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Puh-lease, "Killer Copy" -- Let Me LIVE!

by Princess Balestra
14 replies
Seems a recent post on here flipped over and died.

Shame, because it had mileage. And some.


Be Brief, Balestra, We Don't Have All Day For Your Point.


My point.

Exactly.

Seems a curious Warrior wanted to know if a pitch he'd snapped up was written by

*drum roll*

one of "The Greats".


Whether it was, or whether it wasn't, I got to word #200-something before I gave up.

Then I scrolled down to check on the rest














for 10, 000 goddamn words.



And So, Mistress of Post-Slaying Derision, Your Point?


Ok, first, sorry to the guy whose post I messed up.

Proferring withered corpse humor is no way to make friends.

But, main thing is, no way am I reading through 10,000 words of ANYTHING, just to be talked into handing over cash.

Even if it's a pitch written by God. Or Satan.

Hey — I'll maybe read through two thou if'n it gets me outta dealing with this kinda HOMEWORK.

Same goes for my friends.

We may be young and hip, with our horizons stretching out before us, waiting for kiss of some sales guys' paint brush over the fuzzy part labelled D'OH-REEEMZ — but we're still MORTAL, and, yanno, LIFE.


So, "Greats" — lose the frickin' time sink, huh?


*Hmmmph!* Are You Done Now?

No.
#killer copy #live #puhlease
  • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
    So, other than that... how's your day going? LOL

    Alex
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    • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
      Swell.

      I'm kinda like a cactus after the rain right now.

      Ha! Gotta love that word, swell!

      It's so dumb, it's brilliant.

      Hey, even if I'm washed away by a freako desert storm I get to roll around in a hot tub for a while then drill down on a bunch of drowned rodents with my spiny.

      Gophers on spikes, whacked out in the sun like a Van der Graaf hairdo shock.

      Then everything turns barren again and I just hang around waiting for some more rain to show up.

      Swell scenario.

      (Yo Alex -- you're the guy who figured I was from another planet. I remember. I'm fine with that cos I've read around on here and it's crystal clear you're no goober. Or gopher.)

      Akchly, just so no one thinks I'm dissin' The Greats here cos I'm so deluded I think my words are as unblemished as my complexion, let me summarise sans writer hat, and figure in here as an AUDIENCE.

      (We write for these people; they are our raison d'etre.)

      *switches hat for Passive Message>Consciousness Goggle Array*

      Hey, "Greats": I ain't buying no 10,000 word deal -- not from God, not from Satan, not for a taste of Matt Damon.

      So shoot me.

      Oh, and thanks for the Thanks, Rick.

      You're clearly no goober either.


      So - anyone else think 10,000 words is gonna go viral? Or spiral down the plughole?

      Jury's still out.
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      • Profile picture of the author Alex Cohen
        Good to hear!

        10,000 words (written or video) can still sell a lot of product if the right prospects see it.

        Go viral? Doubtful.

        Alex
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      • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
        Originally Posted by Princess Balestra View Post

        Oh, and thanks for the Thanks, Rick.

        You're clearly no goober either.
        Goober: It comes from the ancient scottish verb "to goub", which has to do with doing a dance and smiling sheepishly while doing so, exposing the goubs in one's teeth.
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        • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
          Scotland is plain weird.

          I just love all those old words.

          I wonder: did 'kilt' mean something before it meant 'kilt'?

          As in 'wrappy, chequered, warmy thing'?

          Or did those guys simply have hacking coughs from the cold whistlin round their lack of smalls?

          All I know is, way ahead of its time, the kilt.
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        • Profile picture of the author chillheart
          All right, I just got to know...

          What's your background, Princess Balestra?

          I'm guessing a long time honing Creative Writing skills? Specifically, novels or poetry maybe?

          Not trying to diss, but I agree with Alex: You write like you're a cosmic entity from another dimension.

          Not that there's anything wrong with that.



          Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

          Goober: It comes from the ancient scottish verb "to goub", which has to do with doing a dance and smiling sheepishly while doing so, exposing the goubs in one's teeth.
          You made me look this up, Rick. It's actually from the Kongo or Kimbundu word "n-guba" meaning "peanut".

          Sources:
          Goober - Neologisms
          https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/goober#Etymology
          Goober | Define Goober at Dictionary.com
          Online Etymology Dictionary
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          • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
            I figured on 'dumbo' cos that's how I always heard it.

            Plus, I have a peanut allergy on account of how they get stuck in my teeth.

            Meanwhile, looks like Chillheart figured some neurotwangomantrabooster stuff for the guys over on the Mind Warrior forum:

            "Write like you're a cosmic entity from another dimension."

            Top that for psychomotivational, you NLP-zonked hoodlums of the banal...
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  • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
    True.

    Maybe I was wrong about what I'm prepared to endure to hook up with Matt Damon.

    I figure on being his right prospect someday, somehow, so yeah, hit me with the Big 20K, long copy guys!

    Leave the short stuff to airheads like me!

    Balestra Juvenilia, Long & Short

    This is not for me.
    This is driving me crazy.
    Hell I hate this so muuuuuch!
    Your selfishness is pit of stomach pukoid!
    No kidding, pal.
    Makes me wanna
    trash shit.

    You said you'd fix up all my stuff,
    and life would be humungolicious,
    all thanks to your dreamy scheme.
    But all I got is what you
    think I want (nothing different).

