Newest major health hazard: triangular flapjacks

13 years ago

Just saw that on our news (it was given an appropriate tongue in cheek delivery).

They pointed out that square and circular flapjacks are safe - for the time being. Square ones though, have a greater surface area, therefore they are more risky than triangular ones, and that circular flapjacks are more aerodynamic.

They also pointed out that the school in question seemed "fairly posh". Not sure what that has to do with anything, but it gives me an excuse to post this video (

):

Monty Python Upperclass Twit of the Year - YouTube

More importantly though, the "victim" is expected to make a full recovery. :rolleyes:

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LynnM 13 years ago

Don't suppose they could just tell the pupils not to throw them...:rolleyes:

Anyhow, everyone knows that the really dangerous foodstuffs are rock cakes and pies:

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Dan Riffle

13 years ago

I'm beginning to think we just need to ban human beings and be done with it. Life is just too dangerous to live.

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AprilCT

13 years ago

Now if they had boomerang-shaped pancakes, they could be thrown, smack somebody and return to the little perp's plate to be eaten. As long as they were eaten, the evidence is gone.

Perhaps untoasted bread (crustless) would be safer?

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LeeLee

13 years ago

Originally Posted by AprilCT

Now if they had boomerang-shaped pancakes, they could be thrown, smack somebody and return to the little perp's plate to be eaten. As long as they were eaten, the evidence is gone.

Perhaps untoasted bread (crustless) would be safer?

A boomerang looks too much like a gun. Would never fly in the US.

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HeySal

13 years ago

I looked at the pic. That's a flapjack? Maybe the kid didn't recognize it as food?

The only elements this lacks from if it happened here in the states is that the kid that threw it wasn't arrested and put on riddilin for the rest of his life.

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SteveJohnson

13 years ago

A spokesman for the Health and Safety Executive said: "We often come across half-baked decisions taken in the name of health and safety, but this one takes the biscuit.
"The real issue isn't what shape the flapjacks are, but the fact that pupils are throwing them at each other - and that's a matter of discipline, and has got nothing to do with health and safety as we know it.
"We're happy to make clear that flapjacks of all shapes and sizes continue to have our full backing."

I wonder if the guy could keep from laughing as he said all that...

Flapjacks are chewy biscuits made from rolled oats, golden syrup or honey, fat (usually butter) and sugar

Michelle O and Mayor Boomburg would be apoplectic that children were even allowed to eat this stuff!

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Dennis Gaskill

13 years ago

I'm dumbfounded. Sigh.

My hopes for the human race is fading by the day.

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Lucian Lada 13 years ago

Originally Posted by Dennis Gaskill

I'm dumbfounded. Sigh.

My hopes for the human race is fading by the day.

Then you're a very optimistic person. Some people never had hopes.
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HeySal

13 years ago

Quote:
Flapjacks are chewy biscuits made from rolled oats, golden syrup or honey, fat (usually butter) and sugar
Michelle O and Mayor Boomburg would be apoplectic that children were even allowed to eat this stuff!

No lie? I always thought it was just another word for pancakes - either that or at least the US idea of a flapjack is different - just like a biscuit isn't the same thing in the US and UK.

As far as Michelle and the Mayor - they are both okay with aspartame being dumped in milk with no labeling.
Wish they'd go back to the trailer park they belong in.

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Alexa Smith

Banned 13 years ago

Originally Posted by HeySal

No lie? I always thought it was just another word for pancakes - either that or at least the US idea of a flapjack is different

Yes - the latter. I didn't realize when I posted it, but it turns out that US and UK "flapjacks" are two very different things.

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Kay King

13 years ago

What kind of wuss complains 'I have a flapjack injury"? Oh, wait - that would be the wuss that attends a school that launches rules like this one.

Excuse me....tap tap...listen up....may I have your attention please.

Would all the stupid people please leave the planet immediately. You know who you are.

Wow - I just solved world hunger, global warming and over population in one swell foop. Yeah me!

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Lucian Lada

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Kay King

Would all the stupid people please leave the planet immediately. You know who you are.

No they don't. Actually, they believe they are the normal folks on this planet and the rest are some kind of mutations. I mean, you must be an ignorant for not wanting triangular flapjacks to be banned in schools.

Originally Posted by Alexa Smith

(funny part of the country, Essex ... ).

Is that the "dumb part" of the UK? We have one here, as well. It's rumored that in one of the cities in that area they built apartment blocks one next to the other, in a circle, and forgot to take out the building crane that was in the middle before the last one was built.

We have a large pool of jokes about them. They are pretty funny, too. (Being smart in that part of the country is one's USP.

)

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Alexa Smith

Banned 13 years ago

Originally Posted by Lucian Lada

Is that the "dumb part" of the UK?

