Are we friends?

A friend is someone that accepts you as you are without judging you regardless of sharing your views on most subjects or not, is someone that will help you make a mortgage payment when you have run out of options and that will take your deepest, darkest secret to the grave.

I do not consider anyone that interact with online a true friend. I consider them online acquaintances that I am friendly with. I would like to think that some of them, if they were actually in my life would choose to be my friend and I, theirs, but I'm the type of person that can count his true friends on 2 hands with a few fingers left over and that most of those have been my friend since I was around 8 years old.

If you have put up with me that long, you truly are a friend with the patience and understanding of a saint.

Cheers. - Frank

I am your bosom buddy Joseph, as long as rubbing your bald head brings me luck.

We're cyber friends. The modern version of penpals? Friends of sorts, I guess, but more than once, I've seen people here pooling resources to assist a member going through rough times.

If you go to your profile you can see all your friends, they are your friends because it says so.

I take this to be true because I saw it on the internet, lol.

I met my wife via introduction with an email from someone I knew in Texas.

It turned into phone calls and we finally met and have been married for ten years.

You can make a lot of promises and project a persona on email, forums and even on the phone which may be slightly or greatly exaggerated. Well aware of that.

The only way to find out if a real life friendship or relationship would work is to bite the bullet and meet the person. Spend some time with them, see, if it's someone you would like to be in your life in a small or large way.

Added: But, if we did that and it did not go well, it would ruin the light hearted friendships, quips, jokes and interesting conversations that this non commited medium of communication provides. Something that I value in itself.

Physical Stuff can get in the way of perfectly good friendships.

In the late 1980s MTV had a TV commercial:

• Girl: Nobody likes me.
• {pause}
• Boy: I like you.
• {pause}
• Girl: Nobody good likes me.
• {awkward silence...}

I don't agree with everyone here but I think everyone has good intentions. Most everyone, that is. I think that if we all got together in a social environment we'd get along just fine. So yeah, I consider the people here friends. Some are even retarded, just like my friends in real life.

Friendship is subjective even in "real life." I can consider someone a friend and that person could consider me an acquaintance. Our interactions are identical, but our perceptions of those interactions, coupled with how those perceptions fit into our model of friendship, determine how we value one another. As such, I don't believe physical proximation is a requirement for friendship, thus, yes, online relationships can be real friendships.

There are other elements and qualifiers, but I boil it down to this: If a minor emergency occurs, would I go out of my way to help that person? If I would, I consider them a friend. I don't apply the test the other way around because I don't determine who considers me a friend.

Call a friend? Over here, we normally refer to that as "Phone a friend".

Someone who doesn't habitually defame me, threaten me with lawyers, steal my shoes or cheat at backgammon. It has absolutely nothing to do with the so-called forum "friends list", though, I admit: I just add anyone who asks without looking to see who they are, as declining would obviously offend and I don't think anyone ever really looks at those, anyway?

And on a Friday afternoon? Well, ok ... you're asking an interesting question, then. I think I judge very subjectively (and perhaps too quickly) whether someone's a "friend", and probably in a way that has as much to do with my mood at the time as anything else, to be honest. I think that almost everyone here has good intentions. I do still sometimes get people registering as a member and immediately replying in challenging or otherwise unpleasant ways to three or four of my posts, in assorted threads, which obviously and unambiguously demonstrates a "personal agenda" of some kind, but I very strongly suspect that it's only really two different people doing that, under a variety of different names, and they don't last long, anyway. I assume that everyone else has good intentions.


.

I wrote about this question in my newsletter in the summer of 2013. Here's an excerpt...

When I first started online, one of my first newsletter subscribers was a woman I'll call Anne. She was just starting her online business too, and often looked to me for advice.

In time, our online relationship blossomed into a genuine friendship. We talked about family, dreams, our mutual eye problems and so much more.

A while back I sent Anne an email, but she didn't reply. I figured she was just busy and would write back when she had time.

Only she didn't write back this time. I wrote to her again, and again there was no reply. In fact, my email to her bounced back to me as undeliverable. I tried to go to her website, but her site wasn't there. Her domain had expired.

Now I was concerned, her website was her passion, so I did a search for her name. That's when I discovered she had suddenly and unexpectedly passed away!

I lost a friend. I never got to meet her in person, but it felt just as horrible as losing a friend from the 'real' world. Yes, I shed a few tears.

Don't tell me online friendships aren't real.

Maybe we never get to shake their hand, or hug them, but we can still share our hearts with our online friends, and THAT is at the core of any deep friendship.

Goodbye Anne. Thank you for being my friend.

Let me ask ya a few things, Claude.

Do we feel free to express how we really feel about issues and know that the others may disagree but won't hate us for it?

What happens if we piss each other off? Do we hate each other forever or just get over it and forget and forgive?

What happens if one of us gets sick? You've been here long enough to see the fundraisers?

Do we support each other's efforts to build and run businesses and feel glad when we are able to help or to see each other succeed?

This is a diverse community in the OT, and some come and go, but it is a real community and we have bonds.

When I started my forum I met a lot of people "online". Then one year we held our first meet up to go hunting together. There were about 20 of us there. I was a tad nervous since I'm actually a bit shy around new people -- but when we met, it was just like a family reunion. There were no strangers. We felt we already knew each other and had one of the best times I can remember ever having, staying up at the fire talking late into the night.

Yes - you can be friends on a forum. You can be neighbors. You can be the part of the community that people might not agree that much with always, but would be there for when excrement hits the air conditioning.

