Prospecting: I Am a Wimpy Undisciplined COWARD. Solutions?

The first step to the cure is to identify the problem. Having read through your post, it seems the MAIN problem you are experiencing is feeling alone and discouraged from a recent lack of positive results.
Sometimes, rather than keep beating ourselves up over something that has us currently stymied, it is useful to take a few steps back, or just take a short break to recharge our batteries.
To solve the feelings of loneliness and being out there without a team, I suggest that you not only seek to recruit more sales staff, but also that you reach out to friends and family, who may or may not share your business aspirations with you, but may simply be other constructive sources of encouragement and morale support for you.
Goals ARE a good benchmark to use for challenging yourself, but as you point out, can also discourage, if you are not reaching them.
You state feeling unmotivated, even by the prospect of financial ruin. What else is going on in your life that has you feeling overall depressed and hopeless? Perhaps if you can get to the root of THAT problem, you will begin feeling more like a positive an motivated person.
If I can help you in any way, feel free to stay in touch!!

The best advice I can give is this.

Figure out the true why behind making money, making your business successful, making sales, and etc.

As you see none of them are real goals that motivate.

Why are you doing this? The true why.

For me the answer would always be summed up as "car collection". I want to own several expensive cars and to continue up into newer and more expensive cars with the ultimate goal being a collection that rivals Leno's.

Once you have that break it into smaller goals. And then put those as affirmative statements.

Example using myself again:

I own an Exotic Car.
I own a Ferrari.
I own a Lamborghini.
I own a McLaren MP4-12C.
I own a McLaren F1. (ok unlikely to happen)

You have to say these things.
You have to know these things
And you have to write these things down at least once daily.

Of course I am talking to myself as much as you here because I don't follow what I teach when it comes to this. So I know where you are coming from. I am not afraid. I know I can do it. Yet the laziness stops me from doing it.

@Steve. I'm yet to find the cure. I guess, if I want to open up, is that things have been too easy for me. For example, school was easy for me. And unlike good athletes who are stretched to become better, I could coast through it. As an adult, I've always done my "own thing" (self-employed), yet I hate to say it, but I was more successful in a setting where the structure was built already.

@Aaron. Yeah I have a hard time with the finding that "true why". Always have. I value FREEDOM and health the most, and well, I already have them! Of course the freedom is an illusion as I don't have financial freedom, but I actually live how I'd like to live if I were financially free - minus material goodies and travels and lots of good things, yet emotionally I do feel free so why go through all this discomfort? (my subconscious cop out I guess)

If I can give you one great tip, is use I INTEND TO before your affirmative statements. Dates could help too.
Ex:
I intend to own a McLaren MP4-12C by July 2014

The "I intend" before it makes your brain stop with the "you're bsing me", as you don't own it yet... but you really intend to!

I feel where you coming from!

I try looking at it from the perspective of money but money doesn't really inspire me although I do desire a lot of it for deep reasons. But trust me, if I could do what I want with sand, I would have no problem carrying a shovel everywhere I went. It is what it is.
But I do get a little shook by the thought of everything staying the same though.

I try to look at things from the "helping" perspective since that's what I'm good at but I tend to give myself freely when somebody needs me and sometimes it's a good experience and sometimes when it's over & done with, I feel like something I originally GAVE was actually TAKEN from me. And I am SOOOO not looking to take that over into business.

I have the ability to connect and relate with people pretty easily and people trust me so soon after knowing me. People come to me with things I wouldn't have the nerve to go to someone with but it's cool.

My patience is long and short at the same time. And it errks me to the core when people don't see the obvious or ignore the obvious. So I don't do good with convincing people of anything. And I need to be able to do that to a certain extent in business.

I also have a problem with details. I get lost in them so often try to avoid it.

I just tell myself everyday, if it's meant to be done, I'll do it. Whatever that entails. It's to a point where it seems like a certain kind of breeze would change it all.

All we can do is keep living and remain open to the idea that one day it will click.

Jay, what are you selling? Or don't you feel comfortable discussing that? I gather your business is such that you make sales either face-to-face or on the phone? As opposed to throwing a sales page out there and just hoping people show up and buy?

