Best Upstairs Thread of the Day

by BigFrank Banned

Posted: 9 years ago 38 replies

OFF TOPIC

Greetings. I oftentimes hear folks bemoaning the constant degradation of the main forum, a place where I rarely poke my nose. That said, I have come to discover that it can serve as a good source of laughs throughout the day, if you can overlook the rampant tragedy.

The OP in this thread deserves some kind of an award, I just haven't been able to figure out what it should be. Hemlock, perhaps.

If you need a laugh or simply want to feel like the smartest IM'er on the planet - enjoy:

Offline Marketing campaign

Cheers. - Frank

sbucciarel

Banned 9 years ago

... there are threads ... upstairs?

Thanks
2 replies

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MissTerraK

9 years ago

Originally Posted by sbucciarel

... there are threads ... upstairs?

Nah, just theads according to Frank.

Terra

Thanks
2 replies

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BigFrank Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by MissTerraK

Nah, just theads according to Frank.

Terra

It's not nice to make fun of a guy with a GED. That's just cold.

Cheers. - Frank
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- MissTerraK 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  It's not nice to make fun of a guy with a GED. That's just cold.
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
  Just so you know, Frank, some of the stupidest people I have ever encountered in my life have doctorates and some of the most brilliant people I have encountered don't even have a GED.
  
  Slips of paper stating which grade and beyond you sat through is not an accurate gauge of intelligence.
  
  Just sayin' is all.
  
  Now, doesn't that just turn that cold into warm...
  
  and fuzzy!
  
  Haha! Sorry, I just couldn't resist that last part.
  
  Terra
  
  [ 5 ] Thanks
  
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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Believe it or not, the Offline marketing forum is populated by several really sharp marketers.....and newbies that ask silly questions. We eat newbies alive.

If you are coming there for moral support..good luck.

The sharpest people are on the Copywriting forum. Those guys are merciless, and very sharp.

Thanks
1 reply

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BigFrank

Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

The sharpest people are on the Copywriting forum. Those guys are merciless, and very sharp.

Your kidding me, right? I once posted this as a joke and not only was I reported to the mods that more than one of those very sharp individuals stated that they actually so some of the things on this list and I was an idiot.

OK. No argument. I am an idiot. At least I'll cop to it.

Would anyone but an idiot do anything on this list? It's either that or copywriters are completely devoid of a sense of humor. You choose. Remember, I was reported for this post.

How Tp Be An Effective Writer

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren't necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

11. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

12. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

13. Be more or less specific.

14. Understatement is always best.

15. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

16. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

17. The passive voice is to be avoided.

18. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

19. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

20. Who needs rhetorical questions?

21. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

22. Don't never use a double negation.

23. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point

24. Do not put statements in the negative form.

25. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.

26. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.

27. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.

28. A writer must not shift your point of view.

29. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.)

30. Don't overuse exclamation marks!!

31. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to the irantecedents.

32. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

33. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

34. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

35. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

36. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

37. Always pick on the correct idiom.

38. The adverb always follows the verb.

39. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They're old hat; seek viable alternatives.

[ 5 ] Thanks
2 replies

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by BigFrank

Your kidding me, right. I once posted this as a joke and not only was I reported to the mods that more than one of those very sharp individuals stated that they actually so some of the things on this list and I was an idiot.

OK. No argument. I am an idiot. At least I'll cop to it.

Dearest Frank;

I don't post on there often, because many of these guys have skills way beyond mine. But I don't see a lot of humor there. They are mostly serious about their craft, and don't joke around that much.

At least, that's my impression.

A little more jokey on the Offline forum. But still, serious people helping others. The Warrior Book Club is like that. Pretty serious place, and most are really helpful.

And here? Pure mayhem.

And Frank...Just because they are serious, doesn't mean they are all brilliant.

Although most of the guys on the Copywriters forum are talented, and not beginners.

Thanks
1 reply

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BigFrank Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Dearest Frank;

I don't post on there often, because many of these guys have skills way beyond mine.

If skill were a prerequisite, you couldn't post anywhere.

But I don't see a lot of humor there.

I can't recall seeing anyone of them slumming down here, either. :-)

They are mostly serious about their craft, and don't joke around that much.

Oh, don't worry. I'm aware of how they perceive themselves and value their craft. I need to reevaluate my own sense of self-worth.

A little more jokey on the Offline forum. But still, serious people helping others. The Warrior Book Club is like that. Pretty serious place, and most are really helpful.

Never visited there. They should consider themselves lucky. Books scare me unless there are lots of pretty pictures.

And here? Pure mayhem.

Exactly as it should be.

And Frank...Just because they are serious, doesn't mean they are all brilliant.

Brilliant is a word I use to describe very few people on the planet and there are none in my personal life that warrant the term.

Although most of the guys on the Copywriters forum are talented, and not beginners.

