Here's my ad for a local magazine.

12 years ago

I think I would change up the copy a bit..how about:

"Is Your Business The Best Kept Secret In Town?"

Get More Customers On Demand

-Revenue Generating Websites
-Profitable Google Advertising
-Web Ready Commercial Videos
-Smart Phone Advertising Solutions

If You Need More Clients, Call Us Now. We Can Help, It's All We Do.

-------

Just off the top of my head so it could be better but I think it's a little more benefit oriented and a little less tech talk.

Good luck whatever you do.

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Eddie Spangler

12 years ago

I will just say that you gotta put some kind of call to action in there.

Even something simple like Free enhanced qr code valued at $49 ,10 available
or a $49 custom page valued at $199 or a 3 page mobile site $99 valued at $299.

Give them a reason to pick up the phone and call you.

Ditto on the less tech talk.

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racso316

12 years ago

Please put a call to action. Anything that will make the prospect know what to do and how. Also place some scarcity on top, ie "For the first 20 people that call..."

If you can write benefits, instead of just listing what they're getting, since most business owners won't have a clue what QR code and SEO means, it will be better.

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writer2009

12 years ago

Hello Mike,

Most business owners are far less concerned about having a website and much more concerned with attracting more clients, increasing their profits. It's usually a mistake to leave making that connection up to them. Therefore, you might want to make mention of how having a website will benefit them.

Just my two cents.

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512 Designs 12 years ago

You guys are awesome and talked me into a call to action. So here's what I changed it to.

I like all of the bullet points but would like to change "Profitable Google Advertising" to something else about how we'll increase their Google ranking. But like you guy's said, that sounds too techie. Any ideas?

Thanks.

Mike
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Mobile Tactics

12 years ago

I think you should send them to a squeeze page and/or a voicemail number, and offer them a free report on how to grow their business. Which is actually a benefit oriented sales pitch. Headline would be something like FREE REPORT REVEALS 9 CRUCIAL STRATEGIES YOU CAN USE TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS. The report would then go into all the services you offer, how they would help, cover any objections, have a little scare factor telling them why they need a professional like yourself to help them do the services, instead of scouring the internet or finding the cheapest person on craigslist.

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512 Designs

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Mobile Tactics

I think you should send them to a squeeze page and/or a voicemail number, and offer them a free report on how to grow their business. Which is actually a benefit oriented sales pitch. Headline would be something like FREE REPORT REVEALS 9 CRUCIAL STRATEGIES YOU CAN USE TO GROW YOUR BUSINESS. The report would then go into all the services you offer, how they would help, cover any objections, have a little scare factor telling them why they need a professional like yourself to help them do the services, instead of scouring the internet or finding the cheapest person on craigslist.

That's a great idea and something I'll consider if I get to place an ad again next month. But since this one is due on Monday and I won't have time to create the whole squeeze page backend and report in time, I need to go with something more basic.

But like I said, I like your idea and will keep it in mind for the next ad.

Thanks a bunch.

Mike

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beeswarn

12 years ago

Mike, there is no need for a "squeeze page" that will add another step and make it more difficult for your prospects to get you on the phone.

Otherwise: avoid exclamation points and italics in your copy. They usually make you look like a chump.

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Mobile Tactics

12 years ago

Originally Posted by beeswarn

Mike, there is no need for a "squeeze page" that will add another step and make it more difficult for your prospects to get you on the phone.

Otherwise: avoid exclamation points and italics in your copy. They usually make you look like a chump.

Most people are not in the buying mode, but some might be interested in learning more. You want as many people to raise their hand and say I'm interested as possible. By squeeze page I just mean a one page website that collects whatever information you want from them. You could either email the report and then drip an auto-responder series to them, or you could just tell them you will mail the report, and capture their physical address.

If a plumber is reading that ad he might think well why do I need a mobile website? But in your report you could show google keyword screen shots how x number of people are using their mobile phones to search for a plumber every month.

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512 Designs

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Mobile Tactics

Most people are not in the buying mode, but some might be interested in learning more. You want as many people to raise their hand and say I'm interested as possible. By squeeze page I just mean a one page website that collects whatever information you want from them. You could either email the report and then drip an auto-responder series to them, or you could just tell them you will mail the report, and capture their physical address.

