A Personal Message That I Hope Helps Even One Person

by 33 replies
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This past October... I was diagnosed with skin cancer.

It was spreading so fast... they had to move up my surgery
to remove it... because new cancerous spots were growing fast.

So what I did do? Just pushed it aside and continued focusing on
my work and my online businesses.

I've been online since 2001, and have done very well for myself.

But the one thing I've always had trouble with... is striking that
perfect balance between work... and NOT working.

I got married about 9 years ago... and had my son shortly after
that.

So, once again, to provide for my family... I worked hard.

10 hour days, 12 hour days, and longer.

All driven to make as much money as I could online.

So, this past month... I realized just how easy it can be to fall WAY
out of balance when you're trying to make money online.

Sure, a fair amount of work needs to be done.

But not at the risk of losing your health... or your spouse.

After my cancer diagnosis.... my wife thought that would be the
one thing that changed my ways of working all the time.

It didn't.

The past month or so... I've been trying real hard to find the balance
between work and making money... and spending time with my
family, enjoying life, and just loving them more.

So many days, my wife would come home, I'd just say "hi"
and close the door... not to reopen it and reappear for hours later.

"I gotta work" I told her... and it seemed that it was just too easy
to fall into that trap.

I had no balance... my life had become all about working to try
and keep making more money.

Until a few weeks ago, my wife took me aside and said she would
be leaving if I failed to find more balance, and spend more time
with her and my kids.

That did what a diagnosis of skin cancer failed to do.

Scare the living sh*t out of me.

The thought of losing my wife of 9 years and my son... because
I had allowed myself to become so consumed with work and making money.

This is where it had gotten me. A wife who was ready to leave.

So, if you're reading this and have someone so near and dear to you... please
realize that making money online is great.... but not at the expense of losing those
people you're trying to do this all for.

Balance. If there's anything I can say that will help just one person here...
it's that you need to find that balance between working hard on your online
business.. but also working just as hard, if not harder, at being there for the
people in your life.

What's the point of making money online... if you soon find yourself without
anyone to share it with.

I can tell you from experience, it almost happened to me... and thankfully
her telling me that if I didn't change and she was leaving... that has a way
of putting this whole "online money making" thing into perspective.

Work on your business....but just remember you AREN'T your business.

You're doing it to support and provide for the ones you love.

But in the mean time, don't forget their needs of having love and support.... stuff
that's got nothing to do with your business.

I'm cancer free now, as of the last month or so... but that means nothing to me.

What means the most to me, personally, is that I was able to be "woken" to
the fact that working online... you can quickly and easily find yourself WAY out
of balance.

And my wife telling me she was going to go... it did something cancer couldn't
do.

And that is to help me work on finding a perfect balance between work and family.

If you're working 10 to 14 hour days online... and failing to give your family the love
and support they need from you... it will come around and bite you on the ass.

I'm so thankful, each day, that she woke me up in time to save our marriage.

So, if just person reads this and decides to get off their computer, walk over to the
persons or people that mean the most to them, and you give them the love and attention they need, deserve, and want from you... it will be worth writing this post.

Is this stuff personal? Yep. But ever since starting my first website in 2001... my goal
was to help people first, make money second.

So, if this post helps just one person save their marriage, or relationship like I was able to do in the nick of time... I'll be happy.
#mind warriors #helps #hope #message #person #personal
  • Shawn,

    Thanks for the reminder. True happiness will never be found in a successful business or lots of money. Enjoy the ride but get your priorities in order.

    Thanks,

    Steve
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    • Steve.... what you said in "enjoy the ride" means everything.

      For me, I was always after the elusive "gold" at the end of the rainbow... so I went through a lot of my life with blinders on.

      I always thought "once I had the money and the kind of work I want... THEN I'll be happy.

      But now, I've realized it more than ever that the happiness is in the journey. I mean, life IS the journey... so all those things I'd kinda "skip over" because I was always focused on work... those little things are what make up our lives. And the quality.

