Vanquishing the fear of Prospecting

Simply put, once you change your beliefs about prospecting and view it realistically, the fear will GO AWAY.

In this sense you could consider the fear of prospecting to be a form of mental illness such as depression. Both are rooted in an IRRATIONAL belief system that causes the feeling of panic and self-doubt.

This is only my perspective, but the way I see it is that confidence and self-esteem are zero-sum ideas. Feeling centred and in control are natural emotions when you stop hurting yourself with negative self-talk.

You don't strive for self-confidence directly; it is a nothingness. Feeling good and exists in the absence of fear and anger. It is your default human emotion.

The majority live in reactivity, basing their sense of control outside of themselves. So when they get cut off in traffic, have an argument with their boss or get into a fight with their spouse they flip out.

These seemingly trivial things can have such a profound impact on the way we feel and act, and ultimately on the quality of our lives.

But the thing is that you KNOW that you ar the only person that's responsible for your emotions. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent and so on.

Why then, is it so difficult to NOT feel angry, hurt or shamed when someone slights us?

Surely we don't want to feel negative or let them ruin our day, so why do we allow it to happen?

Because the thing is that most of the time, people don't view things realistically. We have a miasma of cognitive distortions and filters with how we view and interpret the world.

But the reality is that no one has ownership of your emotions apart from yourself. You are literally the only person who can change or decide how you feel, and you do this first by analyzing your automatic thoughts that CAUSE the emotions.

Your bad emotions result from an irrational distortion of your thoughts. Because prospecting is NOT life threatening or dangerous it follows that being afraid would be a logical misstep.

So, we understand that:

The fear of prospecting is irrational. The fear is anchored in negative expectations or fortune telling that has no logical basis in reality.

That no one has power over our emotions except for ourselves

And emotions are generated as the effect of our thoughts.

The way out

The tool that we use to directly challenge our negative thoughts is to write them down, match up the thought to the corresponding cognitive distortion and to re-write our thoughts.

This exercise works much better on paper than in your head.

Think for a moment now what your automatic thoughts are when attempting to pick the phone, or approach a business owner for the first time.

Your thoughts will likely be negative and self-defeating which cause the negative emotion and apprehension.

You might say to yourself:

1. 'I never do anything right. I can't do this.'
   
   
2. 'I should be doing calls now but it's too late in the day. No one will be in.'
   
   
3. 'I don't know what to say or how to start my calls. It will suck, and I will trip over my words. It will be a DISASTER!'
   

Take a look at this list of cognitive distortions and decide which of the above statements match with the most common errors in thinking.

1. You say you can't do anything right? Do you mean you have never done anything right in life, ever? This would be called an over-generalization, as well as discounting the positive.
   
   
2. Who says you should be doing calls right now? Where is it written that you must? Thinking in terms of shoulds, musts and other absolutes causes paralysis.
   
   You think you SHOULD be doing something so you feel guilty and resentful. The result is that you decide NOT do what you really want which leads to more guilt. It's a vicious, self-reinforcing cycle.
   
   Additionally, how do you know that no one will be in the office? Do you have the decision maker's schedule in front of you? Are you their PA?
   
   You could be said to be making the error of jumping to conclusions; attempting to see into the future. What other cognitive distortions do you think could be attributed to this thought? Take a look at the list.
   
   
3. When you say it will suck and will be a 'Disaster' you are magnifying the situation, jumping to conclusions, catastrophizing, discounting the positive as well as labelling!
   
   No wonder you are apprehensive. Now consider that most if not ALL your negative emotions will be a powder keg that consists of these negative and wholly delusional thoughts.. and they happen automatically!
   
   The reality is that only a very small minority of people will actually be rude to you over the phone. Most will listen and politely decline if they are not interested. That's honestly the worst that will ever happen from years of doing this.

The three steps

Identify the automatic thought and write it down - but do not substitute your emotions for your thought process. Let me explain.

For example, do not write down 'I feel nervous and weak.' Because that's true. Instead, write down the irrational thought which precedes the emotion: 'People will be angry at me. I will screw up.'

By writing down and challenging your thoughts instead of your emotions allows you to get better. Because your thoughts alone and nothing else can cause you to feel bad!

Determine which cognitive distortions are causing you to feel uncomfortable by going through the list.

And rewrite your automatic thoughts into something logical and realistic as we have in the examples above. Be careful not to rationalize and only write down what you truly believe to be true.

Your cognitive delusions will have some truth in them, so resist the urge to dismiss them entirely. You are striving towards balance and equanimity. The more in line your expectations are with the reality, the easier life is going to be for you.

The trouble is that most people spend most of their lives RESISTING reality due to their expectations and that pushes them out of alignment. I think this resistance is the primary cause of most people's despair and anger when their expectations aren't met by reality.


Matthew North.