The DEATH of ppc landing pages. (r.i.p.)

Hi guys. About one year and a half ago, when I started digging into I.M., I learned ,as well as many of you also did , about how a good L.P. for ppc should be:

-One Single page, not to short, not too long. Better said, according to the price of the product, right?
-A couple of seductive and catching headings, telling briefly what your product and it´s top and unique benefit.
-A hero picture on the top.
-A List spotlighting the benefits and then the features of your product.
-A few well visible "call to action" buttons all along the page sendin visitors to your aff. link.
-Some testimonials.
-A contact-us button
-A disclaimer or terms of service page.
-And a MUST: NOTHING ELSE that could distract the visitor from the main goal of the page, which is warming him up in order to send him already pre-saled and willing to read more, to the merchant´s purchase page.

Sound familiar? If so, forget it. At least if you want to do Adwords.
I´ve been recently slaped by G with a 1/10 quaility score for my L.P., also being my page a part of a larger site holding a blog which visitors can go to via a link on the bottom of my page in case they wanted content for free!
I wrote to adwords help to fin out what was Soooo wrong with my page, and read their guidelines again. And what I´ve got is that the landing page Google wants is exactly the perfect opposite to the model I described above. They really want a landing site:

-Huuuuuge site with tons of pages.
-Lots and lots of original, relevant and quality content, obviously FREE.
-No testimonials at all.
-Small attempts to sale something, (if none at all, much better!) like discreet buttons or links BELOW the main free content (if possible, out of the screen).
-Links to other sites (where potential customers are invited to leave your site)
-A full description of your "company" and it´s activity. (in my case, the corporation is just me, a desk, a chair, and a notebook)

So, my friends, I´ll put my well designed L.P. and my days and months of time developing something nice and catchy, somewhere... (some ideas on where can that be?)

Ok guys, sorry but I´m doing some catharsis and releasing a little of my anguish and frustration with you , and also telling newbies what NOT to do if they don´t want to lose time, work and monney.

Now please, may some experienced guys here help me and tell me how to go with my campaign? I´m absolutely lost like if my plane falled in the middle of the jungle, looking here and there without knowing exactly witch direction to start walking to.

Many thanks in advance to anyone who could help!!