How's this for a headline...

7 replies
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Hi Everyone,

My wife is a nutritionist and she created an ebook for women on how to lose belly fat. She’s writing different headlines she wants to test on her website when it’s completed.

Can you share your thoughts or suggestions on what you think about this headline:

"How I Lost 10 Lbs of Belly Fat In 10 Days
Without Spending Hours In The Gym!"

This is just a sample of the main headline not the sub-headline.

Thanks in advance!
#copywrighting #headline #headline… #how’s
  • Profile picture of the author Ivana Adnium
    Originally Posted by imiconcepts View Post

    Hi Everyone,

    My wife is a nutritionist and she created an ebook for women on how to lose belly fat. She’s writing different headlines she wants to test on her website when it’s completed.

    Can you share your thoughts or suggestions on what you think about this headline:

    "How I Lost 10 Lbs of Belly Fat In 10 Days
    Without Spending Hours In The Gym!"

    This is just a sample of the main headline not the sub-headline.

    Thanks in advance!
    I would trim some of the fat (sorry) off that headline - it's a bit too long in my opinion. Maybe something like 'Lose 10 lbs of Belly Fat in days without hitting the Gym Now!" or a question call to action - "Trying to quickly lose 10 lbs of belly fat? This e-book will show you how!"
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  • Profile picture of the author Ivana Adnium
    PS try the copywriting section of this forum Lots of talented writers there!
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  • Profile picture of the author bluemotion
    I think scaremongering is a very powerful way of advertising. Why not title your book,


    "Why You Must Lose That Belly Fat". Obviously you can play around with the wording, but it gets people's attention. Curiosity kicks in and people think, Oh, what will happen to me if I don't lose the belly fat.


    Hope you find that useful.
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  • Profile picture of the author wordsandthebees
    Originally Posted by imiconcepts View Post

    Hi Everyone,


    "How I Lost 10 Lbs of Belly Fat In 10 Days
    Without Spending Hours In The Gym!"

    !
    I find this way too long and clunky.

    It would make a good sub-heading to something half the length which is shorter, sharper and more punchy.
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  • Profile picture of the author popfitness
    Not only is this too long, it's ringing some *warning/scam/scam/scam* bells. General rule of thumb, if you make it too unbelievable, people aren't going to take it seriously no matter how great the information there might be in there.

    You want to make it sound important, needed, and actually realistic.

    So the comment above:
    "Why you MUST lose that belly fat"
    is spot on.
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  • Profile picture of the author chetanlegend
    Originally Posted by imiconcepts View Post

    Hi Everyone,

    My wife is a nutritionist and she created an ebook for women on how to lose belly fat. She's writing different headlines she wants to test on her website when it's completed.

    Can you share your thoughts or suggestions on what you think about this headline:

    "How I Lost 10 Lbs of Belly Fat In 10 Days
    Without Spending Hours In The Gym!"

    This is just a sample of the main headline not the sub-headline.

    Thanks in advance!
    Its good. but as per my experience Tips type sentences are more effective like "Tips to lose 10 Lbs...."
    or 10 ways to loss...

    Hope this helps.
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  • Profile picture of the author gingerninjas
    As your target market (and someone who it looking to lose my flabby post-baby belly) I would say that you should focus on all the things that I am lacking - time, motivation and energy... it you make it a little snappy I think it would work better, add a bit of a spin on it - "From drab to fab - drop 10lb and get trim without the gym".... I'm not even sure the 10 days part is even essential as long as your target market it losing the weight and keeping it off that is the key. That's my two cents worth anyway.
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