That's good to know. I have never felt the need to hire a copywriter. Hopefully I'll never have to. I loathe pomposity in people that I'm going to work with. I equate not having a sense of humor as a form of pomposity.

Cheers. - Frank
- Thanks
- 1 reply
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- sbucciarel Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  Brilliant is a word I use to describe very few people on the planet and there are none in my personal life that warrant the term.
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
  ... I know you meant "with the exception of my email pal"
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by sbucciarel
  
  ... I know you meant "with the exception of my email pal"
  
  I think you meant that's what YOU meant.
  
  Howdja like those copy writing skills. Brilliant, or what?
  
  Cheers,
  
  Frank
  
  Thanks
  
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Dennis Gaskill

9 years ago

Originally Posted by BigFrank

There are indeed a lot of sharp individuals there. That doesn't mean they're all smart. There are slow-witted people in every room. I know because I'm often one of them.

As for the thread upstairs, I thinking whoever the OP is was sitting back and laughing, not only at the responses, but that anyone responded at all. My guess...

Text
Reads
Oddly
Like
Ludicrous
Empty
Drivel

[ 5 ] Thanks
1 reply

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Just when you think you've got it all figured out, someone changes the rules.

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onSubie

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill

As for the thread upstairs, I thinking whoever the OP is was sitting back and laughing, not only at the responses, but that anyone responded at all. My guess...

That was my thought, Especially as the OP never returned.

I love how John Durham diverges a bit to other 'free' ways to make money and FreebieQueen totally misses who he is addressing and comes in screaming at him what is he talking about, he's not helping the OP, didn't he read the original question....

I swear I nearly choked the second time she blasted him with that.

Thanks

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seasoned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by sbucciarel

... there are threads ... upstairs?

Someone better clean them up before someone trips, or they unravel!

Steve
- Thanks
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seasoned

9 years ago

Why would a place that wants only free offline marketing hire a marketing coordinator? I DO happen to know a very good free way to run an offline marketing campaign. It takes some work and research though. My step mother does it. I wish I could refer him to her, but she actually named her business the same as the industry, so I guess I will just shut up. OH WELL, she has a lot of people help her, and charges plenty for it.

Probably less than a marketing coordinator though!

SERIOUSLY though, a marketing coordinator should know what I am talking about. What do people buy, keep, and read at leisure, have done so for HUNDREDS of years, and it is obviously NOT generally on the internet, though more and more have it THERE also? They may charge tens of thousands of dollars to place an add, but some may let you make their whole product one gigantic ad! OH YEAH, TV and movies have the SAME sort of thing! What did ET, EVOLUTION, gumby, and sesame street have in common?

Steve

Thanks
1 reply

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BigFrank

Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by seasoned

What do people buy, keep, and read at leisure, have done so for HUNDREDS of years, and it is obviously NOT generally on the internet, though more and more have it THERE also? Steve

That's commonly referred to as porn.

Cheers. - Frank

Thanks
1 reply

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seasoned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by BigFrank

That's commonly referred to as porn.

Cheers. - Frank

NOPE!

Steve
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- 1 reply
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- BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by seasoned
  
  NOPE!
  
  Steve
  
  Maybe not in your world. :-)
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  perryny 9 years ago
  
  Today's winner:
  
  http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...need-help.html
  
  So many good things about this post. The best of course being that the op says he can teach me to literally have money flying out my ass.
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  End procrastination with this simple project time tracker.
  
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  Cali16 9 years ago
  
  Here's another one posted today:
  
  http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...more-fast.html
  
  Sadly, this type of thread seems to be the norm these days.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  If you don't face your fears, the only thing you'll ever see is what's in your comfort zone. ~Anne McClain, astronaut
  
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whateverpedia

9 years ago

I have no regrets at all about not venturing upstairs for the last couple of years.

Thanks
1 reply

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Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?

So that blind people can hate them as well.

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Kay King

9 years ago

Hey Frank- it's another day.

And they're baaaaaack:

http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...rofitable.html

Thanks
1 reply

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Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog

***

It actually doesn't take much to be considered a 'difficult woman' -

that's why there are so many of us.

...jane goodall

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BigFrank

Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

Hey Frank- it's another day.

And they're baaaaaack:

http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...rofitable.html

"I will not lower myself, I will not lower myself, I will not lower myself . . . . ."

Cheers. - Frank

Thanks
2 replies

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Claude Whitacre 9 years ago

Originally Posted by BigFrank

"I will not lower myself, I will not lower myself, I will not lower myself . . . . ."

Cheers. - Frank

You are getting weaker.....weaker......you will lower yourself.....you are getting sleepy.........sleepy......
- Thanks
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One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

What if they're not stars? What if they are holes poked in the top of a container so we can breath?
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whateverpedia

9 years ago

Originally Posted by BigFrank

"I will not lower myself, I will not lower myself, I will not lower myself . . . . ."

