Email Copywriting--What's Working Now

[RickDuris]

Had some free time on my hands recently.

So I entered an email copywriting contest. Thought it'd be a quick challenge.

I won. Below's the email.

The market? Web designers.

The product? A white-label SEO metrics dashboard.

Entries were judged based upon number of clickthroughs that resulted in sign-ups.

I thought you'd be curious about what's working now.

------------------

Subject: Web designers, how to crush your competitors

How do you compete in this hyper-competitive, cutthroat environment?

Answer:

Add more value than your competitors.

Differentiate yourself; Stand out from the crowd.

But how?

Give yourself a significant competitive advantage by giving your Clients
the SEO metrics they need to compete (and WIN) online.

When you do? You’ll be a hero.

The majority of web designers in the market are concerned with website
aesthetics, functionality and navigation. And rightly so.

They're critical to a website's success.

But--they do little to give their Clients the tools and information they
need to make the right decisions.

That's where you can come in. That’s where we come in. It’ll be what makes
you different.

It’ll make you shine.

Give your Clients access to SEO ranking and analytic data using a dashboard
customized and branded to you, and you’ll be showing you care about the
things that matter.

Not only that, you’ll be perceived as larger than life.

It’ll give you a decided, if not unfair advantage over the competition.

It'll show you care about not just looks, but about results. The steak, as
well as the sizzle you put into the website.

Whether you charge for this additional service is up to you. But just know
web designers are adding a sizable ‘bump’ to their bottom line each
month--one that they didn’t have to work for.

As well as position themselves as leaders.

It’s up to you. But if you want to set yourself apart AND increase cashflow at
the same time, you owe to yourself to check this out now while it’s F ree
to sign-up.

PS: Did you know having a feature-filled SEO dashboard branded to you has
incredible perceived value to your Clients?

It’s true.

>> Sign-up for F ree here

[copyassassin]

show off

adam

p.s. congrats. well done email.

p.p.s.:l I'd love know your thought process developing in your theme, structure, underlying pain points, and features/benefits.

[Traffic Inc]

Well done rick, nice job. Can I add it to my swipe

[RickDuris]

Thanks, Adam.

Obviously copywriting-wise, there's a lot going on under the hood of this email.

And knowing you Adam, you probably see it.

My edge is I understand this market.

I know web designers are a frustrated bunch. Competitors are eating their lunch. Everybody and their uncle thinks they can design a better website.

When they do land projects, they're working for peanuts. They're not getting the respect they deserve from Clients (as we saw in a recent post.)

I wanted to tap into all that anger. "How to crush your competitors" seemed provocative.

As a partner said this morning "I think the work was done in the subject line pretty much! "

- Rick Duris

[Mark Andrews]

Short. Pithy. To the point.

Not too long. Not too short.

Creates a real feeling of...

"What am I missing out on if I
don't get this?"

In other words... "I must sign up
for this right now!"

Wow! Look! Bonus! It's FREE.
A no brainer offer of a lifetime.

"Here willingly, have my name and
email address. Please do tell me
more. I want this right now with
not a moments hesitation."

Insatiable curiosity sparked and
ignited.

Excellent!


Mark Andrews

[TheSalesBooster]

Good stuff Rick. Thanks for sharing.

[RickDuris]

You're right on all points, Mark.

- Rick Duris

PS: If copywriters want to understand one of the clinical copywriting things that drives this email's success, count the number of promises. It's deliberate. I'm slamming them, one right after the other.

[BudaBrit]

I like the flow. I would sign up if I was a web designer.

Thanks for the share

[copyassassin]

Rick,

Here's some of the gems of your email, with my thoughts:

How do you compete in this hyper-competitive, cutthroat environment?

The old question to get the brain thinking. My guess is that this target likes to solve problems and figure out an answer:

Answer:

Add more value than your competitors.

You answered in the inner question they were asking themself. You also frame the answer in such a way to set yourself up as the solution.

