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Search: Posts Made By: TjarkHartmann
Forum: Copywriting 2nd January 2016, 08:42 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 513
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Do you need the "Are you" or "Do you" in a headline?

With all due respect, allow me to smack this crippling disease out of you right now:

Shorter headlines do NOT always convert better.

Can they? Sure.

It all depends on how many words you need...
Forum: Copywriting 17th November 2015, 12:29 PM
Replies: 43
Views: 1,810
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Read some books. Want to learn more.

The Gary Halbert Letter (http://www.thegaryhalbertletter.com/newsletters/zfkj_hands_on_experience.htm)
Forum: Copywriting 15th November 2015, 03:12 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 567
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Need feedback on my sales page

So I checked it out real quick and figured I'd help you out with the headline, since it's the most important and right now, it can easily be improved.

Anyway, here you go:

"How This Simple,...
Forum: Copywriting 14th November 2015, 02:43 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 1,165
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: is your copywriting client gonna be a pain in the A$$?

Wow, that's really interesting.

I wonder, whether they actually believe what they are saying... or if it's a deliberate lie.

So, for #1, "There will be a ton of work in the future," or #3,...
Forum: Copywriting 14th November 2015, 09:19 AM
Replies: 21
Views: 1,165
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: is your copywriting client gonna be a pain in the A$$?

I would be interested as to why these are warning signs, because some are counter intuitive.

Like, I can vouch for #4, but common sense would tell you different.

So what is the psychology...
Forum: Copywriting 14th October 2015, 05:28 PM
Replies: 44
Views: 1,527
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: What's the difference between "persuasion" and "manipulation"?

I agree with you, it's a fact that there are other reasons people are overweight. (Which was also in my original post.)

And I also believe that the responsibility lies with people who buy and...
Forum: Copywriting 13th October 2015, 06:21 PM
Replies: 44
Views: 1,527
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: What's the difference between "persuasion" and "manipulation"?

What do you mean?

If you said that because of the word "everything" then maybe I should have said "blaming the cause of them being overweight" instead. Of course, this would be for people who do...
Forum: Copywriting 13th October 2015, 04:04 PM
Replies: 44
Views: 1,527
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: What's the difference between "persuasion" and "manipulation"?

Ah, that's good. Well put.

Here's another way to look at it, building on Ray's "fat" food example...

Would you rather convince overweight people to lose weight (aka gain health) if it means...
Forum: Copywriting 28th September 2015, 08:55 PM
Replies: 7
Views: 621
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Please critique

So the question is: Why don't you want them? Why doesn't your wife want them?

Figure that out and change or delete the dealership angle.

Oh, and make it clear that there is nothing wrong with...
Forum: Copywriting 20th September 2015, 07:30 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 664
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: writing a special "unsubscribe successfull page"

You could go even further with this and give them a personal benefit for submitting feedback.

Maybe "If you like, we would be glad to send you a notification when we implement your valuable...
Forum: Copywriting 15th September 2015, 03:41 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 1,760
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Donald Trump Surge Thanks To Copywriting?

If you enjoy listening to Donald Trump (political views aside) then you would love the book "Words That Work" by Frank Luntz.

Great read for anyone interested in the power of individual words,...
Forum: Copywriting 16th August 2015, 01:25 PM
Replies: 20
Views: 1,772
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Worried that my first direct mail was a flop...help?

Let me clear something up: I wasn't blown back by the idea of a seminar for marketing purposes.

It was the idea to use a seminar to begin your freelance copywriting career.... The thought process...
Forum: Copywriting 15th August 2015, 06:28 PM
Replies: 20
Views: 1,772
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: I wonder....

When I first looked at your idea, I had to step back a little bit.

Why hasn't anyone thought of this before?

I think it has something to do with two things that Jay Abraham, Dan Pena, and all...
Forum: Copywriting 11th August 2015, 01:26 PM
Replies: 11
Views: 1,381
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Can I get some feedback on my sales letter?

