Sample of a Letter

by 38 replies
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I am just going to go out on a limb here.

Does anyone have some 'copy' of what works for them in an email or letter??

something you would be willing to share that you know converts well??

A few of us could learn from it and tweak it for our mailings. I am thinking of emailing or mailing my future clients. I would have to add a bit of my script to these, just because I will be offering a few extra things .

Just thought maybe someone might have something they could share.
or just part of a letter they use, show some examples of do's and dont's

There is way too much business out there that sharing would hurt you.


Just a thought.

Tommy
#offline marketing #letter #sample
  • I would be interested in this too. If you can add some details of what you did and the results you recieved that would be most helpful too.

    Thanks

    Keith
    • [1] reply
    • Whenever I have sent out an email to offline clients, I am completely honest in every aspect. These are real people!

      Give them statistics, provide them with search term volume, and most importantly... give SOME kind of proof that you are what you are claiming to be.

      Give examples of previous work. If this is your first offline client, provide them with a search term and show them one of your websites ranking at #1 (or whatever ranking) in Google. This proves that you CAN get that position.
  • Yes, that is what I am trying to do. I own a couple of local businesses and I will be showing people what I have done for them. I will own atleast 3 of the top 10 spots in local google results. They will be excited to think that I could apply those rankings for them. Always hard to sell something with no proof.

    That is why if I did not have 2 businesses of my own to rank, I would do someones business for free.

    and yes,

    always be honest.



    Still would like to see an example of a email or sales letter. (if possible)

    Tommy
  • Please move to the top!
  • NO one in this whole subforum? come on..

    Maybe this just needs to die. If I find one you guys, I will post it.

    Tommy
    • [2] replies
    • I really don't email so I couldn't tell you...

      However I will mention - it's probably so quiet in here because Thursday is a holiday in the US - and it seems that most have already started early LOL.

      Maybe next week it'll be busier?

      Amber
    • LOL! Wow, a little rash there Tom. I think the issue is more that people protect their copy pretty closely - if a year and a half in online marketing has taught me anything, it's that. You'd be better off looking for classic direct mail pieces, which are widely available, and going from there. ie: Halbert, Kennedy.

      I will say two things:

      1) I've been putting together a WSO specifically of the direct mail pieces I've used with success
      2) Write from the heart and keep it current. Use lots of spacing and make it "scanneable" with different font stylings. Your best letter will be the one that's true to you.
  • Hi Tommy

    I hate cold selling so rely completely on letters to get my business.

    I find that generic letters seldom get read and don't grab the business owners attention so I send out a highly targeted personalised letter which converts very well.

    I use if for my Google Maps Placement service.

    I will will send you the link via PM so that you can download it.

    I really hope that you will use the method and the template because it gets great results. Please let me know what you think about it.

    Regards

    Gary
    • [2] replies
    • Gary can you pm with this one too?
      I'm trying to get 1 client for weeks by email and i still haven't got any, even if i contacted over 200 businesses

      I hope you can help me


    • Hi Gary,

      Can you send me the link as well.

      Thanks for all your help!

  • Well, here are two that I have used (found elsewhere on this forum, but they belong here, and if they can help someone, yay!):

    • [2] replies
    • HI Lisa

      Thanks for posting those letter templates.

      I am not sure if you have ever used them before but those kind of letters really don't work (or bring in woeful results).

      You could send out 500 of them and would probably get less than a 0.5% response rate from them. By the time you pay for postage and the envelopes it works out quite an expensive campaign.

      I would recommend that if anybody does us the letter they personalise it in order to grab the business owners attention or just ain't going to get read. It it is too generic and wishy washy.

      There is not enough in the letter to prompt them to take action.

      I like to 'scare' my readers into action by providing solid proof what the situation is regarding their web site. Most of the business owners don't know what the reality is: their site is not listed while their competitors are. So I spell it out for them with print offs and hard to ignore proof.

      It increases the response rate phenomenally.

      So, again, if anybody is thinking of sending a generic letter out please personalise it and target it directly to your customer. If they even suspect that your letter is a mailshot sent out to 500 other businesses it will lack the urgency and they are not going to pick up the phone.