It does seem like you need one or more accountability partners. I've had a few accountability partners, but generally done better with paid programs.

I often feel the same way. When working by yourself, for yourself the motivation factor can be tough.

I've thought about trying to find an accountability partner myself lately.

Just a few thoughts here. don't set goals but instead use steps ie. Rather than going to the bowling alley and saying I'm going to get a strike what are the things you need to do to get to that point. Step one Goto the bowling alley Step Two rent out some good bowling shoes. step three pick an alley. step four. pick out a good bowling ball. After you complete each step give yourself a pat on the back, congratulate yourself.

To help you get the mindset you need look up the local group of BNI which stands for Business Network International. I think they are a dot org. Basically you will get together with other businesses in your community, usually done over Breakfast, and you and all the other business owners will exchange ideas.

Besides the group above I'm sure a lot of your local Churches and Temples have groups somewhat like this. What about joining the local PTA at your kids school?

I'm a lot like you, I have a lot of great talents. I just need to get off my butt and start taking action.

I hope this info helps.

Yes, for some reason I have put off doing the leads model but it seems the easiest to sell, and the best of the "Produce before they pay" model, which is an approach I like. I want to bring value to my customers. Maybe that's why rejection bugs me. I really want to produce value, and I know I can, so it makes angry when I get rejected and less in the mood to "help them out" as it should to drive me.


Oh I plan on doing that. And right now. But I do believe you have to know how to do it to be able to teach it and systematize it. You can't just outsouce without knowing the process unless the hired people are REALLY good.


Good idea! I do think I'm too hard on myself. Not that I denigrate myself, not at all, but I expect a lot more out of myself, so I do not recognize smaller accomplishments/steps like I should to build that momentum.


You mean as in paid coaching?


Thanks for all the help guys!

Jay

thinking about working for the whiteman and getting a paycheck W2 where they steal my money from me.. is very motivating to never ever get to that point

Yeah you nailed it when you say you expect to be 'saved.'

I'm going to be blunt:

It sounds to me like you are rationalizing not taking action because you 'already know' that you can get good results. That in itself is meaningless, but is a nice way to preserve your ego while at the same time doing nothing.

The reality is that noone here can give you any advice that is going to make this decision easier.

If you are too afraid to do prospecting then you are ****ed. Give up then.

Because you are imagining this into some big event then of course you are going to have massive amounts of anxiety that you'll rationalize into procrastinating.

Just stop being a pussy do it. Take responsibility.

I think the truth is that you say you want xx but really you are more concerned with not being hurt, your ego or otherwise. Accepting the fear is the first step in releasing your brakes.

Imagine there's a gun pressed against your head, force yourself to do the calls or your family dies, or something like that.

The thing is that if you keep listening to your emotions they are going to **** you up. They are there to keep you consistent with your present under-achiever identity.

You know that's not who you want to be, so ignore your emotions and do it anyway.

The logical thing to do to achieve your goals is to pick up the phone.
Logically if you don't do your prospecting calls then you will be stuck with your present circumstances. What is it that you want?

If you do it enough your identity will shift from being someone lazy to a high achiever. This is what happened with me, but for awhile you will be contesting a lot with your old behaviours that do not serve you.

Eventually those same emotions constricting you will start pushing you forward and it will seem weird NOT to make calls, but this mechanism takes time to develop but not that long. 2 to 3 months of solid effort is required, but that will equate for you into a lifetime of sales and personal fulfilment.

There IS an irrational fear of prospecting.

There's a rational fear, too, but we can deal with that easily.

The irrational fear is why boiler rooms need to hire 100 people and maybe 1 or 2 work out...after the rest burn up and run home after less than an hour.

Obviously they don't know what it is, or how it works.

The guys and gals with the superhuman drive (ie. a HUGE reason to continue past the fear), or those who just don't care what others think, are the ones who push through this and last.

So don't be surprised you're feeling this way. It's one of the common things I've found with everyone who's considering phone prospecting all over the planet--whether English is their first language or not. It's a universal human fear.

Because it just plane old sucks. You can dress mutton up as lamb but its still mutton.

