Hey there yep its another one of the will you check my site threads!

Minor quibble: The pics of you two seem awkwardly placed in relation to the signatures and From.

No sales? It's not like it is so off to warrant that. Is this the same of similar to copy you use in shops?

I would test the red checkmarked bullet list under "If you only buy one thing this year this is IT!!"

Next, you have a prevention approach. You want a "Look up and down your street. Statistics say within the next fourteen months at least one house on your block will be burglarized and ransacked" kind of approach.

As seen on everywhere you posted the thing is goofy. Get credible "As Seen On" endorsements because those are explicitly not endorsements. I would also experiment with alternatives to Add To Cart like Buy It Now.

Where it is not clear why there's a stark contrast in sales between offline and online, I'd try to return to some starting point, such as the print copy. Next go for cure rather than prevention.

I'd make the copy more emotionally compelling and intense.

For example

"The name you’ve built and the life you’ve lived is at risk at this very moment.
I know you’re on an identity theft site right now, but just days or even minutes ago a hacker could have somehow weaseled his way onto your computer data and planted a Trojan to view and access information personal to you."


Could become


"Imagine if everything you use and depend on suddenly vanished. Your credit - Destroyed, Your Bank Account - Shattered... You've been wiped out and your home could be next. All because some snot-nosed kid on the other side of the world decided to hack your computer... And take everything you have!"



Another example:


"The sad part about it for you is that it not only takes away from what you have, but it also affects your mental state.

Here’s what we mean: After you’ve had your identity stolen, you really do feel like you’re not the same person anymore….like someone else is living your life and at any moment, your credit or any other information could be stolen and in the palm of someone else’s hands to use."


Could become

"It's easy to see the world better than it is. Because it is terrifying to live day to day, knowing that you have no control over your life. That somebody far away, for absolutely no reason... Could reach through the internet, and take everything you have.



Unfortunately for those who have been robbed of their identity. It is not only ALL of their money and credit they lose... But also their well-being. Their worldview shattered. For they now know the hard way - just because you have... A good job, a safe neighborhood, and go to church on Sundays. Does not mean you are safe. Everytime they swipe their credit card they tremble in fear, hit with cold sweat. Thinking...Is my information being used to buy Yachts, Jewelry, and CARS on the other side of the world? By some punk kid who doesn't have a care in the world for who he hurts? Because these crooks know no law, boundaries, or remorse. And will do everything in their power to rob you blind!"


I just feel that getting my identity stolen would make me panic to a much greater degree than your copy illustrates. Make me understand the very real fear of a very real threat. Do this through story and emotion. Not math.

Thank you all so much for the feedback , funny part about this was we had a good copy writer from this forum write the sales letter,goes to show that reviews are not all they are cracked up to be

@ASCW I want to thank you for your input on this and will test some of the ideas you have written down

Cheers Jase

The headline is way too long. The copy isn't all that compelling. Just writing about evil punk hackers lurking about doesn't cut it. I'd lead with a couple of hacker/cracker horror stories where people lost all their data, had their identity stolen or had to pay through the nose to get everything back to normal.

Then I'd show the reader how easy it might be to be to find themselves in that predicament.
Lead with fear and relieve the fear with your handy dandy, easy peasy solution. Good luck.

Hey bro,

(yup, another kiwi too )

I'd leverage the security seals at Trust Guard >>

To help establish trust, security, professionalism and credibility etc.

and model sites like Norton >>, PC-Tools >> and/or Panda >>

(Just less distracting & less "cluttered")...

The Panda site looks nice... and you could also get some nice jQuery tabbed/slides
happening with punchy benefit driven bullet points with compelling reasons why...

People should buy your product.

Hopefully some quick, helpful ideas

- aj

Selling prevention is hard at the best of times.

And with copy like that, I'm hardly surprised your sales are spluttering.

A good thing to look for when you hire a copywriter is a history of results.

Not that they're a nice guy... not feel-good testimonials from past clients... real results.

You'll find the good writers have plenty.

-Dan

just a quick scan..... the copy needs work bro.

didnt do anything for me at first glance.