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Need Sales Letter Critique

by SubUrbanHype
6 replies
Hey everybody. This is my first time writing a sales letter for a local service. I would like to get some critiques on the letter so I can know if I need to tighten some of it up.


I know you are frustrated with the time consuming hassle of taking your trash out to the dumpster once a week (or even worse everyday). It is cold outside this time of year, and nobody is looking forward to going outside, let alone walking and or driving 2-4 blocks to the dumpster. This is an inconvenience to me over the last few weeks since the trash pickup stopped, and I am sure that you are inconvenience by this as well. I've watched as neighbors trash build up week after week with no solution to their problem. Thats when I got the idea to take it upon myself to solve the problem that not only to my problem, but the problem of my community as well. I am offering to do a weekly trash pickup personally to your apartment, to save you the hassle of having to waste all that time and energy with taking the trash out to the dump yourself. It is cold outside, nobody wants to do this, and the leasing office doesn't plan on offering the service anytime soon. Allow me to save you the inconvenience.

Advantages of having a waste pickup service:

Enjoying the same peace of mind that comes from knowing that we are committed to providing you with on-time, every-time waste pickup as the rest of your neighbors.

*Second example*

*Third example*


Call me directly at xxx.xxx.xxxx to get started this week.
#critique #letter #sales
  • Profile picture of the author leeannprice
    Hi there,

    I took 5 minutes and came up with this for you...

    Get Rid Of Your Trash - Without taking it to the Dump Yourself!

    I know you don't want your garbage to pile up into smelly, ugly piles outside your home.

    So you have to drag that trash to the dumpster. You have to put that trash in your nice, clean car and drive it to the dumpster only to leave your car smelling like an open trash can.

    Disgusting!!

    Or, even worse, you walk that heavy, leaky, trash in the bitter cold the two or four blocks to a dumpster, with the bags breaking on the way, trash spilling out on the sidewalk that you'll have to pick up?

    Even more disgusting!!

    There has to be a better way to get rid of that stuff, right?

    Well, there is a better way.

    My name is XXXXX, and I do weekly trash pickups right outside your door. You will get to enjoy the peace of mind on trash day that your trash will be whisked off to the dumpster - without YOU having to do it.

    Call me directly at xxx.xxx.xxxx to get started this week.
    -----------------
    Sounds like a much needed service!!

    Lee Ann
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    • Profile picture of the author ginnysclub1
      Originally Posted by leeannprice View Post

      Hi there,

      I took 5 minutes and came up with this for you...

      Get Rid Of Your Trash - Without taking it to the Dump Yourself!

      I know you don't want your garbage to pile up into smelly, ugly piles outside your home.

      So you have to drag that trash to the dumpster. You have to put that trash in your nice, clean car and drive it to the dumpster only to leave your car smelling like an open trash can.

      Disgusting!!

      Or, even worse, you walk that heavy, leaky, trash in the bitter cold the two or four blocks to a dumpster, with the bags breaking on the way, trash spilling out on the sidewalk that you'll have to pick up?

      Even more disgusting!!

      There has to be a better way to get rid of that stuff, right?

      Well, there is a better way.

      My name is XXXXX, and I do weekly trash pickups right outside your door. You will get to enjoy the peace of mind on trash day that your trash will be whisked off to the dumpster - without YOU having to do it.

      Call me directly at xxx.xxx.xxxx to get started this week.
      -----------------
      Sounds like a much needed service!!

      Lee Ann
      I'm no copywriting expert but that's seems a fantastic effort for just a few hours work.

      It's concise and straight to the point.
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    • Profile picture of the author SubUrbanHype
      I would like to thank all of you for your advice. Lee Ann you are a life saver. From looking at your example I am noticing that I have a lot of fat to cut in my letter. You humanized it a lot more and dramatized the problem.

      Beautiful.

      This being my first time EVER writing copy, I appreciate the help.
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  • Profile picture of the author KingOfContentMarketing
    To make it compelling you have to craft a good offer.
    Advertising Technique: Direct Response Offers

    It might be "first 10 customers get 50% off" or "call by Friday for our introductory special" or whatever.

    The way you have it now they may call, but a good offer is much more enticing.

    I'd also make the problem worse. You say "This is an inconvenience to me over the last few weeks since the trash pickup stopped, and I am sure that you are inconvenience by this as well. I’ve watched as neighbors trash build up week after week with no solution to their problem."

    Make the problem more painful.

    "This is more than inconvenience. This is a major health problem! You know what happens when trash piles up. RATS! And once rats are in the area they never leave.

    Walk or drive to the dumpster? What if you are elderly, or disabled. Or a single mom. You need help!

    Think the city is going to help out? They're the ones that got us into this mess. If we wait around for them the trash is going to pile up so high we could build some cable cars on it and sell tickets to ride to the top!"

    That's not copy I would use but it will give you some ideas.
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    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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    • Profile picture of the author SubUrbanHype
      Joe Ditzel. You are absolutely right. A time sensitive offer to give a reason to act now would be the final touch. I am currently crafting an offer now after reading your comment. Thank you for the practical advice.
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  • Profile picture of the author KingOfContentMarketing
    Here's an example of making the problem more dramatic:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqSQhCc6O-g

    Just do something similar in the copy but related to trash.
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    Marketing is not a battle of products. It is a battle of perceptions.
    - Jack Trout
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