I love talking to prospects on the phone, when they call me... and there are plenty of ways to do that, you are a marketer for gods sake

Don't get me wrong, I have done it and will no doubt have do so again at some point, but it still sucks. No affirmations are ever gonna change that for me!

I now accept that fact and do not try to fight it...

That is my current strategy. Even THAT is a numbers game. I've played it before and got tired of it. But it's the best strategy IMO.

My angle with that is I try to get REFERRALS out of the candidates, so I can train them in their somewhat warm market during their training. If they referred me, the deal is they get paid as if they had done the sale, even though I might have done 100% of the work past the introduction.

Amazing how little success I've had with such a sound approach. But again, it's a numbers game... and if I get a real rep out of it the ROI would be sky high so I have to keep doing that.

Case in point of the numbers game for sales reps: I had a 50 minute interview/almost coaching session with a very excited girl by phone and join.me last night. She was VERY enthusiastic, was already thinking of a lot business owners she knows (she works in the bar scene), etc. Since then, no news. Now it's only 26 hours or so, but still, she seems to have vanished while the next steps were clear.


Mostly true of course. But I'm not even talking cold calling here. I have some people making appointment/interest calls for me so the prospects are "warmed" already. And even using non-phone methods like LinkedIn I'm not pulling the trigger.

Like you say, we are marketers. Now, I don't just want to wait for people to come to me as I don't think the volume would be enough. I do believe in our kind of services (offline marketing), marketing is not enough for our field. There has some to be a lot of SELLING as well.

I have to face it: I'm a rut right now. I need to get in action mode. Ideally, I'd like to partner up with people in action mode, at least in one way, so I can copy them and inspire them too. Just writing how pathetic I am makes me angry and ready for work. I work well with counter-examples too. And writing all this makes ME the counter-example :rolleyes:

Man I read this earlier today and have been too tied up to reply.

You are being hard on yourself. I don't think you are a coward or wimpy. In fact, the life you have led thus far takes more courage than 95% of humans will ever know!

I'll start with a broad concept you may have heard:

When your WHY is strong enough, the HOW will work itself out.

Or

If the WHY is big enough, almost ANY how will do.

The fact is, you are actually in a very, very good place. There is no reason for you to be negative about where you are. We all get into business because we want to be free, rich, and happy. We want to do all the fun stuff and give the money away to those we love.

So we get to work. We go after the money. It feels great at first. Those first successes are as sweet as honey. Then once we've had some success, something changes.

Have you ever noticed that new relationships are awesome, and as soon as some sort of commitment occurs, something changes? Then when marriage occurs, it changes more. It stops being as easy. Sure, it's still wonderful but more work is involved. That's the process of going deeper. It's where the real rewards are found.

Being in business is kind of like that. You've had some success...but the exhilaration of the money has worn off a little. The money isn't a big enough motivator anymore. Some people don't reach that point until they have millions. Some reach it sooner. So you sit there wondering what the hell is wrong with you. "Why don't you want this money?!?!"

It's like expecting to have an always new relationship.

You are alright Jay. You've got value to offer, your mind just doesn't know WHY it should work that hard. Our subconscious is a VERY, VERY powerful and untamed beast. We dance with it every single day.

Think about the primitive processes which are driving whether or not you take action. When your deep brain is deciding what to do with a situation, it says:

1) Is it dangerous?
2) Can I mate with it?
3) Can I eat it?

And that is it.

You have to turn the tables on those processes that are currently working against you. You have to find out why it is dangerous if you DON'T do the work. And that is about much more than debt or being poor. If money were the answer, you'd still be chasing it.

For me - I have spent a lot of time figuring out my life template. Figuring out what my true potential is.

I have this idea in my mind where I must end up in order to not be a failure. And anything short of that will be my fault.

The truth is - I don't care about the money anymore. Getting more money or losing money no longer affects me. Sometimes I wish it did. I picked up another $1,300 today. It was the easiest thing in the world. I wish it was exhilarating. But it isn't anymore.