If a plumber is reading that ad he might think well why do I need a mobile website? But in your report you could show google keyword screen shots how x number of people are using their mobile phones to search for a plumber every month.

Hmmmm. Now you may be convincing me to forget about sleep and do the free report and squeeze page instead.

Try to go for the immediate sale of a mobile site......or try to build a list.....decisions, decisions, decisions.

Mike

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TyErickson

12 years ago

Originally Posted by 512 Designs

Hmmmm. Now you may be convincing me to forget about sleep and do the free report and squeeze page instead.

Try to go for the immediate sale of a mobile site......or try to build a list.....decisions, decisions, decisions.

Mike

Or you could save yourself some sleep and accomplish the same thing...

1. Get an 800 # from Twilio ($1 per month + 1cent per minute)
2. Write a script approx 2 minutes long explaining to the business owner what a mobile site is and why they need one.
3. Read your script and record it using audacity (free)
4. Upload your script to Twilio
5. Change your call to action to:

"Free Recorded Message Reveal 5 Ways To Get More Clients In [city name]. Call 888-555-1212 Now, No Live Person Will Answer."

Notice it doesn't even mention a mobile site (because they might not know they need one yet)? The script can go through 5 ways to grow business and end with the simplest method to get started which is a mobile site at only $197. They leave their name and number to get started.

In the backend..
-you can see who called and from what number so you can call them back if you like (along with how long they listened for).

It's still a bit of work but will be easier and more effective.

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Steve Solem

12 years ago

Originally Posted by 512 Designs

Hmmmm. Now you may be convincing me to forget about sleep and do the free report and squeeze page instead.

Try to go for the immediate sale of a mobile site......or try to build a list.....decisions, decisions, decisions.

Mike

Mike,

There's no reason you can't kill two birds with one stone here.

Promoting some kind of free offer to get people to your website will most likely get a better response than trying to sell them something outright - then once they're on your website, present them with a special offer for a mobile website or something else.

I'd get them on your email list first, then on the thank you page or in your free whatever report, present them with a special offer of some kind. If you don't already have something you can give away, there are all kinds of great PLR guides in the WSO forum here on just about every topic available.

Overall though I think your ad is pretty good, but personally I'd probably use a headline like "Free for (your town) business owners!" etc...

Good luck!

Steve

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512 Designs 12 years ago

Ok. You all talked me into it.

I'll change my offer to a free report and squeeze page.

Since I'm in a bit of a hurry, does anyone know of a good PLR report for offline businesses?

Thanks.

Mike
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racso316

12 years ago

*Provide you with maximum Online Exposure, putting your name out there.
Maximum online visibility, get seen easily by your prospects

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512 Designs 12 years ago
Originally Posted by racso316

*Provide you with maximum Online Exposure, putting your name out there.

Maximum online visibility, get seen easily by your prospects
I like the Maximum Online Visibility line.

Maybe put above my bullet points....

"We Provide Maximum Online Visibilty Using..." and then it goes to the bullet points.

Thanks.

Mike
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Craig McPherson

12 years ago

Hey Mike,

I personally like it.
I am no pro in copy by a long shot but from a customer point of view, if I saw this ad, I would be very tempted to act. Nice scarcity tactic.

I look forward to hearing of your results in a few weeks.

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512 Designs 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Craig McPherson

if I saw this ad, I would be very tempted to act. Nice scarcity tactic.

Give me a call and I'll change the ad to say "First 49 To Call".....lol.

Mike
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PlatinumLady

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Craig McPherson

Hey Mike,

I personally like it.
I am no pro in copy by a long shot but from a customer point of view, if I saw this ad, I would be very tempted to act. Nice scarcity tactic.

I look forward to hearing of your results in a few weeks.

This ad copy looks good to me and in my opinion would appeal to some people who would take action but you'll have to take the ideas and suggestions given here to do some split testing for next time in order to see which version converts best.

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RentItNow

12 years ago

Yeah, I certainly like the second one. Has everything u need to get attention, deliver your offer and call to action. Nice.

Btw, top right image is irrelevant.

