Critique my Sales Page

by yankforlife41

Posted: 15 years ago 10 replies

COPY WRITING

Hey Everyone,

Here is one of my sites that does real well, if you could give some tips to make it better I'd appreciate it.

Stop Blushing ..... Start Living - How to Prevent and Cure your Embarrasing Blushing Problem

Thanks!

Mike

#critique #page #sales

GR Marketing 15 years ago

I'd split test breaking up the copy into smaller lines. You've got a lot of big blocks of paragraphs which has been known to lower readership.
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vip-ip 15 years ago

OP,

What an original eBook! I never thought blushing was a problem for people!
Did you do any kind of market research? I take it you know a lot of blushers, hehe.
Although, I must admit: I don't think I'd pay $47 for a "blushing cure."
I agree with GR that your paragraphs are a bit lengthy. Ask yourself: what can I take out of this sales copy? I feel like for a problem like blushing, your sales copy is too long.

The graphics are nice and fit in well with the context of the ad. Video testimonials were a great touch, as well. The price is really the only factor I'd recommend you go back and revise.

Best Regards,
vip-ip ...
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- Edward Floyd 15 years ago
  
  I really don't like the graphic with the 3 red arrows:
  
  I think you're trying to go for an effortless "drawn casually with a pen" style, but it just looks like it was done in MS Paint.
  
  You're probably looking for something more like this:
  
  You can achieve something simple like this with a vector in photoshop/illustrator. Or someone can easily make one for a really really cheap price.
  
  Thanks
  
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taboy74 15 years ago

It's too pricey for an ebook. Try 7 dollars. Buyers, no blushers will wipe it out even before your blushing shows!
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- ARSuarez 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by taboy74
  
  It's too pricey for an ebook. Try 7 dollars. Buyers, no blushers will wipe it out even before your blushing shows!
  
  Um... why?
  
  He said he is having success with it at the current price - about $47.
  
  Now, if he is getting 1 sale a week... yeah. Price might be the problem. But saying that it's "too pricey for an ebook" is just not accurate.
  
  Plenty of ebooks get sold at much higher price points. Perhaps not in this market; I don't know.
  
  Regards,
  
  Angel
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Ross James 15 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by ARSuarez
  
  Plenty of ebooks get sold at much higher price points. Perhaps not in this market; I don't know.
  
  Regards,
  
  Angel
  
  Angel is right, and you do this with a price to value comparison probably near the close of your offer.
  
  "The value of my $47 system is simple - Imagine looking more confident in front of your peers at a highly competitive job interview, or maybe trying to pickup a new date while out on the town. This is only possible when you learn how to drive your own bus, in other words be in control of your own brain. And only when you are the driver of your own brain, is when you'll finally be free of blushing forever.
  
  I know after you read this letter I'll be in control of my blushing, I'll get the jobs I want and the dates I never could of dreamed of having. Compare this small $47 dollar investment to getting a new life for yourself, a life you deserve!
  
  ---
  
  That's a poor mans price to value comparison.
  
  All the best,
  
  Ross
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
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yankforlife41 15 years ago

Thanks for the opinions, appreciate it.
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centarec 15 years ago

I think actually that you have done quite a good job. I like your affiliate section as well.

I agree that the arrows need changing, also I would add the original price in the sales box $94 then stroke it, and say now for $47. But I must say that the price is really high for your ebook. I would make maybe split tests with different prices and see on which customers react the most.
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tun80 15 years ago

Try a bit more emotion in your copy.

Just in your headline you could try something like:

"How To Stop Yourself Going As Red As A Baboons Arse... Especially When You're Trying To Show Her What A Stud You Are!"

Look, I'm pretty sure you're smart enough to realise I'm taking the mick, but you get the idea.

Bullet: "A common misdiagnosis your doctor might make - be sure he doesn't!" a small change to "A very common problem your doctor might misdiagnose --- and why you need to make sure he doesn't!

And I suppose you might want to make some of the copy a bit more "folksy". Example:

"It is my years of research and study in hypnotherapy combined with an abundant amount of education on the psychology of facial blushing and the confidence building process."
... Don't we sound professional.

Big tip. Read your letter out load and record it. Then listen to it. When you start losing track of what you're listening to, or get confused... and you will... change it to something simpler.

I know you want to recruit more affiliates, but I'd seriously reconsider putting it in your P.S. It now stinks of sell, sell, SELL!!!

If you want them to start promoting it after they've bought, do an email campaign to the list.

The end is a little confusing, when you try to justify the price. You don't need to overdo it.

Plus, check your wording "I thought $47 was a fair deal considering all the time and effort that has went in to finding this treatment".

I haven't looked through the entire copy, but I'd agree with breaking it up. Make it easier to read.

Best thing you can really do... if you haven't already... is get it out there and see how well it converts. Then worry about changing it.

All in all, it's a good start. Just keep working it.

Take it easy,
Ry
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- JanPat 15 years ago
  
  Sorry... the headline "Who Else Wants My Blushing Cure?"kills me. Makes me blush as a copywriter so bad I want to find another site fast.
  
  Try something as simple as "Cure Your Blushing Today."
  
  Thanks
  
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