

      You know that and continues full steam up through March of the following year.

      During this time you want the most exposure to all the potential brides, and I am sure you even have relationships with many local Bridal shops.

      I am sure you realize that more and more brides are turning to the internet to review potential wedding photographers, so I thought you'd be interested in know the actual numbers for your area.

      --------------------------------------------------------------------------

      Now you can go into the stats. )
      Russ, one thing I'm confused about. Like you said you've got a very short time to get the reader's attention so I don't understand why would you start by telling them something they already know (planning for weddings starts each year around October)?

      That's one reason I thought that putting the stats first would be important. It's something they don't know and its important information. Or do you think that establishing credibility by showing them that you know their industry gets their attention?

      Thanks for your feedback.
      Signature
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2886626].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author PaulintheSticks
    Wow! Those are great ideas. Copyrighting 101 eh? You're right about knowing the business of the prospect. What a great way to get credibility and gain their trust.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2886563].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Rus Sells
    Paul,

    My idea is that here is some one who demonstrates a knowledge of my business, whats he got to say....

    Establishing credibility by showing them that you know their industry gets their attention.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[2886694].message }}

Trending Topics