I use this, but I hope you're not suggesting that all he needs to do is tidy up his sentences.
Forum: Copywriting 2nd August 2015, 08:38 PM
Replies: 27
Views: 2,094
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Ad Blooper: How They Failed To See The Obvious...

This debate looks like it's being fueled by some confusion about what sleep apnea actually is.

Let me throw down some knowledge that could help.... before going at the headline.

A person with...
Forum: Copywriting 24th July 2015, 11:47 AM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,948
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Craigslist Ad Help!

I hate to say it but this needs a complete rewrite -- assuming there is demand.
If you want to save a bunch of time, you should hire a copywriter.
If you want to do it yourself, start with the...
Forum: Copywriting 18th July 2015, 08:03 AM
Replies: 30
Views: 2,225
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: My Sales Page

I admire your persistence and how quickly you try to use the advice here.

That being said, I think you need to re-do the whole page... IF there is even a market for this, like sir copy nazi said....
Forum: Copywriting 15th July 2015, 03:59 PM
Replies: 30
Views: 2,225
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: My Sales Page

I'm curious...

Is this a book on fixing an already made cake? Or on "How To Bake The Perfect Cake"?
Forum: Copywriting 2nd July 2015, 06:15 PM
Replies: 4
Views: 1,196
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Dog Training Sales Page Copy Review

You may want to consider starting with the content under "Are You Struggling With Any of These 30 Behavioral Issues With Your Own Dog?" and changing the subhead to a more what-you-will-get style.
...
Forum: Copywriting 20th June 2015, 07:37 PM
Replies: 86
Views: 5,696
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: 4 postcards mailed, which was the winner?

The more I think about WHY someone would want to get rid of ALL mosquitos versus using other, cheaper do it yourself methods, the more I want to change my answer to #4.

Postcard 4 gave a new,...
Forum: Copywriting 19th June 2015, 06:36 PM
Replies: 86
Views: 5,696
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: 4 postcards mailed, which was the winner?

What's on my mind is if #4 did do the best, did it also do the best in terms of people calling for another treatment?

Considering it created a need that seems to be short-term and in the...
Forum: Copywriting 19th June 2015, 05:16 PM
Replies: 86
Views: 5,696
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: 4 postcards mailed, which was the winner?

I would say #1 for a couple of reasons...

1. The company contact information on the top right is really easy to spot, and makes it possible to reply right when convinced and not hunt for the...
Forum: Copywriting 14th April 2015, 02:07 PM
Replies: 19
Views: 2,182
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: An S in a headline pulls 3x more sales

Thank you so much for sharing.

For me, little things like this are the most interesting aspects of copywriting -- and the most valuable, too.
Forum: Copywriting 14th April 2015, 01:58 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 1,579
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Beginners email your views please

He does offer the solution after the question. Is it clear enough? I believe so.

Free and no obligation aren't the same thing. You can pay for something with no obligation i.e. no contract....
Forum: Copywriting 13th April 2015, 08:29 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,458
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: [Critique Request] How To Talk To Women Product.

This part seems like a hidden gem that could be taken advantage of:

"I also had a mild case of autism..."
Forum: Copywriting 10th April 2015, 06:19 PM
Replies: 35
Views: 3,771
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: [Need A Critique] Clothing Store Website Sales Letter

I have no idea if the content of your message will relate to soon-to-be mothers, but here are a couple of things I can say with certainty:

1) You're misusing comma's a lot. For example: ...
Forum: Copywriting 6th April 2015, 01:43 PM
Replies: 42
Views: 2,216
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Long Sales Copy

Does it vary with price?

If you're giving away something for free, or selling a $5 product, I'd assume the sales letter wouldn't need to be as long.
Forum: Copywriting 3rd April 2015, 02:28 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 2,125
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Best Way to Approach ClickBank Clients?

Perhaps the best way to go about this would be to write some of the copy for the product first, and show them the sample.

If they express interest you can negotiate from there.

Some options...
Forum: Copywriting 28th March 2015, 07:31 PM
Replies: 6
Views: 1,103
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: What would most likely grab emails from this audiance?

