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Search: Posts Made By: Collette
Forum: Copywriting 2nd April 2012, 09:25 AM
Replies: 21
Views: 926
Posted By Collette
Re: Please Review Revised Sales Page

Glad I could help, but...

You have a "copywriter"??

MOG.

With all due respect, you need a real copywriter.
Forum: Copywriting 1st April 2012, 04:11 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 926
Posted By Collette
Re: Please Review Revised Sales Page

He already admitted that he doesn't know who his prospect is. How's he going to talk to his prospect if he doesn't know who he's talking to?

He's already clear on his offer: He has a system that...
Forum: Copywriting 1st April 2012, 10:59 AM
Replies: 21
Views: 926
Posted By Collette
Re: Please Review Revised Sales Page

‎"The aim of marketing is to know and understand the customer so well the
product or service fits him and sells itself."

— Peter F. Drucker: was an influential writer and management consultant
...
Forum: Copywriting 31st March 2012, 10:41 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 926
Posted By Collette
Re: Please Review Revised Sales Page

What Ewan said ^^:

"I'm trying to steer you in the direction of one problem, one solution."

When you try to speak to everyone, you speak to no one. You need to focus your letter to a specific...
Forum: Copywriting 31st March 2012, 10:04 AM
Replies: 21
Views: 926
Posted By Collette
Re: Please Review Revised Sales Page

Who are you talking to? Because your copy describes someone with ADD. And there's a pill for that.

If the prospect reader has been diagnosed with ADD, then they're either taking, or not taking,...
Forum: Copywriting 30th March 2012, 06:11 PM
Replies: 20
Views: 850
Posted By Collette
Re: Sales Copy Please

My post wasn't scolding you, Luke. It was a template for you - and anyone else who makes a similar request - to use.

While I appreciate that you might not want to reveal the exact details of your...
Forum: Copywriting 29th March 2012, 07:09 PM
Replies: 20
Views: 850
Posted By Collette
Re: Sales Copy Please

Here you go, Luke; just fill in the blanks:


Greetings Warrior Copywriters! I am looking for a copywriter to help me with a project.

I plan on selling my [PRODUCT] about [SUBJECT] using a...
Forum: Copywriting 9th November 2011, 01:36 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 614
Posted By Collette
Re: Do you think my first attempt on copywriting is any good?

The copy reads like you're overthinking this email. Let's back up a little:

Your market: Album designers (do you mean, music albums, such as CDs?) who need a quicker, easier way to send draft...
Forum: Copywriting 8th November 2011, 01:39 PM
Replies: 18
Views: 882
Posted By Collette
Re: My critique of ME...

Now THAT'S some good writing! :p:D
Forum: Copywriting 8th November 2011, 01:36 PM
Replies: 50
Views: 1,812
Posted By Collette
Re: Would Your Copy Actually Sell In The Real World?

I did. You ignored everything I had to say because it wasn't what you wanted to hear.

I can't help you.
Forum: Copywriting 7th November 2011, 02:31 PM
Replies: 50
Views: 1,812
Posted By Collette
Re: Would Your Copy Actually Sell In The Real World?

"Opinion" isn't worth sh*t. What constitutes "good" copy is a matter of sales.

"Good" copy sells. "Bad" copy doesn't.

Copy that doesn't make the sale is "bad" copy.

The copy you used...
Forum: Copywriting 7th November 2011, 02:01 PM
Replies: 50
Views: 1,812
Posted By Collette
Re: Would Your Copy Actually Sell In The Real World?

You're not selling an e-book. You're trying to give it away. And you should be able to do so with a simple squeeze. Thousands of "valuable" freebies have been given away, and are being given away,...
Forum: Copywriting 7th November 2011, 01:44 PM
Replies: 50
Views: 1,812
Posted By Collette
Re: Would Your Copy Actually Sell In The Real World?

I'm not "attacking" your freebie. I have no clue what your freebie is worth, as I haven't seen it.

It could be more valuable than anything Halbert or Bencivenga or Marshall or Makepeace ever put...
Forum: Copywriting 7th November 2011, 01:36 PM
Replies: 50
Views: 1,812
Posted By Collette
Re: Would Your Copy Actually Sell In The Real World?

