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Do you think this article is decent?

by IsayHey
5 replies
Hello, I have just published my first proper lens in squidoo, and i think it is pretty good but i am in need of some feedback so could people tell me whether this article gets the point across, Advertises my site well, and other stuff like that.
Link to the article here
#article #decent
  • Profile picture of the author ezbiz
    I think it looks OK, might wanna make it a little longer in word count. But looks are not as important as the keywords. I'm not sure if you've taken that into consideration. But without the right keywords for the title and body, it won't really matter, because no one will see it anyway. This is simple, use a keyword tool like market samurai to find some good keywords for your subject and sprinkle them throughout the article, and title too. Hope that helps, Good luck!
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  • Profile picture of the author Player87
    Tip- Use a keyword density of 1-1.5%
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    • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
      Starting purely from a writing standpoint, it's a little weak. You get points for effort, but the grammar and sentence structure had a lot of errors. That's an easy clean-up with a little editing.

      Where I think you may have missed the mark is you are using an article which, from the title, seems to be targeted to people who have never played the game.

      Yet the site you are promoting seems targeted to people already serious about the game.

      Seems a bit of a mismatch to me.

      You may want to take things in steps...

      > Entice people to want to try the game. Instead of just handing them a list of stuff they can do, hunt through the submissions to your site for example videos. If you don't have them, find them and embed them on your site yourself, then put them in your lens.

      > Link to a specific page of your site with specific tips for beginners, or a page with links to beginner-level material. You want them to get hooked enough on the game to want the more advanced stuff, and by showing them that it already exists on your site, you pre-sell them on the idea that your site is the destination they need.

      > Didn't have a chance to look at your site, but if you aren't capturing emails, you should start. Then you can follow up and give them more tips, point out the top-notch submissions, etc.

      Nice start, but you can do a lot better...
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  • Profile picture of the author IsayHey
    Oh! i actually forgot about adding tags and keywords! i shall sort that out now
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  • Profile picture of the author IsayHey
    That has given me a good idea, i could offer people an email service to receive tips and tricks and updates etc.. for free until i get lots of traffic? is that a good idea?

    And about the Lens, yes i knew it wasnt going to be that good as i didnt take AGES to write it which i should have done, and then check it through and make it as effective as i could, but i didnt have that much time but i shall take that into account when i write my next one!

    Thanks for the email idea! I have so many different idea's for that now!
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