K-9 Site

Hi there,

I'm not a copywriter, but I took a look at your page and here's some initial thoughts (I'm also working on an ebook sales page for a site that I look after currently).

If you want to go for an immediate sale, i.e. no free reports or autoresponders etc. to build a relationship first then you need to consider the following -

* there's no testimonials on the page.
* there's no money back guarantee - yes it's only $10 but still needed to build trust.
* you don't do enough to convince the potential purchaser of your knowledge on this subject.
* you should include some form of contact information other than an email address.
* perhaps include your name (or signature) on the page to make it less impersonal.
* you need to highlight more benefits of the product instead of focusing only on features.

Hope you find this feedback helpful.


Jonathan

maybe you should look on some sales page first then compare it to yours

You have some great advice already. You should also break up your text on the sales page, people don't like reading big blocks of text, I know I don't. Usually around 5-6 sentences per paragraph is max. Could use more white space throughout the page.

Your main headline doesn't have much pulling power. Your sub headline should be smaller, and more benefits driven. Your trying to sell them on making money with k9 dogs, tell them that.

Your bullet points, under "Just look at the things you will learn.." are selling features more then benefits. Instead of telling them what the scents they will detect, why not tell them why, for example. Same with whats under, "Why train a detection dog..".

There is also little to no call to action. Why should I order today, when I can do it another day, which I'll probably end up forgetting and you'll lose a sale. Some thing like limited copies, limited lower price, limited added bonuses. Need to give them reasons to buy now, if not they will probably never by or come back.

As for testimonials, the best would be from people that are actually in the niche or know about it. Can't see Joe IMer lending much credibility for training a detection dog.

I am not copywriter either, just my two cents..

I really like the header and footer, look very professional.

Looked over your sales letter and have the following suggestions.

* add more space between the scenario paragraphs, sometimes a bit more whitespace is a good thing, so your text doesn't appear too crowded

* for your testimonials I know you will probably have text and possibly photos, but also consider adding an embedded video of the K-9 unit (dog and police officer) investigating packages or people, this could become another revenue stream if you link your Adsense account to your Youtube account, or if you use Blip.tv or Revver.com or similar

* for your digital download I see you are using Paypal, probably with IPN, I would recommend a more robust method to protect your download from unauthorized access and make it easier to deliver digital products immediately, for example e-Junkie.com or Payloadz.com

* if you decide to give away a sample copy of your ebook, or any other files for free download, don't just put up a link on your website, instead create an additional revenue stream by using a file sharing service that earns money, for example Easy-share.com or Ziddu.com

But I think you've done a great job so far. I hope you make some sales soon!

Some great suggestions there. I agree with the posters.

I would also tweak a few things that are not sales page related:

1. Research the psychology of pricing. $9.97 is "less than" an even # like $10. More buyers at the odd-cents pricing, an old merchandising technique.

2. Change your paypal payment link to a business name, unless you are marketing the product under your name, which it doesn't look like. I got through the sales letter, clicked through and that "johnny flash" AOL account screamed hobby, not serious, ____ (fill in the blank here) and fizzled my desire to buy a product when I saw the cute email. How about a payment email that is the same name as the book?

3. What's your marketing plan? Are you listing it on Clickbank? On the one hand, you keep the full sales amount less paypal fees by doing it this way, on the other hand, you don't harness the power of about a zillion clickbank affiliates.

4. How long is the book, usually ebooks say they are packed with X pages full of info. Is this a mini-book? Full length? This info should be in your sales letter. What exactly does the buyer get for hitting the 'buy now' button?

5. And I do agree on the call to action--it's almost not there at all.

Lots to think about here! I'll be happy to proof read the finished salespage and ebook for you when you're done with some of the suggestions above. Send a PM.

Good luck!