@ Bruce - I would have pointed that out but I'm making an extra-special effort to be kind and gentle for Lent. :D
Forum: Copywriting 7th November 2011, 01:28 PM
Replies: 50
Views: 1,812
Posted By Collette
Re: Would Your Copy Actually Sell In The Real World?

Quite so.

And nothing in your copy convinces me that what you're offering is, in fact, of value.

"Free" does not automatically = "Valuable".

Unless you're talking to complete...
Forum: Copywriting 7th November 2011, 12:52 PM
Replies: 18
Views: 882
Posted By Collette
Re: Time to take it. Criticism appreciated.

IMHO, it needs a rewrite.

Not wild about the headline. It's pretty bland, and implies that the course only takes 9 minutes to complete. If that's my motivation for reading on (that I can become a...
Forum: Copywriting 7th November 2011, 12:28 PM
Replies: 50
Views: 1,812
Posted By Collette
Re: Would Your Copy Actually Sell In The Real World?

Here's the Titanic-sized hole in your copy, bro:

WHY?

Why are you giving this "valuable" information away for free?
Why should I give you my info to get it?
Why do I need to get it NOW?
Why...
Forum: Copywriting 16th April 2011, 12:33 PM
Replies: 29
Views: 1,257
Posted By Collette
Re: Crossing The FTC? Priceless

As far as I can make out from the language, that only applies if you're offering the product at a "reduced" price. So this would mostly affect those sellers alleging that the product is "usually"...
Forum: Copywriting 15th April 2011, 03:39 PM
Replies: 29
Views: 1,257
Posted By Collette
Re: Crossing The FTC? Priceless

I'm not sure how this affects information products, particularly bonus items. The FTC example is of a physical product, and it's pretty easy to source the actual cost of the item for a physical...
Forum: Copywriting 6th March 2011, 06:00 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 613
Posted By Collette
Re: Sales page feedback, please?

Couple of quick comments:

- Visually, the page looks like one long block of text. This makes the copy look dense and intimidating. I suggest you find some appropriate graphics to break up the...
Forum: Copywriting 6th March 2011, 05:18 PM
Replies: 53
Views: 3,447
Posted By Collette
Re: Deadly Silence On Video Sales Letters...What's Up!

Perhaps it's the cantankerous old git in me but I have to give a nod of agreement to this sentiment.

Recently forked out @$2K for a Big Name, and was slightly taken aback to see him in a rumpled...
Forum: Copywriting 6th March 2011, 05:08 PM
Replies: 53
Views: 3,447
Posted By Collette
Re: Deadly Silence On Video Sales Letters...What's Up!

Did you notice that if you click to close the browser window, you get the option to read the video script... as a salesletter?

Bwahahahahah.....

Stansberry's newsletter is a fairly wide age...
Forum: Copywriting 22nd February 2011, 12:36 AM
Replies: 23
Views: 855
Posted By Collette
Re: Does the Internet changing copywriting needs to change?

Copywriters are the alchemists of desire. :D

(swiped from - I believe - Gary B)
Forum: Copywriting 21st February 2011, 02:50 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 855
Posted By Collette
Re: Does the Internet changing copywriting needs to change?

Yup. Even the most 'logical' people can't avoid an emotional reaction to a purchase proposition.

Sure, they'll justify their decision with 'logic', but people have an immediate, initial...
Forum: Copywriting 21st February 2011, 12:15 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 855
Posted By Collette
Re: Does the Internet changing copywriting needs to change?

People's motivations haven't changed in centuries, as any student of history can attest.

But, as you point out, marketers must adapt to changing technology. At one time, the only way people got...
Forum: Main Internet Marketing Discussion Forum 18th February 2011, 01:54 PM
Replies: 570
Views: 30,350
Posted By Collette
Re: How The Clueless Throw Away Their Money

i.e. The clueless and their money are parted?

Duly noted.
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 01:02 PM
Replies: 17
Views: 763
Posted By Collette
Re: Could you give me your opinion on this?

Re: PLPro:

The software appears to harvest emails.

How is this not spam? I ask, because the website doesn't answer.

