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Showing results 1 to 19 of 19
Search took 0.01 seconds. Search: Posts Made By: derekmichael02
Forum: Copywriting 22nd February 2012, 12:38 AM
Replies: 13
Views: 2,170
Posted By Mark Andrews
What is Direct Response Marketing?

Sometimes less is more...

It's about working smarter in business, not harder.

In this case, I want you to commit just 3 very simple words to your mind...

Direct Response Marketing

Those 3...
Forum: Main Internet Marketing Discussion Forum 7th October 2011, 05:52 PM
Replies: 37
Views: 1,137
Posted By sal64
How Would You Like Free Some Mentoring?

Who else would like me and other senior members to give them some real help?

me me me me me me me me me me me me! I hear you answer.

Well guess what? It ain't gonna happen - well not from me....
Forum: Copywriting 22nd February 2011, 12:36 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 818
Posted By Carl Galletti
Re: Warriors: You Made Me Bleed. I've Healed - And I'm Back For More!

Here's a thought: Simplify. Break up the 3 products into separate products and sell them for $5 each. See which one does the best.

Part of the sales page's problem is that you're trying to write...
Forum: Copywriting 21st February 2011, 11:59 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 818
Posted By ASCW
Re: Warriors: You Made Me Bleed. I've Healed - And I'm Back For More!

You should very seriously consider hiring a copywriter.
Forum: Copywriting 21st February 2011, 11:35 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 818
Posted By smartdoctor
Re: Warriors: You Made Me Bleed. I've Healed - And I'm Back For More!

I am not moved by your sales page I think you need to get e better title
Forum: Copywriting 20th February 2011, 04:40 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 818
Posted By tun80
Re: Warriors: You Made Me Bleed. I've Healed - And I'm Back For More!

Derek, those boys didn't cut you deep enough last time.

There's a lot wrong with the page, and I agree with what's been said already. There's nothing to make me want to read the page.

You can...
Forum: Copywriting 20th February 2011, 01:28 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 818
Posted By Aemilia
Re: Warriors: You Made Me Bleed. I've Healed - And I'm Back For More!

You sure improved. Better than your first. However, take the recommendations above to good use. Another tip: when you write or assemble, put yourself in the position of the reader, it helps. Be...
Forum: Copywriting 19th February 2011, 10:38 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 818
Posted By scrofford
Re: Warriors: You Made Me Bleed. I've Healed - And I'm Back For More!

I got bored and clicked away right after your intro. I think you need to make the copy more exciting. It's boring. I think the headline needs work to. It's ok, but should be needs work. The product...
Forum: Copywriting 19th February 2011, 08:26 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 818
Posted By ASCW
Re: Warriors: You Made Me Bleed. I've Healed - And I'm Back For More!

Hey how's it going.

Took a quick look at your page.

Here is a list of things you need to change immediately.

1) Ditch the banner - it does not help you at all. In fact it actively hinders...
Forum: Copywriting 19th February 2011, 07:31 PM
Replies: 10
Views: 818
Posted By dkaos
Re: Warriors: You Made Me Bleed. I've Healed - And I'm Back For More!

To me, Fortune 5er Hundred isn't a smooth product name. It's jerky to say and read and just doesn't work! But what would I know, I'm only now trying to launch my first e-book.
Forum: Copywriting 19th February 2011, 03:37 AM
Replies: 10
Views: 818
Posted By Matt Lee
Re: Warriors: You Made Me Bleed. I've Healed - And I'm Back For More!

Not a fan of the border, header definitely needs a professional touch, and your content is too close together. Needs to breath a bit.

Just an idea here but you should run a "launch promotion"...
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 05:24 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 843
Posted By Nicholas Spear
Re: Expertise Needed: This noob wrote a sales page

Hi guys - heres a novel sales page - might give you some ideas- Check it out hihihihi :)

clickhereyouidiot.com
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 10:03 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 843
Posted By The Copy Nazi
Re: Expertise Needed: This noob wrote a sales page

Never say "learn" - it implies work. Say "discover".

It's a good effort for someone who's never done this before. But...there's too much sh*t on that page. Get the scalpel out. Starting with the...
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 09:21 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 843
Posted By TheCopyGirl
Re: Expertise Needed: This noob wrote a sales page

I agree with the general opinion that the headline is too long. Here's a quick rewrite attempt:

How to pocket $700 in your first month with gigs that require just five minutes each
and
ZERO...
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 08:27 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 843
Posted By travlinguy
Re: Expertise Needed: This noob wrote a sales page

Your headline is way too long. It also looks like you're assuming that everyone knows what 'fiverr and other gig sites' are. To do this right you'd have a short paragraph or two right up front...
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 08:26 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 843
Posted By ewenmack
Re: Expertise Needed: This noob wrote a sales page

Derek, the reader wants to know, straight away,
if the message is for him/her.

Next the reader wants to know if you are worthy of their time.

It's 3.22 here in the morning and I'm heading for...
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 05:40 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 843
Posted By bukriv
Re: Expertise Needed: This noob wrote a sales page

"Even If You If Are A Complete Newbie..."

That's from the headline. You need to take out the second 'if'.
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 04:56 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 843
Posted By shawnleeSG
Re: Expertise Needed: This noob wrote a sales page

I'm in no way a copywriting pro, but here are my views.

Your headline is way too wordy, 45 words! I think you would have lost most people there. If you really have so much to say, then have a...
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 12:11 AM
Replies: 9
Views: 843
Posted By Alex Cohen
Re: Expertise Needed: This noob wrote a sales page

Derek,

Use bullet points in the 13 statements after "you'll discover ...".

Skimmers read bullets.

Alex
Showing results 1 to 19 of 19

 
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