Critique My Site

Maybe instead of numbers for bullets try something more eye catching. Testimonials they lack picture making them less powerful, I wouldn't use them at all. I also don't like that they're an image & with huge font size. That color blue I prefer black easier to read. From the What members are saying…down I totally ignore that part.

You can add a second optin box at bottom.

Headline and subheadline need some more quality I think. I mean it's the obvious thing you see everywhere: don't worry about money and this will change your life forever.

Try the copwriting section in this forum (probably it's better some mod moves this there) for ideas.

This: "Make £300 – £500 tax free profit each month without ANY risk, taking advantage of bookmaker promotions." if it was the headline probably will be better than the current headline. It has some good meaning to it but it's kind of hidden below the box (and that blue text I personally don't like)

Bullet points you can obviously transform them into "killer" bullets. They're not so exciting. This "Any questions usually answered within 30 minutes." don't put as bullet. Bullets list the exciting benefits of the product, get questions answers is something the prospect expect regardless.

Some make headline more exciting, testimonials with photo (real) or just don't use until you have, and bullets more exciting.

Sry if I like little. Honest tips.

1. I think you need a picture/logo somewhere on the page. i wouldn't go with the typical "beach hut" or dude in a Ferrari

2. I'm not a fan of the blue either, but I don't see that as a major factor

3. Style your opt-in box. Get a background (at least a color, or a CSS gradient) and a border and make the box stand out. This is the target - you want people to join...

3a...or is that your target? Your second page has direct hoplinks to the product. Do you want to get people to sign up THEN hit them with the offer? or do you want them to buy right from your hoplink?

4. Get a better video for that page, or at least bring over some of the "what it is" kind of text from the other page. I don't know what 'bonus bagging is' until I read the second page. As soon as I saw "bookie" I thought we're dealing with the mob here... Is "bonus bagging" your keyword or just part of the product title? I'd find something more descriptive that describes the fact you're collecting sign-up bonuses. When I saw "bookie bonus" I thought I was dealing with some guy named Sal working out of the back of a meat shop.

5. Your instructions are unclear without the supporting text of that other page. And it's not a benefits list, but an instruction list...so why #7 is on there seems confusing as hell. Construct bullet points that are short and to the point. I'm not so much a copywriter, but something like:

- Find online betting sites with huge sign-up bonuses
- Place bets on both teams so you can't lose
- Collect the bonus
- Get a new bonus offer and repeat

6. I agree with the poster above - those testimonials are weaksauce. The last few are way too long. Keep them short, but hopefully something that accentuates some specific features. If you're stuck copying them from the product owner...maybe consider ditching them.

My first impression is that I do not like the color light blue. For me it was a real turn-off. A darker color would work better IMO.

Also, as mentioned above, some type of appropriate picture would help with the visual appeal.

You say there is a "loophole" and than ask for a person's email. I am not sure if that will entice many folks to sign up. A better explanation for an offer for a "free report" may be more attractive.

Perhaps because I am not into gambling but the sites are not clear as to what they are about and why I should be interested and whats in it for me.

It definitely looks good, but I feel like you need to draw more attention to your opt in. As it sits my eyes kind of gloss over it. Maybe the addition of an arrow, or a box?

I've changed the location of the image, I feel this draws more attention, what do you guys think?