PARAPROSDOKIANS (Figures of Speech)
My dad sent these to me...the coolest octogenarian I know. 
PARAPROSDOKIANS...
(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on
my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how
to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who
is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom
is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,'
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations.
Trains stop in train stations.
On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career.
Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says,
'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault,
I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually
another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only
need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes
misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and
holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first
and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending
machine.
25. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
And mine is.........
I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting
harder and harder for me to find one now.
PARAPROSDOKIANS...
(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on
my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how
to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who
is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom
is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,'
then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations.
Trains stop in train stations.
On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career.
Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says,
'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was your fault,
I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually
another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only
need a parachute to skydive twice.
18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes
misery easier to live with.
19. There's a fine line between cuddling and
holding someone down so they can't get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first
and call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending
machine.
25. Where there's a will, there are relatives.
And mine is.........
I'm supposed to respect my elders, but its getting
harder and harder for me to find one now.
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