If I made this about chasing money, I'd be screwed. I'd be feeling like you feel right now. Instead - I have lives to change. I have a world to touch. I have an empire to build. I have a legacy to perfect. But even THOSE are superficial.

My most precious pursuit. What drives me daily. Is a thirst to figure out, FOR REAL, what my true potential really is.

99% of us never get close to realizing our potential. I must.

It is my ETHICAL, MORAL responsibility as a human being to reach my potential. Every day that I let myself off the hook, is a day I am being immoral. I am harming the world.

I OWE it to my family to be a success. My community NEEDS me to shine. This potential that we all keep bottled up inside MUST be released.

But that's just me.

Jay, you aren't any of those bad things. And there is no reason to beat yourself up. Instead, you should pat yourself on the back. You have risen above money being your only calling. It isn't motivating you anymore.

Now - it's much deeper. It's time to go DEEP. Figure out WHY you need to do this.

Jim Rohn said "Don't make a million dollars because of what it will buy you. Make a million dollars because of what it will make of you."

The farther down this road I go, the more I transform into something else. Something better. Still me, but a better version.

I need to be the very best human being I am capable of being. And the only way to do that, is to reach for my potential.

After all - That is the reason you made this post. You are having a conflict. You want the money. And you think you need the money to be what you need to be. Because you are putting money in this powerful position, you are having a conflict.

"Having money will make me x,y,z - so why don't I want the money??"

It's a fallacy. The money isn't it. Your subconscious knows it. Your logical brain is telling you "GO GET MONEY" while your subconscious is saying "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE MONEY."

You gotta find out what your subconscious really cares about, and then trick it. Make success in business the only way to get what it wants.

Give yourself a strong enough WHY - and your mind will make the rest happen.

For me, I know my next steps are to develop even more as a leader. So, although it is scary, I'm about to hire a boatload of people. It gives me that exhilarating feeling again. That's how I know I'm on the right track.

So what is it? What about you personally needs to happen next? Attach THAT to your business and you will begin to feel compelled to work. You wont have a choice.

Don't be mad at yourself. You are on the EDGE of greatness!

You should do one of three things:

1) Continue to be a wimp and watch your business, then your life crumble. Clearly you have not been disturbed by losing everything -- your family, your possessions, and your pride. Clearly you're too comfortable, and without conviction, to succeed.

2) Go work for someone else who can force action or hold your employment at hostage. Seems like you don't have the conviction of your intentions working for yourself.

3) Find something you believe in that drives you to excel. I tried selling websites, and, like you, had no conviction and quit. I went back to selling life insurance and realized how much impact I had on my clients and their family.

I succeed because I believe; my work is my life; it's where I draw out 90 percent of my identity. It's what powers me through prospecting, getting rejected most of the time, and having down weeks. I am a convicted evangelist for life insurance.

You must have that same belief in your service to win over the long-term. Or you'll fail.

It takes more than willpower. You need to have a strategy. Whenever I’ve been in a slump, I’ve discovered that it’s often because I have too much going on in my life. I’m trying to do too much. And it saps my energy and motivation. It’s probably the most common mistake that people make: they try to take on too much, try to accomplish too many goals at once. You cannot maintain energy and focus (the two most important things in accomplishing a goal) if you are trying to do two or more goals at once. It’s not possible — I’ve tried it many times. You have to choose one goal, for now, and focus on it completely. I know, that’s hard. Still, I speak from experience. You can always do your other goals when you’ve accomplished your One Goal.

I think what Rearden said might be on point. Only you know for sure what really applies to your situation. Are you doing what you want to be doing, or just giving it a go because people make money in this field?

Also, some people are not meant to be entrepreneurs. There is nothing wrong with getting hired by someone to do what you're good at doing. Let them get business and provide structure.

Dan

Self respect and the respect of others could be another WHY.
Being a job creator could be another WHY.

The Misconceptions of Entrepreneurship | LinkedIn

Edit:
Being an inspirational person could be another WHY.

Are you sure you're not afraid of success?

For instance when you win a client, are the next steps a burden or do you have processes in place so all you have to do is a few simple things and the wheels start turning ?

