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Need a REVIEW & WRITING HELP!!!

by Sam Rodrigo
5 replies
HI All,

I am building the brand "Rich Sage" and currently have a sales page here:
Rich Sage Underground

1. What do you think? Any major errors that I can correct?

2. Before the end of September, I want to do a professional re-write and have some graphic work done. Would like to add testimonials, info about my affiliate program, etc.

A> If you have the ability to do a re-write and make it very impressive, please PM me with your website URL, (which I presume has links to your work).

B> Your estimated cost for the work.

C> What you think will be a good solution to updating the graphic look. IF you are a Warrior that can do the graphic edits, please also contact me. I would like a sales page like How to be FUNNY! Learn to be Funny, Witty, & Interesting!, which I like very much.

Ok, that's it. Let me know your thoughts and what you can do. I am a more technical guy and would like to leave the writing to the pro's.
Thanks, Sam.
#review #writing
  • Profile picture of the author zapseo
    Sam,

    From watching you over time, I'm guessing that Rich Sage has taken a different direction from what it was before (I could have easily missed the turn somewhere.)

    My biggest issue with this page is...proof?

    You make some pretty startling claims.

    This sounds (to my admittedly naive mind) -- maybe a little bit like Mintun & Rofe's Boomtown?

    And the big green "Rich Sage" ? Ugh. Lose it.

    Your sales page seems like it is all over the place.

    I'm having trouble getting a grasp on what you are about.

    If your program is as good as you seem to be saying...

    My business model shows you how to earn $2,500 to $10,000+ in the first 100 days
    And you are offering $1 for the first 30 days...

    I'd consider restructuring your offer to include both ideas...such as
    "Pay $1 to start, and virtually never pay again" (this is a very rough idea. It's the "nut" of the idea, but it's a diamond in the rough.

    Basically, combining that promise with that offer in a different way would create darn close to an irresistible offer.

    But, in general, what I've read of your sales page leaves me with more questions about what you have to offer (not in a good way) than real interest or any conviction that you can actually deliver.

    But maybe you've already got the re-write offer you are looking for?
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    • Profile picture of the author Sam Rodrigo
      Hi Zapseo,

      I agree with the crust of what you say... As a technical person, I miss a lot of the marketing details. That's why I joined the forum.

      I have a few questions... What direction did you think I was headed before? I've pretty much expanded --the direction is the same I thought. Just interested to hear your point of view.

      As for my claims, I've achieve them doing work locally. I've just started the program and don't have students who have duplicated my efforts. Just three weeks into it I do have one student who is close to getting it done. Anyway, I don't get into the practice of making false claims. I'll just wait a bit to get testimonials from current students.

      SEO, I don't have a re-write offer at the moment. You seem to grasp my needs --any interest in doing a re-write yourself?

      Please let me know,
      Sam
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      LOCAL AFFILIATE GOLD MINE:
      >> CLICK: BiiG NETWORK LAUNCH WSO       <<
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      • Profile picture of the author J. Barry Mandel
        As much as I like your logo, it definitely doesn't do much to convice the visitor of your site.

        But, if you added a thought bubble above his head with him and his white curls fricing a mercedes with bling shining everywhere that would give people a better idea from glancing at your site.

        The logo message you"re trying to get accross is contradictory to being a "rich sage".

        Otherwise, i scanned through it and your text is pulled way too tight together in consecutive paragraphs making people not want to read the text.

        Lastly, it's a little confusing to me, but then again I did not read everything. I am essentially putting together word press blogs for your customers so how would that make me "rich"?

        Hope that helps!
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        • Profile picture of the author Sam Rodrigo
          Originally Posted by Justin Mandel View Post

          As much as I like your logo, it definitely doesn't do much to convice the visitor of your site.

          But, if you added a thought bubble above his head with him and his white curls fricing a mercedes with bling shining everywhere that would give people a better idea from glancing at your site.

          The logo message you"re trying to get accross is contradictory to being a "rich sage".

          Otherwise, i scanned through it and your text is pulled way too tight together in consecutive paragraphs making people not want to read the text.

          Lastly, it's a little confusing to me, but then again I did not read everything. I am essentially putting together word press blogs for your customers so how would that make me "rich"?

          Hope that helps!
          Hi Justin,

          Yes, you're right at the end there. That's how things start, for quick cash. Then I teach my Members to use my tools to manage a network of such sites and earn from the "tools" that I've built and now entering the next generation (tools) with Member input.

          As for your comments about the logo, in the way that I've lived and grown, RICH = values first. Not just money. The assumption is that RICH = Money. We'll in my case, it first = the way I live and work. As for Rich = Money and gold and stuff as you mention it, yes, that too is important.

          But, I still think that wisdom and philosophy are vital before being rich financially. Otherwise, one can be *very poor* overnight. Generally, you don't hear about those stories because people are very quiet when things go bust.

          What I teach is steady growth that is *sustainable*.

          Thanks for your input.
          Success,
          Sam
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  • Profile picture of the author TajwarAlexander
    I wouldn't tell them initially that you are selling anything. I would build a rapport with the reader. Identify their problem...THEN let them know the solution that you can offer.

    Hope that helps!
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