What wrong with this landing page?

14 replies
  • CRO
  • |
Hi all,

Can you please have a look at this landing page and let me know what wrong with this.
Make Over Photo Shoot - Photographic Synergy

I'm getting clicks through from my ads but no one converting,

#landing #page #wrong
  • Profile picture of the author Brainster
    Spelling ... thats just my 2 cent worth.
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  • Profile picture of the author Jarvis Edwards
    Here's my input. Hope this helps:

    1.) Spelling - as suggested by Brainster.

    Make Over
    should be changed to: Makeover
    Recieve should be: receive
    Competiton should be: competition

    2.) Incomplete Headline

    "Make over and Photo shoot
    " is the first thing visitors see when they land on the page. The video is underneath, but the headline doesn't do much to make people want to read further down the page or watch the video.

    Change the headline.

    Here are some ideas:

    "Professional VIP Makeover and Free Champagne"

    "VIP Makeover and Photo Shoot with a Professional Photographer"


    3.) Re-Work Your Copy.

    Here are some ideas:

    "You recieve a FREE glass of bubbly upon arrival."
    = "Free glass of Acme Champagne valued at $300 per bottle"

    "A full hour of studio with our professional photographer"
    = "Full hour with a PRO photographer, valued at $150"

    "Recieve VIP treatment as we make you look amazing for your photos."

    = "World-renowned makeup artists prepare you for stunning photos"
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  • Profile picture of the author Jennifer Hutson
    There are about 15 different things that I can spot right off the bat, but I'll try to point out the major mistakes.

    First of all, your ad is extremely confusing. The header says "Make Over and Photo Shoot," then you advertise a "Free Spa Day," then you say "Free Entry & 7x5 Print," then it's a "Make Over Photo Competition."

    So am I winning a spa day or am I entering a makeover competition? What exactly IS a "makeover competition"?

    I felt like I was getting whiplash trying to figure out what you were actually offering.

    The headline you have is weak. You should be focusing on the $300 Spa Day as the main selling point.

    You need to draw attention to your optin box. There's nothing jumping out at me to sign up. It blends right in with the background, which is a big no-no. Outline it in a contrasting color : blue, green, purple, whatever.

    "Fill in your details below to sign up for free and take part in our make over photo competiton!"

    Again, this is so confusing. You still haven't explained what a makeover competition is. The only thing that gives us any clue is one of your bullets that say "All this for only a £35.00 booking fee."

    So...they're paying £35.00 to have you take pictures of them and be pampered and then the pictures you take of them and everyone else who enters are all judged and the best looking one wins the spa package? None of this is remotely clear.

    If that IS what you mean, then your headline should really be "Get Entered to Win a $300 Spa Day When You Book 1 Hour of Studio Time."

    The rest of your errors lie in your bullet points. The copy is weak and needs to be beefed up. Side not: "make over" is spelled "makeover." But that's really not what you should be pitching – it should be the spa day and photo shoot.

    Tldr; clarify your message and fix all the misspellings and grammar mistakes.
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    • Profile picture of the author RafaelThaGreat
      Originally Posted by Jennifer Hutson View Post

      I felt like I was getting whiplash trying to figure out what you were actually offering.
      I actually pictured you getting whiplash in your chair and your hair flying everywhere in your face.

      Good observations and good advice though!

      I plan to rule the world.... Starting Monday.

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  • Profile picture of the author CPABeyondNetwork
    You need to test it with different ads, some more relevant ones.

    Best regards,

    CPA Beyond

    AM at CPA Beyond - #1 Private Network - Daily Payments (No Fees)

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    • Profile picture of the author savidge4
      Part of the marketing game is to play with words. Looking at the language you have on your site. you are basically trying to pitch a $35 photo shoot with a free glamour makeover. By booking your appointment before the end of March you also will be entered into a drawing for a $300 spa day.

      You need to get into the minds of your potential clients.. WHY would they do this? the WHY is your headline.

      The pricing and the free stuff and the whatever..is second fiddle to WHY.