Re: Nathan: Go to the end of your sales funnel. Why do you want these...
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 12:43 PM
Replies: 15
Views: 681
Posted By Collette
Re: Sales Page Critique please?

Not being authentic will always limit you.

Stories are powerful selling tools. Look up "Wall St. Journal letter". One of the best-selling sales letters of all time. Tells a story to a crowd of...
Forum: Copywriting 18th February 2011, 12:16 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 898
Posted By Collette
Re: Review my sales letter please!

Have you asked dog owners? It's all very well asking a bunch of Internet marketers to give random opinions, but the only opinions that matter are those of your target market.

As an Internet...
Forum: Main Internet Marketing Discussion Forum 18th February 2011, 11:56 AM
Replies: 570
Views: 30,350
Posted By Collette
Re: How The Clueless Throw Away Their Money

On the contrary, there are at least two lessons to be learned here: How to gather a crowd, and how to burn a bridge.





Yup. It sounds like a bridge burning.
Forum: Main Internet Marketing Discussion Forum 17th February 2011, 01:40 PM
Replies: 570
Views: 30,350
Posted By Collette
Re: How The Clueless Throw Away Their Money

http://i54.tinypic.com/20gjr5e.jpg

Nom nom nom
Forum: Main Internet Marketing Discussion Forum 15th February 2011, 09:58 AM
Replies: 38
Views: 1,230
Posted By Collette
Re: Dear WSO and other product creators

@Edlewis: I second the suggestion to separate out your content if you feel you have to cover basic stuff. I've bought several products that did that, and it was a real time-saver. Plus, I really...
Forum: Main Internet Marketing Discussion Forum 13th February 2011, 01:42 PM
Replies: 230
Views: 12,922
Posted By Collette
Re: Product Launches Bombing

You don't think the name and reputation behind the product makes a difference in perception?

I do.

Let's say I have $100 to spend on a formal gown. I find a Vera Wang, in my size, for $97...
Forum: Copywriting 11th February 2011, 07:58 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 963
Posted By Collette
Forum: Copywriting 11th February 2011, 07:56 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 963
Posted By Collette
Re: Shockers & Stunners - Landing Page Analysis

"Your PenIs Our Business"

Most excellent. That one's a keeper. :D
Forum: Copywriting 11th February 2011, 07:36 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,082
Posted By Collette
Re: First Clickbank Sales Page/Letter - Critiques appreciated

Greg - Before I say anything, what is it about this page that you like? It's obviously not the usual Clickbank-style letter, and I'm curious to know what your thought process was behind some of these...
Forum: Copywriting 10th February 2011, 05:25 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 901
Posted By Collette
Re: -Expert Sales Page Help Needed - need help to convert

I am definitely NOT recommending a "gimmick".

I AM recommending that you dig into your product to see how you can position it in a way that's brings out its uniqueness.

Based on your...
Forum: Copywriting 10th February 2011, 04:24 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 901
Posted By Collette
Re: -Expert Sales Page Help Needed - need help to convert

P.S. Don't spend another cent on AdWords until you figure out your USP.
Forum: Copywriting 10th February 2011, 04:14 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 901
Posted By Collette
Re: -Expert Sales Page Help Needed - need help to convert

Not trying to be harsh here, but:

Your main issue is NOT your headline. Your main "issue" is your product.

There's NOTHING remarkable about your product. At least, not as currently...
Forum: Copywriting 10th February 2011, 03:57 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 964
Posted By Collette
Re: Causing pain in the reader

That's the problem with taking one guy's approach and using it as a hard-and-fast guideline.

Kennedy has never written to affluent liberals. Kennedy is about as far from liberal as you can get....
Forum: Copywriting 10th February 2011, 03:16 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 964
Posted By Collette
Re: Causing pain in the reader

Gonna have to disagree with you here:



On the whole, it is political suicide for an incumbent President to spread a message of doom and gloom. It is WAY too easy for the opposing side to...
Forum: Copywriting 8th February 2011, 06:03 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 1,510
Posted By Collette
Re: Frank Kern's Inappropriate Advertising...