Differentiate yourself; Stand out from the crowd.

Most copywriters who would have used that line would have ******* this that line right there, but you did something very clever...

But how?

Every person in marketing knows about the "purple cow". We all know "Differentiate or Die".

What you done (very well BTW) is given a HOW. I believe THIS is were you start to add believability to your email.

Give yourself a significant competitive advantage by giving your Clients the SEO metrics they need to compete (and WIN) online.

THIS is my favorite line in the entire email. This is were you put some curisirouty and authority into your email...

1.) You know something they don't.

When you do? You’ll be a hero.

Now you're speaking to our inner need for validation and reconiquation. Not only will you be able to "crush" the compeitition, you'll be loved. And my guess is that this a male demo that probably doesn't get a lot of action.

The majority of web designers in the market are concerned with website
aesthetics, functionality and navigation. And rightly so.

They're critical to a website's success.

But--they do little to give their Clients the tools and information they
need to make the right decisions.

Your empathy paragraph. You get them and their pain points.

That's where you can come in. That’s where we come in. It’ll be what makes
you different.

It’ll make you shine.

Give your Clients access to SEO ranking and analytic data using a dashboard
customized and branded to you, and you’ll be showing you care about the
things that matter.

Not only that, you’ll be perceived as larger than life.

It’ll give you a decided, if not unfair advantage over the competition.

It'll show you care about not just looks, but about results. The steak, as
well as the sizzle you put into the website.

A little ego stroking with enough reason why to make this believable.

Whether you charge for this additional service is up to you. But just know
web designers are adding a sizable ‘bump’ to their bottom line each
month--one that they didn’t have to work for

The promise of making more money. I'm getting turned on right now.

As well position themselves as leaders.

It’s up to you. But if want to set yourself apart AND increase cashflow at
the same time, you owe to yourself to check this out now while it’s F ree
to sign-up.

Now you're really turning me on.

PS: Did you know having a feature-filled SEO dashboard branded to you has
incredible perceived value to your Clients?

It’s true.

>> Sign-up for F ree here

[/QUOTE]


final call to action with both feature, benefit, and emotional benefit.

[Raydal]

Originally Posted by RickDuris

My edge is I understand this market.

I think this statement summarizes it all. When I read through
the copy you don't sound like a copywriter but an empathetic
friend. It's clear that you understand the market and its pains.
You sound like "one of the guys".

Great work!

-Ray Edwards

[RedShifted]

Nice job. Thanks for sharing.

Did you intend for the line "As well position themselves as leaders" to read like that? It seems a bit fragmented (maybe its a typo?) and that was the only line that broke my flow.

Thought it would be worthy to mention since its right before the CTA.

But everything else flows beautifully.

[RickDuris]

Originally Posted by RedShifted

Nice job. Thanks for sharing.

Did you intend for the line "As well position themselves as leaders" to read like that? It seems a bit fragmented (maybe its a typo?) and that was the only line that broke my flow.

Thought it would be worthy to mention since its right before the CTA.

But everything else flows beautifully.

Yes, that was deliberate. Maybe I edited too much. Thanks for noticing.

- Rick Duris

[RickDuris]

Great job, Adam!

Honestly, I wouldn't have come at it from that perspective. But there's nothing wrong with yours at all.

- Rick Duris

PS: Adam, you're inspiring me to analyze my own work. (Maybe I'll do it if enough people ask. Just hit the thanks button below, if you'd benefit from my take.)

[colmodwyer]

Nice Rick... can we see the landing page just out of curiosity?

Cheers,
Colm

[RickDuris]

Not much to it now: SEO Reseller Private Label SEO Resellers

No idea who they are or what they're up to, but it was built out when I wrote the email.

- Rick Duris

[SeanIM]

Raydal nailed it...

Rick great work man...I know that market too as I've worked with them before and I can tell you...as I'm sure you know...you walked RIGHT into a conversation they've had several times (in their heads) and externally.