Friendship for me is an agreement between two or more people.
Considering that they have something in common yet still has the audacity to accept one's faults/weaknesses even if it's not their best interest to have such person/s in their life.
Gradually they understand and feel for the person, in ways they can't explain. It just happens...and they let it take over their lives like some irritating itch that you love scratching. It's an itch, for chrissakes...why would we be so enamored having one then? 'Coz it gives us that special security of having to feel something.

To give it a psycho-sociological aspect on my take on this, It's the glue that binds Abraham Maslow's Pyramid-- The middleman between Esteem and Safety. When you've got friends, why would you be scared of having enemies? Why would you feel so alone, when you know you are loved? Still, it's a mystery how friendship lasts longer than kin.

Here's a song to cap it off:

Claude, 6 years ago I did some phone work from home for an outsourced call centre. Another guy was also doing it and he was from a different state to me.
Anyway, we emailed back and forth and then we started chatting in yahoo messenger.
6 years later and he is my webmaster and we do lots of stuff together, all online as such. In September last year I flew up to meet him for the first time and it was like we had been friends for that 6 years. I regard him as being a closer friend than many of the friends I see in real life.

I also have lots of clients, some of whom I regard as friends.

In here I also regard a few people as friends and many as acquaintances but am not sure where to draw the line or even if there is a line.

There are some people I would like to meet if the opportunity ever arose..
Does that answer your question?

Let's see ... I have nothing but admiration and respect for people like Dennis Gaskill and Paul Myers and always enjoy when they post. I'm happy to see WD Mino posting again. I worry about Terra's health and enjoy her pink and sparkly posts. Kay and Sal have long been on the list of people I enjoy, whether I agree with them or not. PositiveNegative (if he is who I think he is) I always enjoyed before, even though at times he was a bit over the top ... welcome back if you are who I think you are. Big Frank makes my day and makes me spit coffee on my keyboard and sometimes I put his posts in a swipefile to be used as blatant plagiarism later. Claude frequently makes me laugh and so does Riffle, and laughing is always a gift. I'm in love with someone's son who is 4. Whateverpedia is high on my list of those I like, as well as Kurt, Alexa, lanfear (who is a gifted poster), TimPhelan, TLTheLiberator, Joe Mobley (who I've frequently disagreed with), Tagiscom, Steve Johnson (also frequently disagreed with), Seasoned (makes me scratch my head but I occasionally get a bit more insight into his thought processes), Midnight Oil, Bizgrower, Cueball, Discrat, Rod Cortez, Yukon .....

The problems with making a list like that is that someone that I enjoy talking to will be inadvertently left out and for that I'm sorry. Chalk it up to premature senility. lol.

It's kind of like my chicken flock. The roosters all start crowing around 4:00am ... the bantams sound like they suck helium before they crow, some are loud and strong, some not as much, but they all throw their opinions in the pot and they often squabble and have little chicken fights, but in the end, they are a cohesive flock that defends and protects each other when a hawk is circling above or a fox sneaking around the bushes. It's quite amazing thing to see how they all come together for a the good of the flock and a common cause.

There's plenty of people online I consider friends. Not Claude, but many others.

Most people will have a different definition of "friend" than others. And each person may have multiple definitions of "friend".

To me, a friend is someone I can trust and will miss if they are no longer around, whether it's online or off. A friend is simply someone that makes my life a little better just knowing they're around.

When I first joined AOL back in 1996, I would chat with girls. There was one girl I really liked, but I didn't want to meet her.

After a few times of asking to meet and me declining, she quit chatting with me. I think she thought I was probably married or something.

But the real reason I didn't want to meet was because I really enjoyed our chats and wanted to keep that relationship and was afraid if our chemistry wasn't "right" In person, I'd lose that online friendship. I went out with other women I met online and there wasn't a physical connection and the online relationships ended. This was an online friendship I wanted to keep.

Obviously, using hindsight my thought process was totally wrong. But my intentions were to keep what I thought was a good friendship going. I really enjoyed chatting with her.

Thanks Suzanne, You're o..k. in my book
-WD

I absolutely consider my friends on the forum real friends. When I talk to you all here, I'm not talking to just an avatar, I realize there is a real person being represented by that avatar. People have feelings and emotions and friendship is an emotional relationship, right?

It makes perfect sense that forum friends are real friends, don't you think?

I'd love to one day meet you all face to face. What a fantastic bash that would be!


Terra

If you're all friends...then why don't you meet each other offline? Unless money is an issue...

I've always found the "Friends" list in the profile section a bit bemusing. Looking at mine, I only have 6. Does that mean I only like 6 people on here? Does that mean that only 6 people like me? The answer to both questions is, of course not.

In fact they are only there because they requested "friendship" with me. I would never be presumptuous enough to ask anyone else to be my friend, however I never reject anyone who asks me. It's just one of the functions of this forum that I'm not that fussed about.

As far as actually being friends with the people on here, then sure, there are a lot of the regulars who I'd consider to be friends. As Sal (one of the people I consider to be a friend here*) pointed out above:
I can't add anything to that.

* Just because Sal is the only one I mentioned doesn't mean she's the only one of the regulars I consider to be a friend. There are many more of you, but as Suzanne (another friend) pointed out:
.

In real life, my fuse for calling someone friend seems to be longer than most people's fuses.

I find I care about people here because I wonder if they are all right
if they have not posted for a while. And I look forward to what so and so
has to say about a topic.

I've had 'phone crushes' on people and there has been no chemistry
after I meet them in person.