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Headline: Fear of Loss

by TakenAction
4 replies
Hey all!

I am running a direct mail piece (one page) and it is all finished except I need a better headline.

Our offer= Web re-design work to manufacturing companies that already have a website and we also offer free SEO work for 2 months after their initial purchase of the site.

I wanted to incorporate 2 things into the headline:

1) Fear of Loss
2) Their competitors

So maybe something like:

Your Competitors are stealing away your leads! Learn how to get them back and destroy your competition.

I am not a copywriter so thats why I came to all you pro's!

thanks much everyone!
#fear #headline #loss
  • Profile picture of the author sethczerepak
    Originally Posted by TakenAction View Post

    Hey all!

    I am running a direct mail piece (one page) and it is all finished except I need a better headline.

    Our offer= Web re-design work to manufacturing companies that already have a website and we also offer free SEO work for 2 months after their initial purchase of the site.

    I wanted to incorporate 2 things into the headline:

    1) Fear of Loss
    2) Their competitors

    So maybe something like:

    Your Competitors are stealing away your leads! Learn how to get them back and destroy your competition.

    I am not a copywriter so thats why I came to all you pro's!

    thanks much everyone!
    Are you asking someone to write the headline for you?

    Or do you want critique on what you've got written here?

    I'm sure some nice generous copywriter will be happy to work for free...but you might not be happy with the result.
    Signature
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    • Profile picture of the author TakenAction
      Originally Posted by sethczerepak View Post

      Are you asking someone to write the headline for you?

      Or do you want critique on what you've got written here?

      I'm sure some nice generous copywriter will be happy to work for free...but you might not be happy with the result.
      I was just using that headline as an example but just came to the good ol' WF copywriter section to see if anyone had any better ideas.

      No problem if not but I'll take suggestions on the headline I have or a new idea for a headline if anyone is interested in helping, if not no problem.

      I've seem to get great help from this section for headlines so I am just back here again
      Signature

      The best thing you can do is put yourself out there.

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  • Profile picture of the author angiecolee
    Critiquing something you've already done is a lot less work for us (for free) than writing it for you (for free). So go on, put some skin in it, and let us see what you're working with.

    That's the point he's making.
    Signature

    Aspiring copywriters: if you need 1:1 advice from an experienced copy chief, head over to my Phone a Friend page.

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    • Profile picture of the author JonReyes
      Originally Posted by angiecolee View Post

      Critiquing something you've already done is a lot less work for us (for free) than writing it for you (for free). So go on, put some skin in it, and let us see what you're working with.

      That's the point he's making.
      I 2nd that
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