      I hope others will chip in and let me know what their response rates are.

      Regards

      Gary
    • Thanks for the letters Lisa, I can't wait to try them out!

      Gmann46
  • Hmmm, I don't know...I got a very interested party in my first ten letters sent, and have an appointment on Wednesday of next week. Those are pretty good odds to me! LOL
    • [2] replies
    • Lisa

      Well, that IS pretty good

      I'm guessing that you would have had to personalise in some way because you wouldn't be able to send the letter if the site was butt ugly and was hard to navigate.

      I'm not sure about where you live, but all of the clients I contacted were sick of SEO people contacting them. It seems that every man and his dog seems to be promoting a SEO service.

      I think that some business owners here in the UK are a lot more cynical of SEO marketing. A lot of it has to do with them not completely understanding it and as a result they switch off. That is why I had such terrible results with my generic letter.

      I hope others chime with their results because this is really interesting.

      Thanks Lisa and I am genuinely pleased that you have got great results and hope it continues

      Regards

      Gary
    • Gary is right that generic letters don't get the best response.

      You did get a very good response but only because you followed up with a phone call.


      Riz

  • Gary , thanks so much for the pm. I am going to add my personal touches to it. I see that you were targeting a certain niche service. I am starting with a service that I can relate to, because I do that same business.

    Here is my dilema, I want to be able to mass mail or mass email these letters out. But, if I personalize each and every letter, like in your wso, I will have to put alot more time into each letter, right? Just because you give lots of examples of their marketing efforts and their own website.

    I was thinking of personalizing the letter to the niche. I will maybe even do a screen shot of the google results screen, then show them my screen shot of what I have accomplished for both of my businesses. I will show them what I can offer. I can still include the market research for them as well.

    I was just wondering if you do alot of research for the google search: plumber in houston; Then you go and pin point the businesses that may need help and then you send out to them? All of this is probably explained in the pm attachment, but I havent read all the way through it yet.


    Again , thanks for the pm and I totally agree that the more personal you make the letter and increase 'pressure' on the owner the more conversions you will get.


    There was a smart guy that wrote a book about 'inside and outside pressure' to selling.


    Tommy
    • [1] reply
    • Hi Tommy

      The letter and the enclosures is the result of a lot of testing because basically I am a coward and hate to go out selling. I am really shy and quite nervous when speaking to business owners and that is why I wanted to use something that would do all of the selling and talking for me.

      For me personally, the time spent for each letter I send out is well worth it because it provides so much proof that it scares the client into ringing me to help sort things out.

      However, if you can create a short cut and adapt it so that you still get great results that would be amazing.

      Please keep me informed and let me know how you get on.

      Remember it is the letter combined with the ad attachment AND the Google proof that grabs the owners and attention and does all of the work.

      From the minute they open the letter it talks to THEM personally and does the selling for you.

      Anyway, I wish you lots of success and hope that you get great results.

      Please keep me up to date because I am constantly revising this to make sure that my results improve even more.

      Best wishes

      Gary
      • [1] reply
  • I did a one-sentence personalization at the end of the first paragraph saying something like:

    And your handmade cabinets are so gorgeous - I love the way hickory looks when it's stained properly.

    Looks like I know where to go now on my anniversary!

    or

    We're actually planning on buying a couple of horses in the spring!

    I added this one sentence so that they knew I had actually SEEN the website I was complimenting. LOL

    And remember that I'm working in a very rural area where people are just naturally very open and friendly (I'm pretty lucky in that respect), so going in like a salesperson is going to get met with much more cynicism than just being a "regular joe".
    • [1] reply
    • Hi Lisa

      I knew that you would be personalising the letter to get those results which is great

      I definitely think that the rural area has been working in your favour too. We have to fight through cynicism and apathy here in larger towns so a generic letter just gets binned straight away.

      I'm really pleased that you are getting good results though. Good luck with your appointments

      Gary
  • Getting personal is really the only way to go in my thinking.

    Lisa... you're doing great with your stuff!

    I like to send packages that CANNOT be ignored.

    Why not target the specific business you want to work with and send them something that makes an impact?

