Please critique my Six Pack Abs landing page

31 replies
  • WEB DESIGN
  • |
Hey Warriors, help a brotha out with your honest critique?

How To Get Abs Fast - Six Pack Success

Feel free to enter a phony email to see the next video. Any constructive criticism is really appreciated.

Vic
#abs #critique #landing #pack #page
  • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
    Hey Vic,

    I would remove the social sharing icons. They give people another choice and distract from your message.

    Your bullet points:

    The Sixpack Formula – What it really takes to get Six Pack Abs. This no B.S. information is rooted in science and years of experience.

    >> Most people probably think they have an idea, and the thought of it probably turns them off. They're thinking, work. Both sentences are a bit bland. Try the feature/problem/benefit approach to bullets.

    The Ab Avalanche – How to safely trigger your body’s natural hormone systems to zap fat and add lean, ripped muscle to your physique.

    >> I'm generally aware of what you're talking about. This bullet is not believable, I'll guess. Lean, ripped muscle as a result of triggering a hormone is not believable. People generally think/know it takes exercise and "work" to get lean, ripped muscles.

    Alex’s Secret – A fighter’s top tip for getting incredibly ripped abs with no exercise required!

    >> Not believable. Getting incredibly ripped abs "with no exercise required"? Also, Alex is a "fighter," and people will naturally expect him to have ripped abs because he trains so hard. So there is some implied contradiction there.

    Work on the bullets and avoid hype and words like, zapped. Make them believable... tease them (the readers) and make them want to know more. A cliffhanger... use the little formula I mentioned above.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7396690].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author H.Miller
    I agree with Ken. Take away the social sharing icons from the main page. Put them on the video people will see after they subscribe. Once they share you will redirect the person wanting to see your video to your squeeze page. In other words they will have to give you their info before they can watch it. Letting people share your info on the squeeze page just gives them a reason to leave. Hope that makes sense.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7396728].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author TimothyTorrents
    Either the description for the product should be in the sidebar above the opt in form or the opt in form should be below the description. Just my 0.02$
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7396732].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Benjamin Ehinger
    Originally Posted by vtotheyouknow View Post

    Hey Warriors, help a brotha out with your honest critique?

    How To Get Abs Fast - Six Pack Success

    Feel free to enter a phony email to see the next video. Any constructive criticism is really appreciated.

    Vic
    No offense, because it looks good, but from a marketing standpoint, it looks like very other page about six pack abs out there.

    Benjamin
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7396738].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Blades
    Looks nice and clean, that's why I like optimize press

    I am going to use PPC to build a list in the weightless niche, I may sign up as an affiliate, send me a PM when you are ready to launch
    Signature
    " I knew that if I failed, I wouldn't regret that.
    But I knew the one thing I might regret is not ever having tried. "

    ~ Jeff Bezos

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7396742].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Kruciall
    I'm being 100% constructive when I ask this, but do your abs get any better than they are in the first video? Because you have the shape, but you don't appear to have any depth. When I think ripped abs, I think Greg Plitt abs, not what I've seen so far. Again, no offense meant by this post.
    Signature

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7396806].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Alex Blades
      Originally Posted by Kruciall View Post

      I'm being 100% constructive when I ask this, but do your abs get any better than they are in the first video? Because you have the shape, but you don't appear to have any depth. When I think ripped abs, I think Greg Plitt abs, not what I've seen so far. Again, no offense meant by this post.
      Lol, I was thinking the same, maybe even tighten up his stomach while he speaks
      Signature
      " I knew that if I failed, I wouldn't regret that.
      But I knew the one thing I might regret is not ever having tried. "

      ~ Jeff Bezos

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7396811].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author Kruciall
        Originally Posted by Alex Blades View Post

        Lol, I was thinking the same, maybe even tighten up his stomach while he speaks
        To me, if you've truly got ripped abs, you don't have to flex or manipulate them in order for them to appear. And if they're ripped, it's more like an 8 pack with defined serattus'.
        Signature

        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7396896].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Dan J
    First impressions are that it is a nice, clean looking landing page. I like it a lot!

