Can you review my landing page Please

by seanyd

Posted: 12 years ago 7 replies

COPY WRITING

Hey i`m having real problems with conversions ie none lol

can I get some tips please

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Thanks alot

sean

#landing #page #review

OutOfThisWord 12 years ago

There is no headline and the second frame with the product shot should be the first and those benefits fleshed out for a headline.

Right now it's a big graphic with copy that is easier to click away from than read.
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Raydal 12 years ago

Without reading any of the page I think on first impression
it lacks credibility. You need to work on the formatting.

On the marketing strategy side if you have 84 videos in the
package then you can give away at least 5 to get their
email addresses and market to them with a follow-up
autoresponder series.

-Ray Edwards
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Andrew Gould 12 years ago

Hi Sean,

Before I even get to the copy, I'm seeing one plain text header and then another graphical one. Both look amateurish and need to go.

The copy itself is a train wreck, it's all over the place. It almost seems like two sales pages mashed into one.

Take a look at this thread that goes over some of the more popular copywriting structures, pick one, and start again:

http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-formulas.html

But judging from this you might be better off hiring a professional. If not to actually write the copy, then to give you an in-depth critique on your next version.

Also, make sure you're selling to the right audience - is it the kids or the parents who buy this sort of stuff?

(And why is everything apart from your bullets centered? And is that a copyright symbol on the young lady "holding" your video?)
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Andrew Gould
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- seanyd 12 years ago
  
  Thank very much for your great insights , all of your comments have great points, feel stupid not to see these sorts of things myself , but you really need a fresh pair of eyes .
  
  Thanks again
  
  Thanks
  
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- seanyd 12 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Andrew Gould
  
  http://www.warriorforum.com/copywrit...-formulas.html
  
  And is that a copyright symbol on the young lady "holding" your video?)
  
  Thanks for the 15 tips and whoops to the second
  
  Thanks
  
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Don Schenk 12 years ago

Centered type is difficult to read because the eye likes to go back to the same location (left justified) to start the next line. With all that centered type the left side it way too jagged for eye comfort.

There is a reason for good graphic and typographic design.

If it is hard to read, people will leave.

:-Don
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- seanyd 12 years ago
  
  very interesting
  thanks
  
  Thanks
  
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