Help me write the "holy grail" email to small business

17 replies
hello Warriors

I sell website design to small business (yeah yeah, I can see your mouse moving to that back button on your browser, but please stay if you can contribute to this thread)

I confess that my writing skills sucks, and like many offliners here, I struggle to get new customers.

my emails to small businee in my area are always like:

"Hi, are you interested in getting a new website for your comapny? ..."

"hello, my name is..., I can design you a website... and it's very cheap! please give me a call..."

"good morning, I noticed you don't have a website for your business, call me now because I have a special offer for you."

bla bla bla.. asa you may guess already, nothing of the above worked and the rare response I get is 'how did you get my email address?"

Guys, How are you getting leads cold emailing new customers? I would be very grateful if you can share some examples of email templates that worked for you.

Thank you in advance.
#business #email #holy grail #small #write
  • Profile picture of the author iAmNameLess
    Typically the people wanting to email as a way to generate business are either outside the united states, or too scared to actually talk to their potential clients and their safety net is a keyboard and a mouse.

    I can't give you any suggestions if that is what you are wanting. You either want to succeed or you don't. If you want to succeed you will do what needs to be done to get in front of those potential clients.

    There is no holy grail of emails, the fact is 99% of email marketers have no more than a 10% open rate. Cold emails, you might experience a 5% open rate with maybe 2% of the 5% ever converting if your offer is good enough. So... 1,000 emails...50 open, you still have the great statistical possibility of no sales. It is not as effective as other methods, and anyone that tells you otherwise is just lying. If you want clients without having to call them, then use PPC. If you don't want to have to talk to ANYONE, then get in another line of business or just work as an outsourcer for someone that makes multiple sales a day.
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  • Profile picture of the author Rus Sells
    I'll help if you are willing to admit that the video on your site was done from a site like Fiverr.
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    • Profile picture of the author Steve Holmes
      Originally Posted by Rus Sells View Post

      I'll help if you are willing to admit that the video on your site was done from a site like Fiverr.
      LOL

      Hopefully he never admits it Rus, just so we don't help him kid himself he doesn't have to actually interact with anyone in offline marketing.

      If you ever wanted to know what it felt like to be Einstein for an hour or so, go to a network event "iThinkHard" and tell them about "that there internet".

      No excuses, get off your chair and go do it mate. We will be more than happy to help you once you've shown you want to help yourself.

      Best,
      Steve
      Signature
      "Live like you'll die tomorrow, Learn like you'll live forever" - M. Ghandi
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    • Profile picture of the author iThinkhard
      Originally Posted by Rus Sells View Post

      I'll help if you are willing to admit that the video on your site was done from a site like Fiverr.
      HAHAHA, I admit (shame on me).. btw, she is really nice and I can send you her link if you are interested in getting a testimonial yourself
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      • Profile picture of the author Rus Sells
        I think I hired her last year for a crazy site that I started.

        Originally Posted by iThinkhard View Post

        HAHAHA, I admit (shame on me).. btw, she is really nice and I can send you her link if you are interested in getting a testimonial yourself
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    • Profile picture of the author David Miller
      Originally Posted by Rus Sells View Post

      I'll help if you are willing to admit that the video on your site was done from a site like Fiverr.
      Based on that video there must be a new site like Fiverr, maybe Twoer...that's HORRIBLE....

      Oh by the way, holy grail of email:

      We regret to inform you that a long lost relative passed away leaving a multi-million dollar estate to you since you are the last living relative.


      Unless you just got an email like that, better pick up the phone!
      Signature
      The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.
      -- FRANK SINATRA, quoted in The Way You Wear Your Hat
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    • Profile picture of the author Aaron Doud
      Originally Posted by Rus Sells View Post

      I'll help if you are willing to admit that the video on your site was done from a site like Fiverr.
      I'm not sure how I feel about the video.
      Yes it is clearly fake.
      Is it funny? I think so
      Is it kind of annoying? Yeah
      Is it meant to be either? Likely not.

      To the OP my number one piece of advice to you is lose this video.

      Paid reviews are never good. But at least if you are doing it get a professionally looking guy to be the actor. Remember this is B2B marketing. You are not selling to college kids, unless you are in which case still lose the video.

      Advice number two. Hire a real copy writer to write the email you want to send. If you want the best you need to pay for it.

      Advice number three. If in the US do the one thing hardly anyone does in this kind of marketing and truly go local. Don't cold email and don't cold call. Use cold walks ins and letters. I'm on the other side and get cold calls all the time. be different and walk ins and letters are different. They catch my attention and I am sure they catch the attention of the owners and managers you need to talk to as well. Use this to get started. If you do good with them you will now have real testimonials and the money to pay for real quality cold callers.
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  • Profile picture of the author Simoshere
    1. if you think email is the ONLY way to get clients. I have seen dozens of threads covering that and the exact templates people use, so you just gotta use the search bar in the top right.
    2. you do have some nice looking websites though. are those templates or custom? a quick way to get new clients would be to follow "iamnameless's" advice and pick up outsource jobs from other warriors.
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    • Profile picture of the author goldog
      Wouldn't you need to go out and find the Holy Grail. I never heard about it coming to someone over the internet.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jeff Snyder
    Originally Posted by iThinkhard View Post

    "Hi, are you interested in getting a new website for your comapny? ..."

    "hello, my name is..., I can design you a website... and it's very cheap! please give me a call..."