      All you really need is a solid headline. A good image - you have one. and the details with a "book now" button.
      Success is an ACT not an idea
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  • Profile picture of the author Codecarbonell

    I would say that spelling/grammar are a majority of your issues to resolve. Changing either your ad(s) or your verbiage will most likely also improve your conversion rate. Please let us know your changes and how they worked for you.
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  • Profile picture of the author talfighel
    Your grammar is bad.

    You need to check your spelling.

    You need to make the image of the lady a lot smaller.
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  • Profile picture of the author Mdorey
    Personally I think your opt-in form is too far down the page...My mentor always told me to make sure that when someone lands on your landing page they should know right away that they need to opt in or fill in the form to proceed to the "good stuff"...When they have to scroll down the page while reading or looking at images they will just scroll right passed the opt-in form like it wasn't even there...then when they get bto the bottom they just close the page and move on...That's just my opinion...Hope it helps!

    I've been able to get you FREE Lifetime Membership in Instant Squeeze Page Generator...

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  • Profile picture of the author Slade556
    ^ I was gonna say just that!
    Move the opt in form up, it should help.
    But also check your spelling.

    for instance, "Get Entered To Win A £300 Spa Day When You Book 1 Hour Makeover Shoot", you should change it to something like "Enter and win a £300 Spa Day...". You need to build trust with the people landing on your page, an bad grammar won't help.
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    • Profile picture of the author The Niche Man
      If you shrink the Bohemoth photo and moved the elements up your optin form would show upon loading, very important. If I have to scroll to see the opt-in form - game over in most cases.

      Plus, I'd place the photos side by side across the page instead of stacking them side right, for easy at a glance viewing. Right now you're making me work too hard, not only to understand your copy as others have said, but to view your page with all the unneccessary scrolling.

      Good Luck.
      Download "Free 80 Page E-Book"
      "201 Ways To Live Better On Less Money".
      "Because The Easiest Way To Make Money is ... ... By Saving Some First!"
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  • Profile picture of the author chillheart
    A lot wrong with the page...

    Something no one else mentioned: Why are you asking for Name, Email, and Phone? Is blasting only their emails a no-go for some reason? (The more they have to fill out, the less they'll want to.)

    Hey OP are you using any advice in this thread? It's been
    ~20 days since you posted and the glaring mistakes are still there...
    Chillin' hard...
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  • Profile picture of the author Oziboomer
    Apart from everything above that many people have contributed (I see no changes).

    You have got to simplify things and make a good call to action.

    Basically you want women to book for a glamour photo session that cost 35 quid (sorry no pound sign on my keyboard) and then you want them to by extra prints and other additional services.

    You need better copy

    1st You need a real landing page with no other navigation other than the "I want to book now" - opt-in.

    I'd make it a pay now and book later option.

    2nd Change the copy to something like....

    Feel like a Princess and Enjoy your fantasy for less than the cost of a few drinks with your mates.

    That's right for just 35 you will start your journey with Janelle, our hair and makeup legend who will entirely transform you and bring out the hidden beauty you wish to reveal and share with your partner or friends.

    Then...when you are glowing with the radiance of a spring morning you'll be whisked into out wardrobe department where you'll adorn the latest fashions as worn by Rhianna or Name your Local Runway celebrity for your market....

    Then once you are polished to perfection you'll be lit professionally to bring out that Runway look that all girls desire but so few realise....

    Oh...whilst this is going on you may like to have a flute of Bolly or perhaps a soy latte is more your cup of tea....whatever your desire....it is our pleasure to take you on this journey....

    A journey that will give you the opportunity to take that memory home with you forever....

    Oh and did I mention every month we treat one lucky princess to a luxurious spa treatment on us....

    ...we'll tell you all about it when you visit....

    ...get started now....

    Button says "Start my princess experience"

    Three step button

    First step says please enter your name and email

    Second step says "what is the best time" and "best phone number"

    Third step is Pay now via.... You choose.

    Thing is here you get name and email, time and number if they don't go ahead.

    If they do go ahead you get paid upfront too.

    For non payers it is an easy follow up with sequential emails, testimonials, case studies...more stories of how XXXXXXX felt like a Princess.

    I'd go so far as recording client testimonials after they are made up and ready to be photographed.

    A quick "How are you feeling Gorgeous?...You look Sensational"

    Video the response....

    You've got your money's worth even if they don't purchase any prints.
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