    A few pointers nonetheless:

    - At the top you have the word "Revealed". Perfectly cool but personally, I would change it to something that has a bit more of a kick. Perhaps "Uncover..." "Unravel..."Exploit..." etc. Also I would change the color to black or something that gives it a distinct appearance. The grey seems to subtle.

    - I agree with Ken about removing the Social Buttons. Simply because it does act as a distraction and breaks up the interest in scrolling down to read more. This may sound like a really picky criticism but unfortunately people are lazy and my rule of thumb is to try to stick with the whole "less is more" theme. Fortunately for you, you don't need too much content as you have got video.

    - With your main points I would personally juice them up a bit with some power words to captivate attention and ultimately create curiosity. Here's a online PDF of some Power Words that I tend to check out when writing my sales copy etc >> POWER WORDS

    - My last thing would be to remove the "Name" field on your opt-in. Like I said before, people are lazy and do not want to have to hassle with inputting their names and scrolling down pages...human beings never fail to amaze me. Just remember: Less Is More!

    Personally they are my only suggestions, other than that you have a solid landing page, great headline IMO, great branding, clear video, simple copy structure....oh and I love "The Ab Avalanche" btw, very intriguing. If you do more of that you will make leads' mouth water like crazy and I am sure your conversions will be badass.

    Just my 2 and half cents. Hope this helps!

    Best of Luck mate!
    Signature
    Email Copywriter For Established Info Marketers
    I write emails people look forward to reading, clicking and buying from. To learn more, click here.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7396818].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Troy_Phillips
    If you need a before picture ... I could provide a great one.
    Signature

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7396820].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author FirstSocialApps
    I think you need to get someone who is in better shape to make the video. The person in the video looks like just another skinny guy. Abs are ok but nothing special, and the rest of him is scrawny. Nothing personal but Im just saying .. this guys physique still looks weak and unimpressive. No offense meant Im just saying the wording being spoken combined with this guy speaking them just seems silly.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7397205].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author talfighel
    You need to have some six pack graphics on your squeeze page.

    The page looks very simple and there is a good chance that you will get a high opt in rate.

    I like it.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7397231].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author Randall Magwood
    Add 4 more bullet points and put another opt-in form at the bottom right of your squeeze page.
    Signature
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7397234].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author vtotheyouknow
    Thanks all for your honesty and feedback, I truly appreciate it. :-))))

    Some responses:

    -- I got rid of the social media buttons and rewrote the bullet points to highlight benefits.

    -- @Randall Magwood - Thanks. I'm changing the squeeze page to Ryan Deiss' best converting squeeze as we speak.

    -- @Dan - awesome resource, thanks man! I'm split testing 4 different headlines ATM, and I'll be sure to try a variation with "discover" after the new control emerges. I'm also removing the NAME field and switching to Ryan Deiss' squeeze page.

    -- @KenThompson - I agree that my claims sound unbelievable to an individual who has heard only conventional fitness wisdom. But they're true and I was under the impression that making big promises and delivering on them is the driving force behind copy? What am I missing?

    -- @Alex - I've already launched and made a few sales. I was going to wait until I'd tested the bejeezus out of everything and gotten more customer feedback before launching an affiliate program but I'm using DAP so I can bring affiliates on at time. So no use putting off. Let me know :-)

    -- @The Haters of my sexy body - haha yes I know I'm not JACKED like some dudes and don't have veins popping out of my veins but if you follow along with me for a second, I'll explain why it makes sense.

    When I sat down to create the "customer avatar" for this project, I determined that my ideal business friend is

    a) very busy
    b) intelligent
    c) twenty something to thirty something
    d) high disposable income
    e) wants a quick, effective solution to shape up without spending loads of time (he's freakin' busy, remember?)

    Picture a chubby software engineer who wants to improve his dating life but has no confidence because of his body.

    Is he going to identify with a jacked bodybuilder dude barking at him? Does he want THAT kind of physique (which takes tons of time outlay, eating non-stop, and wrecking your body)

    OR

    Would he maybe spend a hundred bucks to learn how to achieve my kind of physique, which is certainly less grotesque, but completely achievable and easy to maintain using primal nutrition and exercise principles? Hmm..

    So, I'm marketing to a very specific audience, and being any more ripped than I am would alienate this audience.

