PostCard Copy Help?

All I can say is that 50 is not enough of a sample to draw any meaningful conclusions.

This picture is a bit much, in fact, it's downright disgusting. I understand the point you are trying to make, but there are more attractive images that you could use that would have better impact. You shouldn't have to drawer a circle around what you want to draw attention to.

This message is OK, but the font is awful.

You're selling yourself as someone that is going to advertise their business. They see how you advertise your own, and it could be a lot better.

The above is my opinion, please don't come at me like it's fact!

No worries...I appreciate your response

Rk, You're probably giving them to much info on the card which enables them to make a decision on the spot by throwing your card away.

Try something that will arouse their interest without all the information.

For example:

Would you like to know of an advertising method that doubles your customer base vs yellow page advertising.

or

Did you know there is an advertising technique that can signicantly grow your customer base without the high cost of yellow page advertising.

Call ____ for this free recorded message.

I like the fact that your allowing the business to call and find out what the advertising is.

With your free recording, you take the fear out of talking with a salesperson and he finds out you delivered in it in a hassle free way.

You benefit in that it weeds out the businesses who are not interested in your method therby qualifying the business.

Just my take on things, but from the graphic alone, at first glance it's tough to figure that out without more of a headline.

I think speaking to your market more directly like "(your area) (type of business)" ...."Los Angeles Chiropractors - are you throwing.." for example would help, and I definitely agree there are better images that could be used to help get your point across.

As far as the copy side goes...you should have a headline there too, and something like "FREE recorded message reveals...." in large, red text across the top of that side would help draw readers into the fine print.

I'd probably try to cut down on the amount of words used too, and use as few as possible to pique their curiosity and get them to call the phone number more than anything.

Cheers,

Steve

I agree with the above poster.. Directing the postcard to a certain business might be better. The picture is gross but I think that's the point. You could try something a little different with the same focus. There are infographics all over the internet that talk about how bad the yellow pages are. The font on the back is too hard to read.. you have to remember business owners work all day long the last thing they want to do is have to read an odd font. Stick with the three main fonts and nothing more. I also think that sending 50 postcards to a set amount of people is good. In my first postcard campaign I sent 25 and got 5 clients.. so 50 should be great for you. (I personalized my cards with their name, maybe that will help yours also. ) Best of luck!

Where do I begin....

Okay, first I will begin by saying that of all the posts, Ewen's is one of my favorites. Ewens post of cool because it tells you to "get into your prospect's head" so i just got out of writing like 3 paragraphs about that.

That's important. Listen to Ewen.

There's so many places to begin..... i'd dump the whole postcard and start over again. Rather than me trying to explain it here, go here and watch 2 videos I made on postcard creation.......

EDIT - Looks like my videos are down. Ill post link later. Book mark the thread. You don't want to miss this.

Best,

Ben Pedersen

I think an image of a yellowpages book with a layer of dust on it would connect better...give that "ah-ha" moment a quicker chance of triggering, because that is a more recognizable reality than seeing the book in the garbage.

If your just doing 50 cards it is easier to personalize them more...which will greatly increase your response.

Something like...an image of an open book to the page where that particular propsect ad is on...only the page is ever so slightly blurred....except for a competitor ad on the page, which is of course crystal clear. Headline like "Quick I need my computer fixed" (or whatever profession they are in)

Fifty postcards is not nearly enough for a valid test.

The other thing to keep in mind is that you will have to follow up with these local business owners by phone or in person.

I wouldn't tell them that it's a recorded message, instead just give them the number to call. Think about the one thing almost EVERYONE hates when they call a number: the "robot lady". My decision would have been made there as well.

Yeah...I have heard that using the words "Free Recorded Message" can increase your response up to 3 or 4 times

There are so many problems with this.

Your picture is fine. Your copy and your business model stink.

In copywriting, whenever you're not confident in your message, you screw with your font. Your message is too long. It's also formatted like poetry, which no one wants to read anyway.

You say you discovered a valuable secret and you're going to give it away for free. How believable is that? Well, you're not actually going to do it; you want them to call a recording where you'll capture their phone number while they can listen to a long-winded version of "I'm deliberately beating around the bush on this recording, but I'll get right to the point for only $xx.xx -- but only if you act now!"

Zero conversions from 50 cards is exactly what you should expect, even if you didn't have all the problems above. Send 500 next time.

There are so many problems with this card it's almost like a work of art.

Your picture is fine. Your copy and your business model stink.

Remember this about copywriting and layout: whenever you have no confidence in your message, you start screwing with your font. Your message is too long. It's also formatted like poetry, which no one wants to read anyway.

You say you discovered a valuable secret and you're going to give it away for free. How believable is that? Well, you're not actually going to do it; you want them to call a recording where you'll capture their phone number while they can listen to a long-winded version of "I'm deliberately beating around the bush on this recording, but I'll get right to the point for only $xx.xx -- but only if you act now!"

Zero conversions from 50 cards is exactly what you should expect, even if you didn't have all the problems above. Send a clear message with a believable proposition to at least 500 next time.

I really do like the picture.

The copy is weak. But the bigger issue is with the yellow pages in general. Keep in mind they typically sign a year contract. So unless you are hitting them a month or two before they renew, they are thinking, "nothing I can do about it now." Also your headline is way too general. I know 50 is a tiny number for testing, but my belief is that if the strategy and copy were right, you'd at least have gotten one response out of it. In other words if you had a compelling offer and killer copy and you sent it at a time when they were thinking about yellow pages, you could send 50 and get a few responses. Also, you are relying on curiousity alone in the copy. There is almost nothing selling them on why they should call to hear the free message. You need to find a way to tell them they will get their problem (wasted ad money) solved just by hearing the info on the free message. People may like or not like the photo. But here's the thing. Photos need to support the copy and sales story. This headline and photo looks way too much like everything else they get bombarded with in terms of general advertisers. The classic way of doing this is using the free message line to sell the free report. If that's what you are doing you need more copy selling what's in the free report. If that's not what your doing, you should try doing that. Whether you use call for, fax for, or go online...there all just ways of responding. The first thing I would test though would be using a URL or FAX rather than phone #. Business people are busy. Much easier to fax for something or URL. But the bigger problem is the existing copy does nothing to really compel action of any kind.