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My first squeeze page - What do you think?

by feodor24
40 replies
Hey guys,

I have just completed tinkering my very first squeeze page, here it is:

quitsmokingnewsletter.net


Please post your opinions. I finally quit smoking a couple of weeks ago and decided to share my thoughts and experience with people along with building my first list to make some extra cash.

Thanks!

P.S.: what do you think about my domain (is it ok to have "newsletter" word in it) and niche in general (isn't it too competitive to begin with)?
#page #squeeze
  • Profile picture of the author lilc800
    Pretty nice I would like to see a little bit more graphics and stuff on the site.. Maybe you can put a picture of a person that died from smoking? It makes it more effective

    Also under the picture you could put something like "This could be you if you don't stop"

    And congrats on quitting!
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    • Profile picture of the author RyanHaus
      Not bad at all. If you just enhance the questions a little but. More graphics, etc. you definitely have simplicity down. I'd say just enhance what you already have with a little more attention grabbing headlines, and possibly a few more questions. I'd sign up for your newsletter if I was a smoker.
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    • Profile picture of the author Roaddog
      I like it.

      Simple and to the point. Most smokers looking to quit don't need to much reminding of why they should quit.

      I think the graphic of the broken cigarette is a good one, again simple but effective.

      Should a/b test with another more complex one to see what converts better.
      (if you haven't already)

      I personally like it..but you never know
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      KimW a Fellow Warrior Who Really Needs Help
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    • Profile picture of the author feodor24
      Originally Posted by lilc800 View Post

      Maybe you can put a picture of a person that died from smoking? It makes it more effective
      And congrats on quitting!
      Are you sure it really does? That was my first thought but now I think that it will make my visitors uncomfortable a bit... It's a smoker's psychology to avoid thoughts about consequences especially when it comes to health... Do you really think it could increase conversions and put some extra people to my list?
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      • Profile picture of the author Brankica
        Originally Posted by feodor24 View Post

        Are you sure it really does? That was my first thought but now I think that it will make my visitors uncomfortable a bit... It's a smoker's psychology to avoid thoughts about consequences especially when it comes to health... Do you really think it could increase conversions and put some extra people to my list?
        I am not a smoker but would definitely not put a dead person's pic there.

        I like how you page looks. Is that the home page to your new site or will it be just a page for sign ups?

        What ever it is, I really like how it looks. I would not add more images, I would just limit the width so it isn't so much white. Like this forum has grey sides, that is something I would add.
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        • Profile picture of the author feodor24
          Originally Posted by Brankica View Post

          I like how you page looks. Is that the home page to your new site or will it be just a page for sign ups?

          What ever it is, I really like how it looks. I would not add more images, I would just limit the width so it isn't so much white. Like this forum has grey sides, that is something I would add.
          It's just a sign up page. It's my first baby and I eager to get some subscribers. Thanks for you tip about grey sides - I will defintely try to do that, there's really too much white in there.
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    • Profile picture of the author Mrmuscle90
      Originally Posted by lilc800 View Post

      Pretty nice I would like to see a little bit more graphics and stuff on the site.. Maybe you can put a picture of a person that died from smoking? It makes it more effective

      Also under the picture you could put something like "This could be you if you don't stop"

      And congrats on quitting!
      I think that will just make people click off the site, who wants to see that?
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    • Profile picture of the author zena lour
      Originally Posted by lilc800 View Post

      Pretty nice I would like to see a little bit more graphics and stuff on the site.. Maybe you can put a picture of a person that died from smoking? It makes it more effective

      Also under the picture you could put something like "This could be you if you don't stop"

      And congrats on quitting!
      having a picture of a dead person is a little insensitive (just my opinion) and it would def scare the person off.

      when it comes to squeeze page, simple is the way to go. simple and to the point.

      the only thing i would change maybe is having everything in a box.

      good job though


      zena
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      • Profile picture of the author skwurl
        i like it, good job ;-)
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    • Profile picture of the author Tim3
      Originally Posted by lilc800 View Post

      Pretty nice I would like to see a little bit more graphics and stuff on the site.. Maybe you can put a picture of a person that died from smoking? It makes it more effective

      Also under the picture you could put something like "This could be you if you don't stop"

      And congrats on quitting!