2 thumbsup man

I liked the 'shine'

Originally Posted by Raydal

I think this statement summarizes it all. When I read through
the copy you don't sound like a copywriter but an empathetic
friend. It's clear that you understand the market and its pains.
You sound like "one of the guys".

Great work!

-Ray Edwards

[RickDuris]

Originally Posted by SeanIM

Raydal nailed it...

Rick great work man...I know that market too as I've worked with them before and I can tell you...as I'm sure you know...you walked RIGHT into a conversation they've had several times (in their heads) and externally.

2 thumbsup man

I liked the 'shine'

Well, now you're really getting under the hood, aren't we Sean?

Think about it: Web designers are visual creatures, aren't they?

The NLP VAK lens is definitely another way to look at the email.

Great job, Sean.

- Rick Duris

[Lulu Chil]

Hi Rick,

Thanks for sharing this copy with us. Am interested in Copywriting. It made me feel like buying what the girl or guy was offering. I have sent you a pm.

[Steve Hill]

Originally Posted by RickDuris

The NLP VAK lens is definitely another way to look at the email.

It definitely has VAKOG elements in it, and it's always interesting to see how a seemingly simple e-mail can have so much going on underneath.

Rick, if you did a self-analysis of this, I think a lot of people would appreciate it.

[RickDuris]

Ok, let's do this analysis. And let's make this collaborative. As in, what do you see, that I or others may not see?

Rather than start with lofty, abstract, philosophy, let's start with mechanics. We'll do this a piece at a time.

Ok now. You've heard of keyword density, right? I'm focused on 'promise density.'

Most everything I do, even when I write straight content, I'm interleaving promises. But as you can see, it doesn't have to sound forced, contrived or be over the top (i.e. hypey.)

Below, I count 12 direct promises in red. And 4 indirect ones in lavender.

There's nothing magical about the number 12. Just looking for every opportunity to pack them in.

(If you look at almost any Eugene Schwartz piece for instance, try highlighting the number of promises. You'll be amazed.)

------------------

Subject: Web designers, how to crush your competitors

How do you compete in this hyper-competitive, cutthroat environment?

Answer:

Add more value than your competitors.

Differentiate yourself; Stand out from the crowd.

But how?

Give yourself a significant competitive advantage by giving your Clients
the SEO metrics they need to compete (and WIN) online.

When you do? You’ll be a hero.

The majority of web designers in the market are concerned with website
aesthetics, functionality and navigation. And rightly so.

They're critical to a website's success.

But--they do little to give their Clients the tools and information they
need to make the right decisions.

That's where you can come in. That’s where we come in. It’ll be what makes
you different.

It’ll make you shine.

Give your Clients access to SEO ranking and analytic data using a dashboard
customized and branded to you, and you’ll be showing you care about the
things that matter.

Not only that, you’ll be perceived as larger than life.

It’ll give you a decided, if not unfair advantage over the competition.

It'll show you care about not just looks, but about results. The steak, as
well as the sizzle you put into the website.

Whether you charge for this additional service is up to you. But just know
web designers are adding a sizable ‘bump’ to their bottom line each
month--one that they didn’t have to work for.

As well position themselves as leaders.

It’s up to you. But if you want to set yourself apart AND increase cashflow at
the same time, you owe to yourself to check this out now while it’s F ree
to sign-up.

PS: Did you know having a feature-filled SEO dashboard branded to you has
incredible perceived value to your Clients?

It’s true.

>> Sign-up for F ree here

--------------------------------

PS: While you're counting, count the number of "you"s and "your"s.

[OutOfThisWord]

Hey Rick,

Congrats on this winning email and thanks for taking the time to give us the skinny on the 'whys.'

[deezn]

Yes, this thread has given me many insights. Very much appreciated.

I didn't find your email to be full of hype, but when you highlighted your various promises, ding ding ding a lightbulb went off.

