Can you turn around an angry person

34 replies
A guy told me on the phone within 20 seconds:

Are you trying to **** me over?

I could tell right off the bat the guy was angry. I messed up my pitch a bit but I think that he would have told me the same thing no matter what the offer was.

Usually I hangup and don't even let them finish their tirade,but
Is there any way to turn this around?
#angry #person #turn
  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    Well what do YOU think the answer is here?

    Should you use your energy trying to calm an angry person--and one who probably gets angry often, unable to control their emotions, so if you do get this guy for a client, this is what you're stuck with--

    or should you move on and find nice people to talk to?


    ...Yeah, you can do it, possibly...but should you?
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  • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
    let them rant and rave, when they lose steam tell them something that is
    equivalent to what they are bitching about. Then make a quick self deprecating remark
    make it some what funny.

    If he laughs you can go ahead and pitch him.

    If he doesn't. its going to be a long ...long battle.

    depending on what your selling and for how much. It might not ... probably will not
    be worth it.

    Short answer is YES. You can sell angry people.
    after they vent .. and you bond, they are some of the easiest sales.

    however, to get to that point you have to be willing to put up with the verbal abuse.

    Another way is to simply say something like. woah.. why are you yelling at me?

    then they will tell you they aren't yelling at you, but they are mad because .....

    and there you go.. the door is open to be empathetic and bond
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      I understand both Jason and Ken's points. Both are valid.

      Personally...20 seconds in? maybe I'd let him go.

      BUT. I can tell you with absolute certainty that if you ride this guy out, and let him rant, and go over to his side.....there is a good chance that you will convert him.

      People who are angry are not evil. They are feeling attacked, in pain.

      Picture a gauge with a needle pointing way to the left saying "Angry" at the other end of the gauge it says "Best friend".

      Once you start moving that needle toward "Best friend" momentum takes over.

      Once the anger is subsiding, there is a rush of endorphin to the prospect's brain. Really, they are much easier to sell than someone unemotionally involved.

      And anger is emotional involvement.

      But.You only invested 20 seconds...and there is a difference between being angry and being a moron. I wasn't on the phone with the guy, but 20 seconds into a cold call? I think I'd let him go. An in person meeting (where I have a little more invested) I might give it a shot.

      An angry person coming into my retail store? I can nearly always turn them around. But I'm there anyway, and there is always a sale at the end of that story.

      added later: I posted this before John gave his response. I certainly can't argue with it. Maybe the best response. OK, now you have three great ideas.
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  • Profile picture of the author John Durham
    I have a better idea than trying to turn them around...

    Let em go, and put them on the redial list for another day... Here is what Og Mandino has to say about it. (Also I highly suggest you read "The Greatest Salesman In The World" for what you are doing. It made all the difference for me personally.)

    "The tides advance, the tides recede...One day a man will not give you a single penny for an apple made of gold....and the next, he may trade you everything he owns for a mere tree".

    -Keep em on your list...you'll eventually catch them on a day when they feel better. Even tell em "Whoa...Hey Im sorry if I caught you at a bad time, of course Im not trying to f you over Bob...listen I better try back another time... I know its probably a busy day over there..."

    Who knows, the next two or three calls he may be saying "Hey Im sorry I was such a jerk that day...". Oblige him with kindness... Jason Kanigan does it to me all the time!

    Sometimes Im a grump, and his responses are so kind it makes me feel apologetic and obliged. It works.
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    • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
      Originally Posted by John Durham View Post

      I have a better idea than trying to turn them around...

      Let em go, and call and put them on the redial list for another day... Here is what og mandino has to say about it. also I highly suggest you read "The Greatest Salesman In The World" for what you are doing. It made all the difference for me personally.

      "The tides advance, the tides recede...One day a man will not give you a single penny for an apple made of gold....and the next, he may trade you everything he owns for a mere tree".

      -Keep em on your list...you'll eventually catch them on a day when they feel better. Even tell em "Whoa...Hey Im sorry if I caught you at a bad time, of course Im not trying to f you over Bob...listen I better try back another time... I know its probably a busy day over there..."

      Who knows, the next two or three calls he may be saying "Hey Im sorry I was such a jerk that day...". Oblige him with kindness... Jason Kanigan does it to me all the time!

      Sometimes Im a grump, and his responses are so kind it makes me feel apologetic and obliged. It works.

      or you can be like me, Personally depending on my mood
      and how in the groove i was feeling at the moment.

      I am known for being an ass. AND it works in situations like these.

      But you need some real marbles and conviction to pull it off.

      "of course i am here to f*ck you over, its my JOB."