      I used to coach my son's baseball team... and many games I'd be anxious to rush home so I could see my online business stats.

      Or I'd tell my wife I had to rush home after catching a movie with her... saying "I gotta work"

      All this time, the best part of the day was those little moments with my son, and with my wife. The journey is the thing we most often miss.... because we're too focused on an END result we THINK will make us happy.

      Come to find out, the things that made ME happiest all along were sitting right next to me... it wasn't a computer or certain amount of money in the bank.

      So you're right... enjoy the ride because that ride is what goes by fast and at some point... you realize you've missed so much.
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  • That's good to hear Shawn.

    It's too late for me. Traveling and working 10-12 hour days took it's toll. In the end I lost everything and I've had to start from scratch. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and take it a day at a time.

    I hope more people would realize what they're working for...

    Artemis
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  • Wow, your wife is more powerful than cancer? That's a strong woman.

    For sure you don't want to leave out your wife in the process of paying
    her credit card bills. Wives strive on attention and they understand
    nothing else. Nothing else.

    -Ray Edwards
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  • That's absolutely true, internet marketing is hard work, but you can't neglect your health or family ever.

    I don't think working 10+ hours a day is the main issue though, it's ensuring you have enough time left to do some exercise and spend quality time with your family, so it all comes down to planning and sticking to it.

    Thanks for your post, i'm sure many people will be helped!
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    • I am glad to hear you have regained your health and your sanity. I have been there in the sanity part, not the diagnosis part.

      I have at time, spent way to much time not being with my family, and it made for some sad days when I couldn't remember if I had eaten or taken a shower.

      Better now, good for you for making that decision. you and your family deserve to have you around.
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  • Balance is important but so it keeping food on the table
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  • This post has really hit home with me and I'm sure it will with many others.

    I have done exactly what you did and worked long hours thinking about the importance of making money.

    It's so true that family and true happiness is much more important than money ever will be.

    I would like to thank you for this post because I'm now sitting here thinking of ways to cut back on my workload.

    Thank you and all the best to you and your family.
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  • Your wife was looking for an easy out; something to blame you for.

    The cancer probably spooked her. And I'm guessing that 10-14 hours wasn't particularly fruitful. 10-14 hours in itself isn't that bad when you are working from home and accessible. Consider the alternative of 8 hour days away from home plus travel time.

    There is something else going on here that you aren't telling us. But whatever it was, it's good to hear that things have worked out.
  • Hi Shawn,

    I am glad you are doing much better.
    Thanks for sharing your story

    Best,
    -WD





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  • Great post, thanks Shawn..

    Sometimes I even forget to have my launch or dinner too, forgot to communicate with all people surround me, just because I was too busy and enjoying surfing the internet for my business..

    Got sicked a couple times in the last 2 months.. Glad to know I haven't got a serious illness in my body and still have my complete family..

    Thanks for the reminder and take care mate, wish you all the very best for your family and business..
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  • Great post Shawn. My younger son has the same name.

    One of the main reasons we as marketers come online in the first place is to be able to create time and financial freedom for ourselves.

    Before I came online, I was already making enough money for my lifestyle but didn't have enough time to 'spend' with loved ones. This was the main reason I got started back then (2005).

    I have been there before (overworking online) spending too much time behind my computer.

    For me personally, I have found that if I spend more than 4 hours per day doing IPA's (income producing activities) that I end up spinning my wheels and getting less results.

    I know we are all different and some marketers get more results by working harder and longer.

    But for me personally, I have to keep it under 4 hours per day while I find the 'balance' in my life to spend with my loving family.

    Oh, and the more time that I spend with my son 'Shawn', the better I do. But keep in mind that I don't spend time with my younger son to make more money.

    If I were to do that, I would make less. I spend more time with him because he is one of my main reasons for doing IM in the first place.
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  • Shawn, keep on inspiring! My scares weren't as dramatic, nearly, but each forced me to play, instead of work, and as I learned to play and detach, my influence grew like a freaking wild fire. Keep on focusing on freeing yourself, and you'll keep on healing in all areas of your life.