You were able to slip in quite a few, reasonable, rational, realistic promises without it being off-putting.

[wilmath]

Thanks for the share Rick.
I went to your clients website.
They sure picked a fine time to go on a hiatus!

[SeanIM]

Rick, you lifted the hood...I couldn't help but look at that engine. ;-)

I loved sensing the use of those rep systems...every time I came across it I was like "ohhh, he's nailing it!"

You clearly have a feel for that market. And did a bang up job. Also noticed you touching on their feeling of being 'just a designer' when up against those evil SEO marketing wizards that do it all... Giving them that 'easy to add' element to their arsenal was empowering.

Now you're not just a designer, you can be a kick ass marketer too...shine on!

Again, congrats on a job well done. And yes, I'm still kind of a fan of looking at things through that NLP lens. Structures of motivation fascinate me.

Right now I'm having a bit of fun, dusting off my barely existing copy chops, outlining a story for a VSL. ...and having a blast combing through this board soaking up some inspiration.

Take care man and have an awesome rest of the week.

Originally Posted by RickDuris

Well, now you're really getting under the hood, aren't we Sean?

Think about it: Web designers are visual creatures, aren't they?

The NLP VAK lens is definitely another way to look at the email.

Great job, Sean.

- Rick Duris

[SeanIM]

Ahh I dig this part:

"There's nothing magical about the number 12."

Reminds me of the line: "Don't think about rabbits."

You just can't help yourself can you? ;-)

Thanks for the overview and highlights on this.

Originally Posted by RickDuris

Ok, let's do this analysis. And let's make this collaborative. As in, what do you see, that I or others may not see?

Rather than start with lofty, abstract, philosophy, let's start with mechanics. We'll do this a piece at a time.

Ok now. You've heard of keyword density, right? I'm focused on 'promise density.'

Most everything I do, even when I write straight content, I'm interleaving promises. But as you can see, it doesn't have to sound forced, contrived or be over the top (i.e. hypey.)

Below, I count 12 direct promises in red. And 4 indirect ones in lavender.

There's nothing magical about the number 12. Just looking for every opportunity to pack them in.

(If you look at almost any Eugene Schwartz piece for instance, try highlighting the number of promises. You'll be amazed.)

------------------

Subject: Web designers, how to crush your competitors

How do you compete in this hyper-competitive, cutthroat environment?

Answer:

Add more value than your competitors.

Differentiate yourself; Stand out from the crowd.

But how?

Give yourself a significant competitive advantage by giving your Clients
the SEO metrics they need to compete (and WIN) online.

When you do? You’ll be a hero.

The majority of web designers in the market are concerned with website
aesthetics, functionality and navigation. And rightly so.

They're critical to a website's success.

But--they do little to give their Clients the tools and information they
need to make the right decisions.

That's where you can come in. That’s where we come in. It’ll be what makes
you different.

It’ll make you shine.

Give your Clients access to SEO ranking and analytic data using a dashboard
customized and branded to you, and you’ll be showing you care about the
things that matter.

Not only that, you’ll be perceived as larger than life.

It’ll give you a decided, if not unfair advantage over the competition.

It'll show you care about not just looks, but about results. The steak, as
well as the sizzle you put into the website.

Whether you charge for this additional service is up to you. But just know
web designers are adding a sizable ‘bump’ to their bottom line each
month--one that they didn’t have to work for.

As well position themselves as leaders.

It’s up to you. But if you want to set yourself apart AND increase cashflow at
the same time, you owe to yourself to check this out now while it’s F ree
to sign-up.

PS: Did you know having a feature-filled SEO dashboard branded to you has
incredible perceived value to your Clients?

It’s true.

>> Sign-up for F ree here

--------------------------------

PS: While you're counting, count the number of "you"s and "your"s.

[RickDuris]

Originally Posted by SeanIM

I loved sensing the use of those rep systems...every time I came across it I was like "ohhh, he's nailing it!"