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sbishop

12 years ago

PLEASE OFFEWR THEM A FREE REPORT squeeze page to a 5 part training! drop the hard sell use this a lead gena nd build cred!!

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Green Diamond

12 years ago

As some who have done this kind of things a lot, I can tell you that it works if you change those guys to a lady

because marketing is all about attention!

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512 Designs 12 years ago

Ok. Here's the third revision.

Like I mentioned above, I want to do a squeeze page ad to get leads, but I won't have time to do all that for this particular magazine issue. It's something I'll look into for the next one.

And just to mention, this is a local magazine that goes to the general public and is written for the general public. However, there are a lot of business owners who advertise in it as well as read it. Those are obviously the ones I'm trying to attract with my ad

Also, I'm sure using one or two females would be a good idea, but I don't currently have femail clipart with these types of poses.

Lastly, I forgot that this particular issue will have a full article explaining QR Codes (what they are and what to do with them) so I think adding the bullet piont about QR Codes may be a good thing this time.

Thanks.

Mike
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Eddie Spangler

12 years ago

This is kinda fun, like a late night strategy session
Here are my thoughts overall taking into account the info about the qr code article
and the timing constraints.

1.Keep in mind its very hard to get people to respond to a magazine ad, as you well know. I think that the odds of getting a call far outweigh the odds of them going to
a squeeze page and you want to maximize chances of contact on this possibly one off freebie ad.

2. Perhaps a free enhanced qr code would generate more calls especially if you can get a placement on same or opposite page of that article. The article gets them excited and lo and behold here is a guy offering us a free one, but I better call quickly because he only has 50 available.
Anyone that would opt in for a free report will call you for the freebie code but everyone who calls you for the freebie code WILL NOT opt into a list. Plus when they call YOU opt them in and upsell to a mobile special.$$$$$$$$$$$

3. I like "Get the word out" or "get exposed" vs "Get Heard". It follows the logic of the headline better.

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Steve Faber

12 years ago

"Your Customer Is Driving Around, Right Now, Looking for What You Sell On Their Smart Phone....
Are YOU There, or Do They Find Your Competitors?"

Too long, perhaps?

Most small business owners don't know about QR codes, or all that other stuff. They just want new customers. You can introduce them to that other stuff later, and show them why they need it.

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512 Designs 12 years ago

Thanks again to everyone and your suggestions.

Ty, I like the idea of the voice message ad and I'll definitely consider it when I start doing split testing in future ads. Thanks for sharing it.

I am wondering, though, if instead of offering a 4 page mobile site for $99...offer a free analysis report on their website. Maybe a headline like...

"Are Your Competition's Websites Outperforming Yours? We'll Tell You Why For FREE. Go to www.512Designs.com/WebReport".

Or something like that.

I may have to make a deal with this local magazine to somehow get free ads in there every month so I can do a bunch of tests.

Mike
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- mikeyman120 12 years ago
  
  pretty cool looking ad. the call to action makes it. Thats the first thing I noticed when I opened this thread then I scrolled down and saw the new call to action.
  
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racso316

12 years ago

I think that is the best way to go. Have an irresistible offer (the report), scarcity, call to action, squeeze page to track prospects, collect information to contact them again, deadline.

I would say to change the headline to a better, more compelling, more targeted one. And with the new report you're going to offer, you could change the copy as well.

"The 10 mistakes business owners make online".

"Why a business owner must have a presence online in this economy?"

"How to grow your business the right way using the internet"

Subheadline:

"Let me show you HOW, FREE of cost"

And then you would change the copy to bullets on what the report is about and how will reading it will benefit them. Of course keep the call to action, irresistible offer, scarcity and a deadline (Available until March 30th or the first 20 business owners).

Too bad you came here with little time and only a few hours left for this project, but you gotta make the best of it.

Good Luck!

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Seantrepreneur

12 years ago

What size is the actual ad? Is it safe to assume that it will be color since your examples are in color? The reason I ask about the size is that if its any smaller than your example it might look a little too wordy.

Like everyone else said the ad definitely needs to go to a squeeze page with a call to action. A tracking phone number will also help you track the effectiveness of this ad. I use CallFire to track these calls and it works great.

Definitely let us know how this works out.