    I'm no stranger to guys like you.
    Get this deal all the time.
    But when I scream NO,
    you come on big time with bruising kisses.
    Are you psycho?
    Or just plain annoying?
    Nah, don't answer.
    I'm done whupping your stupid ass.

    You're blowing hot and cold on me.
    But you ain't got brains and you ain't got heart.
    You're just thinking of yourself.
    I seen it.
    I spat it out.
    To hell with your half bitten fruit in the garden of Eden.
    You're dumped.

    Weird thing is: Apple is still kinda viral.

    Unless you're me.

    10,000 words only ever went viral for Rowling and Gaiman. Or maybe Hitler.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    Och lassie.

    Aye it's true.

    The scots didna wear smalls under their kilts.

    A wee breeze disna bother us.

    And I'll nae be bothering with 10,000 words.

    Robbie Burns didni need mare than a few hundred.


    Steve

    (A Scot - McLaren Tartan)
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    I actually took my definition from the http://www.urbandictionary.com

    "basically a goober is just a kindhearted, rather oblivious goofball. it's term of endearment really. it comes from the ancient scottish verb "to goub", which has to do with doing a dance and smiling sheepishly while doing so, exposing the goubs in one's teeth.

    "That John is such a goober," said Jane as John vector-danced* his Junior Prom away. "

    Urban Dictionary: goober

    *footnote: the vector dance involves angling one's arms to form angles and vectors and pumping them back and forth to music. basically, it's geeky as hell. but completely sexy."

    But yours is probably more accurate, chillheart.

    PS: While I'm at it:

    Definition of BALESTRA: a jump forward in fencing followed by a lunge.

    PPS: I really need to get something done today. :\
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve The Copywriter
    Rick, so you've noticed that Princess B has a knack of derailing us.

    Interestingly, when I get back on track 2 things happen…

    The first few lines I write read like a space opera fused with a James Ellroy prose (it's almost cool on a Postcard piece).

    Then suddenly I can adjust the "phrases" and wham the copy makes sense and somehow has an added spark.

    Creative copywriting... I never thought it would work.


    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author RickDuris
    I'll probably be counted in the minority, but I believe there's something to writing like you, Princess.

    In the past, I've written for a few people who have that same kind of creative writing spark and I needed to emulate (and still sell sh!t.)

    I refrain here from showing too much, because copywriters undoubtedly try to follow the breadcrumbs and connect the dots when it comes to who I write for.

    But there's definitely something to the way you, Princess write which can be very useful. Especially when it comes to trying to differentiate yourself.

    Your writing is kinda like a quick, mid-day ayahuasca trip.

    I'd give you a few more pointers, but I'm 57. You're doing fine on your own, anyway. And I'm not supposed to be able to talk like I'm 19.

    - Rick Duris

    PS: As for derailing us, Steve, it's going to get worse, not better I think. Because there ain't sh!t going on in the other threads.
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    • Profile picture of the author chillheart
      Originally Posted by RickDuris View Post

      I'll probably be counted in the minority, but I believe there's something to writing like you, Princess.

      In the past, I've written for a few people who have that same kind of creative writing spark and I needed to emulate (and still sell sh!t.)

      I refrain here from showing too much, because copywriters undoubtedly try to follow the breadcrumbs and connect the dots when it comes to who I write for.

      But there's definitely something to the way you, Princess write which can be very useful. Especially when it comes to trying to differentiate yourself.
      Agreed. Despite her prose being... otherwordly ... I could easily see that transferring to certain niches that would make the copy POP like a fire cracker.

      Princess B, no foul was meant in my post.

      Besides, I'm WAY too old to be getting into some Internet beef with someone... and I'm half Rick's age


      P.S. NLP? I don't know nuttin' bout that. Heck, I'm still a skeptic about the whole field. But I'm down for becoming a believer.

      Can someone page Dr. Kilstein?
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  • Profile picture of the author Princess Balestra
    *rubs sleep from eyes*

    *pulls sporran from dry mouth*

    Ok, Rick, seemes we're re-inflating 'goober' for a new generation.

    And yeah, you're right on the Balestra deal, only I figured in the optional meaning also: the hand held crossbow instead of the foil.

    That jump and lunge sure beats vector dancing when the target's fast and shifty.

    And Steve, now the world is populated by sassy Drow maidens with crossbows who bleed pure geek when cut, wallpaper copywriting is pastry.

    (It's first thing, so indulge me.)

    Rick (again, only veeeeeery slightly older and wiser here, by definition) — ayahuasca is like cowabinga for Scots who trip up on the glen in their kilts.

    But, point taken.

    Chillheart (he of Prodigy) — so let's POP. It's a better use of three letters than NLP in my book.

    Take that motivational phrase of yours:

    "Write like you're a cosmic entity from another dimension."

    Way I see it, NLP deludes you into thinking you ARE a cosmic entity from another dimension, which has way different implications than merely being LIKE one.

    Worth thinking about next time you're stuck writing heavy duty stuff like INSURANCE or FUNERALS or BABY SAFETY SHIT.

    Just dig yourself out of a hole by writing like Galactus for a few minutes.

    Such is the power of metaphor (even though it's simile in this case).

    Worried About Funeral Costs?

    When your Universe is sucked from existence, you'll wonder what you were thinking.

    [insert patter here]

    Armageddon:
    No hype — this shit fixes EVERYTHING.

    But that's persuasion for ya — ultra powder puff de-railing.
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