      I think that might fall foul of some advertising standards authority
      Signature

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  • Profile picture of the author AnimalSpirit
    Well done! Great looking site. The only thing I would add more bullet points. Other than that you are all set.
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  • Profile picture of the author jkennedy
    Banned
    I like it, simple and sweet. And congratulations. As a smoker, who was currently smoking a cigarette while reading it I almost signed up myself.

    I like the one single graphic you had. A dead person would have me immediately exit. I would suggest making it just a tad more personal to yourself. Where you have the heading "Give me 1 minute and I will list the benefits of my newsletter", you might say something like "Give me (however long it takes to read the newsletter) 5 minutes and I will show you how I QUIT AFTER 17 YEARS OF SMOKING"

    The other thing I would consider using a different word in place of "secrets". As a smoker, I'm simply not buying into there being a "secret no one ever knew about". Maybe something like "method" perhaps, or "system".

    Last thing, promise. Make the list of reasons BIGGER. Maybe just a couple points larger.

    You did a VERY good job...I'm still tempted to sign up, just out of curiosity.
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    • Profile picture of the author feodor24
      Originally Posted by jkennedy View Post

      I like it, simple and sweet. And congratulations. As a smoker, who was currently smoking a cigarette while reading it I almost signed up myself.
      Thank you, I'm pretty glad to hear that. I worked my a** off to do all the minor tweaks here and there so I'm happy that somebody liked it

      Originally Posted by jkennedy View Post

      Where you have the heading "Give me 1 minute and I will list the benefits of my newsletter", you might say something like "Give me (however long it takes to read the newsletter) 5 minutes and I will show you how I QUIT AFTER 17 YEARS OF SMOKING"

      The other thing I would consider using a different word in place of "secrets". As a smoker, I'm simply not buying into there being a "secret no one ever knew about". Maybe something like "method" perhaps, or "system".
      The problem is there's NO METHOD I just used cold turkey approach, gone nuts for a couple of days and tried to climb a wall as russians say. Now I'm trying to figure out what ACTUAL method should I promote as my subscribers would defintely expect me one to offer. Now I'm breaking my head trying to figure out what exactly should I put in my follow up messages to keep them interested.
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      • Profile picture of the author jkennedy
        Banned
        Originally Posted by feodor24 View Post

        The problem is there's NO METHOD I just used cold turkey approach, gone nuts for a couple of days and tried to climb a wall as russians say. Now I'm trying to figure out what ACTUAL method should I promote as my subscribers would defintely expect me one to offer. Now I'm breaking my head trying to figure out what exactly should I put in my follow up messages to keep them interested.
        Been there done that. It's enough to put a man in the looney bin. Maybe you can focus on how you handled it mentally. What did you tell yourself as you were going crazy? Even though you may not have tried it yourself, you could do some research on things that help replace the action of smoking.

        But here's where your site could take off. Electronic Cigarettes are is SUPER high demand. I thought about going into this niche myself. The competition is still relatively low, and there is plenty of room for no saturation, as there are always going to be an unlimited supply of smokers. These e-cigarettes are going like hot cakes. It probably wouldn't be hard to find a good CPA in this niche.
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  • Profile picture of the author Daniel Scott
    The amount of misinformation in this thread is staggering.

    That aside... there are LOTS of stop smoking newsletters out there.

    What separates yours?

    Because at the moment it's just same old, same old... and that just doesn't cut it.

    You need to find a hook to hang your hat on... and punch it out right in the headline. Then you need to magnify the bullet curiosity a hundredfold.

    And I say that as someone who gets paid over $2 000 to write one of these.

    -Daniel
    Signature

    Always looking for badass direct-response copywriters. PM me if we don't know each other and you're looking for work.

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  • Profile picture of the author Mike Hill
    Looks good and to get even more subscribers why don't you sit down in font of a camera and tell your story. You see everyone has a story so tell yours, just as though they were sitting there in front of you at a coffee shop and wanted to know about when you started smoking, how it made you feel, when you decided to quit, etc...

    Don't worry about being professional, just talk and get your story out there. People will connect with you and you will have a lot more success with this venture.
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  • Profile picture of the author Floyd Fisher
    I'd fix the formatting of the headline. You got an extra space between lines two and three.
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  • Profile picture of the author Nickolie0990
    That's a pretty good squeeze page.

