Can I have some feedback on my copy

Pretty good except for:

"I am going to offer a one time promotional offer which will cover unlimited IPO reports for as long as you are a member and I'm offering this to you at $99 per quarter!!

This offer is a one time deal and will never be offered again from us and because of the price, we're only taking 25 subscribers. After this, the price will go back to $375 and will most likely never be available again.

Because of the demand and price of this IPO quarterly option, I am expecting it to sell out within just a few hours so I encourage you to strike quickly if you're interested."

The "urgencey" part sounds a little too urgent. Tone it down a little. And the "sell out in a few hours" needs to go. Not everyone reads email everyday, etc. You are closing the opportunity on me if it took me a day or two to read the email. Maybe reword it so that you can still say you expect it to sell out in a few days, and after that we can't offer it anymore etc. Visit/click here to see if this offer is still available. I didn't say it too well, but hopefully you get the idea)

Good luck,
zeek

I think that overall the letter is good. You might make it more compelling by mentioning two or three recent successful IPOs. Tell the readers what the opening price was, the high of the day, etc.

That sort of gives them a taste of what they'll get with the subscription as well as what they'll be missing if they don't subscribe. Good luck!

It sounds very formal to me. Not like you're writing to me, personally. I think if you make it a little more personal, it will read better. Like,

Hello (name)

"Have you seen what the IPO market has been doing lately? I'd pretty much left it for dead, but the recent IPO success of Dole, {etc} have made me sit bolt upright in my seat. Look at what Bird's Eye has done - {stats, returns, %, etc}!! Looks like Captain Bird's Eye has been catching more cash than cod!! (name)- have we been asleep at the wheel here?"


Rather than give the one time deal in the email, I'd take them to a deal of the century, and then try the OTO.

How is your list segmented? Buyers? tire kickers?

It's a good letter, but it seems a little dry in terms of getting people excited.

I'm not in your niche, but I get tons of email and direct mail related to the stock and financial niche. I steal ideas for my sales letters, lol. But the pieces that get my attention are the ones that say, "did you see X do y% last month". Those are the ones that catch my attention and make me say, "Sheesh, these guys made money at it, if I'd only known...."

Draw them into your story by relaying facts they already know - such as the huge IPOs of yesteryear. This they can relate to. Just about everyone I knew back then was asking for insider information on when a company would go public. Even today, the term "going public" generates great interest in even those people who know nothing about the stock market. Which brings me to the story aspect. You don't really tell one.

Also, you need to answer the question of who you are, unless your subscribers/reader know you very well. Just because I subscribe to a forex newsletter doesn't mean I'm going to listen to what the author has to say. As travlinguy says, results, graphs, facts will get people read on to see what your secret sauce is.

You could try to separate the deal in two - one great deal for subscribers (your monthly bread and low-cal spread) and another for the "readers" with a ridiculously low barrier to entry if they become subscribers in the process. This Kern et all and their "$1 to play, $97/month to stay".

Also, I'd not try to sell the subscription in the email, if it were me. If your call to action is to "click here for more info" then work on getting them to click to your site. There you can use all kinds of nice graphics and details and long sales pitches to promote your deal.

Also, (sorry) you could use a real testimonial or three in there. How about quoting some of those people who "expressed the desire for us to offer a quarterly option for IPO reports ". If any of them have been successful, use their testimonials.

You don't state whether you're starting out, or whether you have many subscribers, etc so some of my points might be off kilter.

Hope I'm not too critical. I'm just throwing out ideas.

Cheers.

P.S. Remember - AIDA.

Yeah, I agree about it being "dry."

I think you have a sexy idea, especially with these food companies (China, India demand etc).

You just don't hit on the opportunity hard enough.

And what about some proof from your track-record? Or even examples that prove strong private companies make for strong public companies?

With what you have now, you'll certainly find it hard to sell out 25 spots with a list of 75.

Colm

Hi Tim,
A great effort but I found it a little flat. I have no doubt that you're "very excited" but personally I'd rather be "really" excited. I personally really like reading copy that makes me feel like you are talking just to me and that the offer is something very special for me (particularly if you are trying to get money out of my pocket!). Try looking at your copy again and thinking about how you would say all of this to your best friend/s. You will probably get a more upbeat version of your copy if you try reading it out aloud a few times too.
Good Luck
AnnaVZ

Actually, the URL is

Bernanke gone berserk! Bank reserves explode! | Money and Markets: Free Investment Email Newsletter

Hi there,

Just a quick note...

The first thing I see is a big paragraph right off the start, which might be intimidating to some of your readers.

Quick fix - Keep 1st sentence as is and put rest of paragraph as a new 2nd.

Hope this helps,
David

"...quality of these companies are hardly speculative."

quality IS hardly speculative.

...even speculative is a bit off in my mind...

Do you have any testimonials? Social proof would help a lot.