    Thanks for sharing your inspiration Shawn, sending you light and love dude!!

    Ryan
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    • Shawn,
      Great Story. So happy to hear things seem to be working out in your life

      Unless maybe you are someone like Seth Godin, I think it bears mentioning to you guys out there that in 50 years no one will remember or give a two a$$ sh*t about me or you as it pertains to this game we call Internet Marketing

      Thats just Reality

      So don't get overly serious with this stuff


      - Robert Andrew
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  • Please dont neglect your checkups or additional therapies and jump in into work like my father did 2008 - same storry. It came back fast and unexpected and killed him 7 months after his surgery.

    I wish you best of luck, and a lot of pleassure with your family. Money comes and money goes, but there are things which you can not buy.

    I try to spend as much time as possible with my wife and baby boy, since the time right now when he is 4 months old and learns all the new things is never going to come back.

    Yes I loose out chances, I dont earn as much as I could, but I still provide good enough for a decent living, and that is the goal after all, work less, earn more, spend time with your family
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  • Great post Shawn.

    I, and probably every online entrepreneur, can relate in our own way.

    Since I started writing copy, I've developed all kind of health problems. And saw my marriage failing too. I got a similar wake up call.

    Since then...

    I've been spending a lot more time playing. And guess what? I'm making more money.

    Letting go and trusting that everything always sorts itself out is a powerful choice. And it IS a choice.

    Thanks for opening up and sharing your story. It'll keep getting better.

    Mark
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    • Thanks Mark, truly appreciate it man.

      Glad you've been able to make some adjustments... it really does make a huge difference in your life when you can be there more for your family and soak up their love and happiness.

      I appreciate you sharing buddy, it makes me realize a lot of us are in this together and can relate to so many things we all go through.

      Thanks again.
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  • health problem re the number 1 reason for bankruptcy..and divorce is the number two i believe ..we at least divorce usually cut into a persons wealth and has 50 percent of it walk away not counting lawyers fees .

    and a pile of money doesn't do you much good after you are burried ..

    balance is not the thing to shoot for ..perspective of just why you are making the money ..

    to me a lot of the posts and some of the motivational videos ..put up in this section are leading people into a long term unhealthy mindset ..

    yeah you may need to pull 10-1 hour days for a time..but if you are doing it for year or years and there is no end to the must work..and you never enjoy the money you have made ..

    money doesn't make you happy ..it allows you to do thing that can make you happy ..

    now you are very lucky ..your wife put up with it for as long as she did ..and didn't find a boyfriend to fall in love with before she went for the divorce .. men don't get much forgivness for affairs..women get a pass if they have a case that the husband has abandoned her ..

    you are a lucky man right now ..it a cold winter .. take a romantic vacation to someplace warm lol ..just stay out of the sun
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  • First of all, I wish you the best of luck. I don't know how skin cancer manifests itself but I hope that it is curable.

    Second, yes, been there, done that. I have never been married (been close to that point though) but I remember similar experiences. I remember how in my pursuit to be successful, I've ignored the woman that was there for me all the time.

    I remember how many times, instead of spending the first hour of the morning with her, I used to answer emails or do things that were business related. I took her for granted. Until I lost her.

    And I don't blame her. I was at fault for that.

    That's why my plan is simple. I'm going to give my best, even if this means becoming a robot, until a certain age. When I finally decide to have a family, I want to be there 100%. I want to be there every morning and every evening and never ignore those who matter the most for me.

    Work is important. But it is also important to remember why we work. Money may fill a void but other things are required too. This is my biggest regret yet.

    I don't regret my failures. I don't regret my losses (financial in nature). I don't regret friends that came and go. But I regret that I've put work first when for one person, I was the most important thing in the world.