    What I Would Change

    - Change the call to action to "Free Instant Access", this typically has a better conversion rate.

    - I would add some social buttons, you know a facebook like and a re-tweet button.

    You can go here to get a Facebook like button:
    http://developers.facebook.com/docs/.../plugins/like/

    and just make the URL for a twitter link.

    - The broken cigarette really isn't doing anything, so I would remove it.

    - Headline is good, but looks to much like a marketing message. It should be an opener to a story...Something like this...

    "Discover the Amazing Secret of How a 17 Year Smoker Finally Kicked the Annoying Habit and Showed His Kids That He Can Stop Smoking"

    Ok so that isn't the best, but it speaks more to them on a personal level, which is my point.

    - Have some type of support, quitting is hard, and if they know that there will be a support group there to help, then that will boost conversions. Maybe instead of the word newsletter, you can use the word support.

    Those are just some things I would add to it.
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    • Profile picture of the author Anonymous Affiliate
      Originally Posted by Nickolie0990 View Post

      - The broken cigarette really isn't doing anything, so I would remove it.
      I absolutely disagree. The broken cigarette draws the eye attention and sticks the user onto the page within the first second upon landing.

      I like the Squeeze Page (simple and straight to the point), but I would change the following line:

      "When you register for the FREE QUIT SMOKING SUPPORT NEWSLETTER you'll discover secrets like ..."

      I would remove the word "register" and "newsletter". People are fed up of newsletters. Format your message as something like :

      "When you downloadour FREE QUIT SMOKING SUPPORT guide you'll discover secrets like ..."
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  • Profile picture of the author php0606
    Just nice...i like it...well done!
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    • Profile picture of the author LikeBids
      Great website, very clean and well organized. Good luck
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  • Profile picture of the author SavTJohnson
    I would Add a short video if you could. That always helps to build trust for the people that are on the fence. however I like that it's simple and to the point.
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    • Profile picture of the author BillyBee
      You guys are being way too nice to this guy. The page is okay but not very good. Maybe a C-minus at best.

      Daniel Scott was the only one to point this out. I will be more specific:

      First of all, the headline is a direct ripoff from Double Your Dating's longtime headline, and while there's nothing wrong with swiping a legendary headline, you have to think long and hard about WHY that headline succeeded in THAT market. Think about that seriously.

      The sub-headline is horrible, I'm sorry:

      "Give me 1 minute and I will LIST BENEFITS OF MY NEWSLETTER"
      List the benefits of your newsletter? That's actually funny. That's like having your main headline say, "Who Else Wants to Read My Sales Letter So That You Can Possibly Buy My Product?"

      Also, why is James A. Peterson listed in testimonial fashion beneath the broken cigarette? It's as if he is the one who uttered the famous line of "Give me 1 minute and I will list the benefits of my newsletter."

      Again, it's actually funny if it also wasn't a sincere effort to put up a good squeeze page.

      Now I know why so many people aren't making money online . . . they're getting positive feedback and encouragement for putting up really mediocre squeeze pages like this one.

      Normally, I don't critique a newbie's efforts this bluntly. But the number of positive comments in this thread really took me aback.

      Did no one else notice that James A Peterson is identified as a "former smoker with 17 years of smoking behind"

      Again, this is the kind of thing that ends up on Jay Leno's unwittingly funny headlines bit.

      Honestly, I'm not trying to discourage you. Keep going and use your head!
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  • Profile picture of the author HugoG
    Hey man,

    Congrats! I think your squeeze page looks really nice
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    • Profile picture of the author diegoortiz
      I like it, great job man. a little advice- videos convert, videos convert, videos convert. never underestimate the power of video, go ahead and put a video on it, split test it with the one that dosnt and let me know which converts more.

      overall its a job well done my friend.

      success to you
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  • Profile picture of the author Ian Varnava
    Squeeze page looks nice and clean. You can order a video or 2 from Fiverr also and see if they help with opt-ins.

