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Unlike Everything Else

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Posted 1st April 2011 at 09:46 PM by MissLauraCatella

I'm not going to look at other warriors' blogs before I start my own. I'm going to do it my way.

Today I was thinking about Freud after I put up my first WSO. Yeah yeah yeah. All the flack Freud gets these days is mostly due to misunderstandings. As the father of the subconscious/psychoanalysis, he'll always be a pimp to me.

Anyway, I was thinking about Freud's beliefs that humans have simultaneous desires to both create and destroy. Libido and Destrudo. Create, as in, have sexual urges, have sex, then have offspring. I could also postulate that "create" can mean nearly anything positive, but that's for another day. Destroy as in aggression, war, all modes self-destruction and neurosis, killing, etc.

See, for Freud's models on things, Destrudo (or aggression) HAS to exist, because for every part, there must be a counterpart. When I first thought about this, I felt similarly, and bought into Libido and Destrudo outright. Now, I'm less sure, maybe. Or maybe, I buy into Destrudo but don't understand why it has to exist, other than to serve as libido's antimatter.

And I think that's why it annoys me.

I stopped smoking cigarettes cold turkey eight months ago and today was my first relapse. I'm young and all, but smoked consistently for 9 or so years. Today I took two pulls of a cigarette that has been sitting on my desk for over a week. A friend left it there and I didn't throw it out. I don't know why I lit it, other than to "destrudo" myself.

For as many destructive habits as I've given up, once in a while, I just can't help but walk over a crack and seemingly hope it's big enough for me to fall in.

But here's the upside, I self-controlled-myself (one of the tasks with which I'm genetically predisposed to having a tough time) and threw the nasty little thing out and have zero desire to revisit it. **** you, destrudo.
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