Either A) look at what your competition is doing or B) test it out yourself.
Forum: Copywriting 27th March 2015, 07:56 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 1,842
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: My First Sales Letter - Does it Pass?

Looking past the great points Ewen and Angie made...

A big hole in the actual copy is the headline sets up a "retired widow" story yet there's nothing about her mentioned in the body.
Forum: Copywriting 23rd March 2015, 09:02 PM
Replies: 23
Views: 1,846
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Feedback on my first sales letter

Going off your information:

1) Your sentences are full of fluff and confusing
2) Your overall promise is everywhere and not supported by examples in the modules.
3) There is a lack of...
Forum: Copywriting 18th March 2015, 11:08 AM
Replies: 16
Views: 1,867
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Question To All Copywriting Warriors!!

You should take a look at Gary Halbert's 30 day guide to becoming a copywriter.

You can find it here. (http://www.thegaryhalbertletter.com/newsletters/zfkj_hands_on_experience.htm)

P.S. The...
Forum: Copywriting 8th March 2015, 08:00 PM
Replies: 5
Views: 1,189
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Psychology/sales books on words?

If you're looking for getting the most impact out of your writing, The Elements of Style by William Strunk and On Writing Well by William Zinsser are great reads.

As for persuasion, I recommend...
Forum: Copywriting 6th March 2015, 05:05 PM
Replies: 26
Views: 3,891
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Please critique my copy!

You decided the "7 letter word" is so important it deserves to be in your headline... yet I spent 5 minutes looking over the page before finding out it's the word "dissect". And I'm not even certain...
Forum: Copywriting 27th February 2015, 12:05 PM
Replies: 26
Views: 1,736
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: copy reviews needed

If you're a diabetic and worried about finding a cure --so worried that you're looking for information outside of the doctors office -- wouldn't you already know all of the complications that come...
Forum: Copywriting 22nd February 2015, 01:42 PM
Replies: 21
Views: 1,761
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Brutalize my landing page

Here's a couple things I believe will help you:

You're focusing too much on "I". I will do this. I can do that. I'm different than this. You can easily switch these sentences into what they will...
Forum: Copywriting 6th February 2015, 01:08 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,162
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Seeking Advice on Headline for Free Event

These are all really generic.

From the limited information we have to go on I'd say your best is using "1 in 2 people"... make it personal... emotional... urgent... realistic.
Forum: Copywriting 5th February 2015, 08:47 AM
Replies: 36
Views: 3,775
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Copywriters soon to go the way of toll both collectors!

Here's an e-mail I got from Drayton Bird.

Chilling news for copywriters - from the Wall Street Journal.

"Improbable? Terrifying?

Maybe. But a firm called Persado has raised $21 million...
Forum: Copywriting 30th January 2015, 10:21 PM
Replies: 37
Views: 2,688
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Please critque my video script and landing page copy

Right when I looked at your page I had to double take the headline because "Sick of Wasting" "Time Job Hunting?"... made me wonder what the hell Time Job Hunting is. Might be a good idea to put "Sick...
Forum: Copywriting 27th January 2015, 09:25 AM
Replies: 7
Views: 950
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Please critique the sales page on "How to Get Top Brands Beg to Sponsor Your Event"

What big brands? What top companies? What kind of sponsor?
Forum: Conversion Rate Optimization 25th January 2015, 12:13 PM
Replies: 3
Views: 1,226
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Feed back requested

Your prospects are confused. It took me more than 30 seconds of searching to figure out what the product even is and what it does. The jargon and excessive use of "big" words is off putting.

Get...
Forum: Copywriting 23rd January 2015, 12:00 PM
Replies: 22
Views: 2,003
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: New Guy asking for some advice on my Landing Page

Does "The Most Googled Diet of 2014" mean anything to visitors?

To me... it's sort of sad the biggest proof on the page is just about number of searches.