'Tis true...
My ninja lacks mojo. :(
Forum: Copywriting 8th February 2011, 05:38 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 1,510
Posted By Collette
Re: Frank Kern's Inappropriate Advertising...

Yup, I got that. And the most morbid thing about the use of the word "morbidly" is that it killed my interest. :(
Forum: Copywriting 8th February 2011, 05:34 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 1,510
Posted By Collette
Re: Frank Kern's Inappropriate Advertising...

Then presumably my Broca's area is wired differently. I just thought, "Pretentious malapropism."
Forum: Copywriting 8th February 2011, 02:35 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 1,510
Posted By Collette
Re: Frank Kern's Inappropriate Advertising...

I suspect the most inappropriate thing about this video is the use of "morbidly".
Forum: Copywriting 7th February 2011, 10:58 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 949
Posted By Collette
Re: So I Got This in My Mailbox...

I'm detecting a certain lack of referential reverence and subjugational swooning ...

Naaah. Must be my imagination.
Forum: Copywriting 7th February 2011, 10:51 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 964
Posted By Collette
Re: Causing pain in the reader

Think of it this way:

Your sales copy is a "story" you're telling the reader.

Every good story requires a conflict to drive the action towards the story's conclusion. Without conflict, there...
Forum: Copywriting 7th February 2011, 10:27 AM
Replies: 23
Views: 925
Posted By Collette
Re: When do I bring in the pros?

Whut he said. Plus:

Most important, in a high-competition niche, is to look at what you're selling. John Carlton, Dan Kennedy, Gary Bencivenga calibre 'ain't writing high-dollar sales letters for...
Forum: Copywriting 7th February 2011, 09:06 AM
Replies: 44
Views: 1,414
Posted By Collette
Re: [PROFESSIONAL SALES PAGE CRITIQUE] : Turn This Multi-Page Sales Letter Into a 10% Converter

I think your suggested price points are ambitious.

I'd suggest a one-time purchase below $50, include say, 4 - 6 months of email or forum support, add a few decent supporting bonuses, put the...
Forum: Copywriting 6th February 2011, 01:10 PM
Replies: 13
Views: 1,210
Posted By Collette
Re: Tattooholic site sales copy

One reason that immediately jumps out at me (after a quick scan of your competitors) is that I can't browse the designs. Tattoo people are visual types. They're going to want to see the goods.
...
Forum: Copywriting 6th February 2011, 12:46 PM
Replies: 44
Views: 1,414
Posted By Collette
Re: [PROFESSIONAL SALES PAGE CRITIQUE] : Turn This Multi-Page Sales Letter Into a 10% Converter

Based on the B/A pics, it looks as though you may have something here. However:

-Headline is unwieldy and doesn't answer WIIFM. None of your proposed headlines answer WIIFM.

-The offer...
Forum: Copywriting 5th February 2011, 02:01 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 2,090
Posted By Collette
Forum: Copywriting 5th February 2011, 01:59 PM
Replies: 72
Views: 3,622
Posted By Collette
Re: STOP posting asking for critiques and do this instead....

Lots of folks here either just starting out, trying to learn, or doing IM as a P/T thing after their day jobs. Some of these people are wannabe pro copywriters; others are trying to learn enough to...
Forum: Copywriting 5th February 2011, 01:37 PM
Replies: 37
Views: 1,245
Posted By Collette
Re: Oooh! It makes me MAD! (Rant)

You make some good points about ranting on a client publicly. And the general wimpiness trend. Still, vis a vis posting the work in question here:

To be a valid comparison, asafaria would have to...
Forum: Copywriting 4th February 2011, 02:33 PM
Replies: 37
Views: 1,245
Posted By Collette
Re: Oooh! It makes me MAD! (Rant)

Gotta disagree with the premise here.

As a professional copywriter, you SHOULD give a **** if your client sells 10 bananas or 10,000,000 as a result of your copy.

It's a matter of...
Forum: Copywriting 4th February 2011, 02:12 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 2,090
Posted By Collette
Re: Do "Long Form" Sales Letters work for Physical products ??

It depends: "a physical product" is very vague. You could be talking about an impulse purchase of $5 shoelaces, or a more considered purchase of a $5K greenhouse. And you didn't specify whether...
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