See here, an old thread that may be useful

You really nailed it. I've realized for years I'm pleasure motivated. I actually had to learn that most people are pain avoiders to be a better closer. I have to find a way to make my objectives feel real so they can drive me, as the issue with pleasure goals is that they are harder to feel. Pain we want to avoid is usually very real...

Yes I have been hard on myself but I needed that. UNDISCIPLINED should be the big one on the title, not coward, even though I am protecting my ego for sure by acting less.


It pains me to realize I've had more success in a "provided structure" but I have no doubt I'm meant for entrepreneurship. No doubt at all. And great entrepreneurs have NOT done it alone. They created a structure, and/or hired people good at the structure part


I need to feel deep down that about 1 of every 10-12 clients will be businesses I love to work with and that impact the world. Most are not inspiring to be honest, yet the idea is to focus on the great ones.

I see it as another reason to hire and coach people, because that inspires me to help people succeed, and I have a structure set up in a way that if they succeed, I succeed too. I even give them recurring income from client accounts with monthly payments.

I was very good at hiring and developing sales people a decade ago. I guess I'm amazed that I have gotten so little results from "prospecting for sales rep" with what I offer. From my end, a problem is that I wasn't engaged fully mentally, wasn't committed enough to my work to commit to people I hired. That's changed NOW.


You guys have been awesome. I has REALLY helped me. I hope it'll serve others too!

BIG THANKS to you, Dan, for taking the time and effort to write what you did. Inspiring to say the least. I'll be reading this over again and again. You really made a difference for me. I'll never forget it.

Good read on this subject I just found.

How to Create Change

Actually sorry two more points to follow to help you out of your funk....don't waste too much time testing ideas or building complex sales systems that may or may not work. Fail fast! Setup sites using google sites if you have to. Use adwords to test things REALLY fast. While some people are still working on their pretty sales sites and setting up bank accounts, I am making money sometimes in less than a day and a few hours work. Put your time into refining the ones that work.

Point 2, if you cant automate it, dump it and move on to the next.

Wow... a lot of good ideas here in this thread. Now you REALLY don't have any excuse for not taking action!!

You asked what I meant by a paid accountability program, this is the one I've used: http://stayingaccountable.com/

While there is a little bit of coaching that comes up in the email exchange, it's really mostly about forcing yourself to commit to take actions and then having someone else follow up on whether you took those actions.

I used to run with people after work. Even in the winter we would go out and run around the lit parking lots (wearing reflective vests). Often I would see co-workers during the day, "Are you running tonight?" "Sure," I'd say. "Of course," I'd think. Then 5 PM would come and it would be very dark and very cold. "Damn, too late to back out now," I'd think. The truth was, once I was out there it was hardly ever so horribly cold, but I would NEVER have gone if I hadn't told someone that I would and known they would be looking for me, even waiting for me to show up.

So, there I guess I just proved myself wrong -- that was KIND of an accountability program that I did not pay for, but worked awesome. But it's hard to find that other person to work with who is also motivated.

What's happened to me a couple times is I've had accountability partners where we both have families and day jobs and one of us has a household issue and we stop doing entrepreneur tasks, stop sending the daily email. Suddenly the whole accountability thing breaks down.

Good luck to you.

Mostly I find stuff about "finding your why", linking goals, etc. doesn't work, it's a nice theory that isn't grounded in practical reality. Some people might be able to make it work but for the most part I find it doesn't, it's certainly never worked for me in spite of trying numerous methods and hasn't worked for the majority of people I know.

Here's what has worked for me:

1. Hire people to do what I don't like doing - I did much better when I found inexpensive employees to do the jobs I hated and consequently wasn't motivated to do, for example cold calling, it worked much better for me to have someone else do the cold calling and set up conversations for me

2. Get around inspired people - I don't mean this by go to a seminar, I mean spend the majority of your time in a work environment where others are working and inspired, little works better for me than having the implicit pressure of my peers driving me

3. Focus - what I mean by this is cut out the majority of things I'm doing, when I have many things I'm doing I'm less likely to do them, picking one thing provides the best results

4. Change the environment - this is a huge help with #3, I find focus incredibly difficult, I naturally am curious about and interested in many things. What helps me a lot is to modify my physical environment to eliminate distractions. For example, don't have my email open except for the specific times I'm working on it. Don't leave extra web browser windows open. Don't have physical distractions on my desk around me. Etc. Then be conscious of the impact the environment has on me. Here's a simple example, if I've got only a spreadsheet with a list of names and contact info to call and a phone it's a lot harder to avoid that phone than when I have 10 other things to distract me.