      If they don't hang up... and they usually wont... what they do, do is stop talking.

      now you can say ...

      Come on bob, you know i am just teasing you, If you give me a minute
      you will see i am actually going to help you ....
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      • Profile picture of the author John Durham
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        • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
          Originally Posted by John Durham View Post

          There is a certain personality type who will love that response... You better be good at reading people to pull it off though!

          I think i am ....

          P.S. Read my tag ... I think that says it all
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          • Profile picture of the author John Durham
            Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post


            and there you go.. the door is open to be empathetic and bond
            I like those words "Empathetic Bond".... Now I have words to fit the definition of that scenario.
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            • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
              Originally Posted by John Durham View Post

              I like those words "Empathetic Bond".... Now I have words to fit the definition of that scenario.
              Since your the word smith ... I think its your job to teach me a few good phrases.

              .. your slacking bro ... your slacking...
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post


        "of course i am here to f*ck you over, its my JOB."

        If they don't hang up... and they usually wont... what they do, do is stop talking.

        now you can say ...

        Come on bob, you know i am just teasing you, If you give me a minute
        you will see i am actually going to help you ....
        I've been mulling that over in my not-insignificant mind.

        I really like it. It breaks their train of thought. It forces them to regroup.

        Twenty seconds in? Yeah, maybe.

        A prospect once said to me "That's Bullllshiit" . I threw my arms up in victory and said loudly "Yes! I am the King of Bullshiite!". He just stared at me for a few seconds ...and then started laughing. So did I. He bought.


        The danger is that they will rebel. But so what? Twenty seconds in?
        You have to genuinely not care about whether you keep talking to them.

        It would depend on my mood, like Ken.

        But, I genuinely don't care what their reaction is, except as how it moves the sale forward or gets me to the next guy. It's math to me.

        I have read two books on sociopaths, because I was concerned that I might be one. One of the authors even wrote a chapter saying that 10% of the people who buy the book have the same idea. Weird.
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        • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          I have read two books on sociopaths, because I was concerned that I might be one. One of the authors even wrote a chapter saying that 10% of the people who buy the book have the same idea. Weird.
          I made a joke the other day about being my long lost brother....

          now ... i am really starting to wonder...

          I did the same thing ... for the same reason


          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          But, I genuinely don't care what their reaction is, except as how it moves the sale forward or gets me to the next guy. It's math to me.

          Same here. THAT is the #1 thing we try to teach the reps
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          • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
            Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post

            I made a joke the other day about being my long lost brother....

            now ... i am really starting to wonder...

            I did the same thing ... for the same reason

            What would be interesting to me would be the story of the path you took to be who you are. I know the history..at least what you shared, but there is more to you. The same with a few other guys here. An hour with you and ...well, you know who you are...would be fascinating.

            Maybe the most fascinating thing to me would be where we are completely different. Politics, religion, how we view our families, how we react to stress, music, any other interests...that sort of thing. And again, there are a few others here too.

            I'm going to be at the next Warrior event in Raleigh NC on April 6 & 7. Can any of you guys make it?
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            • Profile picture of the author John Durham
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              • Profile picture of the author David Miller
                As sales people we turn people around every day, and many times a day. We turn them from suspects to prospects, from not wanting to hear us out to wanting to hear us out, and from non-buyers to buyers and numerous things in between.

                At every step of the process, we are moving our prospect from one emotional state to another, hopefully a more accepting emotional state.

                If a prospect is angry, and it's worth our while to do so, we certainly can turn that emotion around as well.
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            • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
              Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

              What would be interesting to me would be the story of the path you took to be who you are. I know the history..at least what you shared, but there is more to you. The same with a few other guys here. An hour with you and ...well, you know who you are...would be fascinating.

              Maybe the most fascinating thing to me would be where we are completely different. Politics, religion, how we view our families, how we react to stress, music, any other interests...that sort of thing. And again, there are a few others here too.

              I'm going to be at the next Warrior event in Raleigh NC on April 6 & 7. Can any of you guys make it?
              that is a looong story.

              Also, Even if i spoke absolute truth, with no embellishments, just pure fact.

              in the end, you would think i was the biggest liar .. you ever met.

              My life has been a weird ... weird ... unbelievable life.
              chock full of things that would make for a great fiction novel or movie.
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        • Profile picture of the author John Durham
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post


          I have read two books on sociopaths, because I was concerned that I might be one.
          ROTFLMAO.