Edit: Maybe it arouses curiosity? "I...
Forum: Copywriting 23rd January 2015, 11:57 AM
Replies: 16
Views: 1,774
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: "Poopouri" ad -- nicely done!

Hmm... I made the opposite assumption. But I never took into consideration poop jokes could be offensive to women. Makes sense.

Maybe they think it is funny, but don't want to admit it because it...
Forum: Copywriting 22nd January 2015, 09:13 PM
Replies: 16
Views: 1,774
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: "Poopouri" ad -- nicely done!

I laughed the whole time... I can't believe this is a real product!

I sort of want to try it out now. And if they can get a 21 year old Male interested I'd say they did a damn good job.
Forum: Copywriting 21st August 2014, 09:20 AM
Replies: 20
Views: 4,636
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Weight Loss Headlines I Came Up With ...

If these aren't for a blog post... they need some work.

I've seen every single one of those headlines, or at least a very similar variation.

If you want to catch people's attention and...
Forum: Copywriting 10th July 2014, 09:36 AM
Replies: 4
Views: 812
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Daily routines of famous creative people

Balzac's sleep schedule is weird as hell!

And it's crazy how little they actual do "creative work".
Forum: Copywriting 4th July 2014, 05:01 PM
Replies: 9
Views: 952
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Your best copywriting resources

Untitled Document (http://www.thegaryhalbertletter.com/1FOTGHLFramesetTGHLS.html)
The Gary Halbert Letter (http://www.thegaryhalbertletter.com/Newsletters/zfkj_hands_on_experience.htm)
And all the...
Forum: Copywriting 30th June 2014, 08:53 AM
Replies: 33
Views: 2,242
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Copyediting Tips Please

Some great advice here, I'll add a little something I learned from Gary Halbert:

People overuse "that"... go through, find "that's", delete them, and rephrase the sentence. It flows better.

And...
Forum: Copywriting 19th June 2014, 07:28 AM
Replies: 20
Views: 1,633
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: "Email Cocaine" Critique...

Hahaha that was too funny!
Forum: Main Internet Marketing Discussion Forum 18th June 2014, 08:52 PM
Replies: 61
Views: 2,811
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Is it really possible to earn 10,000 $ a day through internet marketing

Look, it's possible. BUT -- like anything in life -- to be successful depends on how hard you work at it.

If you're into internet marketing to make 5-10k a month within the first couple months,...
Forum: Main Internet Marketing Discussion Forum 16th June 2014, 08:20 AM
Replies: 47
Views: 2,931
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: How can an 18 year old make money?

I started off writing articles for clients I got from oDesk. It's pretty easy to get started... but it's also easy to get into the rhythm of low-paying jobs.

My advice? Write low-paying articles...
Forum: Conversion Rate Optimization 16th June 2014, 08:03 AM
Replies: 26
Views: 3,231
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: 262 clicks, no registrations, what is wrong with my page?

The biggest problem is when you land on the page the first thing you see is a giant buddha picture. That right there would be enough to make me click away.

Wait a second... the picture has nothing...
Forum: Copywriting 16th June 2014, 07:40 AM
Replies: 12
Views: 744
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Squeeze Page Critique

I think you're better off hiring someone to do this for you.

Best of luck!
Forum: Copywriting 15th June 2014, 07:40 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 744
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Squeeze Page Critique

Now you're mixing in the headline with benefits. Headlines are meant to grab attention. Benefits are meant to show them what it will do for them. Leave that for under the attention grabber.


...
Forum: Copywriting 12th June 2014, 06:50 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 812
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: Genius.

It's a great ad... but like they said I don't see why you would want to cover up a tattoo you got.

Unless it's for a job. Or an ex's name with a heart around it.
Forum: Conversion Rate Optimization 12th June 2014, 06:47 PM
Replies: 12
Views: 1,473
Posted By TjarkHartmann
Re: How important are images to a sales page?

Depends on what niche.

Health and Fitness... pictures are a must.

Software products on the other hand... people are looking more for the technical aspect -- in which case it's not as...
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