Cheers. - Frank

Why not? I did. I was gentle though.

Thanks
1 reply

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Why do garden gnomes smell so bad?

So that blind people can hate them as well.

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Kay King

9 years ago

http://www.warriorforum.com/main-int...0-100-day.html

By all means let's start the month out with an old and goodie...SS/DD

op says he can teach me to literally have money flying out my ass.

He did seem to indicate money would come from an orifice, didn't he?

Another was the WSO question - which was a logical question that received 4-5 non-helpful replies. I answered factually with the link he needed - and he didn't believe me! Whatever....

[ 1 ] Thanks
1 reply

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Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog

***

It actually doesn't take much to be considered a 'difficult woman' -

that's why there are so many of us.

...jane goodall

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9913959].message }}

Kay King

9 years ago

Hey Frank - I found another good one!!!

WSO was launched in 2009.

Last post on it was 2013...and seller has not posted here since 2013.

UNTIL TODAY - when he bumped and "re-opened" his 2009 WSO complete with income guarantee.

$17 GET HYPNOTIZED FOR IM SUCCESS... MAKE Up To $5,000 This Week! - Page 4

Seriously?

Thanks
2 replies

Signature

Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog

***

It actually doesn't take much to be considered a 'difficult woman' -

that's why there are so many of us.

...jane goodall

{{ DiscussionBoard.errors[9930591].message }}

BigFrank

Banned 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

Thanks for the heads-up. I was wondering what kind of things I needed to avoid, today.

There is a 100% money-back guarantee, correct???

Cheers. - Frank

Thanks

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Claude Whitacre

9 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

The people who bought this would comprise a great list of "People who will spend $17 on anything".

Thanks
1 reply

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One Call Closing book https://www.amazon.com/One-Call-Clos...=1527788418&sr

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bizgrower 9 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

The people who bought this would comprise a great list of "People who will spend $17 on anything".

Shhhhh. Someone might make that a WSO.
"How to find people who will spend $17 on anything."
- [ 1 ] Thanks
- 1 reply
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"If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."
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- BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  I can't wait to read the testimonials from those that would rather say that their life has been changed forever, than admit they only thing they are is $17 poorer.
  
  I see that the seller claiming that someone had a $100K income last year, from listening. Now I'm sold.
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  Kay King 9 years ago
  
  Looks like mods reversed the latest bump - good on them!
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  
  Saving one dog will not change the world - but the world changes forever for that one dog
  ***
  It actually doesn't take much to be considered a 'difficult woman' -
  that's why there are so many of us.
  ...jane goodall
  
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  Cali16 9 years ago
  
  According to this guy's website, he's "America's Top Comedy Hypnotist". Guess he must not be getting enough gigs so he had to bump his WSO...
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
  Signature
  If you don't face your fears, the only thing you'll ever see is what's in your comfort zone. ~Anne McClain, astronaut
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Cali16
  
  According to this guy's website, he's "America's Top Comedy Hypnotist". Guess he must not be getting enough giggles so he had to bump his WSO...
  
  There ya' go. Fixed that for you.
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
  [ 2 ] Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  MissTerraK 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by Cali16
  According to this guy's website, he's "America's Top Comedy Hypnotist". Guess he must not be getting enough giggles so he had to bump his WSO...
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  There ya' go. Fixed that for you.
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
  I'm thinking you didn't say sh*ts and giggles because you're thinking he's about to get a boatload of sh*t?
  
  Terra
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by MissTerraK
  
  I'm thinking you didn't say sh*ts and giggles because you're thinking he's about to get a boatload of sh*t? Terra
  
  No. I didn't use such coarse language because I'm a delicate flower.
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  MissTerraK 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  No. I didn't use such coarse language because I'm a delicate flower.
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
  Yeah and I'm a Roller Derby Chick with a little Sumo Wrestling on the side when I'm not a Biker Girl getting drunk at a Biker Bar, Haha!
  
  Terra
  
  [ 1 ] Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  BigFrank Banned 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by MissTerraK
  
  Yeah and I'm a Roller Derby Chick with a little Sumo Wrestling on the side when I'm not a Biker Girl getting drunk at a Biker Bar, Haha!Terra
  
  About time you fessed-up. Honesty is always the best policy.
  
  Besides - you weren't fooling anyone. lol
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  bizgrower 9 years ago
  
  Originally Posted by BigFrank
  
  About time you fessed-up. Honesty is always the best policy.
  
  Besides - you weren't fooling anyone. lol
  
  Cheers. - Frank
  
  Yes, Terra-izer and my friend "Hatchet" were on the same Roller Derby team.
  
  Thanks
  
  Signature
  
  "If you think you're the smartest person in the room, then you're probably in the wrong room."
  
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