          You are one genuine dude Claude!
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      • Profile picture of the author TheCG
        Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post


        "of course i am here to f*ck you over, its my JOB."
        I LOVE this! I can't wait to use it! hahaha
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  • Profile picture of the author John Durham
    All of these answers are good. They all say the same thing, either let them go, or oblige him with so much understanding that he feels like crud for barking at you... Then a sense of obligation comes in if they get to feeling that way, that you can leverage.

    As they say "Kill em with kindness".
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  • Profile picture of the author Jason Kanigan
    The danger here, gents, is What If you get this guy as a client but haven't done your qualifying "due diligence"? And discover in the not-to-distant future that he has trouble controlling his emotions? Bad client.

    So OK, call back some other time, talk him down now, whichever; but make darn sure you remove the possibility of this person getting mad at you again without cause if you're going to take them on as a client.

    Me personally, I'd rather just move on.
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    • Profile picture of the author John Durham
      Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post

      or you can be like me, Personally depending on my mood
      and how in the groove i was feeling at the moment.

      I am know for being an ass. AND it works in situations like these.

      But you need some real marbles and conviction to pull it off.

      "of course i am here to f*ck you over, its my JOB."

      If they don't hang up... and they usually wont... what they do, do is stop talking.

      now you can say ...

      Come on bob, you know i am just teasing you, If you give me a minute
      you will see i am actually going to help you ....
      There is a certain personality type who will love that response... You better be good at reading people to pull it off though!


      Originally Posted by Jason Kanigan View Post

      The danger here, gents, is What If you get this guy as a client but haven't done your qualifying "due diligence"? And discover in the not-to-distant future that he has trouble controlling his emotions? Bad client.

      So OK, call back some other time, talk him down now, whichever; but make darn sure you remove the possibility of this person getting mad at you again without cause if you're going to take them on as a client.

      Me personally, I'd rather just move on.
      Me too probably, but also those types can like you because you calm them down...they know they're an A$$hole, and they value anyone who can deal with them, and still like them.

      I had one boss who liked me just because I didnt flinch at the fact that he was a jerk. i was one of the few people in his circle who could overlook it and say "Ah, you didnt mean any harm Bob" (His name was really Bob).

      Edit:

      Bob: Was I too rough on em?

      Me: Naw... They understand you. These people love you man.
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    • Profile picture of the author BizManRobert
      Originally Posted by Jason Kanigan View Post

      The danger here, gents, is What If you get this guy as a client but haven't done your qualifying "due diligence"? And discover in the not-to-distant future that he has trouble controlling his emotions? Bad client.

      So OK, call back some other time, talk him down now, whichever; but make darn sure you remove the possibility of this person getting mad at you again without cause if you're going to take them on as a client.

      Me personally, I'd rather just move on.
      I'm with Jason Kanigan on this.

      However, I expect this happened as a result of a COLD call..?
      Something that I never ever do, I quickly learned this in my offline career, total waste of time - compared to sending a direct mail letter and following up with a warm call...

      Having sent many direct mail letters I HAVEN'T had this experience (angry person)...yet when following up with a call - if I EVER do experience this, I'll simply hang up. And move on to the next prospect - as has been said by one off the posters here, life is just too SHORT.
      Besides why bother with a potential future client that can turn angry on a whim...when there are PLENTY of NICE Fish out there...to have as clients...
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  • Profile picture of the author John Durham
    Ken, did you get a load of Reardons link in the other thread? Man that is FOOOOOD for telemarketers. Its firing me up actually.
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  • Profile picture of the author NewParadigm
    a guy who goes off on you in 20sec? Would you really want HIM as a customer? Life's too short.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by NewParadigm View Post

      a guy who goes off on you in 20sec? Would you really want HIM as a customer? Life's too short.
      Actually, if you're going to turn him around, that's when you want him to be angry. 20 minutes into a pitch, it's much harder to turn them around.
      Why? Because they are mad at you...and they already know you (meaning your pitch) well enough for that anger to have some teeth.

      At the close is the worst time for them to flare up.

      If you meant that you simply wouldn't want to pursue a person that gets angry that easy. I get it. But almost everyone I know has told me a story about some evil salesperson...and I instantly take the salesperson's side (at least privately).

      Yelling at a salesperson you don't even know is a way for powerless people to feel a little power. I usually let them get their fix. It just becomes my first sales step.
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      • Profile picture of the author NewParadigm
        Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

        If you meant that you simply wouldn't want to pursue a person that gets angry that easy. I get it.
        Yep. If they truly got mad for nothing and not just giving you crap. Sure, could do the super closer routine and pursue 'em but many times they turn out to be WYSIWYG PITA customers that aren't worth my time. Plenty of other prospects out there!

