Critique my FB personal message to prospects

by 3 replies
3
Hello Gentlemen.

I'm doing some very basic social media marketing for a student club I'm starting at my university.

I have a FB group page with a professional info video designed to inspire audience to join the club.

I'm directing traffic to our group page by finding prospects that go to my school and sending them a personal message telling them about the club with a link to the group page.

I want your critique on my message. This is obviously the first thing they see and I've found that the more personal messages get more hits.

Here is my current cold call FB message.

What would you do differently here?

If you need more background info I'll be happy to share.

Thanks for you time.

-Robert
#social media #critique #facebook #message #personal #prospects #seeking
  • It sounds spammy and also makes you sound like a loser. Reword it in a way where college students aren't going to think "I dont want to be associated with this sh*t."
  • Thanks for the uplifting words Mouse.

    Reword the message so I don't sound like a loser. Can you give me any practical examples?

    This is most recent reword which has gotten hits and members to join but you're saying go a whole different route.

    "Hey (NAME)! I'm starting UWF's first self-development club.

    I chose to contact you because you're in the UWF Gym FB group and you'll probably dig the idea.

    Our mission? "Inspire UWF to demand excellence by witnessing us become the best version of ourselves."

    If this interests you be sure to check out our video on our page here: [URL link]"

    So yeah could you give an example of what you think would make it more effective?

    Thanks for the response.
    • [1] reply
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