Lightening strikes :(

That sucks! I hope she doesn't have to suffer much. It's going to be a tough ride for both of them. Pancreatic cancer took out my Uncle years back. Prayers to your Brother & Sister in Law. F*ck Cancer! Take care of yourself Robert.

I'm so sorry to hear this. The best thing you can do is be there for your bother. When she needs constant care, ask what you can do to help. Visits help a lot. He'll need you before and after.

Robert, I'm sorry this happened to your family. This is what took my grandmother. I'm not sure why hers was ultra fast, maybe a month tops, or maybe it was just a couple of weeks. I forget exactly how long, but I won't forget how devastating the speed was.

My thoughts are with you all. I hope peace and comfort will be your companions as you and your family face this.

Mark

I am sorry to hear this.

Very sorry to hear this, Robert. Every loss is terrible, but these "death sentence" losses are bewildering. It's very difficult to process that this living being is going to be gone in months. It's nearly impossible to functionally grasp the idea.

Everyone in the situation is powerless. The patient is powerless over the disease. Loved ones are powerless to help. As far as the human experience goes, it's one of the most difficult situations to be in for everyone involved. All you can do is be supportive in a manner that you are able and in a manner that is acceptable to your brother and sister-in-law. Only you can determine what that is.

From a personal perspective, I found it helpful when people could help manage time. Anything that you can do that can help your brother have more time with his wife: cook meals, watch the kids, pay for a maid service, cut the grass. Even with the specter of death, mundane tasks need done and they whittle away at the last days, hours, minutes that close loved ones have together. Find a way to give them more time within the limited time they have and you will have given them the greatest gift you could.

Robert, I'm sorry to hear this and what you're going through.

You don't say whether your brother and sister-in-law have kids. Bad enough as the situation is, I'm hoping not.

Wishing you and your family strength through all of this.

Cancer does not discriminate .That is why I got my prostate checked Getting my colon checked next .

Claude or others can correct me if I'm wrong.

I agree that we should offer assistance but I think a lot of people are too prideful, "manly," or whatever else to ever admit they need help. I was in a position (as part of an organization) that I could offer assistance to an elderly man one time. I asked him if he needed anything, and he denied he needed help. Something felt off with his answer, and I asked him a different way. Again, he denied. Something was still off, and so I took a chance on my gut and told him I would arrange to get him some food delivered that day. He had said nothing about food, and the reason I was talking to him was totally unrelated to any needs he may have. It was just a gut feeling, so I asked since that was something I could do in that role.

So, the old man looked down for a long time, and when he looked at me again, his eyes were moist and he thanked me. I asked him what he ate the night before, and he told me about the plain white rice and hot sauce only that he had eaten for weeks. Ate nothing else. He was literally starving but couldn't ask for help.

In this situation, I could have embarrassed him, offended him, or made him angry but my gut was right this time.

Robert, my point is, it's hard for many of us to admit we need help even in desperate situations. If you think this might be the case with your brother and you want and can help, and if you think this tactic might work, try, "I'll take the kids tonight for a few hours to give you some time alone (or to rest or whatever), and I'll be there at 7:00 instead of, "If you need anything, let me know."

Just a thought. I've been thinking about you and your family. I'm getting to the age where I'm afraid I'm going to be getting some calls like that with my parents or even siblings. I think I'm more sensitive to these sorts of things as I've gotten older.

Mark

Hope U OK, Disco.

Lightnin' does indeed strike.

But once it's struck, it is done.

An' bewilderment an' shock give way to the next necessary purpose.

Meanin' ... you have considerable hand in this.

Same as prolly evrythin' you evah done.

You cain't change evrythin', but you naht helpless.

We would wish always nevah to be 'struck' in this way, but when we are, our options are singularly electrified.

Without wishin' to exalt soopreme selfishness, or diminish the concerns before you, I wanna hope you can pull on max Disco Powah.

Dunno who it was said, "there exists within us all an untapped reservoir of resilience -- about which we would never seek to speak, and of which we would never seek to gain -- that lies so conveniently dormant when skies are blue (the better for us to persist in good heart), but which will roar like a beast to save us whenever we are threatened."

Sum stoopid Princess, prolly.

Sorry to hear this...

I'm someone who really believes there is something better out there when we pass.

I have a hard time with people who think there is nothing else after this life. In my opinion, it is their anger at what happened. But none of us are going to live forever.

I've gone through something like this 3 times in my life.

I do hope you find peace and a way to manage what is happening.

There is always hope.

The best thing to do is to be positive for your brother and sister-in-law right now.