    If my reasoning has holes in it, please comment, I'd love to learn from you all :-)
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7405149].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
      Originally Posted by vtotheyouknow View Post

      -- @KenThompson - I agree that my claims sound unbelievable to an individual who has heard only conventional fitness wisdom. But they're true and I was under the impression that making big promises and delivering on them is the driving force behind copy? What am I missing?
      I am not necessarily disputing the truthfulness of your claims. I read quite a bit a few months ago about getting hormones in order and how that can produce stunning weight loss.

      Yes, of course, making big promises is fine if one can back them up. The only problem with a squeeze page or sales letter is sometimes (often or usually?) you don't have enough time or space to educate them.

      When people are coming to you with incorrect, or insufficient knowledge, it's hard to imagine you'll overcome their attitudes and beliefs on one page. I'm not saying it's impossible to sway some people but not the majority, in my opinion.

      Remember that people, in general, want to be right about what they believe. And they'll look for information from just about anywhere that confirms their beliefs.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7405238].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author FirstSocialApps
      Originally Posted by vtotheyouknow View Post


      -- @The Haters of my sexy body - haha yes I know I'm not JACKED like some dudes and don't have veins popping out of my veins but if you follow along with me for a second, I'll explain why it makes sense.
      Im not hating at all but yes there are some big holes in your logic.

      First of all if you have to explain it to us, then you would have to explain it to someone else.

      Second of all its the wording doesnt match. Your a very trim dude, which is very cool however you say things like:

      "the kind of six pack that demands the attention of women commands the respect of other men and gives you the self confidence you crave."

      -Really man you dont have a very good build. Your still quite skinny, and your definition is not good at all. I actually laughed when I saw the video. Not at your body, because being trim is no small accomplishment, but at how much you think of yourself. Sorry man but you dont demand my respect in the least bit. In my gym you would be one of the smallest guys there (and I am a software developer)

      If you want to target overweight office types then thats cool. But first off I wouldn't be talking about 'How to get a truly ripped 6 pack' (tought by a guy who has a mediocre 6 pack) Id change the whole tempo of the sales page and video. Make it about loosing weight, getting trim and fit, being healthy over all. Thats your strong points. Not demanding the respect of other men and the attention of women.

      Its cool that you have such self confidence in yourself. But really bro the words your speaking, your making yourself look like a fool. A fat overweight dude is going to hear you talking like your some big cut dude and laugh his ass off.

      Sorry for the bluntness but it is what it is. Just trying to help. Change the video and in it talk about how you were overweight how you found a program to get trim and fit and how you are in the best shape of your life now. But dont say this foolish stuff about how your awesome body now demands respect.

      Also your correct your target market most likely is someone who has little time.
      However you dont spend any time actually selling. You dont say how people can get trim and fit in just XX minutes a day for YY weeks. You dont talk about why I would want your system at all. All you really do the whole video is show off your huge ego.

      Again sorry for the candid review. Nothing personal.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7405354].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author TheSalesBooster
      Originally Posted by vtotheyouknow View Post

      Thanks all for your honesty and feedback, I truly appreciate it. :-))))

      Some responses:

      -- I got rid of the social media buttons and rewrote the bullet points to highlight benefits.

      -- @Randall Magwood - Thanks. I'm changing the squeeze page to Ryan Deiss' best converting squeeze as we speak.

      -- @Dan - awesome resource, thanks man! I'm split testing 4 different headlines ATM, and I'll be sure to try a variation with "discover" after the new control emerges. I'm also removing the NAME field and switching to Ryan Deiss' squeeze page.

      -- @KenThompson - I agree that my claims sound unbelievable to an individual who has heard only conventional fitness wisdom. But they're true and I was under the impression that making big promises and delivering on them is the driving force behind copy? What am I missing?

      -- @Alex - I've already launched and made a few sales. I was going to wait until I'd tested the bejeezus out of everything and gotten more customer feedback before launching an affiliate program but I'm using DAP so I can bring affiliates on at time. So no use putting off. Let me know :-)

      -- @The Haters of my sexy body - haha yes I know I'm not JACKED like some dudes and don't have veins popping out of my veins but if you follow along with me for a second, I'll explain why it makes sense.

