Critique My Ad

by 55sadhikar

Posted: 12 years ago 20 replies

OFFLINE MARKETING

Ad Headline Can Only Include 2 words, description must not contain more than 20 words.

Lousy Credit-Scores?
Learn How To Fix Them.You Have Options. Call 888-525-8350 To Receive A Personalized Game Plan To Better Your Credit.
Call Us Now : 1 877 305 5753

#critique

ewenmack

12 years ago

CREDIT SUCKS?
Don't you hate it how those BIG companies
make you feel like crap? I'll fix your bad credit.
Call 1 877 305 5753
---------------------------------------------

Even better than a critique, an ad for ya!

Best,
Ewen

Originally Posted by 55sadhikar

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55sadhikar

12 years ago

Ewen This Ad Is A Promo For A Company That I Am Advertising For Which I'm Gettting Paid. So, it's not me who will be fixing their credit but the credit experts from those company.
It's basically about helping to repair the credit for those people who have don't have a good credit record.

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Mwind076

12 years ago

Originally Posted by 55sadhikar

Ewan's ad is perfect. Change the "I'll" to "we'll" and you're set.

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Claude Whitacre

12 years ago

Originally Posted by ewenmack

Ewen; Better than I was going to add. Great headline copy.
Although I kind of like "Credit Victim?" too, as a headline.

Yep, "We'll" is better.

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socialbacklink

12 years ago

Here is the problem I see though. Is the client offering to fix the credit or offering to teach you how to fix your own credit? This is a huge difference. The reason is because if you say one and do the other then you are losing clarity in your offer and opening up the client what the FCC calls a bait and switch. Ewen took a good stab at it but we need to make sure that you are clearly stating the offer. I'll normally use a lot of what Ewen did in his ad by really grabbing attention.

For instance, if it's that they are teaching them how to do it or putting together a game plan for them. Then, I would go with something like this or variations there of:
Got Bad Credit?
Get The Answers You Need To Fix It Now.
Call The Credit Repair Experts At 1 877 305 5753

You could also play on Ewens as well:
CREDIT SUCKS?
Don't you hate it how those BIG companies
make you feel like crap? Get answers now.
Call 1 877 305 5753

Just make sure you word it clearly as to what they get. I can tell you from experience the FCC/AG fees are not cheap.

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55sadhikar

12 years ago

Originally Posted by socialbacklink

The client is offering to advise how to fix the credit, more like personalized counselling.I have since change my ad copy here is another one

Lousy Credit-Scores?/ Credit Sucks?
We Can Help!! Receive A Personalized Game Plan To Improve Your Credit. Results Guaranteed!
Call Now!! 1 877 305 5753

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bob ross

12 years ago

Originally Posted by 55sadhikar

I like Ewen's a lot better, you're lucky he did that for you! I don't like this one above at all, the overuse of exclamation points comes across poorly, it's very amateur.

No one wants a gameplan, they want someone confident who can fix it for them like it's no big deal. Exactly what Ewen's ad sounded like.

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Irish Intuition

12 years ago

Originally Posted by bob ross

Agreed on all the above. Exclamation points abused in this way
will destroy response. You can't force excitement.

Nobody wants to 'learn' how to get rid of bad credit, nor do
they want a gameplan. A 'credit cleansing system'? Maybe

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socialbacklink

12 years ago

Originally Posted by bob ross

I agree. Don't over do it with the bangs (!). Answer their question. Get inside their head. Just be careful with your wording. Position them as an expert without stretching the truth.

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ewenmack 12 years ago

Great collaboration guys!

The reason I used sucked was because I've seen split test results
in numerous markets where 2 word headlines containing "Suck" have won.

Saying "we'll" fix it partly negates the anti BIg guys,
therefore I would stick with "I'll".

Victim theme would be worth testing,
although it just doesn't have the x factor at first glance.

Best,
Ewen
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Irish Intuition

12 years ago

Originally Posted by 55sadhikar

Don't screw around with a headline like that. One means the
same as the other, right?

I like the direction Claude was going in with 'credit victim'.

