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Need honest feedback on my 6 year old headline

by searchnology
18 replies
Hello,

I have been using the same headline on my site for over 6 years. You read that right SIX!!

The conversions and SEO are really good so as you can imagine I was too afraid to change any for fear of "breaking" something. I finally took the plunge and redesigned the site so I am now more willing to test changes.

I would appreciate some honest feedback regarding whether the current headline grabs the necessary attention. Heres' the URL www.swingtraderguide.com

Thanks in advance for any feedback. This forum is always a helpful place to turn.
#feedback #headline #honest #year
  • Profile picture of the author cerava
    6-year old headline? How about the copy? Has it been updated?

    On my view, I'd say the headline is ok. Isn't mind blowing? No. Is it awesome? No. But does it work? Only you have the statistics. ;-)

    Maybe, just my two cents, you may want to include the recent economic downturn into the headline. Something like strategies that survived the 2008/9 meltdown.

    Looking forward input from the rest. :-D
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    Best regards,

    Aldric Tinker
    My Copywriting & NLP Website

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  • Profile picture of the author TomBond
    It's too wordy for me, it's doesn't role of the tongue like a good headline should.
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  • Profile picture of the author ghyphena
    I Dare You to Invest the Time it Takes to Read this Swing Trading Guide and Not Learn to Make Real Cash in the Stock Market. Interested? Keep reading...

    is indeed quite wordy... not only are the words themselves a handful but the essential idea conveyed by the headline becomes cloudy.

    If you were to cut out "invest the time it takes to" and "learn to" you'd end up with:

    I Dare You To Read This Swing Trading Guide And Not Make Real Cash In The Stock Market. Interested? Keep reading...

    As far as I can see it doesn't change the message significantly... but it's much easier to digest.

    Ellipses might help, for clarity's sake, as well as some emphasis on "not":

    I Dare You To Read This Swing Trading Guide... And Not Make Real Cash In The Stock Market. Interested? Keep reading...

    Makes it a bit clearer, IMO.

    Gil-Ad
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    Gil-Ad Schwartz

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  • Profile picture of the author travlinguy
    I don't think the headline itself even an issue. You say:
    "The conversions and SEO are really good..."

    Since you're the one who determines what 'really good' means, why mess with that? I read an excellent sales page about seven years ago. I got friendly with someone at the company and found out it converts at around 5%. It's still up today just as it was back then.

    If I were in your shoes I'd leave well enough alone.
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    • Profile picture of the author searchnology
      Thanks for all the feedback.

      When I say the headline is doing "well" that relative and is also in a vacuum since I don't have anything else to compare it to. That is why I am wanting to test. The redesign(graphics only) have improved conversions by 65% so I am now more convinced I can move the needle. I also know the headline is key to getting users to keep reading which is why I am starting there first.



      Originally Posted by Paul McQuillan View Post

      How we feel about the headline is irrelevant, more so because you
      say the ad is doing well.

      Is it the headline that is causing the results? If the body copy is
      still the same, just swap out the headline with a new one.

      That will directly tell you if the headline is the key factor.

      Try a new headline and go from there
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      Google's Keyword Tool is Gone!..You will NEED this! - Watch Demo that Uncovers 1000s of KEYWORDS Other Tools Miss! »


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  • Profile picture of the author JasonParker
    All I can say is you're crazy if you don't start split testing headlines. It can pretty easily double your income from the page. Then keep split testing until you get it higher...
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    • Profile picture of the author searchnology
      Yep, that's the plan but wanted to get feedback from people more skilled than myself for copy ideas.

      Originally Posted by JasonParker View Post

      All I can say is you're crazy if you don't start split testing headlines. It can pretty easily double your income from the page. Then keep split testing until you get it higher...
      Signature
      Google's Keyword Tool is Gone!..You will NEED this! - Watch Demo that Uncovers 1000s of KEYWORDS Other Tools Miss! »


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      • Profile picture of the author JasonParker
        Originally Posted by searchnology View Post

        Yep, that's the plan but wanted to get feedback from people more skilled than myself for copy ideas.
        Check this out. Brian Keith Voiles writing a headline Killer Copy by Brian Keith Voiles
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        • Profile picture of the author searchnology
          Thanks! This is really cool!

          Originally Posted by JasonParker View Post

          Check this out. Brian Keith Voiles writing a headline Killer Copy by Brian Keith Voiles
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          Google's Keyword Tool is Gone!..You will NEED this! - Watch Demo that Uncovers 1000s of KEYWORDS Other Tools Miss! »


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          • Profile picture of the author JasonParker
            Originally Posted by searchnology View Post

            Thanks! This is really cool!
            Yep. Very cool The guy's a legend with loads of controls under his belt.
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            • Profile picture of the author searchnology
              This was also very helpful...gave me a good blueprint to follow.

              Never Forget AIDA
              When it comes to writing amazing sales copy, you should always think of AIDA. It's a formula for writing your sales copy in general, but you can use it for headlines as well.

              A -Attention
              I - Interest
              D - Detail
              A - Action

              Let me explain AIDA using just one sentence; Always use a headline that demands attention, make your potential customer curious, include powerful details about your product and a call for action.

              Found it here. How To Write Amazing Sales Copy Headlines
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              Google's Keyword Tool is Gone!..You will NEED this! - Watch Demo that Uncovers 1000s of KEYWORDS Other Tools Miss! »


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              • Profile picture of the author JasonParker
                Originally Posted by searchnology View Post

                This was also very helpful...gave me a good blueprint to follow.

                Never Forget AIDA
                When it comes to writing amazing sales copy, you should always think of AIDA. It's a formula for writing your sales copy in general, but you can use it for headlines as well.

                A -Attention
                I - Interest
                D - Detail
                A - Action

                Let me explain AIDA using just one sentence; Always use a headline that demands attention, make your potential customer curious, include powerful details about your product and a call for action.

                Found it here. How To Write Amazing Sales Copy Headlines
                Want to see the motherload of free copywriting training from the masters?

                How To Master The Art And Science Of Writing Ads And Sales Letters!

                This guy Michael Senoff has interviewed the living legends.
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                • Profile picture of the author David Mcalorum
                  As it's been said before, I think your main focus should be on shortening it. It's a mouthful! And even made me slow down for a second to make sure I was reading it right.
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                  • Profile picture of the author JasonParker
                    Originally Posted by MJGrae View Post

                    As it's been said before, I think your main focus should be on shortening it. It's a mouthful! And even made me slow down for a second to make sure I was reading it right.
                    Some people like short, some like long... I've seen cases where both lengths have knocked it out of the park.
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  • Profile picture of the author mreynolds
    Definitely split test.
    the headline now is a little wordy and doesn't flow but if its working well then I would mix it up and test.
    good luck.
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    Michelle Reynolds
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  • Profile picture of the author Dainis
    Test test test, I agree!

    Swing Trading Can Preserve Your Wealth and Grow your Trading Account 20-30% Faster with Surprisingly Little Risk or Effort. Interested?.....Keep reading

    ...well, it might *work* but logically "little risk or effort" could mean little effort and a lot of risk, or you could have lots of effort and little risk.

    So, you may want the conjunction to work properly without any logical hiccups (even though some folks might disagree).

    ...I'm not nailing it right now...but "Effortlessly" could be in there.
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    Profitable Virtual and Physical Business Integration
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  • Profile picture of the author sandbagger12
    I agree with a number of posts here. It needs brevity with punch.

    Only suggestion for the body would be to add the word volatility. It means a lot more in the current economic environment.

    Best of Luck.
    Sandbagger12
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