    I've pushed away amazing people in my life because I was too busy to have time for them. I was frustrated that instead of advancing my goal, I had to invest time in simple experiences. And they left. They always do. And I've discovered that you can have $1000 - $2500 - $5000 in your pocket, money you don't actually need but alone, they do not matter much.

    Thank you for your story. I needed to hear that. And good luck with your health.

    Razvan

    PS: And you know what's the irony in this? We get a lot of warnings about what may happen. It doesn't matter if it is about our health, relationship or simply about where our life is heading. Yet, sometimes we are so blinded by the "I must get there with any price" mindset that we forget one major thing.

    WHY we get there.
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  • Amazing post man. I can tell you really feel passionate about truly finding that balance, which can be very hard to do. It's funny how the people we love the most are the ones we tend to ignore.


    Glad that you were able to realize that your business was consuming your time and I know your post will open the eyes of those who may be having trouble finding balance between work and spending time with family/friends.
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  • Amazing post, man.

    I learned a little about the pursuit of happiness when I was dead broke and unemployed in LA. Every waking moment, I was tweaking my resume, sending out cover letters, taking coffee meetings or lunch dates with connections, or perfecting my interview skills.

    I was a walking ball of stress topped with bright red hair.

    It was when I was at a birthday party for a dear friend and I suddenly, uncontrollably lost my shit that I realized I was in trouble.

    We're talking sobbing, snot bubbles, and trying to hide from the birthday girl so she didn't think she caused me to fall apart.

    One of my best girlfriends pulled me aside, let me ramble about the stress, and then told me we were going camping.

    My reaction? Are you NUTS? I have to be here to take calls and apply to jobs and meet with people and find a job and and and...

    She calmly told me if I didn't go camping with her, she knew where I lived and would kidnap me. And she assured me I wouldn't have to worry because it'd be on her. She knew I was broke.

    Skip ahead to the trip - Big Bear Lake. Gorgeous. Highly recommend it if you haven't been.

    Three glorious days of unpluggedness led to a fourth impromptu day. On the way down the mountain, no joke, I got a phone call with a temp job that'd take me through the end of the year.

    It was such an AHA moment that I tattooed the song we listened to every night at the end of the night, staring at the millions of stars, surrounded by wood smoke and the sounds of critters...

    I tattooed THAT WHOLE SONG on my right arm, surrounded by stars. Other writers have often teased me about putting a whole sales letter on my arm.

    It reminds me to seek happiness in small moments with people you love. Everything will work out, and it's not worth being 1000% stressed every waking moment and half the sleeping moments too.

    To this day, I can't hear that song without smelling wood smoke and feeling my shoulders instantly relax.
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  • Thanks Angie.

    Um.... yeah... there's a reason you're a writer, good God.

    Your short story had me bond with you the instant you said "snot bubbles"

    Yep, that was me.

    Something cancer couldn't do... didn't really affect me at all.

    The thought of losing my wife and kids over an unbalanced life and not
    enough "them time"?

    Total snot bubbles and emotional sobbing.

    Thanks Angie, you put a big smile on my face... and made me realize once again.. we ALL have our own stories.. our own lives... and all we can do is just do the best way can.
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  • Sometimes you gotta have a messy cry kinda moment to get your head on straight again. I'm so happy to hear that a moment like that helped you make things better.
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  • Great Advice,
    I think I read this just in time...Much appreciated!!
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  • Thanks Shawn for sharing. You have definitely helped thousands of warriors from neglecting that balance. I really am sorry to hear about what you went through.

    I realized finding that 'right balance, living the highest possible life and discovering my purpose in life after reading Robin Sharma's 'The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari'

    All the best to you.
  • Thank you all for your kind words and uplifting support, it's much appreciated.

    I'm just so thankful that I "woke up" in time before it was too late... and what mattered
    most was gone.

    The battle for me has always been finding that right "Balance" between family/work/
    and my OWN interests.

    Work is important, your family is important, but so is taking care of YOU.

    For most of the last 10 years... it seemed that work took about 75% to
    80% of my focus.

    Well, with a number like that, it's pretty easy to get out of balance.