5. Plan discipline - this one of course sucks but it's part of the process commit to doing the stuff even if I don't like it and make a plan to do it and then follow the plan slowly building the habit


Hope that helps.

Well, I must say I strongly resented reading that at first. Yeah, a thread about my problems is going to be about me. How can you extrapolate that to my whole demeanor and business approach?

My main focus is always about bringing value. Getting calls, leads, butts in the chair, foot traffic, sales, profits for clients. For reps it's about helping them reach their goals, paying them well, letting them have a chance at recurring income, etc.

Anyone in a leadership position knows how it's lonely at the top. To my kids, to my extended family, to business partners, to clients, to employees, to reps, I've always got to be the strong, reliable one. All conversions are always about them, about their issues, about finding solutions for them.

So that's why a forum like this one is a blessing in so many ways. One of the main ones being were amongst peers and can actually talk about OUR issues for once, and being solution oriented for our own challenges.


I understand the philosophy of automation, and if possible, bypass the unreliable "human element". But in practice, I've found that while the greatest PITA frustrations are with humans ha ha, it also brings the greatest rewards.

I'm trying to combine both elements - automation and people. As an example, finding tons of ways to generate interested leads, but letting a sales person close them. Hiring a customer service rep to deal with clients, etc.

One thing though, is that when a company has a very small amount of personal, it does seem weird, lazy if you will, if I don't also do a good chunk of what I ask others to do. It's human nature. If you have 20 sales reps, they don't expect you to sell as well, and there's an inner competition going on between them. If they're one or two, that ain't happening... So how do you go from 2 to 20?

@ Michael and Dan. I agree with both of you. I too have some issues finding that "why" that would drive me. So I think the way Michael approaches it is a great way to get momentum anyhow. Yet like Dan I think getting that "why" is what will keep one focused and driven long range.

The impact on you (and those around you if you have any) of not taking action is not yet greater than the impact or results of you staying where you are and continuing to endure whatever you're enduring.

When the results of not taking action exceed whatever feelings or current payback you get from not taking action, when that happens, you WILL do whatever you need to do and stop being, as you say, "a Wimpy Undisciplined COWARD"

BAYO

Hi Jay

When you have the two sales bods you say you have, your focus is then on keeping them busy enough that you need more than two and effective enough that you can realistically afford (the business can I mean) to take on more than two.

Now personally I would take on someone else to take care of that part while I'd look at other areas to attack and grow , cross selling, upselling to monetise the client base , new services to add, potential JVs to build client base /range of services etc etc.

At certain points in a businesses growth you have to step out there into thin air and trust , that like the Road Runner, you aint going to plummet to your destruction.
One guy I know who grew his insurance brokerage organically said every time it was time for expansion ie he needed more staff, he would take on 7 times the number he needed right there and then!
7 times, so if he truly needed 2 he'd take on 14 , yep and it worked, he be slightly overstretching his current staff up to a certain point so there was a definite need for two more, then hed take the plunge and take on 14 , 'knowing' that because of the new staff ,fresh competition, newer ideas coming in, renewed energy of existing staff having the 'stretching' removed from their days , in a short space of time the 14 would more than pay for themselves and maybe 8 months later he'd be needed to top up the staff again.

Now granted the first time you/he goes through that its about trusting yourself to get through the other side, but you have to keep moving as a business.
Innovate or die

http://youtu.be/qiLDMBDPCEY

Accountability is the only way out, unless you can find some untapped discipline you have

Good luck.

I just have to say that you are what you think you are. Your language reflects a self/reality concept that automatically denies success. Every time you say you have a "problem", well then you do. You re-empower it. Delete it from your thinking/language now. See what happens. Then, get to work.