[Gemini9]

How to Raise a PURPLE COW*:

Top 5 Must-dos

1. Intelligent interaction: Do treat her like a member of the family. This premium breed of ungulates imagines itself at the same cognitive level as humans, at the very least.

2. Nipple grease: Only pure beeswax with a dribble of olive oil. Don’t attempt to fool her with baby oil, Vaseline or your favourite knuckle salve – unless you don’t mind a hoof print on your face.

3. Feeding: Banana and papaya peels before sunrise; napier grass at sunset; a fresh square of paddock during daylight hours – preferably free of yesterday’s dung heaps.

4. Naming: Absolutely must name each cow and only on the fortnight morning of its birth. However, avoid names derived from plant, insect or bird species. Select strong names such as mountain ranges, monarchs or your favourite mistress.

5. Bells: Only the alpha Purple Cow can wear ‘The Bell’, which must be carved from goblin oak, birch or willow – that's if you can bamboozle the trolls that guard access to the enchanted forests.

Keep to these rules and you’re guaranteed a healthy Purple Cow, peace in your farmyard and copious quantities of fresh milk with the faintest scent of lavender.


*From the Almanac of Freddie the Farmer, Expert Purple Cow Breeder, part-time vicar and thrice winner of the _ County Fair’s ‘Exotic Breeds & Beasts’ contest.

* * *

Hi Warrior Forum members,


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Qualifications: Featured Ezine expert author; excellent grades in IELTS, TOEFL and some other exam I can’t recall; 30+ years of speaking, reading, writing and dreaming in English.


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Cheers!

PS: Freddie and his Purple Cows are entirely fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, places or events is completely coincidental and highly regretted.

[PTaubman]

Greetings! Just sent you a PM! I hope I am in the first 5 ;-)

I love the fact that you dream in English!

Thanks!