      When I sat down to create the "customer avatar" for this project, I determined that my ideal business friend is

      a) very busy
      b) intelligent
      c) twenty something to thirty something
      d) high disposable income
      e) wants a quick, effective solution to shape up without spending loads of time (he's freakin' busy, remember?)

      Picture a chubby software engineer who wants to improve his dating life but has no confidence because of his body.

      Is he going to identify with a jacked bodybuilder dude barking at him? Does he want THAT kind of physique (which takes tons of time outlay, eating non-stop, and wrecking your body)

      OR

      Would he maybe spend a hundred bucks to learn how to achieve my kind of physique, which is certainly less grotesque, but completely achievable and easy to maintain using primal nutrition and exercise principles? Hmm..

      So, I'm marketing to a very specific audience, and being any more ripped than I am would alienate this audience.

      If my reasoning has holes in it, please comment, I'd love to learn from you all :-)

      Nothing personal here either, but I read the first part of that headline, looked down at the guy in the video and chuckled a little bit. No offense or anything you got a good body (no homo), but your headline makes it sound like your chiseled like a greek god. Truth is, to me there doesn't look like there is much there.

      Now I understand that you want to appeal to certain type of person, but it needs to be more defined and target-able from a marketing stand point. If you plan on throwing spaghetti at the wall and hoping a couple of noodles stick, that's not going to be good enough. You will need to find out who these people are that you want to target. You need to find these guys who don't want to be buff, but want to be healthy. I think you would fit great in that niche.

      For testing purposes you might want to find another person to do the video who is super buff. It would be a great testing opportunity to see which one wins out in the end. Who knows, the smaller guy could pull better results.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7405392].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Kruciall
      Originally Posted by vtotheyouknow View Post

      So, I'm marketing to a very specific audience, and being any more ripped than I am would alienate this audience.
      Originally Posted by vtotheyouknow View Post

      I determined that my ideal business friend is

      b) intelligent
      First of all, anyone of any moderate intelligence knows the difference between "Ripped" and "Toned". You are the latter. I consider myself a fairly intelligent person, and advertising something you don't have turns me away.

      Secondly, why would you want to target only intelligent individuals and not those who aren't so intelligent? Is a lesser mans money not worth the same as a more intelligent mans money?

      In my opinion, I think you're smart enough to know that money is money, so I believe that you tossed that in there because you were slighted by my post and FirstSocialApps' post.

      There was more that I was going to say, but FirstSocialApp beat me to it.

      Don't sell something you claim to have when we can clearly see that you don't.
      Signature

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7405417].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author jamescanz
        I'm also in the fitness (muscle building) niche.

        And you my friend, killed it.

        You touched on a lot of the target audiences hot buttons and also related to them as well. The video is great and if I was someone looking to get 6 pack abs, I would definitely opt in.

        Rock on!
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7405438].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author MrDay
    The optin and title needs more of a "call to action".

    It's a bit confusing.

    The optin says subscribe to watch a video, yet you have a video already playing, then if you scroll down you say you are showing 3 videos.

    I think you need a better title (headline), then it needs to be somewhere at the top of site, or right above or below the optin box.

    cheers
    Signature

    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7405548].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author vtotheyouknow
    @Ken Thompson - I think I see your point Ken. It's what the prospect would find believable and not what really IS believable?

    @FirstSocial Apps - Thanks for the feedback man. I just want to say I'm really grateful for your honesty. Even as I read your reply, my ego was squirming a bit, which in my experience is a good thing - it means I'm growing. It's funny because the irony of my video and physique clashing with the message never really dawned on me until now.