    And if you don't stop it soon and realize... it may get to the point where it's
    too late.

    Again, I'm lucky that I "woke up" just in time to salvage my marriage before
    it was just too late.

    Because there does come a time where you reach "the point of no return"
    and I think the combination of getting cancer and then my wife approaching
    me with how she was feeling. Everything worked out just in time.

    But yet, I'll sit in a local coffee shop here in town, which is a pretty affluent
    town, and I swear not a week goes by in which I can overhear a guy talking
    about "divorce decrees" or "yeah, I got the divorce papers today.

    Again, I'm just thankful that things happened when and how they did...
    because it saved the one thing that was more important to me than any
    job or business could be: my marriage.

    Seriously, what the friggin point of working hard and making money
    if you look around and realize you're alone.

    But that's what we all tend to do... we tend to focus on the things that
    just don't matter as much.

    I remember when I first started online, I'd sell 20 books a day, and yet
    I'd get ONE refund... but that ONE refund is what I focused on and gave
    so much thought, time, and negative energy to.

    And with work... even though I enjoy it... I'll take my wife over my business
    any day.

    And yet again, I focused more on work and other things that had to be
    done with my business MORE than focusing on my wife.

    I honestly think it's this "INATTENTION" to those people you love... that's
    the part that haunts me the most... and it's this inattention to your spouse that
    leads to trouble.

    Personally, I'd spend 80% of my time, energy, and focus on work... and give my
    wife the other 20%.

    How ass-backwards is that? Again, what's the point of success if you reach it
    and then realize you're alone.

    So remember that word... INATTENTION.

    If you're focusing more on your work and your business than you are
    your spouse and kids... if it's not too late to change, I advise you to do
    so NOW.

    After battling cancer and then almost losing my wife... it really put things
    into perspective for me.

    You just HAVE to work on finding that healthy balance between your
    work, your family, and YOURSELF.

    Don't neglect YOU in this entire process. You can't give yourself to your business,
    and then your family, and forget to give to yourself.

    You'll soon find yourself burning out and holding resentment that you're
    "giving yourself to everyone else... but not doing anything for yourself"

    So, if I can impart just one piece of advice... STRIVE for that balance..
    before it's too late and you can't get back what you lost.. and what
    is most important.

    If you give more focus to a job/business than you are your family,
    you're way out of balance. And this inattention to your family/spouse is
    what will cause you to snap out of it one day, and realize that its too
    late to fix it and you find yourself alone.

    Like I said in the thread, if this post helps just one person, it was worth
    writing....

    Shawn
  • Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your story is a very inspiring one. I personally believe that having the balance between work and personal life is important. I try my best to be able to have time for everything important to me. We work so hard for our family, for our future that we often forget that being there for them is the most important thing. I don't want to be the father who misses my child's growth just because I was so focused on working or the husband who misses my wife's birthday dinner because I have to work. I don't want that.
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  • Your story is a real wake-up call. Most of us are so focus in earning money that we fail to realize that there are more important things than just being rich or earning enough money. Family is more important and you are right, what are you going to do with your money if there is no one you can share it with? Sometimes it takes someone to remind us of what we’re going to lose so we can stop for a while a re-evaluate of lives. I hope those who were able to read this realize the importance of work-life balance and that earning money should not be our only focus.
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  • I'm aware that I cannot go as in-depth as others here because not only am I single, I am without children as well, but I would like to say that your story is one I still appreciate. My goal in becoming successful in the world of internet marketing is to not only be financially successful, but to help the people I love, such as my mother, become monetarily stable and to help complete strangers by finding product or sites that assists them. I feel a important part of that being a reality is by being control of your business; not letting it control you. For me, that is why we delve into this world in the first place. We do not want to be under the confines or higher ups, told what we can and cannot try, how much we can and cannot make no matter how much work we provide. Unfortunately, we lose sight of that purpose sometimes. It is lovely to hear that you are finding that again.

    Thank you for sharing
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