Who here is the BADDEST direct mail guru?

Sorry for using guru, but i figured it would get attention. Now i know soliciting here is not what we are trying to do, but can anyone here recommend just a very knowledgeable and experienced contributor here in the direct mail space?

On occasion i want to run offline campaigns but afraid of just throwing money in the street. I truly think offline marketing is now and forever the best type. I think the customer is more engaged as well, while most leave offline it only opens it up more. Ofcoarse this all depends on methods but again thats what an experienced person would know....

Im looking for a mentor/consultant, whatever you want to call it, someone i can call and say hey im going to target this type of list with this message, what do you think? Again im not worried about paying this person i just really do not want to waste time.

I understand this is a unreasonable request and this person is hard to find but i think its crucial to a steady source of leads. Again, anyone who understands how to test, copywrite, and generate high response rates via direct mail, stuffed papers (flyers), advertising in small community papers, etc i would really like to speak with you. Thanks again.