I would LOVE your Feedback. Thanks!!

@harkon -- Are you talking about the red text at the top of the site. Or the use of "red" to highlight certain statements. I've seen others use red on their sales page. What's the consensus? Do you think most people are offended or is that a personal opinion. Thanks!

@Fat Wolf -- Good idea! Would you offer the Free Report in order to collect their email? What about a fly-in opt-in box? Any personal success with them?

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Semper Fi!

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9209351].message }}

harkon

10 years ago

Originally Posted by CoachChesty

@harkon -- Are you talking about the red text at the top of the site. Or the use of "red" to highlight certain statements. I've seen others use red on their sales page. What's the consensus? Do you think most people are offended or is that a personal opinion. Thanks!

It is a personal opinion. It is the way I feel when I visit your page. But yet again maybe all such pages look in a similar way.
When I visit your page I get the feeling that a persons who knows nothing about me stops me, shouts in my face and demands immediate action before I know what it is all about.

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

WordPress Development Services

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9209525].message }}

savidge4

10 years ago

Ill keep this short... you should really consider a shorter sales pitch. You have introduced far to many objection statements. Its $39.00 - that's an impulse buy. $40 to learn how to make $40,000 with a single 4 hour event. bang bang sell it and move on!

ok so a bit longer to make the point clear. I don't want to discover discover discover discover. I want to learn from your own personal business experience.

this book this book this book. Simplify all of that The information provided in this book will free you of.....

Loose the circle icons.. what is the point?

Learn the power of white space.. you have none

you will learn you will learn you will learn... try something like In this book we will show you step by step how to make 100,000 a year doing something you love. Be your own boss. Profit from our exact formula and by pass all of the mistakes we made along the way.

"The World Wide Web is full of hype and money making ideas that do NOT work and that are deliberately presented in such a way that makes them impossible to understand. Why would someone do this you ask? Simple, they want to make money off of you and keep their successful formula to themselves. They offer bits and pieces to draw you in, but they don't give you the whole recipe. Often times the information is too vague, or they try to upsell you once you've made your initial purchase."

They they they... this whole paragraph is throwing up possible objection after objection. The idea is to answer objections, not put them in place.

You have a screen shot taken from "event software" that you use. Is that software included? or are you doing as you "They" do and offer bits and pieces?

the exact formula... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 List the numbers left to right top to bottom!

It really may be worth it for you to get this in the hands of a CopyWriter.

Hope that Helps!

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Success is an ACT not an idea

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9210202].message }}

CoachChesty

10 years ago

@Savidge4 -- Thanks for the response! Copywriting is not my strong point. This is my first go at this. I want it to be great. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.

I will go back to the drawing board and start to implement your recommendations.

After looking back at it with a critical eye, I agree that I need to simplify things, utilize white space, and rid the copy of objection statements.

The circle icons were just a visual element. I am not married to them. I do not mind ditching them. What are your thoughts on graphic aids? Keep them simple as well? Are they a distraction?

The event software screenshot is from a 3rd party provider. It is the one we eventually used after negative experiences with others. We provide the reader with their contact information in our "Quick Reference Guide."

Once again..... I really appreciate your advice!

P.S. -- You have any personal recommendations for a Good Copywriter?

Thanks
1 reply

Signature

Semper Fi!

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9211214].message }}

savidge4

10 years ago

My thoughts on Graphic aids. If they are not supporting the goal of closing, they go. Just to add a visual element in my book is far from a good reason.

Be very clear that what you are offering in the book is the step by step process to starting and running an event. Push the concept, that not only are they getting the step by step guide, but the are getting the resources as well. ( I question why you have not just included this information in the E-Book - again a complete package, and not a part to a whole! )

In regards to CopyWriters. There are some dang good ones here on the Forum. Try leaving a post in the Warriors for Hire section.

Originally Posted by CoachChesty

@Savidge4 -- Thanks for the response! Copywriting is not my strong point. This is my first go at this. I want it to be great. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond.

I will go back to the drawing board and start to implement your recommendations.

After looking back at it with a critical eye, I agree that I need to simplify things, utilize white space, and rid the copy of objection statements.

The circle icons were just a visual element. I am not married to them. I do not mind ditching them. What are your thoughts on graphic aids? Keep them simple as well? Are they a distraction?

The event software screenshot is from a 3rd party provider. It is the one we eventually used after negative experiences with others. We provide the reader with their contact information in our "Quick Reference Guide."

Once again..... I really appreciate your advice!

P.S. -- You have any personal recommendations for a Good Copywriter?

[ 1 ] Thanks

Signature

Success is an ACT not an idea

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9211842].message }}

Anne Laidlaw

10 years ago

Too much red writing. Your free pdf is too far down with it being below the buy button some may not see it. I don't see anywhere on site to contact you. I never buy anything unless there is a clear way to contact the seller. Or there may be pre-sales questions they wish to ask you.

Anne L

[ 1 ] Thanks

Signature

Giant Plugin Biz High Quality WP Plugin Package
WP Plugins Are Hott!! Claim Your Piece Of The Pie Today!
Free Squeeze Page Creator - FREE Instant Access To Alou's Killer Squeeze Page Creator.
Alou.com - Wordpress SEO - Latest free WordPress SEO, Plugins, Themes and more!

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9211504].message }}

Shashie

10 years ago

Coach

"Discover How To Make Fast Money Through Fitness Events!"
could be bigger and bolder than " on you mark...."
This book is about Making money thru fitness events isn't it ?
Good & Clean Looking sales page

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9245696].message }}

CraigMCF

9 years ago

Hi, designer here.

You're suffering from a lack of white space.

Here's a quick overview of what you need:

1. Less copy. Make what you say important and make it count. No one is reading this.
2. More line height. Your paragraphs are all bunched together.
3. Less images. They distract from your copy, which is the important part.
4. Use color to hightlight the important things.
5. Use a profile shot when quoting someone (like a testimonial or founder story).

Here's a few things to keep in mind.

When everything is important, nothing is. Your landing page should have a few important parts, and a bit more supporting parts. That is all.

Anything you put on that page waters down everything else. Feel like tossing in an icon or an image? You just reduced the chance of someone reading what you actually want them to read.

Feel like making ALL the text red? Now red no longer becomes something that draws the readers eye, it's just annoying.

Got a testimonial or story form a founder? Show me his face or I assume you're lying to me.

Hope it helps!

Thanks

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9906417].message }}

Ron Killian

9 years ago

The site might have changed since this thread is over 6 months old.

Thanks

Signature

PLR Affiliate Program Has Launched! Easily Promote Over 5,000 PLR and MRR Products.

Largest Selection of PLR Articles on the Planet! PLR Ebooks, PLR Video, PLR Websites and more with Private Label Rights

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9907025].message }}

I would LOVE your Feedback. Thanks!!

Trending Topics

Newbie

How did you turn it all around?

A healthy fascination for Hollywood...

Any thoughts on golf's latest phenom...Scottie Scheffler??

best high quality crypto traffic.