Thanks. How about you taking a crack at highlighting the phrases that hit the representational systems? Visual, auditory, kinesthetic... it doesn't matter.

That should cause a few more light bulbs to go on or maybe bells to ring...

[SeanIM]

Ahh, you got it...I'll give it a shot.

Give me until tomorrow around noon though...I'm taking a quick break between a headline/cranking session right now.

Originally Posted by RickDuris

Thanks. How about you taking a crack at highlighting the phrases that hit the representational systems? Visual, auditory, kinesthetic... it doesn't matter.

That should cause a few more light bulbs to go on or maybe bells to ring...

[smodha]

Thanks Rick!

Swiped

[RickDuris]

So let's talk about the 7 absolute most important words of this email.

What are they?

"Web designers, how to crush your competitors"

Why are these the most important?

Because if you don't get the subject line words right, nobody reads the others--NO MATTER HOW GOOD THEY ARE.

So what made these words work?

----


1. First, I called out the target audience.

I didn't know what kind of list they'd be running this email against. I want wanted web designers to know this email was FOR THEM.

For instance, what if to copywriters I wrote:

"Copywriters, how to crush controls"

That would make your ears perk up a bit, yes? More than just saying:

"how to crush controls" or

"how to crush copywriting controls"

Get it?

----


2. Now let's talk about the comma. It's important.

Slows things down a bit. It's a bit of a set up for what's to come.

Sure, I coulda used "!" or ":". But I just wanted to slow things down for a sec. Not stop the action mentally speaking.

I was also sensitive to not yelling.

----

3. Next, we have the immortal copywriting words "how to". Can't go wrong with "how to".

But after I submitted the email, I was second guessing myself.

How about this subject line?

"Web designers, THIS crushes the competition"

In a subject line, using the word "this' is a reliable way to generate curiousity.

It'd be something to test in the future.

----

4. Next, "crush your competitors".

I liked the imagery. I liked the emotional feeling I got writing that. I was thinking "Ooohh, I get to crush my competitors! Show me! Show me!"

I also liked the alliteration. I liked the message-to-market match. Given what I know about web designers, I thought they'd be receptive.

But again, I was second guessing myself afterwards.

How about:

"Web designers, how to crush your competition"

"Web designers, THIS crushes your competition"

"Web designers, THIS crushes your competitors"

Understand, I wrote the email in about an hour and a half and shipped it off.

----

5. Capitalization

Looking back, I shoulda definitely capitalized the word "crush". As in:

"Web designers, how to CRUSH your competitors"

Damn. Shoulda done that. My bad.

----

So right or wrong, that's my logic behind the subject line. Ain't the most original in the world, but I knew it'd get the job done.

And most of all, I knew web designers would be pleased once they opened the email and read the content.

- Rick Duris

[SeanIM]

Ok sorry for my tardiness in replying...here's my take on the VAK elements of Rick's email:

**************

Subject: Web designers, how to crush your competitors
>> This word brings up a kinesthetic sense...addressing frustration with competition and what they'd like to do to them. So many designers, at such cutthroat (word used below) prices...they know they NEED an edge to crush them. Gives them a 'sense of power' to be able to do this and regain some control over their business.

How do you compete in this hyper-competitive, cutthroat environment?
>> See above note...this is related and emphasizing the problem they're already aware of.

Answer:

Add more value than your competitors.

Differentiate yourself; Stand out from the crowd.
>> This again touches on the kinesthetic and visual. It's what they want to do...it is their language.
It speaks to how they describe what they do for the client, and also touches on their inner desire as artists
to want to be noticed....and for helping others be noticed.

But how?

Give yourself a significant competitive advantage by giving your Clients the SEO metrics they need to compete (and WIN) online.
>> A kinesthetic element imo. Winning or being a winner reminds one of or elicits 'that feeling' ...
They're a frustrated crowd and really need to remember what the ability to win feels like.