        I got my series 7 & 63 securities licenses at age 19 while full time college, and worked for a penny stock investment bank on the sell side. Great learning experience in handling objections, haha. Was actually great for the social life at a young age!
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  • Profile picture of the author bob ross
    Some great responses above and probably the most solid advice. Myself, I like to try and close at every chance I have rather than move on so I would handle it a little different.

    Because of my B2C experience in the contracting industry, where almost everyone thinks you're out to f*ck them over, I've dealt with situations like this hundreds if not thousands of times and I find they're usually pretty easy to turn around. Claude said it really well regarding the emotional involvement.

    My response would be "No, did someone screw you over Jim? What happened?" and I would listen to them flare up about whatever bad experiences. I'd fuel the fire more and more and act disgusted at what that other company did.

    I like to say things like "did you sue those *******s?"

    What I truly believe is that the prospect starts to think that the longer you're listening to his story, the more trustworthy you are because if you were trying to scam him you'd run. It's a screwed up logic but I really find that it's true. When you keep engaged in their story and ask them questions like 'hopefully you sued them and got your money back!' you're actually getting on the same wavelength as them.

    They like that. A lot of these pissed off people are actually just trying to weed out the scammers so they say things like that. When you just let them go, in their minds you're a scammer and they chased your ass away.

    If I hung up on the guy I'd play a little movie in my head of him saying "You trying to f**k me over?" while I hung up and then he tells his buddies how some scam telemarketer got off the phone quick.

    Personally, I see situations like that as an opportunity to fight the objection, just not head-on where I'll piss him off. I'm NOT the kind of guy who gets my rocks off by getting snippy with them, as much as I would like to of course.

    I'm not saying any of John or Jasons advice is bad because it's not, but it's a very different style than what I'm used to.
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    • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
      Originally Posted by bob ross View Post

      Some great responses above and probably the most solid advice. Myself, I like to try and close at every chance I have rather than move on so I would handle it a little different.

      Because of my B2C experience in the contracting industry, where almost everyone thinks you're out to f*ck them over, I've dealt with situations like this hundreds if not thousands of times and I find they're usually pretty easy to turn around. Claude said it really well regarding the emotional involvement.

      My response would be "No, did someone screw you over Jim? What happened?" and I would listen to them flare up about whatever bad experiences. I'd fuel the fire more and more and act disgusted at what that other company did.
      That's nearly always my response, especially in person. After their adrenalin rush calms down, they are usually open to what you have to say. They just want someone to tell their story to.


      Originally Posted by bob ross View Post

      What I truly believe is that the prospect starts to think that the longer you're listening to his story, the more trustworthy you are because if you were trying to scam him you'd run. It's a screwed up logic but I really find that it's true. When you keep engaged in their story and ask them questions like 'hopefully you sued them and got your money back!' you're actually getting on the same wavelength as them.

      They like that. A lot of these pissed off people are actually just trying to weed out the scammers so they say things like that. When you just let them go, in their minds you're a scammer and they chased your ass away.
      Bob: I see your logic, but I think you give people too much credit. Most people aren't savvy enough to test salespeople to see if they are scammers. The idea never occurs to them. Your idea is too complicated for most people.

      Everyone likes to tell stories. Everyone has a story of at least one time they were scammed by a salesman, and every man I know has a story about the time they bodily threw a salesman out their door, or threw them out of their store.

      Of course, It's never happened to me..and I've done well over 10,000 in home presentations. So....it's a myth. A lie.

      So why do these people tell these lies? Because everyone wants to be either the hero or the victim of their story. So they were either ripped off, or they physically threw out a salesman.
      If the story is going to be about themselves, how else are they going to be the star?

      People yell at you or accuse you of something (at least in the very beginning) because that's they way they habitually deal with telemarketers.

      Some people yell at telemarketers on the phone. I hang up. Some listen and can't say "No". Some (like my wife) will politely say "I'm not really interested" until the telemarketer dies from exhaustion. She just doesn't have it in her to be rude or abrupt with people. I do.

      Most people that yell...it's simply a weak defense. Like a dog that growls.
      After three seconds of petting them, they are your friend for life...and they will growl at the next stranger. It's just what they do. And it's just what some prospects do.

      In fact, when I was selling in people's homes, my selling sequence started with;
      1) They let me in and pretend that the man at the office (It's always me, they just don't know that) didn't tell them their was a product demonstration. They were just getting a gift.
      2) I apologized for the mistake we made, and gave them the gift, and sat down to ask a few questions.
      3) They would then say that there was not a chance in the world they were going to buy anything, but since I was already there...and such a nice gentleman (not like that guy at the office).....