Sean

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512 Designs

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Seantrepreneur

What size is the actual ad? Is it safe to assume that it will be color since your examples are in color? The reason I ask about the size is that if its any smaller than your example it might look a little too wordy.

Good question and I guess I should have mentioned it from the beginning.

The ad is 3.5" wide by 3 " high. So it's not huge but when I printed what you see above, it's still legible. I definitely don't want to put too much info on there because it will get too crowded.

Mike

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512 Designs 12 years ago

Ok. Here's hopefully the last version of this ad since it's due tomorrow morning.

I changed the headline verbage a bit to make more sense. I also got rid of the top guy to move everything up and I moved the bottom guy up to make room for the Free Report offer that I found as online as PLR.

I wish I had more time to tweak it even more, but this is something that I could probably tweak until I die.

I want to thank EVERYONE for their input. It is truely appreciated and I'll let you know how many people I add to my opt-in list from the ad.

I'll also let you know if I can continue advertising (especially for free) and we can work on my next ad together

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Ashley Wright

12 years ago

Like the add but I believe your best bet is offering them something free as:

A) You can send them to a squeeze page, track views etc so you can measure if your ad is working
B) You can build a list from this, and offer good offers as they have subscribed so these are now warm leads

Don't know if its just me but I would remove the little man top right as its little off putting and then it will also make the bigger picture stand out more just an idea

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Ashley Wright

12 years ago

Ok. Here's hopefully the last version of this ad since it's due tomorrow morning.

I changed the headline verbage a bit to make more sense. I also got rid of the top guy to move everything up and I moved the bottom guy up to make room for the Free Report offer that I found as online as PLR.

Haha that is so funny that you just posted the new ad as I was typing! And you took out the small man! Looks like I don't talk rubbish then!

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Ashley Wright

12 years ago

But... Change "Get Our Free Report" to "Get Your Free Report"

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Eddie Spangler

12 years ago

Its "promotional" by the way

How many issues get distributed?
Make a post and let everyone guess how many opts ins you will get,

Make lots of money$$$$$$$$$$

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512 Designs

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Eddie Spangler

Its "promotional" by the way

How many issues get distributed?
Make a post and let everyone guess how many opts ins you will get,

Make lots of money$$$$$$$$$$

Thanks for finding the misspelling. That's now fixed.

As for the number of magazines that get distributed, I'm not sure of the exact count, but I'm guessing at least 20,000.

I'll definitely be posting my results.

Mike

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Banned 12 years ago

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BizGrabbers

12 years ago

I surely learned a lot here and I'm sure the OP did, too.

It's really nice to see everyone to be so willing to help.

But there's just one think that's still bugging me.

Just how in the world did you come across FREE ad space?

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512 Designs

12 years ago

Originally Posted by m and s global

I surely learned a lot here and I'm sure the OP did, too.

It's really nice to see everyone to be so willing to help.

But there's just one think that's still bugging me.

Just how in the world did you come across FREE ad space?

I agree about how nice it is to have everyone's help. That's why I try helping anytime I can with my posts as well.

As for the free ad space, read THIS POST.

Mike

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sbishop

12 years ago

link does not work and a different report is in the sidebar

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512 Designs 12 years ago

Originally Posted by sbishop

link does not work and a different report is in the sidebar

I didn't create the link yet....but that's the one I'll be using for the free report.

Mike
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Steve Solem

12 years ago

Looks good there Mike - hope it brings in some good prospects for you!

Steve

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Mr. Subtle

12 years ago

Your whole ad is set in upper and lower case letters which makes it a hard slow read.

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Aaron Doud

12 years ago

This new version he just made is way better. As the guy on the other side i wouldn't give the original another look. But even it is a bit too busy. As the guy you are selling to I don't care about QR codes(and many don't even klnow what they are).

Maybe this instead.

help get the word by using.....
Commercial Web Video,
Mobile Phone Enabled Websites &,
More!

You can target YOUR customers
where they are...
when they are searching for YOU!
Call now and we will show you how.

Not sure how good that copy is. I literally wrote it in like 5 mins but it gives you an idea what I am thinking.

Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle

Your whole ad is set in upper and lower case letters which makes it a hard slow read.