I don't think so. In England, we have "Irish jokes" (like America has "Polish jokes", I think, and Russia has "Ukrainian jokes", or whatever). There's a popular TV series running here at the moment called "The Only Way Is Essex" but I've never seen it and don't actually know what it's about. Funnily enough, the thing for which "Essex girls" seem to have a particular reputation is wearing white shoes! (I know because I happen to have some very high, white strappy shoes, which are actually Italian, and two or three people up here have semi-jokingly told me that they're "Essex-girl shoes" - I don't think it was meant insultingly, but you never know!

).

Originally Posted by Lucian Lada

It's rumored that in one of the cities in that area they built apartment blocks one next to the other, in a circle, and forgot to take out the building crane that was in the middle before the last one was built.

That's typical of what would be told in England as an "Irish builders' joke" (and maybe vice-versa, for all I know).

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Dan Riffle

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Alexa Smith

<snip> In England, we have "Irish jokes" (like America has "Polish jokes", I think, and Russia has "Ukrainian jokes", or whatever).

Americans are no longer allowed to make Polish jokes. In fact, we can't make jokes about any race, creed, color, orientation, blood type or religion (unless it's anti-Christian) .

Polish jokes have been renamed "Blonde jokes." All other jokes have been turned into lawyer jokes.

Sincerely,

The Thought Police

P.S. I know what you're thinking and it's a crime. Please pack a bag and wait on your front steps. We'll be along shortly to take you to reorientation camp.

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Alexa Smith Banned 13 years ago

I think we're probably not "allowed" to tell Irish jokes over here, now, also. (Actually the Irish people I know here are so far from any of the traditional joke stereotypes, and so highly educated, that it's weirdly ironic!).

So, Mick and Paddy, both unemployed laborers, are out for a walk in the woods one day and they walk past a big sign announcing "Tree fellers wanted". "Would you look at that, Mick - they're looking for tree fellers around here," says Paddy. "Well, that's no use to us, is it?" says Mick ... "Sure an' there's only two of us".
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LeeLee

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Americans are no longer allowed to make Polish jokes. In fact, we can't make jokes about any race, creed, color, orientation, religion (unless it's anti-Christian), or blood type.

Polish jokes have been renamed "Blonde jokes." All other jokes have been turned into lawyer jokes.

Sincerely,

The Thought Police

P.S. I know what you're thinking and it's a crime. Please pack a bag and wait on your front steps. We'll be along shortly to take you to reorientation camp.

Fat jokes are still fair game.

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whateverpedia 13 years ago

Originally Posted by LeeLee

Fat jokes are still fair game.

Don't bet on it.
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Dan Riffle 13 years ago

Originally Posted by LeeLee

Fat jokes are still fair game.

I forgot redneck jokes, too.
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Paul Myers 13 years ago

Would all the stupid people please leave the planet immediately. You know who you are.

Umm... No. No, they don't, Kay.

There have been actual studies on this point. Stupid people don't know they're stupid.
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- Kay King 13 years ago
  
  Good point - maybe the rest of us should leave the planet instead.
  
  Would take far fewer spaceships.
  
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Dan Riffle

13 years ago

See, that right there is a blonde joke in the States.

Do you know why blondes never have ice cubes?

They can't figure out the recipe.

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Rob Harris

13 years ago

I saw that story on the news, I had to check that they hadn't skipped a week and put in an April Fools' joke.

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Tina Golden 13 years ago

Talk about mixed emotions.

On the one hand, I'm rather relieved to learn that America doesn't have a lock on idiotic school rules.

On the other, now I'm alarmed for global society, rather than just the US.
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Dan Riffle

13 years ago

The most enlightening part of this thread is that flap jacks aren't necessarily pancakes.

Mind blown.

Who says you don't learn things in The OT?

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Alexa Smith Banned 13 years ago

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

The most enlightening part of this thread is that flap jacks aren't necessarily pancakes.

Or, for some of us, the fact that in some places they are.

Originally Posted by Dan Riffle

Who says you don't learn things in The OT?

Indeed so ...
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DireStraits

13 years ago

In other news, I'm campaigning for Essex to be abolished for causing harm to flapjacks. All those in favour say Aye (unless you've recently lost yours to a triangular flapjack, in which case Yes will suffice).

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alistair

13 years ago

It seems everybody is jumping on the bandwagon. My skin it actually tingling right now because things like this make me feel so angry. This country is fast going to the dogs and nobody seems to give a flying flapjack.

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DireStraits

13 years ago

Originally Posted by alistair

It seems everybody is jumping on the bandwagon. My skin it actually tingling right now because things like this make me feel so angry. This country is fast going to the dogs and nobody seems to give a flying flapjack.

Probably the only injury was to her pride. But then with this to face back at the station, who could blame her... ?

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Jared Alberghini

13 years ago

"Anything that is thrown is likely to cause injury if it hits somebody, especially in the face or the eye," said Mr Hurst, former president of the Institution of Occupational Safety and Health.

Did anyone notice the hard glass plate it was served on???

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Newest major health hazard: triangular flapjacks

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