When you do? You’ll be a hero.
>> Again, a potential kinesthetic application/phrase. For some it would also drum up a visual sense...eg; to be 'seen' as a hero. Backing up and reinforcing what was said previously.

The majority of web designers in the market are concerned with website aesthetics, functionality and navigation. And rightly so.

They're critical to a website's success.

But--they do little to give their Clients the tools and information they need to make the right decisions.
>> NOTE: For the above 3 chunks... build them up, validate them, THEN talk about a weakness they already know about.

That's where you can come in. That’s where we come in. It’ll be what makes you different.
>> Potential kinesthetic application...elicit the sense of being different.

It’ll make you shine.
>> Visual all day long.

Give your Clients access to SEO ranking and analytic data using a dashboard customized and branded to you, and you’ll be showing you care about the things that matter.
>> Visual/K...

Not only that, you’ll be perceived as larger than life.
>> Visual & slightly K depending on the position you're viewing this from. As you perceive yourself or as others perceive you...seeing = inherently V

It’ll give you a decided, if not unfair advantage over the competition.

It'll show you care about not just looks, but about results. The steak, as well as the sizzle you put into the website.
>> Auditory & visual...conjures up the vision of seeing and hearing a steak sizzle...and knowing what this means in the marketing space as they've likely all heard this phrase before and know it's part of the selling process... the phrase emphasizes bringing substance to the plate, not just the pitch.

Whether you charge for this additional service is up to you. But just know web designers are adding a sizable ‘bump’ to their bottom line each month--one that they didn’t have to work for.
>> Kinesthetic potential

As well position themselves as leaders.
>> Kinesthetic and visual

It’s up to you. But if you want to set yourself apart AND increase cashflow at the same time, you owe to yourself to check this out now while it’s Free to sign-up.
>> Visual and kinesthetic...the feeling of being noticed and how others 'see' you.

PS: Did you know having a feature-filled SEO dashboard branded to you has incredible perceived value to your Clients?
>> See the note above this...same

It’s true.



Summary: High use of kinesthetic and visual rep systems used...Rick clearly understood the modalities that the reader/audience works from primarily...and is heavily entrenched in as artists/marketers...and some good, not too over the top, agitation used. 2 thumbsup

Originally Posted by RickDuris

Thanks. How about you taking a crack at highlighting the phrases that hit the representational systems? Visual, auditory, kinesthetic... it doesn't matter.

That should cause a few more light bulbs to go on or maybe bells to ring...

[cozens]

Thanks Rick, you made my day. I was simply struggling to write a copy to a company to make their website and some other online stuff. This will guide me much.

I will pick some lines from yours and add to mine. I will post it here when I'm done for analysis.

[RickDuris]

Great job, Sean. Thank you.

As long as we're on the topic of NLP, you might want to count all the places I was future pacing as well.

Now let me ask you a question:

Sometimes less is more.

For instance:

---------------

Subject: Web designers, how to crush your competitors

How do you compete in this hyper-competitive, cutthroat environment?

Answer:

Add more value than your competitors.

Differentiate yourself; Stand out from the crowd.

But how?

Give yourself a significant competitive advantage, by giving your Clients
something they need to compete (and WIN) online.

>> Sign-up for F ree here

---------------

Yes, I WAS thinking about submitting that.

Because of the curiousity, I bet it would have gotten more clicks. But would it have gotten more sign-ups?

Only if the landing age was up to snuff. Which when I saw it? It wasn't quite there.

So I built out the email more.

Made it a bit of a presell.

Approached it as a empathetic marketing consultant would help a web designer.

Approached it as a viable business opportunity to take advantage of.

And even if they didn't take me up on my offer, they would have benefited reading it.

That was the strategy that drove the email.

- Rick Duris

[OfflineGold]

Wow! Rick thank you for posting the original email as well as all your pointers.

So far this is the best thread I have read in this forum. Never have I took notes, before.

You're the real deal