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512 Designs

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Aaron Doud

This new version he just made is way better. As the guy on the other side i wouldn't give the original another look. But even it is a bit too busy. As the guy you are selling to I don't care about QR codes(and many don't even klnow what they are).

Maybe this instead.

help get the word by using.....
Commercial Web Video,
Mobile Phone Enabled Websites &,
More!

You can target YOUR customers
where they are...
when they are searching for YOU!
Call now and we will show you how.

Not sure how good that copy is. I literally wrote it in like 5 mins but it gives you an idea what I am thinking.

I like his version as well and if I can place another ad next month, I'll use it as a template. And thanks for your thoughts on the ad copy.

Here's what I ended up running. I'll let you know any results.

Mike

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BudgetSEO

12 years ago

Try to add a qrcode.

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adam68

12 years ago

That looks really good and very out there

The second part can maybe become a business card

I use business cards a lot for my business and got a very good deal at CardsMadeEasy! they gave me 50% off

I hope your ad went well

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Mr. Subtle

12 years ago

Originally Posted by adam68

That looks really good and very out there

The second part can maybe become a business card

...

You've got a good eye because that's exactly what I was doing.

Since printing business cards these days is so inexpensive why not design one to go with your ad? It will remind the clients you visit of your ad.

Here's the business card I've created (from my ad above) and turned it into a 2-sided business card (with a minor adjustment of the body copy) plus adding some QR codes:

The FRONT:

The BACK:

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ewenmack

12 years ago

Mike,

Unfortunatly this may be too late, but what you've got isn't
hitting the readers gut.

Asking a question that's likely leading to a "no" gets you off
to a bad start.

Next you have features on what it is that YOU do.

Bob Pallace wrote an ad that generated an immediate $1 million increase in billings for his ad agency in Silver Spring, Maryland. The headline was:

ARE YOU TIRED OF WORKING FOR YOUR AD AGENCY?

The ad ran only one time in each of three magazines (High-Tech Marketing, Business Marketing, Inc.) and immediately brought in five new clients.

Best,
Ewen

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512 Designs

12 years ago

Originally Posted by ewenmack

Mike,

Unfortunatly this may be too late, but what you've got isn't
hitting the readers gut.

Asking a question that's likely leading to a "no" gets you off
to a bad start.

Next you have features on what it is that YOU do.

Bob Pallace wrote an ad that generated an immediate $1 million increase in billings for his ad agency in Silver Spring, Maryland. The headline was:

ARE YOU TIRED OF WORKING FOR YOUR AD AGENCY?

The ad ran only one time in each of three magazines (High-Tech Marketing, Business Marketing, Inc.) and immediately brought in five new clients.

Best,
Ewen

Yeah it is too late, but I only had like a day to come up with the ad and send it in. If I had longer I would have thought about it more.

But I'm hoping to make a deal with this magazine to give me free ads every month. They want a mobile version of their website which will be updated once a month (just 1 page of the site), so a trade deal would be nice

Then I can start doing some testing of different ads.

Mike

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cjbwebs

12 years ago

Originally Posted by 512 Designs

Yeah it is too late, but I only had like a day to come up with the ad and send it in. If I had longer I would have thought about it more.

But I'm hoping to make a deal with this magazine to give me free ads every month. They want a mobile version of their website which will be updated once a month (just 1 page of the site), so a trade deal would be nice

Then I can start doing some testing of different ads.

Mike

Love to hear how your response turned out?

Thanks

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512 Designs

12 years ago

Originally Posted by Mr. Subtle

You've got a good eye because that's exactly what I was doing.

Since printing business cards these days is so inexpensive why not design one to go with your ad? It will remind the clients you visit of your ad.

Here's the business card I've created (from my ad above) and turned it into a 2-sided business card (with a minor adjustment of the body copy) plus adding some QR codes:

The FRONT:

The BACK:

That's awesome. I love it. I'm sending you a PM.

Mike

Thanks

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cvcena2

12 years ago

Nice ad... I got a lot of insights in this sample...

Thanks

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RichardDin

12 years ago

include a free bonus for signing up to a maillist

Thanks

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Aaron Doud

12 years ago

I am curious how that will go. That ad seems too busy to me. Look forward to seeing the results.

As we call know you only know how an ad plays out by testing it.