    "good morning, I noticed you don't have a website for your business, call me now because I have a special offer for you."
    Know what most of those say to business owners? You said it yourself...

    Originally Posted by iThinkhard View Post

    bla bla bla..
    Rarely is it a good idea to say "it's very cheap!". Why would you want to sell a cheap product? For most business owners, cheap = poor quality. For most designers, cheap = low margin. Not that you can't make a good business selling $300 websites, but you have to have extremely high volume and be able to churn them out at minimal cost.

    If you're selling websites for $300, $400, $500 you likely aren't valuing your time very highly. By the time you meet with the client 5 times to review the design, migrate their content into the site, etc... you've probably sunk 5x the hours you anticipated. It sucks, I've done it.

    And they NEVER appreciate the "bargain" you're giving them.

    A vast majority of the web design work I do is upgrading low-quality websites. These biz owners took the cheap route because they didn't understand the value of investing in a quality website built on a content management system.

    You've probably heard this before, but it's not reflecting in your original post so I'll repeat it...FOCUS ON THE VALUE.

    Explain WHY they need a website (if somehow they don't know already). SHOW them why you are the right person for the job. Sell them on a premium site they won't need to spend money on for another 3 years.

    There is a TON of value if you are using Wordpress or a CMS for websites: They aren't tied down to a web designer and can update content themselves, just like they're working in Microsoft Word (saves time and $). Their website is search engine friendly (could make them $). By simply installing a plugin they have a basic mobile-friendly website (point out that many of their competitors don't have mobile websites yet and this will be a competitive advantage). It is up to you to explain why each of those points are valuable.

    Like others have suggested, a phone call will get you much better results...especially if you're already handwriting each e-mail anyways. Instead of e-mailing them your pitch, call them and e-mail them samples of your work and references. And when you call, always setup a time/date for next steps.
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  • Profile picture of the author Preeti
    How about providing some value upfront, such as a free mockup of their site or an analysis of their current site.

    Type out the email the way you would be speaking with them. Keep it casual and I've found that more business owners are better receptive than being super professional and trying to sound "smart".

    Send the email and then follow up with a call, without proper follow up, there's no point in even sending that 1st email.

    Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author iAmNameLess
    Yes... the video isn't so good... I tried a few people out just to see who can do what for a few things I need. Check this guy out..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Di4tRofiisU
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  • Profile picture of the author Craig Dewe
    I have created and used the holy grail email...

    6 emails, 2 clients (worth $16,000 so far total), 2 maybes (1 will probably become a client eventually... the other not so much) and 2 nos (yes 100% reply rate when followed up by email... no phone call required).

    However it works because it's highly personalized, targeted and I've obviously put effort into it that makes me stand out.

    The secret? I did a quick screen capture video of their current website talking about how they could improve it.

    Does it take time, yes. But considering it brought in $16,000 it wasn't that much time.

    I should also mention that I'm a copywriter so the emails and video were carefully scripted to get the response I wanted.

    The moral of the story is... be unique and stand out from the crowd.
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    • Profile picture of the author David Miller
      Here's some problems I see:

      The video is horrible (and yes that is a fiverr video) is many aspects. First of all she is beyond annoying. In fact there is not a word for how awful she is. She claims to be a professional actress and I suppose if a role for an annoying 80's type valley girl with bad skin ever comes around, she's got a part. Also, if you are selling websites to a business, why would you have a video like that?

      In her video she talks about the fact that you've got special deals because your new, while your text talks about your "years" of experience and you've got dozens of images that are there to come across as samples of your work.

      Then there's your website.
      Signature
      The big lesson in life, baby, is never be scared of anyone or anything.
      -- FRANK SINATRA, quoted in The Way You Wear Your Hat
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    For anyone who hasn't scrolled down on the forum's main page, there's a Copywriting subforum. You'll get much more focused advice there.

    @theOP: But don't go in asking this question you asked about the holy grail of emails. Don't ask any questions at all. Read. Absorb. Learn.

    Copywriting is a highly prized skill that takes a long time to get good at. So nobody is going to just share this expertise with you and write your email for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author iThinkhard
    I agree with most of you, I think it's very difficult to persuade someone to do business with you with just a cold email.

    well, just a few minutes ago I sum up all the courage in me and did my first cold call !! here is how it was:

    - Me: hi Mr ... I saw your ad today and I was wondering if you have a website I can visit to know more about your company.

    - Business owner: no we don't have a website, all of our business is based on word of mouth and we are doing fine.. but what do you need to know.

    -Me: my name is .. I am a new entrepreneur that help small business with their online marketing strategies. I can create a website for your company if you are interested.

    -Business owner: No thank you, I am not interested. I received a lots of offers from websites design companies but I don't have a budgest for that.

    - Me: that's exactly why I have contacted small business with limited budget, because I can design you a one page website for FREE. you have absolutly nothing to pay. plust it's a free publicity for you to attract more clients.

    -Business owner: thank you but I don't think I need a website at the moment.

    - Me: Ok Mr... thank you for your time. you have my number, just give me a call if you change your mind...
    I am an optimist, and I will make another 50 calls before I hire an expert telemarketer.

    what do you think of my first failure? is there something in my script that can be improved? how?


    Thanks,

    P.S
    In case you were wondering about the free offer.. my strategy is to offer one page for free, and then sell maintainance and extra features (new pages, seo, ...)
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