    As a smoker, I personally don't believe in quit-smoking programs. I think it has to come from inside. Which is why in my decade and a half of IM experience I've never promoted a quit smoking product, no matter how lucrative and how much money to be made. I did sign up for your newsletter though to see what kind of tips you are delivering.
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  • Profile picture of the author mjarel
    little more efforts are required... add variety of topics & tips & make the webpage more catchy.
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    Maria Jarel
    Brand Partnership Manager| Logoinn.com | The Art for Business
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  • Profile picture of the author harris98765
    Banned
    [DELETED]
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    • Profile picture of the author feodor24
      Originally Posted by harris98765 View Post

      Can anyone tell me is there any great FREE software for creating a squeeze page?? im posting here since i cant create seperate thread right now..
      Just google for it. But I highly recommend you to pick some free template and a copy of free HTML editor (I use Kompozer by Mozilla). Open your template with editor and turn it into anything you want.

      Some basic knowledge of HTML is not a must but will serve you well since there are alot of things which require you to get into page source (adding tracking scripts, for instance).
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    • Profile picture of the author Paleochora
      Originally Posted by harris98765 View Post

      Can anyone tell me is there any great FREE software for creating a squeeze page?? im posting here since i cant create seperate thread right now..
      Here you go. This will start you off:

      A Professional Squeeze Page In Just A Few Clicks...? | Web Design For Internet Marketers - By James Francis... (not aff.)
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  • Profile picture of the author ben1ewis
    I think its a great attempt at a squeeze page. well done.
    I agree with the comments about the white spacing other than that, keep it simple!

    Good work!
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  • Profile picture of the author Philok
    Why not offer them a free report?

    Good job,
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  • Profile picture of the author dlmore
    Look good but it's should be load faster
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    • Profile picture of the author MichaelG469
      I like it, especially for a 1st squeeze page. Wish you the best of luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author wilsonusman
    I would add bullet point benefits, I understand that you they're kind of like benefits already the ones you have, but if you word them differently I think they'll be more powerful.
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    • Profile picture of the author BenoitT
      Very good squeeze page. Don't forget the MOST important point: Split test to see what works and what doesn't. Best way to get the best conversion rate.

      Maybe something that move would be great to catch the eye (like a video or animated GIF) could get you a better opt-in rate.

      A stronger call to action may improve it too. Maybe if you change Sign Up by something more significative for them can increase the conversion too.

      Good job
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      Benoit Tremblay

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      • Profile picture of the author pertree
        I think it's very "to the point" and should do pretty well. I signed up!
        Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author Jamie Drew
    Telling them to "become a member" rather than simply "sign up" could make it sound more exclusive and might trigger some people to join on the "being part of it" factor alone.

    Though, it looks great! You should go with it for a few weeks driving traffic to it. Change a thing or two here or there like different images and different placement of the opt-in form, for example, for he same period of time.

    Compare your results and go with what works best.

    Always test and never rest!

    Good luck, and congrats on quitting

    Jamie D
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  • Profile picture of the author butcher57
    Simple and smart :-)
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  • Profile picture of the author Paleochora
    First of all, I would like to say congratulations...not on producing the page itself but in having the sense to get it critiqued here hopefully by people with more experience. This actually takes some guts to do and I salute you for being teachable.

    I kind of agree with an earlier poster that it's not the best and needs some tweaks but, heck, it's your first one. As a start, it's head and shoulders above many people's first attempts. So well done for that too.

    My suggestions? Well, I love video. Doesn't have to be fancy. Certainly needs to be short but it will get the message across using another medium. If you use video you may need to re-arrange the page slightly, perhaps making it 2 column with the video on the left and the opt in form on the right.

    You certainly need to tidy up the graphics and the text content. Stop your behind from smoking!

    Whatever you do ....do not be tempted to sell anti-smoking on negatives. People just do not respond to pictures of black lungs etc. This was proven in disastrous anti-smoking campaigns run by the government in Great Britain the 70's.

    Focus on the benefits of not smoking. Talk about this in your video.

    Also, don't assume that the #1 reasons people want to stop smoking are health and cost. For me the #1 reason was that I hated that a part of my life was being controlled by a tobacco company. I just wanted to be free, not richer or healthier.
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  • Profile picture of the author THK
    I like your landing page! As others have mentioned, simple but attractive. I would say "no" to more graphics. The one you have is great.

    Perhaps tweak the headline and benefits slightly to make it bit bold(in terms of tone, not the font size). I wouldn't change much of that page until I test it.

    My .02 cents

    All the best

    Tanvir
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