    You send a business owner a shoe with a note that now that I have my foot in the door... Follow up with a call and THE LEAST that will happen is that they will LISTEN to you for a few minutes.

    Do you know what Jay Abraham did when he first started out?

    He had an artist make up a GIANT business card so that when he came in he said that he was new in the area and wanted to give his card to the business owner!

    When I send one of my "Special" packages to a business owner... I either get a quick return call or I get put right through when I call.

    Simple.

    Cheers,

    Millard
  • Hey Gary could you possibly PM it to me too? My letters are something I'm always trying to improve.

    Also, do you think it's useful to target businesses in a local Yellow Pages (or similar)?
    • [1] reply
    • I would like some info on this too.
      Can you pm also the details?

      Thanks Gary

  • I'm definitely going to continue tweaking the letter and improving it for my target markets. I'm by no means saying that my first attempt at a letter works for everyone.

    Oh man, that is BRILLIANT! You could get a bunch of flip flops at the dollar store for next to nothing. LOL
  • OOPS, looks like Gary needs to open his WSO again.Look what I have started.


    Yes, Gary I read your report to me. I was just looking at your actual letter and not the pdf yet. The Word doc, could easily be emailed. But, you are right. I think I will email the business, because it is easy through my software, stating that I am sending a package to them in the mail. 2 days later , the package arrives. Yes, I will put everything into the letter, business card,everything to make it as personal as possible. So when they read it and then call me , they will feel like they already know me.

    The letter will definately hit home , when they can see the letter is all about them. Pics of google results and showing them their customer is kicking their ass. ha.



    thank you again Gary.
    • [1] reply
    • You are very welcome Tommy

      The letter and the contents will do all the work for you...and you are right...the actual proof that their "competitors are kicking them up the ass" is a huge wake up call to them.

      Can you see now why they more often than not opt for the £897 package, especially when they have just paid an average £400 for a tiny ad just for one day in the local newspaper!!!!!

      Like I said, please keep me up to date.

      Good luck

      Gary
  • Hey Gary - if you read this, I didn't get a download link or anything...when you get a sec, could you check on it pls? I'm REALLY anxious to get moving with this and see what happens.
  • Gary just got it, thanks! Now I have to run out to the store...on Black Friday no less...to get more printer ink. All thanks to you. LOL
    • [1] reply
    • LOL sorry Lisa. Hope you get some...and don't forget to get a local newspaper for the ads

      Gary
      Ps. What is Black Friday? (should I know this?)
  • Oh, here in the States, the day after Thanksgiving is a HUMONGOUS holiday shopping day and no one in their right mind goes out shopping unless they want to get mobbed. (And yes, I'd already planned on picking up two of each paper...LOL)
    • [1] reply
    • Ah right. I hadn't heard of it at all. Duh. You've just reminded me to find out what Labour Day is too...I'm off to Google it.

      I'm glad to see that you are getting TWO copies of each paper. You get top points for that

      Keep me updated Lisa and thanks again.

      Gary
      • [1] reply
  • Thanks for sharing, I was looking for some solid sample letters to just get my hands on.
    • [1] reply
    • We have a letter gold members at offlinebiz.com use that gets around 20% to 30% of the business owners you send it to to call you back.

      You do have to be a gold member to see it and use it but I will give you some hints on this kind of letter writing:

      # 1: You need to include something in the letter that gets the business owner's attention.

      Talking about yourself won't do that.

      Ideally you want something in that letter that they have emotional energy invested in.


      # 2: It's highly unlikely you're going to sell your service effectively in one letter and trying that is not going to work too well.

      What does work is using curiosity to get the business owner to open up a communication with you.

      Person to person communication with a business owner by phone or in person will give you the highest chance of getting hired so if your mail communication moves a prospect in that direction you're likely to turn far more prospects into paying clients.

      Ideally your letter should make your prospect so curious he will be forced to call you for more information.

      The good news is that often means less information but you have to really think through every piece of information you put in a letter so it moves your prospect in the direction you want him to go.

      Get it wrong and any preconceived ideas he has will cause him to reject you out of hand (for example "Oh another person trying to sell me number one on google" etc).

      Kindest regards,
      Andrew Cavanagh
      • [1] reply
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