I will play off of that concept-

Are you crippled by bad credit?
Stop being a victim and turn your
credit around with one simple call-
1 877 305 5753

As for Ewen's 'credit sucks?'. That almost sounds like a
statement disguised as a question. "Does your credit suck?"
is where I would go. That is direct and involving.

With mucho respect to you Ewen

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Claude Whitacre

12 years ago

Originally Posted by 55sadhikar

55sadhikar; You previously said your headline could only be two words. You also said that they cleaned the credit, not offered instruction.

CREDIT SUCKS?
Don't you hate it how those BIG companies
make you feel like crap? Fix your bad credit Fast.
Call 1 877 305 5753

There. Take Ewen's great idea, and change a word to now be offering instruction instead of a service.

If the client balks at the word "Sucks", then us the word "Victim".

Every low life in the world will identify with either headline. But don't change it. You don't know how to write an ad (sorry, it isn't personal).

A good copywriter would charge you at least $500 to write what Ewen wrote for you. And I wouldn't do it at all. I'm just waiting for videos to upload, so I have a little extra time.

Ewenmack: You said "Saying "we'll" fix it partly negates the anti BIG guys,
therefore I would stick with "I'll"." Damn you! You're right.

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ewenmack 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

CREDIT SUCKS?
Don't you hate it how those BIG companies
make you feel like crap? Fix your bad credit Fast.
Call 1 877 305 5753

Now you've gone over the 20 word limit Claude.

Can someone tell me if a phone number is deemed a word for space taken up?

Best,
Ewen
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ewenmack 12 years ago

Originally Posted by Claude Whitacre

Ewenmack: You said "Saying "we'll" fix it partly negates the anti BIG guys,
therefore I would stick with "I'll"." Damn you! You're right.

Yeah It can be infuriating when I'm such a know-it-all!

Thanks Claude.

Best,
Ewen
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- ewenmack 12 years ago
  
  I used the naming the enemy theme as well in the ad.
  
  Do that and they are suddenly buddies with you,
  not a advertiser to be cautious of.
  
  Best,
  Ewen
  
  Thanks
  
  1 reply
  
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  ewenmack 12 years ago
  
  To comply with the legal watchdogs,
  this little tweak may just satisfy them...
  
  CREDIT SUCKS?
  Don't you hate it how those BIG companies
  make you feel like crap? Bad credit fixed fast here.
  Call 1 877 305 5753
  -------------------------------------------------
  
  Best,
  Ewen
  
  Thanks
  
  {{ DiscussionBoard.errors[7100331].message }}

vndnbrgj

12 years ago

Nothing against anyone that has already posted.
I am a big believer in education based selling.

So....to put a twist on the previous ads....

Credit Sucks?
Learn The 5 Things You Can Do To Boost Your Credit Today!
Call Our 24 Hour Free Recorded Message (123) 456-7890

Terrible Credit?
Learn How To Avoid Being Ripped Off By Credit Repair Scams!
Call Our 24 Hour Free Recorded Message (123) 456-7890

If they don't have a report. They should. They could pay you to create it.
Then split test between the two.
You can use Automatic Response Technology (ART) or something like that for the recorded message.

That is what I would do.

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Claude Whitacre

12 years ago

Originally Posted by vndnbrgj

I believe this is a highly intelligent post. You must be a fan of Chet Holmes. So am I.

But I disagree. The vast majority of people with bad credit have a few things in common;
They don't blame themselves (at least when talking to others)
They really just want someone to solve their problem. They don't want to be educated about how to solve it themselves. I have an aquaintence who gives seminars to people with bad credit. The appeals you state just don't fit the majority.

On the other hand, the service actually sold is education on how to fix your own credit.

Maybe Ewens ad to get the calls, and youir approach to get them to do the next step. I just know that your idea will get the better quality prospect, but will cut the responses by...maybe 90%. (that 90% was just a guess, but it's a good guess)

It's an interesting discussion.

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55sadhikar

12 years ago

Ewen i probably would have to send you a small tip by paypal for all these interesting posts that's been coming out here. I am by no means a good ad copywriter, simply because i've not written lots of ads or split tested things but i'm on the learning curve and i really appreciate all the folks who've been contributing here on this thread.