    As you say, I think it's time to change the tempo. I'm trying to sell dudes a ripped six pack when really what I have to offer is a trim, healthy, functional physique with minimal time and effort. So I should focus on that. Thanks again! :-)

    @TheSalesBooster - Thanks for the input, brother. If my video is making people chuckle, I need to change it up ASAP haha now I get to chuckle at my own foolishness

    @Kruciall - The "intelligent" criterion should really be "educated", because I don't believe the average Joe is any less intelligent than you or I. Intelligence is a tricky word. This really just ties in with the high disposable income part, it's not at all meant to say that only smart people would see the value in this product, just to say that targeting college students who live off ramen, for instance, would be a poor choice of market, while targeting white collar types who make $50k/yr+ makes more business sense. :-)

    @jamescanz - thanks man. In light of everybody else's comments, I don't know if you're serious or messing with me, but either way I appreciate it haha!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7405558].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author Kruciall
      Originally Posted by vtotheyouknow View Post

      As you say, I think it's time to change the tempo. I'm trying to sell dudes a ripped six pack when really what I have to offer is a trim, healthy, functional physique with minimal time and effort. So I should focus on that. Thanks again! :-)
      This is ultimately what I was trying to point out too, so I'm glad you came to an agreement with us. Good luck with your site Vic.
      Signature

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7405584].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author KenThompson
      Originally Posted by vtotheyouknow View Post

      @Ken Thompson - I think I see your point Ken. It's what the prospect would find
      believable and not what really IS believable?
      Correct. And also the truth.

      It's worth the time to build a relationship with them so they come to trust you. At some point
      you can build and support your argument.

      Even though some things may seem counter-intuitive and against the grain of "conventional
      (and uninformed) wisdom," you're telling them the truth.

      And as you said, making big promises and delivering on them.
      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7405767].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author FirstSocialApps
    Victor your a cool a$$ dude. Not many people can take such criticism, even when it was meant to be helpful, like you did and get the positive out of it and not be personally offended. Cool beans for you bro!
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7406331].message }}
    • Profile picture of the author wiredtolive
      From a woman's perspective...I think your abs look great.

      You are a bit leaner than some guys, especially most of the guys pitching a six pack ab product. But to me you're lean in a swimmer or bicycling kind of way or even a runners physique!! Which to many women is damn sexy!! :p So, I say rock on with your lean look and best to you on sales!!

      One thing on the landing page I would add is the blank space below the optin form maybe add a graphic of some kind for the product. Little to bare looking there. When I first came on the page my eyes were directed to the bare area and then to the video.
      Signature
      Other people's wills are as independent of mine as their breath and bodies.
      We may exist for the sake of one another, but our will rules its own domain.

      {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7410504].message }}
      • Profile picture of the author vtotheyouknow
        Originally Posted by wiredtolive View Post

        From a woman's perspective...I think your abs look great.
        You're sweet :-)

        Ironically, the reason most dudes want six pack abs is to get more attention from chicks. But they don't realize that many women find ginormous abs and muscles to be grotesque.

        In any case, I'm changing the marketing to be more congruent with my actual physique and the nature of the actual offer. You guys have been wonderful, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
        {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7413575].message }}
        • Profile picture of the author wiredtolive
          Originally Posted by vtotheyouknow View Post

          You're sweet :-)

          Ironically, the reason most dudes want six pack abs is to get more attention from chicks. But they don't realize that many women find ginormous abs and muscles to be grotesque.

          In any case, I'm changing the marketing to be more congruent with my actual physique and the nature of the actual offer. You guys have been wonderful, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
          This is exactly true!!

          And, you really don't need to change to much....because your abs do look good. Just change up some of the wording in the titles.

          Again best of luck and many happy sales to you!!
          Signature
          Other people's wills are as independent of mine as their breath and bodies.
          We may exist for the sake of one another, but our will rules its own domain.

          {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7413914].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author TimD
    I wounder if you could flip the whole argument around and sell against the traditional workout market. There's plenty of research out there documenting that fact that most women (even around the world) prefer someone fit and are turned off by big muscles.

    You could use that as the big secret that work out gurus don't want to admit. They're over developing. To feed their own ego (or however you want to frame it).

    So you could do still do an appeal to guys who want to attract women. And you could say - most of the advice you're getting is wrong. Most of the programs you see actually work against you and turn off the people you're trying to attract. And you could back that with scientific studies if you wanted to.

    But how do you get trim (what women like) when all the gurus teach hormone-engorged size? Here's how. I give it to you straight.
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7418341].message }}
  • Profile picture of the author joshua123
    Hi there I think its a great sales page! its good with the video. maybe make the headline a little bigger focusing on the main benefits!! but honestly very well done its not cluttered but straight to the point! how has it done so far?
    {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7450426].message }}

Trending Topics