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Honest analysis of a couple of my article samples...

by heatwave13
7 replies
Hey there Warriors,

I need a few of you all to give me some honest, basic feedback on some writing I've done on the subject of nutritional benefits of coconut oil. I hope the format turned out alright, since I had to convert it from my Text Edit .rtf style over to Doc.
#analysis #article #couple #honest #samples
  • Profile picture of the author JohnMcCabe
    I read both articles. I've seen worse, but both articles would benefit from a good proof reader or editor. There are instances where you've chosen the wrong word - one example is a passage about the "affects" of the oil, when the correct word is "effects."

    You also have a penchant for long, run-on sentences. Leaning more heavily on the period and going light on the commas will liven up your writing.

    You've made a good start, now you just need to clean them up.

    Side note - you might want to consider posting plain text or PDF files in the future. Many people are rightfully worried about macros in .doc files.
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  • Profile picture of the author heatwave13
    John, thanks for the input. This is just what I need to hear.
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  • Profile picture of the author Steve Baker
    I agree with John, particulary with the nutrition article - the sentences go on too long and for a skimmer type reader like me, it was hard to keep going.

    On the positive side, your intro into the oil article drew me in with your story. I have found stories to be a great way to engage the reader with my copywriting.

    Hope this helps
    Steve
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  • Profile picture of the author heatwave13
    Steve, thanks for that insight. I have these and many others that I am practicing with. You're feedback will help me to make improvements for my future writing career.

    Thanks!!,
    Frank
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    • Profile picture of the author Hasan Barbary
      I also read the first article and scanned the second. I must agree with the previous two reviews ~ WAY too many run-on sentences. Combined with the large number of nutrition-specific terms, I fear you will lose most of your audience with the articles as is. In short, they are too dense.

      The good news is that you seem to really know your topic. There's a ton a info presented: 589 words in the 1st article, 1056 in the 2nd. I suggest you break this up into 3 or even 4 separate articles. Much easier to digest (pun intended ).

      When I write my first drafts, I always use 1.5 or double spacing. It makes visual editing much more effective.

      Finally, always consider your target audience: are you trying to promote a coconut-oil product to health food experts, or average Internet searchers? If your goal is article marketing --> affiliate sale, I suggest less jargon, more benefits and personal anecdotes. You have a nice style, just don't let it get buried under all the details.

      Shorter sentences, shorter articles.

      Hope this helps,

      ~ hasan
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  • Profile picture of the author heatwave13
    Hasan, yes, thanks for the advice here. I can use these suggestions on my very next articles that I produce. It's very important to consider the audience.

    Everyone, thanks helping me out here. It's always great to have another set of eyes!!
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  • Profile picture of the author Zeus66
    Another vote for the previous recommendations, with another one...

    Work to develop a conversational writing style. In most cases, this will serve you best. The exception being technical/medical writing. When you speak to people, you typically use shorter sentences. You pause a lot too. That means don't be afraid of white space and short (2-3 sentences) paragraphs.

    The idea is to convey useful information as though you're the reader's friend, not his/her teacher.

    John
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