does anyone know how to correct this statement?

13 years ago

No.

It's complete gibberish. I'd venture a guess but it is far more than a bit funny. It is incomprehensible. This is not a bad headline in the regular sense. The headline isn't merely weak or awkwardly worded. The problem is bad English sentence construction.

Fire your ESL teacher. Then buy a course on English as a Second Language.

And then check out this thread.

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Razarulz

13 years ago

it really bad english sentence..
if i try to correct the sentence
They are equal to 50 times more controlling than a sprayer, connection on a grounds and use fewer water...
what's it mean "they" ?
i dun even know it...

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SamirSM

13 years ago

They are equal to 50 times more controlling than a sprayer connection on a grounds wash and use lots fewer water

Corrected Form:

They offer 50 times greater control than a sprayer connection in washing grounds and use a lot less water.

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Russell Barnstein

13 years ago

Originally Posted by indihow

They are equal to 50 times more controlling than a sprayer connection on a grounds wash and use lots fewer water

Corrected Form:

They offer 50 times greater control than a sprayer connection in washing grounds and use a lot less water.

No, no, no. That's not proper English grammar at all. "50 times GREATER control" Huh? "in washing grounds" What? Who would use a pressure sprayer to wash the ground?

Non-native English speakers correcting other non-native English speakers isn't a wise idea.

And either way the sentence is complete crap. Scrap it and start over- get a new writer. Any person who writes like that is just cluttering the internet with bull@#$%.

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John_S

13 years ago

Corrected Form

Possibly, for a statement. Doubtful, for basic communication purposes. (Still don't know what in the heck "it" is well enough to guess what the sprayer might be used for.)

This is chewed up and spit out like scraper software was applied to a real statement.

Not corrected enough for a headline in a copywriting forum.

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1 reply

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Razarulz 13 years ago

Originally Posted by John_S

(Still don't know what in the heck "it" is well enough to guess what the sprayer might be used for.)
Not corrected enough for a headline in a copywriting forum.

i think like this too for the sentence the word "they" and "it" doesn't contain any meaningful word...
for such a headline i thinks its imposibble , whos probably want to read such headline like this ?
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zoobie

13 years ago

No I hired an article writer which gave me this sentence. They referred to "pressure washers".

Thanks for indihow your suggestion. I guess that guy is an Indian so you know how to correct this!

By the way just a side note, I found Google index this site very fast!

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Rezbi

13 years ago

Lol!

I think you need to figure out what he means by "sprayer connection on a grounds wash" first.

Is he referrring to a grass sprinkler or what?

Or maybe he means one of these?

Whisper Wash Ground Force Rotary Surface Cleaner for Pressure Washer and Power Washer

The first thing anyone needs to do before writing about something is to research the subject.

You can't just guess at what to write.

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MsConnie

13 years ago

I would rewrite the sentence to say...

"They are 50 times more controlling and use much less water than a sprayer connection on a grounds wash."

However, I know nothing about pressure washers, sprayer connections or grounds washes, so while the sentence flows better grammatically, the content may or may not be accurate. And I wouldn't dare submit until I did some research to make sure.

Whomever wrote this either failed to make sure their writing was grammatically correct, or they "spun" something they saw on the Internet without really understanding what they were writing about.

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SEOFriendlies

13 years ago

Originally Posted by zoobie

They are equal to 50 times more controlling than a sprayer connection on a grounds wash and use lots fewer water

Sounds bit funny. Do you reckon?

I think that the entire sentence has to be revamped. It should sound like this:

[Whatever product you're talking about] is so much easier to control - up to 50 times easier compared to [the other thing you're talking about]! On top of that, [your product] saves water; you'll never groan at your utility bills again!

I can't really help you rephrase the entire sentence. Frankly speaking, no one knows what's the product you're trying to advertise.

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Kay King 13 years ago

washing grounds - makes no sense

ground washing doesn't either

I think he's trying to say it's more powerful and the spray covers more area - thus saving water....but maybe not. A reader will way "whaaaaat"?
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SEOFriendlies

13 years ago

It really sounds like a riddle, albeit from someone whose first language isn't English

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Cam Connor

13 years ago

Originally Posted by zoobie

Sounds bit funny. Do you reckon?

Hey Zoobie, great question. The statement is wrong at it's base... Though, you're right that it doesn't sound entirely "smooth", you have to remember that the end-users buy benefits not features. So, you would definitely want to say something like:

"You'll have 50 times the control of a sprayer connection, which means that... (benefit) ... AND, it uses less water than a sprayer, meaning... (benefit)."

Hope that helps, if you have any questions, just ask, and I'll try to answer them below.

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rhinocl 13 years ago

Doesn't matter if Google lists a site like that first in the SERPs when I see a site like that I leave it FAST. And I start thinking that Google should not have listed it there and maybe I should be using Bing (same in reverse if I found it on Bing).
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Steve The Copywriter

13 years ago

Originally Posted by Cam Connor

Hey Zoobie, great question. The statement is wrong at it's base... Though, you're right that it doesn't sound entirely "smooth", you have to remember that the end-users buy benefits not features. So, you would definitely want to say something like:

"You'll have 50 times the control of a sprayer connection, which means that... (benefit) ... AND, it uses less water than a sprayer, meaning... (benefit)."

Hope that helps, if you have any questions, just ask, and I'll try to answer them below.

I thought that was the best answer - to a very difficult question.

Maybe just a slight tweak -

"You'll have 50 times more control than a sprayer connection, which means that... (benefit) ... AND, it uses less water than a sprayer, meaning... (benefit)."

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nasuryono

13 years ago

Is that from a spun content? LOL

-Andrew

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Shadowflux

13 years ago

First off, you need to get your money back from that guy and never hire him again. I'm always amazed at the low quality of content that people will pay for. There is usually a reason why something is so cheap.

As for your request, I would write it more like this:

Offering far greater control and using much less water than a common sprayer connection, pressure washers are the ideal solution for keeping your property pristine and beautiful.

Of course, I'm not sure where this sentence is in the overall content, that might make a difference. The writing should have a different tone and aim if it is the beginning, middle or end of the article.

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