      And so it went. These were just steps in the sale to me. It was a dance, a stage play. We all had to play our part. And in the end, they would usually buy. And a week later they were telling their next door neighbor how they took advantage of me and got a great deal,. If they didn't buy (but I always left them shaking my hand) a week later they were telling their neighbor how they threw me out and I tried to rip them off.

      I've even been told that by people who didn't know I was the salesman that saw them a few months before. Usually I would let it slide. Why not give them their moment in the spotlight?

      We are all governed by habits, impulses, needs that are simple and predictable. Almost nobody makes a study of them.

      We are all puppets. A few of us can see the strings.

      Added the next day; It was very late when I posted this. As I read it now, it's a little too revealing.
      But David Miller gave me a Thanks...so I'll leave it up.
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      • Profile picture of the author Claude Whitacre
        Claude Whitacre..."Killer Of Threads"
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        • Profile picture of the author John Durham
          Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre View Post

          Claude Whitacre..."Killer Of Threads"
          Lol. At least it wasnt me this time. Go on with yourself "Thread Slayer".
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          • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
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            • Profile picture of the author John Durham
              Originally Posted by kenmichaels View Post


              .... yeah ... i will out sell all of you .. ( cept maybe Claude )....

              Out sell me all you want bro... just dont "sell me out".
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              • Profile picture of the author kenmichaels
                Originally Posted by John Durham View Post

                Out sell me all you want bro... just dont "sell me out".
                never ... ever ... my friend ...

                hand to the higher power .. no joke
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                • Profile picture of the author ERPLeadsWriter
                  Reading these responses and having quite the experience with anger issues from both myself AND other people, I think it all boils down to your calling.

                  I don't think the act of taking on or ignoring an angry prospect is validated in of itself. It's your affinity for it.

                  You don't need to be a salesperson (or even a shrink) to know that some people can teach angry folks a lesson by calming them down. There are others who can also teach them a lesson by not paying them attention. It depends on how good you want to be at either one.

                  If you are good at putting out other people's steam, that becomes your reputation.

                  The same thing if you are the type who makes people realize that they're being a bull just by saying, "Ok... I'm sorry, another time then."
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    • Profile picture of the author JamieSEO
      Originally Posted by bob ross View Post

      Because of my B2C experience in the contracting industry, where almost everyone thinks you're out to f*ck them over, I've dealt with situations like this hundreds if not thousands of times and I find they're usually pretty easy to turn around.

      My response would be "No, did someone screw you over Jim? What happened?" and I would listen to them flare up about whatever bad experiences. I'd fuel the fire more and more and act disgusted at what that other company did.

      I like to say things like "did you sue those *******s?"

      What I truly believe is that the prospect starts to think that the longer you're listening to his story, the more trustworthy you are because if you were trying to scam him you'd run.
      Great point Bob

      Before becoming an internet marketer I had a job working in a complaints department. What most angry people want is for you to calmly listen, ocassionally repeating back to them certain parts of what they have said so they know you are listening, and try to put yourself in their shoes when you respond.

      Bob's response of "No, did someone screw you over Jim? What happened?" is perfect, since almost everyone wants to have their story heard. I do not rile them up more, but find that just by listening you already start gaining their trust. You can always share an anocdote if you have been through a similar experience... and really, you WILL have been screwed over by someone, whether that was a telemarketer, a contractor, employee, boss, there is always something.

      The catch with this method is that you absolutely MUST be calling someone that you know would be interested in your product. This is fairly time consuming, and if they are not the decision maker, or if they really don't want/need what you are selling then you will waste heaps of time.
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  • Profile picture of the author vndnbrgj
    Here's my question....

    What was the pre-curser to this?
    What was said that generated this type of response in 20 seconds?

    I lkie the responses though.
    I would have done some of the same.
    I have a habit of mirroring people.
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    Life Begins At The End Of Your Comfort Zone
    - Neale Donald Wilson -
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  • Profile picture of the author kellyyarnsbro
    The person is already angry so what would you expect from him? To calm down within a second? I don't think a closed mind switches automatically, get to the point and be calm, then he'll find himself stupid when he cools down.
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  • Profile picture of the author SpankinNewbie
    I have to do this all day in my regular job.

    Step 1: Match their intensity, mode of speech, and language.
    "Hell no! You're too smart for that anyway.

    Step 2: Empathize (in a calmer voice)
    "I hate these types of calls too."

    Pause, let them reply, repeat if necessary. Then...

    Step 3: Ask a question. (In a normal voice)
    "Let me tell you why I called."

    Works nearly every time.
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